Pay Attention
by aceamy
Summary: When Blaine ends up in a coma, Kurt finds out the secret that Blaine's been hiding. While he hopes and waits for his boyfriend to wake up, he looks back on their whole relationship, remembering the events that led up to this, noticing all the signs he had previously missed, and realizing that if he had known the truth sooner, he could have prevented all of this from happening.
1. Prologue

**November 25, 2012**

Kurt knows now that he should have seen the signs, but he can't tell if he saw them and ignored them or if he really was just that unaware of what was happening right in front of him.

It seems so obvious now that someone has put the puzzle together. He knows how the pieces fit, and he had them all along. But it's hard to put them in the right place when you have no idea what the picture is supposed to look like in the end.

That doesn't make him feel any less guilty about where he is now because if only he had seen it a little sooner, he wouldn't be sitting here. He wouldn't be staring at his beautiful (ex) boyfriend who has been lying unconscious in a hospital bed with a tube down his throat for the last two days. His beautiful Blaine wouldn't be so hopelessly broken.

The call had come as he and Rachel were cleaning up after Thanksgiving dinner. Their apartment was a disaster after the night spent celebrating with friends, co-workers, and drag queens. Just a few hours earlier, he had finally decided to call his ex, having been encouraged by Isabelle's words of compassion and care. She was right. Blaine did deserve another chance. So Kurt had braved one last attempt at reconciliation. He had hoped that Blaine would welcome him back even if only reluctantly. Blaine would finally tell the truth and let Kurt help him, like he should have all along. That wasn't how the conversation went. It was a mostly stilted affair, with Kurt trying to figure out how Blaine was really coping, and Blaine trying to avoid the questions that Kurt most needed answers to. In the end, Blaine had to go to compete at sectionals, leaving all the wounds and hurt between them still open and bleeding, only mutual "I love you's" to try to soothe the pain.

Kurt had believed that it could be the beginning of something even if it had seemed so insignificant. Maybe this conversation, this reminder that Kurt still cared, would encourage Blaine to open up and let Kurt know what was going on inside the other boy's head. Kurt had been optimistic, but he also knew the seriousness of what he had said. He had made promises he didn't want to keep, and he hoped he wouldn't have to.

But the call would change all that. It would break the fundamental foundation of everything they had built, not right then, while it was happening, but it would bring about a string of events that would shine a light on all that Blaine had been hiding. All the walls that the dark-haired boy had been building to keep those around him from seeing the truth would crumble. Only he wouldn't be awake to see any of it.

Sam's words were simple and straightforward, laced with confusion, fear, and a host of emotions Kurt couldn't quite interpret over the phone. The younger boy seemed noticeably upset at Kurt's lack of shock or surprise and his complicated sigh of acceptance.

"I just told you that Blaine is in the hospital, Kurt. He had a fucking seizure in the middle of the performance and has been passed out unconscious since. Why do you not sound more concerned? I know you two broke up for some stupid reason, but I certainly expected you to at least be worried about the boy you once claimed to love," Sam had been understandably angry.

"I am, Sam," Kurt's voice broke just enough to emphasize the sincerity of his statement. "I just feel like I should have seen this coming all along. I know I should have, and I can't help but feel like it's my fault."

"Look, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but I just thought you should know about this. I don't know if you can come home, but I think you should try. Whenever he does wake up, he'll want to see you, broken-up or not."

"I'll be there as soon as I can, Sam," Kurt paused, wondering if he should say something, knowing he probably should, but not wanting to ruin what was left of Blaine's trust in him. "I know you two were close before the breakup. Do you know… Did he tell you anything about what happened?"

Sam sighed over the line. "He didn't talk much, but he did eventually say that it was his fault. He didn't give specifics though. It was only just a couple of weeks that he would really even talk about anything at all. You know, he almost transferred back to Dalton? He said McKinley just reminded him of you, and he needed to get away from it. I asked him what he did that was so bad, and he said that he lied to you and he broke a promise. I couldn't get him to explain much more than that though. I did manage to get him to stay, so I thought he was doing better," Sam paused, considering. "You know what's going on, don't you? What's happened to him?"

"I can only hazard a guess like anyone else, but it's probably a little bit more educated than yours," Kurt responded, somewhat coldly. "I have to go pack and get a ticket, Sam. Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to you later."

His trip home had been quick and efficient, and he walked in to the hospital the next morning as visiting hours were beginning. Blaine's mother had welcomed him in to the room with a hug and tears and thanks for coming.

"He would have wanted you here, even if things aren't great between you two right now," she whispered. When Kurt pulled back from the hug to see her face, she looked almost guilty or maybe just apologetic. "I know you boys will figure it out. You make him happy. He's only really ever been happy when he's with you," she continued, letting go and moving to sit back at her son's bedside.

Kurt took a moment to look at the boy in the hospital bed, pale, small, and lifeless, so unlike Kurt's Blaine that he turned away quickly. "Did he tell you why we broke up?" Kurt questioned.

It was a long quiet moment before she answered, "Of course, not. He doesn't ever tell me anything really. He loves to keep his secrets." She turned to look at Kurt, "I assumed it was the distance. I know it's been hard on him being away from you."

A sudden ache bloomed in Kurt's stomach, fear or maybe just instinct. Something wasn't right. The sensation continued up his spine until he felt a tightness in his heart, an indescribable pain, that he couldn't really explain, but that prompted him into action.

That instinct led to a series of questions, those questions to a phone call, and that phone call to a lady in an ill fitting suit with a clipboard and tons more questions, and suddenly, he had answers.

Now that Kurt is in this moment, the moment where he finally feels like the weight of the unknown has been lifted, he realizes that the series of events that led here really started a long time ago, when two teenage boys were running down the halls of Dalton. Actually, it started even before that, with a healthy little boy who suddenly became sick, but Kurt would have to wait for Blaine to tell that part of the story.

He can only hope that Blaine will tell him if, no_ when_, he wakes up. Blaine will finally let him in, finally let him help. Though Kurt realizes, now, that his boyfriend _had_ wanted him to help all along. Kurt just hadn't seen it, hadn't understood it because when he had asked, Blaine had always told him he could handle it, and Kurt believed him.

"I'm okay, Kurt," he always said. "Everything's great. It's not like that anymore. I'm doing better. I'll be fine tomorrow." It was the same empty platitudes week after week.

Kurt was supposed to know him well enough to understand that "I'm okay" really meant, "I'm pretending to be," "Everything's great" was really "I'm hurting," and "I'll be fine tomorrow" was actually, "I don't know if I can do this anymore." But Kurt didn't see it because Blaine had said himself once, over a year ago that there was only one person in the world that really truly understood him completely, and it wasn't Kurt.

The lies had eventually caught up with them. That's why Kurt is here now, but also why they aren't _them_ anymore. Now, Kurt is looking at Blaine, examining every inch of his face, and trying to see the truth that he should have seen all along. He can see it all now, the hurt, the pain, the fear, and most importantly the regret because Blaine never really wanted it to end like this. That's why he kept it a secret for so long.

It shouldn't have been Blaine's secret to keep though, and the people that loved him should have been able to see the truth. Kurt should have seen the truth, because now that he does, he also knows that Blaine was trying to get him to see it all along. If only Kurt had been paying attention.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Updating earlier than expected. I plan to update regularly on Mondays**

**I forgot my author notes on the first chapter, so I'll just say now that this fic is AU and will be told mostly through Kurt's POV amid flashbacks. You'll see in this chapter that it will follow the majority of canon events but certain things will be different (i.e. don't assume you know what will happen or has happened). **

**Warning, I am not a doctor or a nurse. I have no professional medical knowledge. All medical information comes from my limited experience and the internet. It's not going to come into play that much in this chapter, but it will later. **

**Also, there is quite a bit of angst in this fic, and there are some things that I should warn about, but it would spoil the fic. If you're concerned about anything, feel free to ask. You can also find me on tumblr under the same name.**

**Also, I'm still looking for a beta if anyone wants to help, so let me know if you're interested. I love feedback, so let me know what you think of this! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**December 2010**

Kurt felt awkward and uncomfortable being here without Blaine. He had become part of the group by now, but it was weird not having his favorite Warbler at his side at the afternoon meeting.

Perhaps the biggest reason he was so discomfited was because he had no idea where the dark-headed boy was. He hadn't been at school all day and hadn't answered a single text Kurt had sent.

Blaine wasn't really missing much. The Warblers' Council had decided to spend practice discussing what refreshments everyone was bringing to the Annual Warblers' Christmas Celebration at Wes's house on Saturday. Kurt was making cheesecake, of course, and he refused to be the one to inform Blaine that the group had put him down to bring green bean casserole. Blaine hated green beans.

After Wes had adjourned the meeting, banging his gavel a little harder than strictly necessary, Kurt ventured up to the table where he and the rest of the council sat.

"Hey, Wes, do you know where Blaine is today?"

Wes rolled his eyes, and Kurt tensed, worried that maybe others were starting to notice his little infatuation with the other boy. However, the sarcastic comments from the rest of the Warblers lingering nearby made him realize the gesture had not been directed towards him.

"And the Anderson Flu strikes again."

"How long do you think it'll be this time?"

"Well, it's been awhile, so he'll probably milk it. He'll be gone least three days, but I bet he'll be fine by Thursday. He won't want to miss the party on Saturday."

"Hey, at least, it didn't happen until after sectionals."

"Guys, stop that," Wes scolded David, Nick, Jeff, and Trent. "You shouldn't talk about him like that." Then he turned to Kurt. "He texted me this morning to say he was sick with some kind of stomach flu. I was going to go check on him in a minute, but if you wanted to go, he'd probably appreciate that more," he said with a knowing smirk. So maybe they did know about his infatuation.

Kurt was still confused by the boys' comments though. "You guys act like he gets sick a lot?" he asked. "He hasn't since I've been here.

Wes sighed. "It's not like it happens all the time. We just give him a hard time about his immune system. In the spring, he must have been out of school at least six times, but it hasn't been as bad this year. I think it just took awhile for his body to get used to living in the dorms with all the guys. Also, his roommate last year had really poor hygiene. That probably had a lot to do with it."

The rest of the boys made disgusted faces, and Jeff murmured, "Smells Bad Brad."

Kurt gave him a judging look. Really, "Smells Bad Brad" is the best they can do. The boys here were horrible at verbal insults, a downside of the zero-tolerance bullying policy.

"Okay, well I guess I'll just go peek in and see how he's doing then. Thanks, boys. I'll see you tomorrow."

The remaining Warblers mumbled their goodbyes as Kurt headed off in the direction of the dorms. Kurt commuted instead of living on campus since his family could barely afford tuition let alone room and board, but he knew where he was going, having spent a number of afternoons in Blaine's room studying or really just hanging out with the boy he was hopelessly crushing on.

When he arrived at the door, he paused outside, second-guessing whether or not Blaine would want to see him. He didn't want to bother the other boy, especially if the unanswered texts were supposed to be a sign. In the end though, he figured that everyone likes to know someone is thinking of them when they're sick, so he quickly rapped on the door.

There was a low banging noise followed by a mumbled curse and a quiet, "Who is it?"

"It's Kurt. I texted you earlier, but Wes said you were sick so I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. Can I come in?"

"Um…. I – Um… Hold on a sec," Blaine stuttered out and continued after a few seconds, during which Kurt heard shuffling coming from inside. "Um… yeah. Come in."

Kurt slowly opened the door picking up on Blaine's hesitation, but when he spotted the boy, Blaine was sitting up in bed looking pale but still perfectly put together with his hair gelled as always, wearing stylish pajamas and a small but warm smile.

"Hi, how are you feeling?" Kurt asked, closing the door behind him and walking to stand just a few feet from the bed.

"I'm okay," Blaine replied. "Well, I'll be okay. It's just a little stomach bug. It's nice of you to stop by though. Sorry for not answering your texts earlier. I've just been trying to sleep all day."

"Oh well, if you're tired, I can leave you to rest," Kurt said, gesturing towards the door, not wanting to be in the way.

"No," Blaine exclaimed quickly, before blushing and dropping his head in embarrassment. "I mean… you can go if you want." He shrugged. "But the company would be nice after being alone all day. Although, I don't want you to catch whatever I have."

Kurt smiled, quirking an eyebrow, "Blaine, if you want me to say, all you have to do is ask."

"I do," Blaine looked up and nodded. "I want you to stay."

"Okay." Kurt chuckled and walked over to sit down at Blaine's desk. "I promise I'll stay all the way over here so I won't catch the 'Anderson Flu.'" He raised his fingers in air quotes.

"Oh God, did Wes call it that?" Blaine looked nervous for a minute.

"No, that was David. They told me about 'Smells Bad Brad' too."

Blaine laughed, "They're ridiculous I swear. I wasn't really sick that much last year. I just have a really bad immune system." He shrugged, like it was no big deal, before continuing. "Thanks, Kurt… for checking on me. It's sweet."

"You're welcome," Kurt blushed, face cracking into a widespread grin.

They both shared shy, secretive smiles for a moment before Blaine spoke again.

"So what did I miss today?" Blaine asked.

Kurt immediately launched into a detailed description of the day's events, including the story of Jeff and David's fight about the usefulness (or uselessness) of fuzzy toilet seat covers and the general waste of time that was that afternoon's Warblers' meeting.

"Well, I think there is a certain aesthetic to them. I mean it's nice that people try to make something that's associated with a pretty disgusting human bodily function try to look a little more… appealing," Blaine responded to the conversation, mouth lifting up to one side in consideration.

Kurt squinted his eyes at him, "Blaine Anderson, do you have a fuzzy toilet seat cover?"

"What, me, no. Why would you think that?" he replied unconvincingly.

Kurt stood up and started walking towards the dorm's adjoining bathroom.

"What? Where are you going? Kurt, no!" Blaine exclaimed. He was halfway out of the bed when Kurt turned back to look at him, confused at the outburst. "Please don't go in there. I've been sick all day. It's dirty, and it smells like… well, you know," his voice trailed off at the end, and his face was scrunched up in disgust.

"Fine, fine, I get it," Kurt replied, walking back towards his chair. "But when you're better, I want to see it."

"I'll be sure to take it off before then," Blaine smirked.

Kurt didn't say anything right away, taking a minute to enjoy being in the company of this boy he was desperately falling for.

"Do you need me to get you anything while I'm here? Are you hungry or something? I don't like you being sick."

Blaine frowned. "I'm okay, Kurt, but thanks for asking."

"Okay, I hope you get better soon, though. I really missed you today. You're the only one here who gets my sophisticated sense of humor."

For a second Kurt thought Blaine looked near tears, but then, the boy laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't worry. I feel better already. I'll be back to laugh at your jokes soon enough. Thanks for coming to see me, Kurt."

Kurt didn't think his own smile could get any bigger. "Well, you better be back on your feet by Saturday. I can't go to my first Warblers' Christmas party without my best friend, and you definitely won't want to miss my cheesecake."

"Oh, I'll be there," Blaine said, smiling back. "At least to make sure you remember that it's the Annual Warblers' Christmas Celebration. Wes will have your head if you don't say it right, and I can't wait to try your cheesecake. If you made it, I'm sure it'll be delicious."

"See, what would I do without you?" Kurt laughed. "And thanks, you're sweet."

"So did they sign me up to bring something, Saturday? I guess I could make my spinach and artichoke dip. Everyone liked it at the Annual Warblers' Fourth of July Festivities."

Kurt looked down, deliberating avoiding Blaine's eyes. "That's a conversation you should have with Wes," he said. "I had nothing to do with it."

Blaine glared at him suspiciously, "What is it, Kurt? What are they making me bring? It's not green beans, is it?" He looked scared.

"Well, not exactly." Blaine glowered at him in response. "It's green bean casserole," Kurt murmured.

"Seriously?" Blaine was appalled. "I can't believe them. I mean green beans are gross by themselves, but add cream of mushroom and those nasty French onion thingies on top of it. Yuck, I think I'm going to be sick again just thinking about it." Blaine really did look like he might be.

"Don't worry about it, Blaine. I'll make it for you. You can bring your dip, and we'll just have an extra dish."

"You don't have to do that, Kurt. That's sweet, but it'll be fine. I'll just have my mom make it or something," Blaine's face suddenly turned white. "No, I can't do that. I… I don't know."

Kurt was concerned at how suddenly Blaine's mood had changed from light-hearted joking to serious. He looked really distraught at the idea of making a casserole. "It's okay, Blaine. I will make it. I don't mind at all, especially if just the idea of it turns your face ecru."

Blaine sighed, not looking at Kurt. "That would really be great, Kurt. Thanks."

"No problem. Are you okay? Are you sure I can't get you anything?" Kurt felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and read the text from his father, a reminder to head home soon. The older Hummel had started sending them when he noticed Kurt's study dates running longer and longer. With the nearly two-hour drive, Kurt wasn't getting home until well after dinner.

"No, I'll be okay. I'm just feeling a bit tired I think," Blaine lay down completely on the bed on his side, facing Kurt, but not looking at him. He looked so small curled up and drowning in the blankets.

"Well, I should probably be going, anyway. It's getting late, and you should rest. Do you want me to stop by tomorrow morning before class and check on you?"

Blaine smiled a bit at that, and finally turned to look at Kurt. "I think that would be nice, Kurt. Thanks."

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, Blaine. Get some sleep, okay?"

"Sure, see you tomorrow," Blaine echoed back, seemingly back in his own little world.

Kurt watched him for a minute, hoping he really would be okay, before turning towards the door, and leaving the boy to sleep.

The next morning, when Kurt stopped by Blaine's dorm, the other boy was dressed in his uniform, looking happy and healthy.

"I guess you're feeling better," Kurt said, somewhat surprised.

"Yeah, I just went to bed early, slept forever, and woke up this morning feeling great," Blaine replied, excitedly.

"That's great, Blaine. I brought you some apple juice, a banana, and some toast. I thought you might be hungry and hoped you'd feel up to eating something."

Blaine smiled, adoringly at his friend. "You're the best, Kurt. I don't know what I'd do without you. Thanks for ta…" he paused, looking down for a minute. "Just thanks."

"Any time," Kurt grinned back.

They chatted for a bit, while Blaine ate his breakfast and then headed to class.

The next evening, they sang "Baby, It's Cold Outside" in the senior commons room, and on Saturday, they went to the Annual Warblers' Christmas Celebration together. Blaine looked pale and nauseous when he spotted the green bean casserole Kurt had made, but he ate almost everything else, including two pieces of Kurt's cheesecake, which he said was the best thing he had ever tasted.


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Glee, and some of these words are not mine. You'll know which ones.

**A/N:** I decided to give warnings for each chapter when it's posted. I'm going to put them at the bottom, so if you want to know, that's where they'll be. Feel free to ask me if you're concerned about something and want more details or a summary of a chapter. I'm on tumblr under the same name.

I had a lot of trouble with this chapter, but I think I finally got it right, so let me know what you think. A little bit of Blaine's backstory is finally coming to light in this one, and there will be a bunch more of that in the next chapter. Since I'm keeping these chapters somewhat short (under 3000 words), I might try to keep updating twice a week. It probably won't be Wednesday this week, but hopefully I'll have chapter 3 done by Thursday. Thanks for all the reviews so far. It's been great for my first multi-chaptered fic. So thanks for the support! Enjoy!

* * *

**February 2011**

When Blaine told the Warblers he wanted to serenade some guy who worked at the Gap, Kurt was flabbergasted. He couldn't understand how Blaine had somehow fallen so head over heals for this guy that he hadn't even mentioned to Kurt before. They talked about everything and spent almost all of their time together during the week, and when Kurt would ask about Blaine's weekends, the sophomore always said he had spent it doing homework and hanging out with the other Warblers. Clearly he hadn't actually been telling Kurt everything.

Kurt tried not to be possessive or jealous. It was really none of his business what Blaine did when he wasn't around, but he just couldn't help it. Even if Kurt hadn't had a massive crush on the boy, he still would have been upset that his best friend had kept this strange guy a secret.

Needless to say he was relieved (though he felt guilty about it) when the Gap attack turned into such a disaster. When Jeremiah came out of the store later to talk to Blaine, Kurt couldn't help but eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Blaine, let's just be clear here. You and I got coffee twice, but we're not dating. If we were I'd get arrested because you're underage," Jeremiah said, pausing before continuing. "I'm really sorry, Blaine. I hope you're mom is doing better, and if you ever need to talk to me about any of that stuff, you can still call me. It just needs to be platonic, okay? Take care." At that he turned and left.

Blaine flinched at Jeremiah's words and dropped his head. He stood there for a moment without saying anything until Kurt came up behind him and wrapped his arm around his shoulders, leading him towards a nearby store for some retail therapy. They shopped for a while before going their separate ways, and for the rest of the night, Kurt just couldn't get Jeremiah's parting words out of his head. Why did Blaine need to talk about stuff with Jeremiah, and what did that have to do with Blaine's mom? Kurt couldn't help but feel like Blaine should be talking about stuff with him. After all, Blaine and Kurt had gotten coffee together a lot more than a couple of times.

So the next day, when they were doing just that and Blaine was moaning about making a fool of himself and how he was never going to talk to Jeremiah ever again, Kurt decided to ask about it.

"I was actually wondering about something," he said. "Yesterday, Jeremiah mentioned something about your mother and you needing to talk about stuff. I just wanted to know if everything was okay? Because, you know you can talk to me too if you ever need to."

Blaine smiled at him, somewhat nervously, "That's sweet, Kurt, and you know I do talk to you. It's just…" he paused, contemplating. "I met Jeremiah at the hospital last month when I was there with my mom. She thought she was sick, but it turned out to be nothing." He waved his hand in the air to emphasize his point. "Jeremiah was just nice to me, and we started talking. It's not a big deal."

"Oh, I see," Kurt replied, although he didn't really. Clearly it had been a big deal to Blaine or he wouldn't have serenaded the guy at his work place. He shrugged it off though, deciding to ask a bigger more important question.

"Can I ask you something else… because we've always been completely honest with each other, right? You and I, we hang out. We sing flirty duets together. You know my coffee order. Was I supposed to think that that was nothing?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Blaine questioned, looking genuinely confused.

"I thought the guy that you wanted to ask out on Valentine's Day was me," Kurt stuttered, forcing himself to look Blaine in the eye.

Blaine, however, was looking at the floor; guilt and something like regret written all over his face. He said something about being clueless, not being good at romance, and not wanting to screw up, and Kurt answered appropriately, happy to play the role of Meg Ryan. However, he couldn't help but feel that there was still something that Blaine wasn't telling him.

* * *

Despite not having Jeremiah to confide in any more, Blaine had still not opened up to Kurt about whatever was going on with his mother. In fact later that month, he had transitioned to outright lying, and Kurt knew it. The boy had spent the entire night kissing, flirting and singing with Rachel Berry of all people, and now he was refusing to let Kurt take him home. Kurt just couldn't figure out why.

"Please, please, Kurt…. Kurt, just please. I can't go home drunk. It won't be good," Blaine exclaimed, as Finn practically carried him to the Navigator, pushing him into the passenger seat before getting into the back. "I'll be in lots and lots and lots of trouble."

"Well, you should have thought of that before you drank so much," Kurt rolled his eyes, climbing in the car behind the wheel. "And I really don't get why you're saying that. I know it's not true. When I picked you up, I heard your mom yell out the door to be careful and to call her if no one was sober enough to drive you home. You're not going to be in trouble."

"Huh? I will be in trouble, Kurt. I will. She won't be mad at me, but I'll still be in trouble. Ha," the boy chuckled. "She's never really mad at me. I could probably kill someone, and she wouldn't be mad at me." Blaine was laughing hysterically now, clutching at his chest.

"Okay?" Kurt murmured, confounded. "So are you saying that you're dad will be mad? Why is that funny?"

"Oh, yeah, that too. He would be mad… super mad," Blaine suddenly became very serious. "He would be really disappointed in me." He turned back towards Kurt. "Please, Kurt, I just really really can't go home." Tears were shining in the boy's eyes reflecting the light from the few nearby streetlamps; Kurt broke.

"Fine, we'll go to my house," he sighed, turning on the car and heading in that direction. "Tomorrow, you and I are going to have a serious conversation about this, though."

Blaine smiled, although it still seemed somewhat sad. "Now, you sound like my father."

"Oh, God. I hope that's not a bad thing."

"No, not really. Just as long as you don't leave me like he does," Blaine said sadly, turning to look out the window, giving a slight chuckle at Finn's snoring from the backseat.

Kurt glanced over at the boy, affection overtaking his anger. "I won't you leave you, Blaine. I promise."

Kurt couldn't see the Blaine's face, but he heard him mumble softly, "Yeah, you say that now, but they always do." Neither boy spoke for the rest of the drive. Blaine was lost in own thoughts, and Kurt just didn't really know what else to say to this strange, sad version of his usually confident, cheerful friend.

The next morning, they didn't really have time for that conversation Kurt had promised. After Burt walked in Kurt's room to find Blaine in his bed, things were a bit awkward, so Kurt quickly offered to drive the other boy home.

When he pulled into Blaine's driveway, neither of them moved, and they sat quietly for a minute before Kurt spoke.

"Can we talk about what's up with you now? I feel like you were a completely different Blaine than the one I know last night."

Blaine sighed, looking straight out the windshield and remaining quiet.

"You're really just not going to talk to me?" Kurt asked, not hiding his annoyance.

There was still no answer.

"Then maybe you should just get out of the car. Seriously, this is pointless, Blaine. You're acting like a child," Kurt was practically yelling now, but he instantly felt guilty when Blaine turned to look at him, eyes wet with tears.

"I really don't want to go in there," was all he said.

"Why not? Are you really going to be in that much trouble?" Kurt asked, confused.

Blaine turned back towards the house again, shaking his minutely. "I just don't want to deal with her today, especially hungover. She's going to be so frustrating."

"You're mom? What is she going to do?"

Blaine groaned, loudly. "Never mind. Forget it. I'll see you on Monday, Kurt." He reached for the door but stopped when Kurt reached out and caught his shoulder.

"Wait, Blaine. That's it? You're really not going to tell me anything?" Kurt sighed. When there was no response, he continued. "I hate this. I tell you everything, and you keep me in the dark. I don't get it. I told you that you could always talk to me, Blaine. Please, just talk to me."

"It's not really a big deal. She's just annoying. I won't be able to spend one minute alone, when I go inside that house," Blaine sighed. He looked like that was the worst thing in the world.

"You can't avoid her?" Kurt asked. It really didn't sound like a big deal, but for some reason, he knew that to Blaine it was.

"All I ever do is avoid her, Kurt. That's why I'm never here. Haven't you noticed that I never come home on the weekends? I just can't stand being in that house," he paused, breathing heavily. "I wish I could explain it better or something, but you just won't understand," Blaine argued, trailing off at the end. He had this faraway look in his eyes as he added quietly as if speaking only to himself, "Someday… sometimes, I think that maybe someday you will. It would be you if anyone, but today's definitely not that day."

He quickly got out of the car and went straight inside.

Kurt didn't talk to Blaine for a week after that, but his anger about the whole situation only got worse when he heard about the other boy's date with Rachel. He decided maybe it was for the best. Blaine wasn't the knight in shining armor that was going to sweep Kurt off his feet like he had hoped. Blaine was just another in a long line of disappointments.

Later, Rachel called to let him know that Blaine had broken it off, deciding he was definitely gay. Kurt could have told both of them that. She was chattering excitedly over the phone about the new song she was writing about the whole thing, when another call beeped in over Kurt's line. It was Blaine. He contemplated ignoring it, but then he remembered telling Blaine that he wasn't going to leave him. He knew he should keep that promise, even if they were only ever friends. He quickly said goodbye to Rachel and accepted Blaine's call.

"Hello," he answered.

"Hi, Kurt," Blaine's voice was soft and timid.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine…" Kurt could hear him inhale deeply over the line. "I've really missed you this week."

Kurt smiled, "I've missed you too, Blaine."

"Look, Kurt. I know that I haven't been completely honest with you about everything, but it's just hard for me sometimes. I'm not used to having to be honest with people. Most people just don't really care enough to want to know the truth."

"I care, Blaine, and I'll always want the truth," Kurt tried to be firm but still understanding. "You don't have to sugar coat anything with me. It may be hard for me to understand, but I'll always try."

Blaine was quiet for a long moment, taking in a shaky breath before speaking.

"My parents aren't like yours, Kurt. It's really complicated, and it's hard to explain. But you know that your dad and stepmom love you unconditionally. I've just never felt that way. You know how I told you I was sick when I was younger?" he asked.

"Yeah, I remember. That's why you're still a sophomore, right, because you missed a lot of school? You never really said what was wrong though."

"Yeah, well, it's complicated. But things were tough dealing with that growing up, and I know that something like that is supposed to bring a family together. But it really just tore mine apart. My mom… well that's just… she still wants me to be her little kid. I think because she feels like she missed me growing up or something. I don't know, but she tries so hard… too hard. And it's just so difficult to be around her. She's just always trying to get me to do things or be something… what she wants. And my dad travels a lot. That started before I even got sick though. I mean… I was never really the son he wanted to have. I don't think I'm the son my mom wanted either or I'm not anymore… Yeah, I think I was what she wanted once, but now I'm too old for her to understand. It's like they spent all this time making sure I was healthy and alive, and when it was all done, they were staring at a stranger. They just don't know what to do with me anymore." Blaine was breathing heavily, even though his voice had drifted off to barely a whisper. It was as though it had taken physical effort to say everything he did.

Kurt didn't speak for a minute, taking a moment to consider Blaine's words. "Do you think it has to do with you being gay?" he asked after a moment, thinking that would explain a lot of what Blaine had said and done and all of the flirtation with Rachel.

Blaine sighed over the line. "I don't think that makes things any easier, but they've never been outright disapproving of it. I think it makes it harder for them to relate to me. It's just another reason they don't recognize me anymore." He paused, then stuttered out, sounding on the verge of tears, "I mean I know that they never really wanted to have me… I know that I was an accident. That's never been a secret in my house, and most of the time, they make it painfully obvious. So that pretty much sums it up, Kurt. "

There really was no way to respond to that. Kurt knew he had pushed, and he felt a little guilty now that he had gotten an answer. It was one thing to have issues with your parents, but to genuinely think they didn't want you, especially after everything Blaine had been through; Kurt knew that had to hurt. He obviously didn't know everything about Blaine's illness when he was younger (and he could tell now wasn't the time to ask since Blaine had purposely avoided it), but Kurt couldn't imagine how horrible Blaine must feel if he thought that even after that his parents still didn't really love him unconditionally. As much as Kurt wanted to understand, he knew he couldn't truly put him himself in Blaine's shoes. He figured the best he could do is just be there for him, and he promised he would from then on out.

"I'm sorry, Blaine. I'm sorry that I bugged you so much to talk to me about that, but I'm glad you did," he smiled and shrugged sympathetically even though Blaine couldn't see it. "I know that I can't really understand how you feel, and I'm not going to pretend to. But I am really sorry you have to deal with that. You know that I want you around. And you're not a stranger to me. You're my best friend. Always."

* * *

**Warnings:**

Underage drinking, discussion of childhood illness, some self-hate although it's not explicitly stated


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: So we finally get to see more of Blaine's mother in this chapter. It probably only feels like finally to me because I'm super excited about it. There's also more about Blaine's childhood in this one, too.

There will be another update late this week, but it's not going to be a whole chapter. It's the first of what I'm calling a series of prolepses… just to be cool and because I don't like the word interlude. I'll explain more when I post it. Warnings are at the bottom! Thanks for the reviews. You guys are awesome! I hope you like this one! Thanks for reading!

* * *

**March 2011**

Neither Kurt nor Blaine mentioned Blaine's parents for a while after their first real honest conversation about them. They both preferred to keep things light-hearted, and Kurt really didn't have any sage advice to offer the troubled boy so he kept quiet.

Kurt certainly didn't expect his father to be the one to bring them up, especially not right after the most awkward sex talk in the history of sex talks. But he did.

"What do you know about that kid Blaine's parents?" he asked, as Kurt was trying to escape the kitchen.

Kurt would have been less surprised if his dad had asked him about the difference between silk and chiffon.

"Why are you asking me that?" he replied. He didn't want to betray Blaine's trust, and he honestly had no idea what this was even about.

"It was just something he mentioned to me when I ran into him the other day." His dad was trying and failing to be nonchalant.

"What? When? Where did you run into Blaine?" Kurt was stunned at this conversation.

"It's nothing. Forget I said anything," Burt paused as though he was considering something else. "Just make sure he knows that he's always welcome here. For dinner or the night or whatever. I know I wasn't that nice to him the last time, but he can stay if he ever needs to. But he sleeps in the guest room." He gave a firm look, emphasizing the last part.

Kurt gave his father a quizzical look and remained silent, trying to decide whether he wanted to ask where this was coming from or just accept it. He decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Thanks, Dad. I'll let him know. I'm sure he will appreciate that, and I do too." Kurt gave his dad a huge hug before going back upstairs and sticking his pamphlets in his desk drawer, not quite ready to read them… yet.

* * *

Later that month, Blaine finally made a move, and told Kurt, "You move me." Everything happened really fast after that, and between the thrill of the new relationship and his nerves about his first duet in a show choir performance, he didn't even think about Blaine's parents possibly being at the competition. So when the other boy immediately disappeared after the New Directions were announced as the winners, Kurt went searching for him, hoping to convince him to go out to eat with Burt, Carole, and Finn (and possibly Quinn or Rachel, whoever Finn was dating this month).

Kurt found the boy in the lobby not far from his own parents talking heatedly with his mother. In his excitement, he started walking towards them before he realized that it was probably best to stay away. It did not look like they were having a cheerful discussion. He quickly turned back to his father, who wasn't even trying to hide his eavesdropping. Carole had a concerned look on her face, while Burt just looked curious. Kurt was about to scold his father for listening in, but stopped when he caught a bit of the conversation himself.

"I just don't understand why you won't stay just this one night, Blaine. It won't kill you to spend some time with me, please," Blaine's mother was saying.

Blaine laughed, sarcastically. "Sure, if you say so. Dad's still away, right? I don't think he'd be happy if he found out."

"He doesn't have to know, sweetie, and you know he's just joking around when he says that. He just wants to make sure you're keeping up with your studies is all, but it'll just be for the weekend. I'll make sure you get your homework done," the woman replied, reaching over to smooth down the collar of Blaine's blazer, but the boy stepped back, pushing her hands away.

"Stop lying," he practically yelled at her, before taking a deep breath and speaking more calmly. "I've been doing well, Mom, and I can't be at home right now, okay? I love you, but it's just… it's not good for me… for many reasons."

Blaine's mom eyes were glassy. "I'm sorry, sweetie. You know that I love you right? I just miss having you around is all. The house is so quiet without you. I understand though. You need to focus on school. It'll be summer soon, anyway. Then we'll spend plenty of time together."

"I'm sure we will," Blaine said, rolling his eyes, which also appeared wet with tears, and catching sight of his boyfriend looking on with concern. "Shit," he cursed, before turning back to his mother and lowering his voice, but not enough that Kurt couldn't hear. "I want to introduce you to someone, Mom. Be nice, and no shenanigans, okay? Please, for once just act like a normal mother."

"I am a normal mother," she said, seeming genuinely confused.

"Sure," Blaine replied, leading her over to where Kurt, Burt, and Carole were suddenly pretending like they hadn't heard a word of the conversation. Kurt was positive that they weren't fooling either Blaine or his mother by just standing there quietly.

"Hey, Kurt, Mr. and Mrs. Hummel, this is my mom, Malea. Mom, Kurt is my boyfriend, and this is his dad, Burt, and his stepmom, Carole," Blaine introduced the group.

Up close, Mrs. Anderson looked so much like her son. They had the same skin tone, and hair color; although hers was pin straight reaching all the way to the middle of her back. She was a about an inch shorter them him, and Kurt could see where Blaine got his small stature. The woman looked like a strong wind could blow her over, but there was something in her face and the way she stood, confident and proud, that indicated she was a lot tougher than she seemed. She stared stunned for a brief moment at the strange group in front of her, before politely accepting the others' handshakes and returning pleasantries.

"Oh my, well, what a surprise! Blaine, why am I just now hearing about this?" she asked. Her tone was pleasant, but there was a trace of something else Kurt didn't really understand.

"It's new, Mom. It just happened this week. I haven't even talked to you let alone seen you since then," Blaine replied, clearly placating.

"Maybe that's a sign you should speak to me more often, but all is well now I suppose," Mrs. Anderson spoke sweetly. "It really is a pleasure to meet you all."

"And you, too, ma'am. You have a wonderful son," Burt stated. "He's been really great to Kurt since he transferred to Dalton, and it's been great getting to know him."

"Oh, please call me Malea. And I wish I could say the same about your son, sir, but I just met him so I honestly don't know anything about him," she looked at Blaine disapprovingly, still upset about being unaware of her son's new boyfriend. Then suddenly her face sparked to life with a huge grin. "Well, how about we fix that? What are you doing, Kurt? Would you want to come over for a bit? I could cook us all dinner, and we could get to know each other better. I mean if Blaine has been spending time with you and your parents, it's about time that you start doing the same with his. I wish you could meet Richard. That's Blaine's father, but he travels a lot for work so he's in… California, I think. Who knows? Anyway, what do you think?"

Blaine's face got whiter and whiter as his mother prattled on and on. Kurt was scared to say anything and nervous of what his boyfriend's reaction would be when he finally came out of what appeared to be a mild state of panic. Kurt was somewhat surprised when Blaine remained calm.

"I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm sure Kurt's busy. And I told you I really need to get back to school. Tonight's just not a good night," he spoke evenly.

"Oh, nonsense, you can come, can't you, Kurt? I won't keep you out late, and it's Saturday, Blaine. It doesn't even matter. Kurt's parents are okay with it, right?" Burt nodded, although hesitantly, so Malea continued. "I'm sure you want to finally get to know the mother Blaine's always hiding from you, don't you, Kurt?"

Kurt would be lying if he said no. Of course, he wanted to get to know her, but he also couldn't stand the scared, frightened, exasperated look on Blaine's face. He didn't want to force his brand new boyfriend to do something he clearly didn't want to. He ended up just standing there looking nervous himself, and pleading with Blaine to save him from this awkward moment. Eventually, he did.

"Fine, we'll go, but we're going out to eat," he sighed, clearly not happy with the situation, but accepting that he couldn't find a way to get out of it.

"Why can't I cook, Blaine? I'll make green bean casserole. You love green bean cas-"

"No, Mom!" Blaine shouted, drawing the attention of several people standing around, and stunning Kurt, Carole, and Burt. "I hate green bean casserole," he said, much quieter. "Let's just go and get this over with. Bye Mr. and Mrs. Hummel. I'll have Kurt home early. I promise."

"No problem, kid. Just have fun, okay," Burt stated, resting a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "And don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

Blaine just nodded, unable to look Burt in the eyes. He leaned in to whisper in Kurt's ear. "I'm sorry about this. I told you she's crazy. We just have to power through it. Hopefully it won't be too bad."

Kurt gave his boyfriend a sympathetic look, grabbed his hand, and started walking towards the door. "It's going to be just fine, Blaine. Don't worry about it."

* * *

It was awkward, but not horribly so. Blaine's mom could really talk, giving Rachel a run for her money. She blathered on and on for most of dinner at Breadstix, talking about what Blaine was like when he was younger, how he always loved to sing and dance. It would have been completely normal. She sounded just like any proud mother talking about her son… until she mentioned "all the time in the hospital."

Kurt knew that Blaine didn't like talking about when he was sick, and Kurt still didn't know what exactly had been wrong. Anytime he brought it up, Blaine would always say, "It sucked. I was in the hospital a lot. I'm fine now so it doesn't really matter." Kurt let it go, having figured out that pushing Blaine for the truth never really worked out well, but he was secretly dying to know what it had been. So when Mrs. Anderson started talking about her poor boy only having the nurses for an audience for his performances, Kurt took a risk.

"That must have been hard having a son in the hospital for so long. What exactly was wrong?" he asked.

He regretted the words the second they came out of his mouth. Blaine looked furious although Kurt couldn't tell if it was directed at him or his mother. Mrs. Anderson just shrugged her shoulders and said, "He had leukemia," as if she was saying he had the chicken pox. Kurt was astounded.

"You had leukemia, Blaine. Why didn't you tell me that? My mother died of cancer. You know I'd want to know that," he cried. He could not believe that Blaine had treated this so nonchalantly. However, his temper calmed quickly when he really looked at his boyfriend.

Blaine was nearly in tears and was trying to turn his face away from Kurt, who grabbed it to keep him from doing so. "Blaine, it's okay. I'm not going to run away scared or anything. I just want to know about it. I want to know what you've been through, what you've survived. And I need to know because… cancer sometimes comes back," Kurt sighed. He stared at his boyfriend carefully for a moment. "I should know these sorts of things about you because I want to know you. And I want to always know how to take care of you when you're sick or even if you're just sad."

Blaine flinched at his words, and Kurt dropped his hands from the boy's face. Blaine took a deep breath and glanced at his mother, who was observing both of them with a curious expression. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I should have told you. I just didn't want you treat me like everyone else does when they find out… like I'm broken or I can't take care of myself." All of this was said while looking at his mother, not at Kurt, as though he couldn't stand the thought that Kurt would see him differently now.

"You know I don't think that. I think you're amazing, sick or not. It's not going to change a thing." He paused for a moment before asking the most important question. "When did you have it, Blaine? I mean how long has it been gone."

Blaine instantly looked down at the table, avoiding Kurt's eyes for a long moment. The longer the silence lasted, the faster Kurt's heart started beating. "I was five I think." He glanced at his mom, who nodded in agreement. "And I guess it's been gone since I was nine." He looked back down again, while his mother squinted her eyes questioningly.

"Four years. I'm sorry, Blaine. I can't imagine spending so much time in and out of hospitals," Kurt smiled sadly, resting his hand on Blaine's shoulder.

"Well really, it was seven," Mrs. Anderson said, somewhat contentiously. "And then there was that stupid dance."

"Mom, don't. Please, I don't want to talk about that," he pleaded, turning to finally look Kurt in the eye. "It was a lot more complicated than just getting rid of the cancer. I didn't really get a clean bill of health until I was twelve, and then there was… other stuff. But I don't like to talk about that, okay? At least, not right now. It's…" he glanced quickly at his mother, his eyes turning dark, angry. "Those last three years were the worst, and I'd just rather forget about them so let's please not talk about them now."

Kurt nodded, pulling Blaine into a quick but firm hug. Blaine gave Kurt a watery smile when they separated, but it dropped the second he caught his mother's eyes.

After that, they all went back to eating quietly. Kurt was so caught up in this new information, this new piece of Blaine's history, that he barely noticed how Mrs. Anderson didn't say a single word for the rest of the dinner and only said a quick goodbye at the end before getting in her car and leaving, alone.

When Blaine dropped Kurt off at his house, they sat quietly for a minute, just enjoying being there, together.

"You're going back to Dalton tonight, aren't you?" Kurt asked after a moment.

"Yes."

Kurt made a humming noise. "If this relationship was a little less new, I might encourage you to give her a chance, but I think I'll let it be for now. I know it's hard. Do you want me to see if my dad will let you stay here tonight?"

"No, that's okay. I think I need a bit of time to myself. I can get kind of irritable after spending too much time with her. She just grates on my nerves," Blaine huffed. I just need to go home, to Dalton I mean, and rest. I'll be better tomorrow. I promise. Thanks for coming tonight and dealing with her craziness."

"She doesn't seem that crazy to me… not any crazier than you, silly." Kurt reached over and bopped him on the nose. "It's nice to know where you get it from."

Blaine looked down at their interlaced hands, and Kurt could only faintly see the smile on his lips. "Good night, Kurt." It sounded strained.

Kurt frowned, "Good night, Blaine." He reached over to give his boyfriend a hug, pulling away to open the door and reluctantly stepping out.

Kurt went inside, saying a quick good night to his dad and Carole before heading upstairs.

"I expect to hear about that dinner tomorrow," Burt yelled after him, but he ignored it. As he was changing into his pajamas, he noticed a wet spot on the shoulder of his sweater, where Blaine had rested his head when they hugged. Kurt spent a long time lying awake that night, wishing he knew how to heal the wounds that his boyfriend wouldn't even let him see.

The next day, he told his dad that the dinner had been completely normal, that Blaine's mom had told stories about a younger boy putting on performances for their family and neighbors. He mentioned nothing about hospitals or a sick little kid singing for doctors and nurses.

* * *

**Warnings:**

Discussion of childhood leukemia. Also I am not a doctor so bear with me on some things.


	5. Malea Prolepsis

A/N: This is the first in a series of short prolepses that will come every few chapters. There will be at least six of them in total. They are all phone calls set in the fall of 2012. They'll hopefully give a little more insight into what was going on in the prologue. No warnings in this one. Enjoy the brief foray into the future! Chapter 4 will be up on Monday or Tuesday. Thanks for reading!

* * *

**September 2012 **

"Hello? Kurt?" A soft, female voice answered.

Kurt didn't speak for a second, confused.

"Malea? Oh my God! Is Blaine okay?" He suddenly panicked, unsure as to why his boyfriend's mother was answering her son's phone.

"Oh no, Kurt," she spoke evenly. "Blaine is fine. He's just taking a nap. I'm afraid he caught another flu bug, so he's been resting. I didn't want the phone to wake him up, and I saw it was you so I figured I'd answer it and let you know."

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God. You had me worried there," he paused, contemplating. "Are you sure he's doing, okay? I mean I feel like he's been getting sick more often. Has he gone to the doctor lately? His tests came back fine last time, right?"

"I don't think it's anything to worry about right now, Kurt. It just sometimes happens," she said, trying to ease his concern. "It's flu season, and his immune system just doesn't handle it well. Don't fret so much, Kurt. He'll be fine before you know it. I promise to take good care of him in your absence."

Kurt smiled sadly to himself. "I know you will. I just wish I could be there. I know how grumpy he gets when he doesn't feel well."

"Don't I know it," Malea joked, before changing the subject. "Are you doing well, Kurt? How are you liking New York?"

"Oh I love it here. It's really great. I love my new job, and the city is just amazing."

"But…" Malea prodded.

"I really miss him," his voice wavered slightly. "It just isn't the same without him here with me."

"I know, Kurt, and he misses you, too. I can tell." There was a short silence. "He'll be there with you before you know it though, and then you'll be the only one to take care of him when he's sick and cranky. Lucky you," she laughed, although Kurt could hear a bit of melancholy at the thought of her son leaving.

Kurt grinned widely, already picturing it in his head. "God, I can't wait. I can deal with grumpy, sick Blaine, as long as I also get cuddly, sick Blaine."

"Oh, well, he's too old to cuddle with his mother, so I only get the grumps. I'm sure he's looking forward to the TLC he can only get from you."

"Yeah," Kurt chuckled. "Well, I should probably get going, but can you tell Blaine I hope he feels better soon and to call me when he does?"

"Of course, Kurt. It was nice talking to you," Malea spoke softly.

"You, too, Malea. Take care, and don't let him boss you around too much."

"Oh, you know me. I can give it as well as I get it," she scoffed.

"I know," Kurt laughed.

"Goodbye, Kurt."

"Bye, Malea."


	6. Chapter 4

A/N: Here's chapter 4. Chapter 5 should be up on Friday. Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!

* * *

**April – May 2011**

Kurt was pretty sure that he had never been happier. He and Blaine had finally found their way together, and everything felt perfect between the two of them. It certainly made the decision about whether or not to go back to McKinley extremely difficult. He would be lying if he said he didn't really want to go back to his old school. It was his home really, and being reunited with his best friends (because while he loved the Warblers, they could never replace the New Directions) would be amazing. Plus, he'd get to go to nationals. All of those things made him pretty sure what he was going to do; what he wasn't sure of was how to tell Blaine.

Kurt felt like Blaine was finally beginning to trust him, especially after the "meet the parents" dinner had gone relatively smoothly. Blaine still didn't like to talk much about either his mom or dad, and he avoided the topic of his childhood as much as possible. But the dark-haired boy would answer most of Kurt's questions even if he immediately changed the subject afterwards.

Kurt didn't want to leave Blaine when things had been going so well. He was confident that they could make it work, but he knew it would be hard. But since Blaine's parents lived in Lima, Kurt could surely convince him to stay there more often on the weekends, and they would be close to each other all summer. If it encouraged Blaine to try to get along better with his mother, well then that was just a bonus. So Kurt came to Dalton early on the Thursday morning of his last week there and knocked on the door of Blaine's dorm with coffee and bagels in hand.

"Who is it?" Blaine called.

"It's me," Kurt answered. "Can I come in?"

"Who's me?" the other boy teased, but Kurt could hear footsteps coming closer. "I have plenty of suitors that stop by this time of morning."

"Just open the door, silly. I have coffee."

"Ooh, coffee. Somebody knows the way to my heart," Blaine unlocked and flung open the door with flourish, dressed in his shirt, pants and tie, but without his blazer. "I'll make sure to tell all of the other men to go away.

Kurt smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss, before Blaine grabbed his coffee and turned to go back to the mirror on his desk, where he had been styling gel into his hair.

"You're ridiculous. I don't know what I see in you."

"That's a lie. You find my ridiculousness charmingly adorable," Blaine replied with a sweet little smirk in Kurt's direction.

"Sure," Kurt rolled his eyes. "Hey, Kyle. How are you?" he asked Blaine's roommate, who had just walked out of the bathroom.

"I'm doing well, Kurt. Thanks for asking. You must have woken up ridiculously early to get here so soon. What's the occasion? Ooh, did you bring me coffee too?"

Kurt sat down on Blaine's bed, setting the bag of bagels next to him, and handing Kyle one of the two cups of coffee still in the tray, before taking his own out and drinking it.

"Of course I did. I'm not heartless. I just needed to talk to Blaine about something so I figured I'd come early so we could chat before class started?" Kurt said it as a question when Blaine turned around to look at him, brows furrowed in curious confusion.

"What's wrong?" Blaine asked.

"Nothing. We just need to have a conversation. That's all," Kurt replied, trying to keep his voice even and not let his anxiety show. Blaine didn't look like he bought it.

"Okay. Let me finish my hair real quick, and we can go downstairs."

Kurt laughed and lay down completely on Blaine's bed. "Real quick. Yeah, right."

Blaine scowled.

It actually didn't take but another two minutes before Blaine was finished, and the boys settled on the couch in the empty senior common room, both boys clearly anxious.

Kurt didn't speak at first, spending a moment just looking at his boyfriend and enjoying one of the last moments they would have together here even it was filled with tension. Blaine stared back at him, face at first scrunched up in confusion, but after a minute it relaxed into a quiet sadness, his forehead clearing of wrinkles, but his eyes still tense and his mouth a tight line.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Blaine broke the silence, his voice perfectly calm.

Kurt sighed, mouth turning down in a frown and eyes suddenly wet. "I'm sorry, but I think it's best."

Blaine nodded and looked down, avoiding all eye contact. "I get it. You miss your friends. It makes sense. I'm just really going to miss you." Blaine's voice cracked on the last line, betraying a bit of emotion he was trying desperately not to let Kurt see.

"I'm going to miss you, too, Blaine," Kurt said, reaching out to pull Blaine into a tight hug. "But we'll be fine. We can still see each other after school and on the weekends, and maybe you could even stay at home some of the time, so we'll be able to see each other more often."

Blaine instantly tensed and pulled back, looking straight into Kurt's eyes, his face contorted in a mixture of pain and anger.

"Seriously?" he spat out. "How many times do I have to tell you, Kurt? I can't stay with her. There's no maybe in that scenario. I can't do it. It's not going to happen, so don't count on me being in Lima and think that that's going to make this easier. It's not."

Kurt shrank back in surprise, irritated at the unnecessary outburst. He was just trying to help the situation. "I'm sorry, Blaine. I just thought that maybe if I was in Lima it would make you want to put up with your mother for a few days. I thought spending time with me might be worth it, but I guess not."

Blaine sighed, his face turning apologetic. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you about this. I just… you know, how I feel about my mom, and you leaving is going to be hard enough without dragging all of that into this." He moved in closer to Kurt, reaching out to hold one of the other boy's hands between his own. "I want us to work, even with you going back to McKinley, and I get why you're doing it. I just don't want you to think that I'll be able to be in Lima on the weekends all the time. I can try, but I can't promise you anything, okay?"

Kurt gave his boyfriend a sad but appreciative smile. "I couldn't ask for anything more than that. We'll figure it out somehow. I can promise you that."

They hugged again, embracing for much longer this time, before they had to go to their separate classes. Their last two days together at Dalton went by much too fast, and after school on Friday, they made out on Blaine's bed for as long as they could before Kurt had to leave to make family dinner. He invited Blaine, but the other boy declined. Kurt was pretty sure that he could hear him crying inside his room after he closed the door behind him.

* * *

Making things work involved a lot of driving back and forth for both of them, and despite Kurt's protestations, a lot of lying. On Friday nights when Blaine would come for dinner and stay until close to ten o'clock, he always told Burt that he was headed to his mom's for the night. At first, Kurt believed him, too, but it didn't take long for him to figure out the truth. One Saturday morning, Kurt asked Blaine to meet him for lunch, and Blaine showed up late, disheveled, and fatigued. It became pretty obvious that he had run out of his dorm in a hurry in order to make the two-hour drive, having gotten very little sleep after the trip back the night before.

After that, Kurt started making him leave earlier on Fridays, and would usually meet Blaine at Dalton on Saturday or Sunday instead of having the boy come to Lima. He still didn't understand why Blaine couldn't stay just one night with his mother, but he had learned not to argue about it. Kurt was proud to have learned that lesson. He had been told many times before that he could be pushy, and he decided this was as good a time as any to start picking his battles.

And Kurt had a battle that was much more important. He was determined to get Blaine to go to prom with him. Since Mercedes was having a slumber party at her house afterwards, they wouldn't need to figure out where Blaine would stay that night. To Kurt it seemed like a done deal.

Blaine's reluctance was surprising, and when Kurt found out why, he was both heartbroken and glad. It felt like the first time that Blaine had opened up about something without Kurt begging him to. It felt like progress. Blaine's story of being beaten up after a Sadie Hawkins dance was just another piece of the puzzle that was Blaine. The more Kurt found out, the more he understood why it was so hard for Blaine to be honest with people, and Kurt would do anything to be the person that Blaine finally trusted completely. He wanted to help him forget about his painful past, so he was determined to show Blaine the best prom ever.

In the end it definitely wasn't the best prom, but it was still a great one despite the embarrassment of being named prom queen. It was all worth it to get to dance with Blaine in front of everyone and fall asleep on the floor of Mercedes' basement, curled up in his boyfriend's arms.

* * *

When Kurt got back from the travesty that was nationals, he immediately went to meet Blaine for coffee at the Lima Bean. They chatted lightly about Kurt's time in New York, genuinely enjoying each other's company.

Of course, Kurt had to ruin the happy mood.

"So… I was just wondering about the summer," he paused, considering the best way to word it. "What are you planning to do? I mean… where will you be?"

Blaine sighed in a kind of quiet resignation. "It's okay, Kurt. You can ask. You want to know if I'll be at home. Well, I will be, but I really don't want to talk about it."

"I know you don't want to talk about it. You never want to talk about it, but it's not going to just go away if you don't. I'm sure it won't be that bad?" Kurt turned the statement into a question.

"Hopefully not. My dad will probably be around a little bit more since he knows I'll be home so..."

"I don't understand," Kurt asked, confused. "I thought you hated your dad. Wouldn't it be better if he wasn't there and you only had to deal with your mom?"

Blaine was silent for a while, staring intently at a spot on the table he was polishing with his finger. Eventually, he spoke, still not making eye contact. "It's complicated, but things are usually better when my dad is there. They decide to pretend to be normal. They'll both act like nothing is wrong, and we're a perfect little family. Plus my mom will be distracted enough by him to leave me alone for a bit." He chuckled sarcastically.

Kurt reached out, cupping Blaine's chin with his hand, and pulling it up until the other boy looked at him. "I'm sorry, Blaine. I really wish I could do something to help."

Tears gathered in Blaine's eyes, and for a moment, he looked almost hopeful. It vanished quickly, however, and Blaine just smiled a watery smile. "Kurt, you really are the best boyfriend ever. Thank you." He paused before adding, "I love you."

Kurt remained silent for a minute, surprised, before smiling back, moving his hand to cup Blaine's cheek, and speaking softly. "I love you, too." After a moment, he continued, "What do you say we get out of here? I think my house is probably empty for the afternoon." Kurt gathered his trash and stood up with a wink.

Blaine followed quickly, "Absolutely. I must say I am looking forward to being a little bit closer to you this summer. It'll be much easier to take advantage of empty houses without the two hour commute." He smirked, passing by Kurt and running out the door first.

Kurt's house was in fact empty, and the boys found themselves tangled together on his bed; slow, sweet kissing turning more desperate and frantic. Kurt had fallen in love with Blaine's mouth over the last few months. Blaine would always start out with short, sweet, close-mouthed kisses, but eventually, his lips would part and his whole mouth would relax into it. Before, Kurt had thought that Blaine would be the one to set the pace of their intimate relationship, but he realized quickly that if he didn't push, Blaine would remain content with just relaxed, slow making out, bodies not touching on top of the bed.

Kurt had been the first one to grab Blaine's waist and pull him close, to intertwine their legs, and run his hands up the other boy's back. Kurt had been the one to suggest removing blazers and ties and later their button-ups until they were down to their thin t-shirts. He thought he would be nervous or scared and would want his boyfriend to lead the way. But he felt safe with Blaine, and he loved being in control. He loved the way Blaine would look at him with lust and awe in his eyes when he started to unbutton his own cardigan or Blaine's dress shirt. It was amazing.

They were down to their undershirts that afternoon, and Kurt was leaning over Blaine who was lying on his back. Kurt's left hand had been running down the outside of Blaine's right thigh, and he slowly brought it up to rest on the boy's hip, pushing his t-shirt up to rub his thumb on the soft skin above the waistband of his jeans. Suddenly, Blaine flinched and tensed.

"Stop," he spoke sharply.

Kurt instantly pulled his hand away, and rolled farther onto his side as Blaine sat up, leaning against the headboard. His hand was holding his stomach not far from where Kurt had been touching him.

"Oh my God! I'm sorry. Did you not like that? Was that too much? I just tho-"

Blaine reached over and put his hand on top of Kurt's. "No, Kurt, it's fine. You're fine. I just… I…" He groaned and covered his face with his hands to hide.

Kurt scooted closer and pulled Blaine's hands down. "What is it, Blaine? You can tell me… or you can _not_ tell me. We can just forget it happened, and I won't do that again… unless you say it's okay." He smiled, sympathetically.

"I…" Blaine kept his eyes closed, but nodded minutely. After a moment, he looked at Kurt and ran his hands down his shirt over his stomach. "I just… I need this… I need my shirt on for now, and I need you not to touch me underneath it. I'm sorry… I just…" he trailed off.

Kurt watched him for a brief moment, squeezing his hands in his own to show his understanding before pulling him into a tight hug. "I get it, Blaine. Don't worry about it."

Blaine pulled back and smiled brightly, although his eyes were a little watery. "Thanks… I really do love you."

"I love you, too," Kurt grinned.

They didn't make out any more after that. Kurt put a movie on his laptop and settled back against his headboard. Blaine fell asleep not even halfway through, his head resting on Kurt's shoulder, and Kurt spent the rest of the movie dreaming about many more lazy summer afternoons just like that.

* * *

Warnings:

A super brief mention of Sadie Hawkins, some PG-13 making out


	7. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry this is a day late. Next week I should update twice on Tuesday and either Friday or Saturday, but the week after that is my graduation (yay!) so the schedule might get a little wonky for a week or two. Warnings are at the end. (Side note: This is really just a strange personal preference. I think warnings sometime spoil the story, so for those people who aren't easily triggered, I like to give them the option to skip them easily. I forgot last chapter to make a note that they are at the bottom, but I'll make sure to do that from now on.) Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!

* * *

**June – August 2011**

The summer had been great. Kurt and Blaine spent hours together, watching movies and cuddling, making out and baking cookies. It was everything Kurt had hoped it would be, just two teenagers enjoying being in love for the first time.

Most of their time was spent in the Hummel house obviously. Blaine steadfastly avoided his own, even hanging out at Burt's shop when Kurt was working just to get away from his parents. His dad had been home on a regular basis since school had let out according to Blaine. Kurt still had yet to meet him. The only time they both ventured to the Anderson house was to take advantage of it being empty, which had only happened twice so far.

Kurt had been working at the shop for the past few days, and Blaine had been strangely absent. Over the phone, the younger boy had said he was busy, although he was strangely cryptic regarding the details.

It was a beautiful Saturday in late June, and Kurt wanted to spend the evening with his boyfriend so he decided to stop by Blaine's house to see what he was up to. He knew it was probably a risky move considering how hard Blaine tried to keep Kurt away from his parents, but if Blaine wasn't going to answer his texts, then he should expect Kurt to randomly show up. That's what he always did.

Kurt knocked on the door of the moderately sized house. It was a long time before there was an answer, but eventually the door opened to reveal a somewhat distraught Mrs. Anderson.

"Oh, Kurt. It's you. What a pleasant surprise," she said, shuffling him inside. "Blaine didn't say you were coming, but I should have guessed you would stop by and see how he's doing."

Kurt stared at her, puzzled, but before he could respond, Blaine's voice floated down from upstairs.

"Who are you talking to, Mom? Oh God, is it dad? I thought he wasn't supposed to be back until next month. Shit, I'll be down in a minute."

"Blaine, it's not your dad. It's Kurt. Stay in bed. You need to rest, son. I'll send Kurt up, and I'll make you some soup," Mrs. Anderson responded, voice sweet and laced with concern.

"Oh, okay," Blaine called from upstairs. "I don't want any soup though, Mom. Okay? I mean it. I'm not going to eat it… I'll just throw it up."

"Well, I'll make it just in case, sweetie, and you can eat it or not," Blaine's mom rolled her eyes at her son's words, leaning in to whisper to Kurt. "He's such a drama queen when he's sick. You can go on upstairs, honey. I'll be up soon with his soup. Maybe you can convince him he should try to eat something."

Kurt nodded as Mrs. Anderson headed to the kitchen, and turned to go up to Blaine's room. The door was cracked slightly, but he knocked on it, pushing it open and peering inside. Blaine was lying in bed on his side facing the wall. He was curled up deep in the blankets with only his head sticking out. His hair was free of gel for once, his wild curls combined with his position making him look so much younger.

"How come you never tell me when you're sick? I always have to find out from somebody else," Kurt said, smirking, and walking slowly into the room.

Blaine looked up, meeting his eyes briefly, before continuing to stare blankly at the wall. "I don't like being sick," he muttered.

Kurt went to the opposite side of the bed, crawling in under the blankets, and curling in behind his boyfriend. "Well, nobody likes being sick, Blaine, but the best part is getting the people who love you to take care of you."

Blaine flinched at first as Kurt put his arm around his waist pulling him back towards his chest. Eventually he relaxed, allowing Kurt to rub his stomach over his pajama top soothingly, but he didn't respond.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better, sweetie?"

"Please, don't call me that. She calls me that. I can't stand it," Blaine said, voice tight and strained.

Kurt scoffed. "Well then, what pet names are allowed? Can I call you honey?"

Blaine shook his head.

"Sweetheart?"

Another shake.

"Pumpkin?"

"Absolutely not."

"Muffin?"

A snort.

"Is that a yes or a no, B?"

Blaine laughed. "I like 'B.' You can call me that, and maybe even baby. But nothing that sounds sweet or sugary or like food. I'm not something you can eat."

"Are you sure about that?" Kurt asked, before leaning over and nibbling all up and down Blaine's neck, causing the boy to try to squirm away but still laugh adorably. "I think you're delicious."

Blaine had rolled over on his back, and Kurt was leaning slightly over him, propped up on his elbow. "Thanks, I guess." Blaine rolled his eyes. "You're pretty delicious, too, actually. I'd kiss you, but I don't want you to catch anything."

Kurt leaned down and kissed Blaine square on the lips. It was sweet and chaste and completely close-mouthed. "A little flu bug can't scare me away. It would be well worth it."

Blaine dropped his eyes briefly, and a shy, sweet smile blossomed on his face before he looked back up at Kurt, pushing on his shoulder to get him to lie down on his back. The younger boy then curled up close, resting his head on his boyfriend's chest. Kurt pulled him in even closer, twining their legs together under the blanket, and sighing contentedly. They stayed there, resting quietly for several minutes until there was a soft knock on the door.

"Go away, Mom. I'm fine," Blaine huffed.

"I brought soup," Mrs. Anderson called, pushing open the partially closed door, carrying a tray.

Kurt was about to pull away, their position feeling slightly uncomfortable with Blaine's mom there, but the other boy just buried his head further into Kurt's chest, holding on even tighter.

"I can't eat that, Mom. Please, can't you just leave us alone for a bit?" Blaine sounded strangely almost near tears. Kurt wanted to make it better, but also didn't want to insult Blaine's mother, so he politely interrupted.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Anderson. I think I just got him too comfortable, and now he doesn't want to get up. If you just leave it on his desk, I'll make sure he eats it in a bit. I promise."

He ignored the mumbled, "Fuck that," whispered against his chest.

Mrs. Anderson glanced at them both suspiciously, before nodding and doing as Kurt asked. "Okay. Thanks, Kurt, dear. That's really sweet of you," she said before turning to leave. "And please call me Malea," she said, before shutting the door behind her.

"Geez, Blaine. She wasn't lying about you being a drama queen when you're sick," Kurt teased. "It's just soup, you know. It won't kill you."

Blaine let out a chuckle against Kurt's chest. "You'd be surprised. Her food tastes like shit." He paused, before continuing, "I really hate how she acts when I'm sick, like she's the perfect mother, and she just wants to _take care_ of me. It's all bullshit. It's just an act, and I don't like playing along."

Kurt sighed, realizing this was much more complicated than just Blaine being a little melodramatic. "I take it this has something to do with when you were really sick," he said.

Blaine didn't answer, but it only took a minute for Kurt to feel the wetness on his shirt, and a couple minutes for Blaine's crying to become audible as Kurt squeezed him tight, rubbing his shoulders and trying to push back his own tears. "I'm sorry, Blaine. I wish I knew what to do." There was a quiet moment. "Hey, you know that I love you, right, baby? Will you let me take care of you? I really want to."

Blaine tensed for a moment, but eventually Kurt could feel him nod against his chest, sniffling a little before wiping his eyes off. "Only if you call me baby. It's cute," he mumbled.

Kurt laughed, wholeheartedly. "That I can do. Now come on, get up, and I'll go get that soup."

Blaine refused to move though. "I don't want the soup, Kurt."

"When was the last time you ate something, B?"

"I don't know."

"Well, that's a sign. You need to at least try. It smells good, Blaine. It can't taste that bad. If you don't eat it, I will."

Blaine groaned in frustration, sitting up completely and clearly agitated. "Fine, but only if we can cuddle more afterwards."

"Oh, definitely."

Kurt got up and brought over the soup, and Blaine ate the whole bowl begrudgingly. Afterwards, calling out to his mother, "I ate it all. Happy now?"

She hollered up, "Yes, sweetie," causing Blaine to flinch in annoyance.

Kurt took the tray back over to the desk, before popping a movie into Blaine's DVD player, and crawling back into bed. He stayed until close to midnight, begging for a curfew extension from his father through texts. That was long after Blaine had thrown up all of the soup and fallen asleep to Kurt singing "Blackbird." When Kurt finally dragged himself out of the bed, he kissed Blaine on the forehead and whispered in his ear, "I'll be back tomorrow, B. I love you."

Blaine mumbled back a sleepy, "I love you, too. Thank you."

When he went downstairs, he found Mrs. Anderson curled up in an armchair, staring out the window in silence. She jumped when she heard him enter the living room and mumbled a quick thanks and a goodbye, before getting up and heading upstairs to bed. Kurt knew that he might never really understand the reasons for the resentment Blaine had towards his parents, but he couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for her. She was trying, and she seemed genuinely concerned. He just hoped Blaine would eventually see that too.

Blaine was sick for the next three days, and Kurt spent every day trying to nurse him back to health. When Blaine was finally better, he made up for keeping Kurt inside the house by taking him out. He took him out to dinner, to the movies, miniature golf, and to picnics at the park. After a week of adventures, they began to spend more time at Kurt's house again, cuddling up in bed to watch a movie or share slow, sweet kisses. Kurt didn't see the inside of Blaine's house for the rest of the summer though.

Blaine's father came back home eventually, and Kurt didn't see Blaine for days at a time when that happened. Apparently, his dad was really pushing family bonding time, which Blaine would scoff at over the phone, clearly disillusioned by his dad's wishes.

As the summer wound down, Kurt became distressed by the idea of seeing less of Blaine once school started. Their summer together had been amazing, and Kurt didn't want it to end. Without even meaning to, he started to push. It happened subconsciously, a kind of word vomit that occurred when they were discussing school and the future. He almost didn't even realize he had said it until Blaine called him out on it. Apparently, it hadn't been the first time.

"Jesus Christ, Kurt, I get it. You want me to transfer, but I've told you a million times that I can't. Why can't you just drop it?" Blaine yelled from his spot on Kurt's bed, as the other boy was shuffling through his closet, trying to pick out the perfect first day of school outfit.

"Have I really talked about it that much?" Kurt peaked out of his closet, surprised by Blaine's outburst, but choosing to remain calm.

"Yes, you say it every time we're together, and it's starting to make me feel bad. You know that I would love to go to school with you, but you also know that I can't live at home," Blaine sighed.

Kurt stared at his boyfriend for a moment apprehensively, trying to decide if this was a battle he wanted after all. He chose to go for it. "See, here's what I don't get," he said calmly, walking over and sitting across from Blaine on the bed. "You've spent all summer with your parents, and I know you avoided them most of the time, but you seemed fine. And that's summer, when you don't have anything to do. Imagine with school starting, you'll have glee club and homework; you won't really be home or have to deal with them that often."

Blaine closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Kurt couldn't tell if he was trying to contain anger or tears. When he opened his eyes, he just looked extremely tired. "I know that you think that it's that simple, and I wish I knew how to explain it to you, but I don't. I just survived this summer, and it was great because I got to spend time with you. But I can't stay in a house with my mother any more that I have to. I just can't."

"You're right, Blaine. I don't understand," Kurt knew he was starting to lose his temper, but he couldn't rein it in. "You are always talking about how you can't stand your mother and you can't live with her, but you won't explain why. I get that for some reason you don't get along, but I have never seen her be anything but nice to you. She can be a little over the top sometimes, but that's what mothers do. And maybe you should give her a break sometime. She's clearly trying to be better, and you just refuse to see it. I think you just want to hate her. I don't know why, but maybe if you would bother to explain it me I wouldn't feel like you're just acting like a spoiled brat about the whole thing."

Kurt felt guilty the second he stopped to breath, and the look on Blaine's face only increased that feeling tenfold. A thousand different emotions seemed at war in the boy's features, but Kurt couldn't quite distinguish much, except for the one that seemed a lot like betrayal. Surprisingly, when Blaine spoke, his voice was calm and emotionless.

"I wish I knew how to explain it to you, and sometimes I think that one day I'll be able to. Then you say shit like that." He rolled his eyes. "You haven't been there, Kurt. You weren't there when I was growing up. You don't know what happened, and I know that I should be able to tell you, but it's hard. Because sometimes I just think that you'll never be able to really understand it. Sometimes I think that she's the only one who really understands, and that's the problem, Kurt. God, don't you get it? She's the reason I'm like this because I'm just like her. She's the only who gets it and that's why I can't be around her because I'll just end up like her. I can't do it, and I'm sorry that you don't get it. Hopefully one day you will, but until then, please just let it be."

Kurt didn't know how to respond, so he just nodded, laying a hand on top of Blaine's where it rested on his knee. The other boy flinched, pulling back.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I think I should go. I just…" He stood up, walking towards the door. "I'll call you tomorrow." He left without another word.

A few days later, the boys met at the Lima Bean, Blaine dressed in his Warblers uniform, having just performed with the group at Dalton's freshman orientation. Their conversation was somewhat stiff; both boys had been avoiding mentioning their argument over the phone, and this was the first time they had seen each other since then. Eventually, Kurt couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry, Blaine. You were right. I had no right to push you or to judge when I don't really understand it." He paused, looking down at the table for a minute and tried to keep the pain out of his voice when he spoke again. "Sometimes, it just hurts that you don't trust me enough to tell me what's really going on because you know that I tell you everything. I'll leave it alone for now. I'm just going to try to have faith that you'll tell me the truth when you're ready."

Blaine smiled sadly at his boyfriend, reaching out to grab his hand and whispering, "I will. I'm really sorry, but I just can't yet."

After that, their conversation returned to much lighter fair, and both boys left feeling much better about their current situation. Kurt still wished he would get to see more of his boyfriend this school year, but he had accepted that that wouldn't be the case.

This made it all the more surprising when Blaine showed up at McKinley on the third day of school, dressed in street clothes, and announcing his transfer. Kurt didn't question it much, choosing to accept the good news and not push Blaine for answers. After all, that's what the other boy had been asking for all along.

* * *

**Warnings:**

Mention of vomiting


	8. Chapter 6

A/N: Here's chapter 6. Sorry for the somewhat cliffhanger, but it's necessary. In the next chapter, I promise we'll get some honest Blaine. Thanks to everyone still reading and reviewing! Warnings are at the end as always. Oh, and I'd love to hear your speculation regarding Blaine and the Warblers. This will make sense at the end. Enjoy!

* * *

**September – October 2011**

Having Blaine at McKinley with him was better than Kurt could have even imagined. He hadn't expected the whole West Side Story fiasco to happen, but he decided not to hold a grudge when Blaine got the role of Tony. He knew that Blaine would kill the part, and he was way too busy being angry with Rachel for running against him for senior class president. So Kurt let it go and just enjoyed having Blaine in his everyday life again. The boys were once again able to joke around during glee club together and spend their evenings curled up in Kurt's bed, watching movies or just kissing lazily.

One afternoon, the week before the play's opening, they were at Blaine's house instead of Kurt's. It was one of those rare afternoons that Mrs. Anderson was at work, since as a nurse she usually had 12-hour shifts at the hospital three nights a week. She had switched out some nights for day shifts recently in order to ensure she could make it to the opening of her son's play.

In her absence, Blaine and Kurt were spread out on Blaine's bed, lips firmly attached, tongues and limbs entwined, and hands exploring. It was their usual position, with Kurt holding back when he desperately wanted to pull off Blaine's t-shirt and run his hands down the boy's chest. But the younger boy was still reticent, and Kurt had his suspicions as to why so he wasn't about to push.

It was a complete accident when it happened though. Kurt would swear to it for weeks afterward. His finger just got caught on the hem of Blaine's shirt as he dragged it up along his stomach, trying to feel the warmth of Blaine's skin through the thin fabric he wanted so much to get rid of. Kurt's thumb rested on a narrow strip of skin, but it wasn't warm and soft, as he had expected. It was cold and rough, and the light pressure from his finger caused Blaine to stiffen and pull away in a panic. Kurt quickly removed his hand, and held both of them up in apology.

"I'm really really sorry. That was an accident. I swear I didn't mean to."

Blaine sighed, reaching down to pull the hem of his shirt lower. "It's okay, Kurt. I know. I really should just get over this, shouldn't I?" He looked so unbelievably sad that Kurt scooted close and pulled him into a hug.

"No, I get it. We'll do it when you're ready, and not a second before," Kurt reassured him.

Blaine pulled back, looking seriously into Kurt's eyes. "Okay, I'm ready," he whispered.

Kurt eyes widened in surprise. "Really? You're not just saying that because…"

Blaine reached down and pulled his shirt up and over his head quickly, as though afraid of losing his nerve.

Kurt couldn't help the sharp intake of air that came through his lips. He scooted closer to Blaine rather than farther away, trying to impart comfort and acceptance. Without thinking his hand came up, reaching out as if to touch, and he looked up into Blaine's eyes, a silent question. Blaine nodded, dropping his head to his chest, and Kurt placed his hand gently on the boy's stomach, tracing the lines and spots of various colors. A few were long and pink and rough on his fingers. Smaller circles were purple and brown and smoother to the touch. It was nothing like Kurt had expected, when he pictured finally seeing Blaine shirtless, but it was beautiful all the same.

"Most of the small ones are from skin infections… staph and such. It was… persistent. This," he grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled it over to the thick pink scar Kurt had accidentally touched earlier. It was low on the right side of his stomach, stretching all the way down into the waistband of his jeans. "This is from the exploratory laparotomy… They really just took my appendix out, but it got really infected and was super disgusting. That's why it's so big." He shrugged like it was no big deal, but Kurt knew that he didn't really think that at all. "This one," he pointed to one higher up on his chest right below his heart, "and a few of the smaller pink scars are from Sadie Hawkins… broken glass." His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper.

Kurt wanted to know more, but he knew better than to ask. This was a lot to share for Blaine, and it would have to be enough for Kurt. "Thank you, B… for showing me this."

Blaine just shrugged again, head still lowered and avoiding eye contact. Kurt pushed on Blaine's shoulder, urging him to lie down on his back. Then Kurt lay on his side next to him, head resting in the crook of his shoulder, fingers tracing the marks on his chest and stomach. "You're beautiful. You know that, right? These are beautiful. They're your war wounds. They show how strong you are."

Kurt heard Blaine sniffling above him, and reached around to pull the other boy closer. Blaine turned his head slightly, just enough to press a grateful, loving kiss on his boyfriend's lips, and Kurt wiped the tears off the younger boy's face.

They fell asleep together, cuddled in bed, until the slam of the front door downstairs woke them.

"Shit," Blaine cursed, hurriedly getting up and pulling on his shirt.

"Blaine, sweetie, is that Kurt's car outside?" Mrs. Anderson called up the stairs.

Kurt was slow to get up, but he eventually stood, stretching his limbs and styling his clothes and hair into a more presentable appearance.

"Um… Yeah… it's Kurt's. We were just studying," Blaine yelled back at his mother, making a face at Kurt at the obvious lie.

"Sure, you were," she replied, voice laced with sarcasm. "Come on down, boys. We'll talk while I make us some dinner."

Blaine rolled his eyes, checking his hair in the mirror before walking towards the door. Kurt followed after responding to a few texts from his father. "Do you really want me to stay for dinner?" he whispered.

Kurt couldn't quite interpret the look on Blaine's face, apprehension, indecision, and worry at war. "I don't have to if you don't want me to," Kurt continued.

"No, it's fine. You can stay. It's just that… well… maybe you and I can cook?" he asked.

Kurt let out an amused chuckle. "Is your mom's food really that bad?"

Blaine laughed, and his face relaxed. "Yeah, you could say that."

The boys continued downstairs, where they got a less than serious lecture about being in the house by themselves. When Blaine told his mom that he and Kurt would cook, she just sighed and raised her hands in a placating gesture, rolling her eyes.

"You really don't even trust me enough to make dinner, Blaine? Geez, I swear I wasn't going to make green beans."

Blaine let out a sarcastic chuckle. "Of course you weren't. I just feel better making it myself. The last time you cooked, it tasted like ass."

Kurt's eyebrows raised in surprise, still shocked at how his dapper, always polite boyfriend disappeared around his mother.

"Blaine, language," she scolded, although not harshly. "I get it. I'll go change while you and Kurt make your ass-free dinner."

As she headed upstairs, Blaine noticed the curious look Kurt was giving him. "Don't ask," he said.

Kurt sighed, "I wasn't going to."

They made Parmesan chicken with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. Dinner was a quiet but comfortable affair. Mrs. Anderson asked polite questions about school and the play, and Blaine and Kurt responded with tempered enthusiasm. Afterwards, she offered to do the dishes since the boys had cooked, and Blaine and Kurt went back upstairs.

Kurt left not long after since it was a Tuesday night, and Blaine gave him a chaste kiss goodbye at the door. As it closed behind him, he heard Mrs. Anderson's voice echo from inside the house.

"You can let me cook dinner for you and your boyfriend just once, Blaine. It won't kill you."

"I'm not really worried about me," Blaine replied. "I stopped bothering with that a long time ago."

Kurt couldn't hear anything else, so he left… curious, confused, and concerned. However, like much of the strange things Blaine sometimes said or did, that particular comment was soon forgotten, just another thing Kurt was afraid to ask about.

* * *

That Friday night, Blaine and Kurt were hanging out in Kurt's room after dinner, watching a movie and resisting the urge to make out since the rest of the family was just downstairs.

"Have you given away all of your reserved tickets to the show, yet?" Kurt asked.

"No, I really don't have anyone to give them to. I mean, my mom, obviously, but everyone else I would want there is actually in the play so…" Blaine answered, turning his head to look at Kurt. "Why do you want my extras?"

"No, actually it was the opposite. I was just thinking you might invite the Warblers, so I was going to give you mine. I mean, they're still your friends, right? I figured you'd want them there."

Blaine's body tensed at Kurt's side, and Kurt could hear his heartbeat speed up from where his own head was on the younger boy's chest. "I don't think they'll want to come, Kurt."

"What? Why not? Did you ask them?" Kurt questioned, pulling back to look at his boyfriend.

Blaine exhaled deeply, avoiding eye contact. "They're not exactly… happy with me right now… after I left and all."

"Seriously?" Kurt sat up completely, shocked at Blaine's response. "You have to be kidding me. They can't really be mad at you for that."

"Of course they can, Kurt. I left them without a lead soloist to go to school with my boyfriend and compete against them. It's actually a good reason to hate me."

"But we might not even compete against them. They aren't at the same sectionals as us," Kurt hedged.

"Yeah, but we'll probably be at the same regionals, and the chances of one of us losing are slim. It's fine, Kurt. I'm over it. Come back," Blaine sighed, lying back onto the bed and reaching his hands out. Kurt complied, crawling into his boyfriend's arms. He wasn't going to let it go though.

The next day, he called Nick.

"Hey, Kurt. It's been awhile. How are you doing? I hope McKinley is treating you better this year? You're not planning on making another mid-semester transfer, are you?"

"Ha, no, things are actually great here. Students have been somewhat nice so far this year. There's been more drama amongst the glee club members than with everyone else at school, and having Blaine here has definitely helped. How are you and the rest of the Warblers doing?"

"I'm doing well, and the Warblers are great, too. Sectionals are right around the corner." There was a short pause, before Nick continued. "Listen, about Blaine and the Wa-"

"Wait, no, let me say something," Kurt interrupted. "I know that Blaine left you guys really suddenly and out of the blue, but he did it for me. And I don't want him to lose all of his old friends because of that. So I was thinking all of the Warblers should come to opening night of our play next weekend. Blaine is playing Tony in West Side Story, and I know he would want you all to be there. He's just too stubborn to ask. He actually thinks you all hate him."

A long quiet silence followed. "Oh God," Nick mumbled. "Kurt, I don't know what to say. This is awkward."

Kurt was shocked. "Really, Nick? You're just going to let this glee club thing ruin your friendship? He did so much for you guys when he was there. He led the Warblers. Just because he decided that it would be better if he left, you're not going to talk to him anymore or come and support him."

"No, Kurt. You don't understand," Nick was pleading. He didn't sound angry. He sounded apologetic. "I don't think we should come because I don't think he would want us there, and I really don't think Blaine told you everything that happened when he left."

"Wait, what do you mean?"

Nick sighed over the line, "Kurt, I asked Blaine to leave the Warblers. He wasn't in the group anymore when he transferred, and I honestly haven't talked to him since."

Kurt was speechless for a moment. This had to be a joke. "That's ridiculous. Why would you kick your lead soloist out of the group, Nick? That's stupid. Did you want to lose?"

"Look, I'm not going to tell you everything because I think you should hear it from Blaine, but if he really won't tell you what's going on then call me back. He won't pick up his phone when I call him, and I've actually been really worried about him. You probably should know what's going on."

"Well than why won't you tell me what the hell is going on? You clearly aren't that worried about him or I would have heard from you earlier instead of you telling me all of this now? If it's something I should know, why didn't you call me?"

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I probably should have, but… I didn't want to make him angrier with me than he already was. Just ask him about it. He loves you. If you ask him, I know he'll tell you the truth."

Nick hung up after that, and Kurt spent the rest of the day avoiding Blaine's texts and calls. He didn't understand anything that he had just been told, but it left him scared and apprehensive. Kurt knew that unlike most of the questions he let Blaine leave unanswered, this one would eventually need an explanation. However, avoiding the inevitable argument seemed like a good way to spend his weekend.

* * *

**Warnings:**

Discussion of medical surgery, assault, skin infections, and subsequent scarring


	9. Chapter 7

A/N: I am super nervous about this chapter. I cannot tell you how many times I've edited it trying to get it perfect because it is extremely important to set up the rest of the story. It's pretty angsty, and that will continue for a quite a bit after this chapter. Next week I'll post a short prolepsis and one full chapter. I won't make promises on what days because my family is in town, and I'm graduating, but both of them will be up sometime next week. Anyways, please review, and let me know what you think so I'm not freaking out thinking you all hate it… unless you do… then by all means let me know that you hate it! Done rambling… thanks for reading! Warnings at the end!

* * *

**November 2011**

The next Monday Kurt steadfastly avoided Blaine until lunch. When the other boy sat down across from him in the cafeteria, Kurt knew that his boyfriend was worried about the lack of communication.

"Hey, Kurt. Um… Is everything okay? I haven't talked to you in like three days," he asked, making that concerned, sad puppy face that Kurt wanted to slap right off.

"I'm fine," Kurt replied, colder than necessary. A few of the New Directions turned to look towards the pair curiously.

"Okay," Blaine said, sarcastically, drawing the word out. "It certainly doesn't seem like it."

Kurt dropped his fork loudly. "You're right. I'm not okay, but I don't think this is the time or place for this conversation."

Blaine snapped, "Well maybe if you would have answered your phone this weekend or stopped avoiding me in the hallways this morning we wouldn't be having it here." He paused before continuing quieter. "I don't even know what I did, Kurt. Why are you mad at me?" His voice cracked at the end.

Kurt sighed, before answering. "You lied to me… about the Warblers."

Blaine's eyes widened, panicked and fearful. "What are you talking about? Did somebody tell you something?"

"Nick."

The fearful look on Blaine's face turned into downright terror, and his face whitened. "Oh God, Kurt. W-What did he s-say?" he whispered.

"Not a lot actually," Kurt sneered, loud enough for the rest of the table to hear, the majority having already been listening in to witness a rare argument between the boys. "But he did mention something about kicking you out of the Warblers before you left Dalton. That's why you came here, isn't it, Blaine? Not to be with me, but because you couldn't compete there anymore? God, I feel like such an idiot."

"Kurt-" Blaine started.

"And what in the world could you, the perfect, incomparable lead Blaine, have possibly done to get kicked out of the Warblers? Because they love you, so it had to have been something pretty fucking horrible."

Blaine looked down at his lunch for a long moment before standing up and grabbing his tray. "You're right… We're not talking about this here." He dumped his uneaten food into a nearby trashcan and strolled out of the cafeteria quickly.

Kurt didn't get up. He calmly ate his lunch, ignoring the curious stares from his friends. After lunch, he went to the rest of his classes, and he continued to avoid Blaine throughout rehearsal that evening.

When it was over though, he sat at the edge of the stage and waited for everyone to leave. Blaine got the message and stuck around, and when the auditorium was empty, Kurt just gave him an expectant look. He immediately started talking.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, but I just didn't know how."

"God, if I haven't heard that excuse a million times. You really need a new one, Blaine."

"I know," he paused for a long moment, staring around the auditorium. "You should know that this isn't a big deal. It really isn't. It was once, but it's not now. Nick… he just misinterpreted things. He thought he saw something, but he didn't… he doesn't understand…" Blaine cut off with a groan, running his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry, Kurt. You know I am. I didn't want to lie to you about this. I hate lying to you." Blaine was crying now, tears streaming down his face.

Kurt wanted to comfort him, but he also just really wanted answers. "Blaine, just tell me. If you hate lying so much, then tell me the truth… for once, please."

The silence was deafening for an infinite minute until Blaine spoke again, voice just a whisper. "My mom has this box under the sink in her bathroom. I don't know if she even knows that I know it's there." Kurt ignored the random change of subject, hoping it would somehow make sense when Blaine was done. "I was fourteen when I found it. God, that was the best and worst day of my life. Suddenly, everything made so much more sense, you know. I don't like being at home, Kurt, because of that. But all summer, I was there, and it was there. I can only remember to be smart for so long in that house before it all just gets to me… before I just give up."

Kurt didn't understand anything except the growing pit of concern in his stomach. "What's in the box, Blaine?" he whispered.

Blaine let out a wet strangled laugh. "What isn't in the box?" he answered. "I told you about Sadie Hawkins, right?"

Kurt nodded, but he really wanted Blaine to just get to the point already. The longer this went on, the more nervous he got.

"Well, that happened when I was in eighth grade. We moved here from Pennsylvania six months later, and that's when I started freshman year at Dalton. But I was there at that school in that town… at home… for six more months. I mean I was in the hospital for a month after the accident. And I've been in the hospital so much, Kurt, and it's the worst thing in the world… next to leaving the hospital. When you leave everything still hurts, but it's just… it's like suddenly you're reminded that everyone else is just living, and you're like stuck in this painful awful place. And everything hurts. Everyone around you is fine. My parents were fine. They looked at me differently… like they didn't know what to do with me anymore. But life kept going for everyone else. That's when I found the box. I thought I was done hurting. I mean haven't I had enough, but it was like nothing would stop it, Kurt. I just wanted it to stop."

"Blaine, what was in the box?" Kurt repeated, reaching out and grabbing Blaine's hands to keep them from shaking.

Blaine closed his eyes tightly before whispering, "Drugs… prescription drugs… not like cocaine or anything… but stuff from the hospital… pain medication… other stuff."

"You took some?" Kurt asked, trying to minimize the impact of this revelation. "But not a lot or anything, right? I mean what… what did you take?"

Blaine opened his eyes and stared at Kurt for a long moment, as if reading his face for his potential reaction. "Morphine."

Kurt could feel himself starting to panic, but he tried to reel it in. "Okay," he nodded to himself. "Okay, but… I don't know anything about that I mean. That's not… is that really bad? Oh God, of course it's bad. Blaine?" He looked at his boyfriend taking him in as if he was a new person, but also hoping somehow Blaine could make everything all right again.

"You have to understand, Kurt. I was fourteen, and I was just lost. And I found that box, and… I took it… a lot… and it was bad. I'm not going to lie about that, but then I transferred to Dalton, and I stopped… completely. I was fine, and I had you and everything was great. But then I came home, and this whole summer I just I knew it was there. And I promise you Kurt. I don't have a problem anymore, okay. It's not a problem, but I took some. I did… I do… sometimes. I'm sorry, but I just… it makes being at home easier. It makes my parents easier. It makes it hurt a little less. Then Nick saw me that first week at school. I don't even know why I took it with me there. It was so stupid. But he saw me, and he freaked out because I was, you know." Blaine gestured to his arm on the underside of his elbow, and Kurt felt nauseous as the image of his boyfriend injecting something into his vein popped into his head.

Blaine continued on, the story flying out quickly, and Kurt felt as though this might have been the most Blaine had ever talked in one sitting. "I couldn't let him tell anybody about it. I didn't… I could have gotten kicked out of Dalton, Kurt, and my mom would be in so much trouble. I begged him not to say anything, and he told me that he couldn't let me be on the Warblers if I was… on drugs." The last words came out so quiet Kurt almost missed them.

Kurt reached over at that, pulling Blaine close, rubbing his back and trying to offer any comfort he could. Blaine's final words sealed the reality of the situation in his mind, and he suddenly felt completely out of his depth. "It's okay, B. It'll be okay. We'll figure this out together, okay?"

Blaine pulled back to look Kurt in the eye. "I'm not some kind of drug addict, Kurt. I promise. I just… I'm fine… really… it's just sometimes… you know." Kurt had never seen his boyfriend like this, desperate and scared, his emotions completely uncontrolled.

"I just need you to answer some questions for me, okay, babe? So that I can figure out what we need to do?" Kurt asked, trying to rein in his own feelings as much as possible.

Blaine nodded.

"When was the last time you did it?"

Blaine curled in close, tucking his head on Kurt's shoulder, clearly wanting comfort but not wanting to look at his boyfriend as he answered. "Yesterday… I'm sorry, Kurt. I know I said that I don't really do it that often, and I promise I don't. But you wouldn't answer my phone calls, and my mom was… she was being her. I just couldn't stand her voice. It was hurting my head. I just wanted… Kurt, I just had to do something."

Kurt usually loved the way his name sounded on his boyfriend's lips, but he hoped he would never have to hear it like that again, a heartbroken plea. "It's okay, Blaine. I get it, but I need to know how this happens." He paused, contemplating. "When you say your mom… do you mean… does she use that stuff, too?"

Blaine jerked back from Kurt's grip, his face was torn with a thousand emotions Kurt didn't understand. "No… No… Absolutely not…" He was silent for a minute. "I know she doesn't use it. She just has it."

"Why?" Kurt questioned.

Eyes jerking back to the floor, Blaine was struggling for an answer. When he was quiet for several minutes, Kurt moved on to one of a million other questions he desperately needed to ask.

"The more you tell me, Blaine, the more I can do to help, okay? So you took some yesterday? But how often in general… not everyday?" He tried not to let his voice betray the fear.

"No. No, Kurt. It's just on the weekends sometimes… maybe a few times… and not every weekend… just some of them… when I don't see you. I don't ever do it when I see you."

"You've never taken any of it when… or before… you were with me?" Kurt asked, curious.

Blaine didn't answer, and Kurt was going to forget that question, too, when Blaine whispered, "Don't make me answer that."

Kurt finally felt the tears spill over his eyelids, but he quickly wiped them away and pushed the rest of them down. "Come on. We're going somewhere."

Blaine followed Kurt out of the auditorium, not asking where they were going until they got closer to their destination.

"Wait, Kurt. What are we doing?" He suddenly looked nervous.

"We're going to go talk to someone who can help because as much as I love you, Blaine, I cannot handle this on my own."

"No, no, no," Blaine panicked. "I can't tell anyone about this, Kurt. My mom will be in so much trouble. I can't have that happen."

"Blaine, someone needs to know, someone other than me. You need help… from someone who knows what they're doing."

"NO!" Blaine yelled. "I can't do that to her. She… I just… nobody can find out about her, okay?"

"Fine," Kurt sighed. "We won't say where you're getting it from. We won't drag your mom into it at all, okay? We'll just talk about you."

"Okay," Blaine whispered.

They continued down the hall, holding hands all the way until Kurt knocked on Ms. Pillsbury's door.

"Come in," she answered.

The boys walked in to find the counselor chatting with Mr. Schue.

"Oh, hi, boys. Is everything okay?" she said, spotting Blaine who was trying to hide his tear-streaked face behind his boyfriend, whose own eyes were red and puffy.

"Um… not really. Do you have time to talk for a minute?" Kurt answered.

"Sure, of course. Come on in. Have a seat," she stood, gesturing towards the chairs. Mr. Schue stood, too, moving to stand near the desk, but not leaving.

Kurt and Blaine sat, the younger boy staying close to the door. Kurt glanced at Mr. Schue and then over at his boyfriend, who shook his head minutely.

"Could we talk alone?" Kurt stressed.

Ms. Pillsbury looked over at her boyfriend, who looked confused momentarily, before quickly excusing himself from the room.

"What can I do for you two? I'm happy to help," she said, voice cheery and optimistic as always although laced with concern.

"Blaine has something he needs to talk about," Kurt prompted, looking over at his boyfriend and grabbing his hand.

"You won't tell my parents anything I tell you right? They can't know about this." Blaine was panicked.

"Well, Blaine, that depends on what you have to tell me. In general, what is said in this room stays here, but there are exceptions to that rule. If what you say leads me to believe that you or someone else is in danger than I'm required to report it. Also, since you're still a minor, if one of your parents were to ask me what we discussed, I might have to tell them, depending on the situation even if I don't believe that anybody is necessarily in risk of harm."

At that, Blaine instantly stood up, prepared to leave, but Kurt's voice stopped him immediately.

"If you leave, I'm still going to tell her, so you may as well stay," he stated firmly.

Blaine sat back down, gesturing for Kurt to go ahead, a cold look on his face.

So Kurt did. He told Ms. Pillsbury everything Blaine had said that day or most of it at least, leaving Mrs. Anderson out of the story completely. When he was done, she asked a few of her own questions, including where Blaine got the morphine, but he refused to answer. Finally, she asked, "Well, Blaine, the most important question is do you want to stop or are you only here because someone found out about it?"

Blaine stared at her for a minute, as if wondering if that was a trick question. Eventually he answered, "I'm here because someone found out, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to stop… I do want to… to stop. I like myself better when I don't need it."

"Okay, then, we'll help you, but I really think that helping you with this will involve talking to your parents," she smiled sadly at him.

The look on Blaine's face shattered what still remained of Kurt's broken heart after everything they'd been through that afternoon. "Please… please don't," he pleaded.

Ms. Pillsbury gave him a pamphlet entitled, "Mom, I'm on Drugs," eliciting a sarcastic chuckle from the boy. "How about I call home? I won't tell them anything, but we'll have them come in. Then we'll talk about it together. Does that sound okay?"

"No, but you're not really asking me are you?"

"No, I'm sorry, Blaine. I'm not."

Blaine looked up with a strangely hopeful look, "It will probably just be my mom though. My dad is out of town. Is that okay?"

Ms. Pillsbury nodded, "That's fine, Blaine. I'll call tonight, and hopefully she can come in tomorrow."

"Okay," Blaine whispered.

"I want you to come here tomorrow at lunch whether she can come or not. There's a lot we need to talk about. Go home now though, okay? Get some rest."

As the boys got up to leave, she added, "Thanks for talking to me, Blaine; you, too, Kurt. It was really brave." They both nodded a sad thanks, and left.

Blaine stayed at Kurt's house really late that night, clearly avoiding his mother. They didn't talk about it; they just curled up on Kurt's bed and watched a movie. Kurt tried not to bring attention the never-ending stream of tears running down his boyfriend's face.

The next morning, Kurt made Blaine bring him the box, which he did, reluctantly. He came over before school with a medium-sized Rubbermaid container. The contents were a mystery to Kurt, but Blaine answered quickly when asked what everything was. The only unknown was a glass bottle full of a brown liquid. Blaine claimed he had no idea what it was, and Kurt believed him, as he flushed it all down the toilet.

That day, Kurt sat on the floor down the hall from Ms. Pillsbury's office during lunch and waited for Blaine and Malea to come out. When they did, they both looked teary-eyed and exhausted. Mrs. Anderson just nodded politely at Kurt, told her son she'd see him after school, and left.

Blaine sat down and leaned his head on Kurt's shoulder, not caring if anyone could see them like that. He told Kurt that after explaining everything to his mother, Ms. Pillsbury had given him the information for the nearest Narcotics Anonymous meeting and set him up with counseling appointments with her during his free period on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. He wouldn't talk about his mother's response to the whole situation, and Kurt almost didn't want to know what she had to say. As far as he was concerned, Blaine was getting help and that was all that mattered.

He was worried about how Malea would react when she found out about the missing box, however. All week, Blaine said that she hadn't mentioned it, so they both just assumed she was pretending that it had just never existed.

On Thursday, Kurt took Blaine to his first NA meeting, waiting outside in the Navigator the whole time. Blaine wouldn't tell him anything about it or discuss what happened during his meetings with Ms. Pillsbury, and Kurt was more than willing to give him that little bit of privacy.

West Side Story opened on Friday, and Blaine was flawless as expected. After the show, Kurt saw him talking to some unidentifiable Warbler. Blaine introduced him as Sebastian, saying that they had met briefly before Blaine had left Dalton. Kurt instantly disliked the guy, noting the leering way he was staring at his boyfriend. He didn't dwell on it though because he and Blaine had had enough drama for one week and he knew the fatigue in Blaine's eyes matched his own. Instead they just went back to the empty Hummel house, curled up in bed and fell asleep together.

* * *

**Warnings:**

Discussion of drug abuse


	10. Ms Pillsbury Prolepsis

A/N: Here's another short prolepsis. Make sure to take note of the date. We're jumping ahead a year. Chapter 8 should be up on Saturday.

* * *

**November 2012**

"Ms. Emma Pillsbury, guidance counselor, how may I help you?"

"Hi, Ms. Pillsbury. It's Kurt… Kurt Hummel."

"Oh, Kurt, hi. It's great to hear from you," she answered, cheerfully. "How is New York treating you?"

"It's really good actually," Kurt replied. "I don't know if you heard, but I got an internship at Vogue . com."

"Yes, I did. That's so wonderful, Kurt. Everyone here is really proud of you," she paused, her tone turning serious, gentle. "Did you just call to check in, or is there something you need to talk about? You know, Kurt, just because you graduated that doesn't mean you can't still come to me when you need someone to talk to."

Kurt's eyes turned watery, and he tried to keep his voice even. "Is he okay?" he whispered. "I saw him… at Grease. He just doesn't seem okay."

Ms. Pillsbury was quiet for a long moment over the phone. "I'm sorry, Kurt, but I can't really tell you anything that he tells me. That's always been our policy; you know that," she spoke, sympathetic.

"I do know that," Kurt replied, bitterly. "I do… God do I know that? I just… you know we broke up, right?"

"I may have heard that," she stated, kindly.

"I need you to talk to his mom, Ms. Pillsbury. Please," Kurt begged. "I can't help him anymore. I spent way too much time trying and failing, and it just tore us apart in the end. I just thought that he trusted me enough to talk to me but… He needs you; he needs someone… someone other than me. I thought that he was okay all along, but he wasn't… he isn't."

"Is there a specific reason you think I need to speak to his mom?" she questioned. "Can you tell me what happened, Kurt?"

"Yes and no," Kurt replied.

"Okay, so do you think you could call Mrs. Anderson and talk to her yourself? I understand you and her are somewhat close," Ms. Pillsbury's tone was smooth, but Kurt could tell there was something she wasn't saying.

"Blaine would never forgive me if I did that. I don't know if he and I will ever be okay again, but if I talked to his mom about this… I don't think he would ever get over that. I'm guessing that you only know that she and I are close because he was complaining about it."

She chuckled slightly, but it was clear she didn't find their conversation that amusing. "I can neither confirm nor deny that."

Kurt exhaled loudly, and a long silence stretched between them before he spoke again. "He needs help, Ms. Pillsbury, and I'm not there to do anything about it. I know that I just gave up on him, and that's horrible of me. But I just couldn't do it anymore. He wouldn't talk to me. He has all these things that he keeps to himself, and he won't let me in. How am I supposed to help if he won't even talk to me? I mean does he talk to you?"

"Sometimes," she replied.

Kurt paused for a moment, trying to gather his emotions and speak calmly. "I gave up. I know that, but he needs people that won't give up on him… Please, promise me that you won't. Just… talk to his mom, again. I know that they're a lot alike, and she is just as bad sometimes about ignoring the big problems. But if you talk to her, maybe she'll realize that there really is something wrong. Please, Ms. Pillsbury, he's not going to get help on his own."

"I promise I'm not going to give up on him, Kurt. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure he's okay. You can count on that," she stated firmly, leaving no doubt as to the truth of her words.

Kurt smiled through the tears that had finally begun to stream down his face. "I know you will. I'm just scared."

"I understand. It can be scary when someone we love is hurting, and we don't know how to help or even what is really wrong."

"I just don't want him to be alone."

"He's not alone, and you aren't either, Kurt. Call me please, anytime," Ms. Pillsbury responded, voice sweet and calm as always, but laced with caring.

"Thank you," Kurt paused. "I should probably go. I just… I just needed to talk to you."

"I'm glad you did, Kurt. Take care, okay? Enjoy New York. I'm sure you're doing wonderful things there… and please, please call me if you need anything."

"Okay. Bye, Ms. Pillsbury."

"Goodbye, Kurt."


	11. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Some of these words are not my own.

A/N: I really like this chapter, and I hope you do too. Chapter 9 will be up early in the week, probably Tuesday. Then a prolepsis will be up probably on Friday. I might slow down on updates soon since I'm running out of pre-written chapters since I've been busy lately. Good news is I'm officially unemployed, so I don't have much to do besides job search and write. Warnings are at the end. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

* * *

**November 2011**

Adapting to knowing this whole new part of Blaine was hard. Kurt tried to remember that his boyfriend was still the exact same person, but he didn't know if that was really true. Blaine had been through a lot in his life. Kurt knew that, but he never expected it to be enough to make him take drugs. Blaine kept saying he wasn't an addict, as though that was the lowest thing in the world he could possibly be. Kurt liked to believe he was open-minded enough to realize that that wasn't true, but it didn't change the facts. His boyfriend was taking morphine without a prescription, he went to Narcotics Anonymous meetings once a week, and his mother had been, perhaps unknowingly, providing her son with the drugs. These facts changed things, no matter how much Kurt didn't want them to.

For one, Kurt never wanted to go to the Andersons' house ever again if he could help it. He didn't think he could look Malea in the eye, and he had no idea what he would say to her if he saw her. He respected Blaine's wish to keep his mom's involvement a secret. It was unlike Blaine to be on her side about anything, so perhaps it was a good sign. There were obviously good reasons for Blaine's resentment towards her that Kurt hadn't seen before, but maybe Blaine understood and could empathize with her more than he let on. Regardless, Kurt didn't want to deal with what must be a strained relationship between the two after so much had been revealed.

So Kurt and Blaine ended up spending more and more time at the Hummel house, and with Kurt's dad busy running for Congress, it was empty frequently. Kurt thought that the new revelations would make him trust Blaine less, make him less willing to be close to him, intimate with him. However, it was really the opposite. Despite Blaine's brave attempts at talking about things and communicating better, it was hard to break his long-cultured habit of closing himself off. So Kurt tried to show his boyfriend how much he still trusted and adored him through physical affection. Blaine wasn't really open to that either.

Since the day that Blaine had finally let Kurt see him without his shirt on, they had done so on many occasions. Their make out sessions had become much more heated, but Blaine always put on the breaks when hands started to stray south of the equator. Kurt asked one night if there was a reason Blaine still didn't want to go further, but he just shrugged it off, saying that he wanted to wait until they were both more comfortable. If that meant that Blaine wasn't really ready yet, Kurt would accept it. He should be happy that Blaine had been willing to share as much of himself as he had lately. But Kurt just couldn't stop feeling like his boyfriend was slowly slipping away from him.

* * *

After the play wrapped up, Kurt became somewhat preoccupied by the upcoming student elections, putting a lot of effort into winning the race. He still did his best to make sure Blaine was following through on his commitment to staying sober, stopping by Ms. Pillsbury's office occasionally to keep track of how he was doing. She never said much, but she didn't give him any reason to be concerned.

Everyone else started busily preparing for sectionals. The rest of the New Directions and the Trouble Tones were distracted by the drama going on between the clubs, and most of them didn't notice Blaine's new quiet demeanor or the concerned looks Kurt repeatedly shot him during practice.

Kurt, Tina, and Mercedes had decided that they weren't going to let the feud between the two glee clubs get in the middle of their friendship, so they made a commitment to have regular sleepovers.

One night, they were over at Mercedes' house, and after facials, manicures, and a movie, the conversation turned to gossip. Tina started talking about Rachel's recent confab with all of the glee club girls (minus Mercedes who still refused to talk to her) about wanting to have sex with Finn before the opening of the play.

Kurt wasn't really surprised by this news. That sounded like something she would do, but he grimaced and hoped the topic of discussion would change quickly.

"Wait, so did they actually do it?" Mercedes questioned.

"I don't know… probably. Why you do care? You don't really like either of them." Tina gave her a curious look.

Mercedes just shrugged, her face turning confused. "You're right. I don't, but then I started picturing it in my head. I mean… the two of them… that's kinda weird. He's like three feet taller than her. How does that even work?"

"Okay… okay…" Kurt hollered. "That's enough. That's my brother. I don't even want to think about it. Can we talk about something else, please?"

Tina broke into a smile. "Really, Kurt? You don't want to talk about sex? I thought maybe you'd have news to share."

Kurt's eyes widened in surprise. "What?" he questioned.

"You and Blaine? Sex?" Mercedes asked. "How's that going?"

"Really, Mercedes? Do you want to talk about you and Shane?" Kurt glared at her.

"Oh, boo. You know nobody is getting any of this until I get a ring on this finger," Mercedes replied, mimicking Beyonce's _Single Ladies_ dance move. "But I know you don't feel the same, and I need to live vicariously through somebody."

"Well, whatever you dirt you get from Tina and from imagining Finn and Rachel will have to be enough. I've got nothing to share," Kurt replied, decisively.

"Wait," Tina said, curiously. "You have nothing to share or you don't want to share?"

Kurt huffed out a breath exasperatedly. "Blaine and I haven't done anything… so I have nothing to share," Kurt mumbled out, looking down at Mercedes' bedspread, face turning red.

"Seriously?" Mercedes yelled. "I know something happened around West Side Story. You two were fighting, which you never really explained by the way, but since then you two are always together. I would have sworn there had been makeup sex involved."

"Yeah," Tina agreed. "You guys always sit next to each other in glee club now. I mean more than usual, and you're always giving him these looks and holding hands. It just really seemed like you two we're having sex."

"Well, we're not," Kurt emphasized, hoping to end the conversation.

"Why not?" Tina asked. "I mean you two are so in love, and you're both boys. Usually, guys don't really think it's as big of deal, you know."

"Look, girls," Kurt rolled his eyes. "Blaine and I like to keep our private life private, and while I appreciate your interest, let's just say that we have our reasons and their personal.

Mercedes and Tina glared at him for a moment, evaluating his answer, before shrugging and moving on to talk more about the drama between the competing glee clubs and the upcoming Mash Off.

* * *

The next evening, Blaine and Kurt were in the middle of making out in Kurt's room when Blaine's phone rang. The boy took it out of his pocket, looked at the name, rolled his eyes, and ignored it, immediately pulling Kurt back into a kiss.

"Wait a minute, Blaine," Kurt laughed. "Who was that?"

"It was just that Sebastian guy. I agreed to meet him for coffee once, and now he won't stop texting me," Blaine said, trying to shrug off the conversation and continue kissing.

"You agreed to meet him for coffee? Why?" Kurt asked, surprised.

Blaine huffed out a breath, sitting up completely and grabbing his phone to respond. "He just said he wanted to talk about the Warblers. I thought it would be nice. I kind of miss them, you know."

Kurt smiled, "I get it. That guy seems kind of creepy though."

"He's harmless," Blaine smirked. "Are you jealous?"

"No," Kurt scoffed. "I just didn't like the way he was looking at you after opening night."

Blaine pulled Kurt in close and kissed the top of his head. "Don't worry, babe. I only look at you."

Kurt grinned widely, and they continued where they left off before the interruption. If Kurt purposefully let his hands firmly grip Blaine's ass that night, well he didn't hear any complaints.

* * *

Kurt really tried not to be jealous. He kept telling himself that he trusted Blaine, but when he ran into his boyfriend at the Lima Bean with that smarmy prep school boy, he just couldn't help it. He found himself embroiled in a pissing contest, and ended up agreeing to go to Scandals just to prove that he could let loose and have a good time. He would realize later how much of an idiot he was being about the whole thing. He had thought Blaine's hesitance to go was about not wanting to pressure him into doing something he didn't want to do. He completely missed the fact that he was taking his sober boyfriend to a bar.

"Do you really think we should be here, Kurt?" Blaine asked, quietly, as Kurt dragged him into Scandals that Friday night.

"Why not?" Kurt replied, smiling and straightening his boyfriend's bow tie, completely oblivious. "You look handsome by the way."

Blaine just looked back at Kurt adorably and sighed. "You always look handsome," he mumbled.

When they got inside, they found Sebastian at the bar. Kurt took the Shirley Temple that the Warbler offered him, and was momentarily surprised when Blaine immediately turned down the beer, replying, "I don't drink." Then it hit him.

"Oh my God, Blaine," Kurt exclaimed. "I'm so stupid. Why didn't you say something?"

Blaine gave him an amused look, but didn't reply.

"Oh, you tried," Kurt mumbled and pouted. "I'm sorry."

Blaine just shrugged, "It's fine, babe. We're here. We'll have a good time. Do you want this?" He offered Kurt the beer. "I can drive home if you want."

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked. At Blaine's certain nod, he continued, "Okay, I'll have one beer, but don't let me get sloppy." He smiled, kissing Blaine quickly on the cheek as they traded drinks.

Sebastian tried to take advantage of the situation by dragging Blaine immediately out to the dance floor, but Blaine waited patiently for his boyfriend to finish his beer before pulling Kurt off his stool. They danced together rather modestly for several songs. Sebastian was doing everything possible to push his way into Blaine's space, but Blaine just ignored him. Kurt tried to relax and enjoy having his boyfriend's sole attention, but he couldn't.

After a few songs, he headed to the bathroom for a break. For some reason, the whole night just made him irritated and anxious. He felt like his skin was crawling. He decided to get another beer at the bar before going back to dance and ended up chatting with Dave Karofsky for a few minutes. Blaine came up to the bar after a while, glaring at Kurt's former bully and trying to pull his boyfriend back out to the dance floor. Kurt just pushed him away.

"Go back and dance with Sebastian, Blaine." Kurt stated, coldly.

"I don't want to dance with him. I want to dance with you," Blaine replied, pouting, but with a touch of actual anger.

"I just don't really feel like dancing right now, B," Kurt said, as he ordered his third beer. "I'm sure Sebastian can keep you company."

"Seriously, Kurt? Why am I here if you're just going to sit over here and drink by yourself? You wanted to come tonight so bad, and now you're going to spend your time chatting with a guy who used to make your life a living hell instead of hanging out with your boyfriend who definitely only came here to be with you. I don't get you right now," Blaine yelled.

Kurt sighed, "I don't think I really wanted to come here at all, Blaine."

Blaine huffed out a loud breath of his own and closed his eyes in frustration. "Then let's get the fuck out of here and go home."

Kurt nodded, smiling slightly, and handed his nearly full beer to Dave. The two of them left hand-in-hand, with only a wave goodbye in Sebastian's direction.

They were quiet the whole drive back to Blaine's empty house. When they were inside the younger boy's room, Kurt settled on the end of his boyfriend's bed, while Blaine stayed by the door, leaning against it.

"Will you tell me what that was all about?" Blaine asked, quietly after a long silence.

Kurt looked up at him and whispered, "I really don't know."

Blaine groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't get it, Kurt. Why did you keep saying it was going to be great and pressuring me to go if you really didn't want to?"

Kurt tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders sadly. "I wanted to be your gay bar superstar… and maybe I was a little bit jealous."

"I don't need you to be that, Kurt, and there is absolutely nothing to be jealous of, okay? I don't care about Sebastian. I care about you, and I don't need to you to take me to some sleazy gay bar to entertain me. All I need is you." Blaine walked closer until he was standing right in front of Kurt and rested his hand on his cheek.

Kurt stood up and wrapped his arms loosely around his boyfriend's waist. "I know. I just wanted to feel close to you again," he said quietly.

Blaine pulled back quickly. "You don't feel close to me anymore?" he questioned, voice wavering, clearly somewhat hurt.

Dropping his head and trying to keep the tears at bay, Kurt replied, "I've been trying so hard, Blaine. I really have. I know it's not your fault, but…" He looked up, making eye contact. "Sometimes I feel like you're not the Blaine that I used to know anymore."

Blaine didn't answer, and Kurt could see the pain on his face so he continued, "I know I shouldn't feel that way. Just because you've been through so much it doesn't make you a different person. It doesn't mean that I don't know you anymore. It's just so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I'm trying. I promise, Blaine. I am. It's just hard."

He found himself pulled into a tight hug. "Kurt," Blaine finally answered. "You've got it all wrong. You have never been closer to me than you are now. You know me better… not worse."

Smiling widely through his tears, Kurt leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss on his boyfriend's lips. "I didn't think of it that way."

Blaine rolled his eyes, smiling too. "You know me the best, babe."

Kurt laughed, but then said somewhat somberly, "I thought that was your mother."

"Hmm…" Blaine replied, a serious look on his face. "Let's not talk about my mother right now." Then he broke into a wide grin.

He walked forward until Kurt's knees hit the bed. Kurt sat down, and Blaine climbed on his lap, a knee on each side of his hips. Kurt's hands instinctively came up to rest on Blaine's thighs, and he rubbed them back and forth before bringing them around to grab Blaine's ass.

"You've been doing that a lot lately," Blaine laughed.

"What?" Kurt asked, faking nonchalant.

Blaine pushed Kurt down until he was resting on his back, and motioned for him to scoot up until his head was on the pillows. Blaine crawled back on top of his boyfriend and planted long, slow kisses on his mouth. Kurt's hands settled into the back pockets of Blaine's jeans, causing the younger boy to chuckle again. "That… You keep grabbing my ass."

Kurt grinned. "What can I say? You have an amazing ass." He suddenly pulled back. "Wait, do you not like that? I'm sorry."

Blaine laughed and shook his head. "No, it's fine, Kurt. I kind of like it." He took a moment to gaze into his boyfriend's eyes. "I know that I've made it seem like we've been on the same page about this for a long time, and I've tried to pretend like it wasn't me who we were waiting on."

"Blaine-" Kurt started.

"No, wait," he interrupted. "I appreciate you being patient and not calling me out on it. I want to be with you this way. It's scary for me because I don't let people close to me. You know that, but I really want to be this close to you." He kissed Kurt passionately for a long moment. "I don't want there to be anything left between us anymore."

Kurt pulled back. "Are you sure, Blaine? We really don't have to. We only have to do whatever you are completely okay with."

"I'm sure," Blaine nodded, reaching over to his nightstand and pulling out a condom and a bottle of lube. "I want you inside of me."

Kurt smiled. "You've been thinking about this."

"I knew you were ready, and I didn't want to have to wait any longer after I was." He paused before continuing, "Wait, was that presumptuous?"

"A little," Kurt shrugged. "But I don't even care." He grabbed Blaine's bow tie and pulled him into a kiss, fumbling with the knot and taking it off. They quickly shirked the layers of their shirts, and when Kurt reached down to unbuckle Blaine's jeans, he searched his boyfriend's eyes for any hesitation. The younger boy just smiled and started unfastening Kurt's pants.

A little while later when he pushed into Blaine, when he heard Blaine's breathless gasps and moans, when they came together, Kurt knew his boyfriend was right.

They had never been closer.

* * *

Warnings: Underage drinking, discussion of previous underage drug abuse, non-explicit sex


	12. Chapter 9

A/N: I got a few questions about the order of events in this fic. Make sure to pay close attention to the dates at the beginning of each chapter. They should help keep track of things. I hope you like this one. It's pretty sad, but there's a lot of insight into the Blaine/Malea dynamic here. Warnings are at the end! Thanks for reading and reviewing. You guys are great!

* * *

**December 2011**

The week of sectionals, the Anderson Flu struck again. Blaine called this time on Sunday evening to let Kurt know he wouldn't be at school the next day. With the exception of the time he had confessed his drug use, Kurt had never heard him sound so depressed. Kurt knew he was miserable at the possibility that this bout of sickness might keep him out of the competition. The New Directions had perfected last minute performance planning, and if Blaine wasn't back by Thursday, he would likely have to sit out on Saturday, having missed the most critical days of practice.

This development had increased the slow building panic that had been present in the New Directions. They were already short on members with most of the girls in the Trouble Tones and Rachel banned from competing for stuffing the ballot box at student elections.

By Tuesday Blaine was still absent, but the mood in the choir room was slightly more optimistic at the return of Sam Evans. Kurt was less than enthusiastic about Sam's choice of celebration song (country, really?), but he could overlook that. If for some reason Blaine wasn't better in time, they would definitely need Sam.

At the end of practice, everyone was begging Kurt for any info into how Blaine was feeling. Kurt himself hadn't heard from the boy since a five-minute conversation the night before. Blaine had said that he was better and was determined to be back by Wednesday, but Kurt hadn't believed him. Even over the phone, Kurt could tell that his boyfriend felt awful, but Blaine had refused Kurt's offers of company, telling him to make sure to get his homework done since glee practice would be running late that week.

On the way to his car, Kurt called Blaine to impart well wishes from all of the New Directions. Even though there was a lot of self-interest in their concern, Kurt knew Blaine would still be happy at the sentiment. The phone rang for a long time, and Kurt was sure it was about to go to voicemail when Blaine finally picked up.

His voice broke when he spoke, and Kurt could tell he had been crying. "Hey Kurt," he mumbled.

"Babe, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Kurt asked, climbing into the Navigator and starting it.

There was a long quiet silence over the phone, during which Kurt could feel his anxiety growing.

"No, I'm not. Do you think you could come over?" Blaine said quietly.

"Of course, B. I'll be there in a few minutes. I'm just leaving school now."

"Okay. Kurt, I love you."

Kurt couldn't help but smile despite his nerves over the situation, "I love you too, Blaine. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon."

Kurt hung up the phone and drove quickly to Blaine's house, getting out quickly and knocking on the door.

Mrs. Anderson answered it after a long moment. Kurt was about to just let himself in when she flung the door open quickly with a brash and angry, "Who is it?"

Upon seeing Kurt, she fleetingly tensed before completely relaxing into her usual sweet, honey expression. "Oh, Kurt, it's you. Sorry, come in. I'm just a little harried right now. Blaine is being his usual grumpy sick self. He locked himself in the bathroom and won't let me in. I have no idea what to do about that. Then, the hospital called, and they really need to me come into work tonight. I wish I could just say no, but…" she sighed heavily at Kurt, who had been standing in the foyer, politely listening to her talk. "I should probably go though… to work I mean. Right? Blaine's seventeen. He can take care of himself." She looked at Kurt for affirmation.

Kurt smiled politely in reply. This was the first time he had seen her since he had found about the drugs she had kept hidden under her bathroom sink. He wanted to be angry with her, to yell and scream and tell her she was a horrible mother for bringing that around her son. But he couldn't. For some reason, he just felt sorry for her, and he wanted to help. He could only imagine what it must have been like for her having to deal with a sick child and an absent husband. Whatever her reasons were, it wasn't fair of Kurt to judge her without knowing the whole story. Plus, Kurt knew that Blaine would want her to leave, and pacifying her worries seemed to be the best way to make sure she did.

"It's okay, Mrs. Anderson. Go to work. I'm here. I'll take care of him. I promise," he soothed, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

She calmed, giving him a tight smile. "Thanks, Kurt. I'm going to go get ready. I left some soup on the stove if you can get him to eat any." She paused, giving him a look he didn't understand, before shrugging. "Hopefully, he'll actually talk to you. Oh, and call me Malea, Kurt." After that, she disappeared up the stairs, and he hesitated only a moment before following.

Kurt walked past Blaine's empty bedroom on the right and continued to the door at the end of the hall. He knocked quickly. "Blaine, it's me. Let me in."

He heard shuffling coming from inside, but no answer. "B, come on. I need to know you're okay."

"Please, don't be mad at me," was the quiet response.

Kurt inhaled loudly, not liking the desperation in Blaine's voice. "Of course, I won't be mad, baby. Please just open the door."

He heard the sound of the lock clicking, but the door remained shut. After a few seconds, he turned the knob and let himself in.

Blaine was sitting on the floor of the tiny bathroom, leaning his head against the closed toilet lid, eyes shut. On top of the toilet sat a needle, an elastic band, and a small clear vial. Kurt couldn't tell if it was full or empty. He leaned back against the door, closing his eyes tight to keep from crying. It took all the strength he had to keep his voice calm when he spoke. "Did you take it?"

The small boy's eyes opened briefly, before shutting again. Blaine shook his head no against the toilet. "I knew you were coming. I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Blaine," Kurt sighed, voice breaking with sadness and relief.

"My head and my stomach and my lungs and my heart, everything hurts, Kurt, and my mom has been bitching at me all day. I just want it to stop." He lifted up his head, setting his chin on the toilet and staring at the items on top, with what looked like longing.

Kurt walked across the room and sat down, gathering the boy in his arms, and letting Blaine rest his head on his chest, running fingers through the boy's loose curls.

"Please, don't leave me. I know I'm a mess," Blaine pleaded into Kurt's chest.

The tears finally fell from Kurt's eyes. "You're not a mess, Blaine, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay here and take care of you, and you're going to be just fine, okay?"

Blaine tensed in Kurt's arms and pulled back to look at his boyfriend. "Where'd she go?"

"She's getting ready to go to work," Kurt replied, gazing at Blaine quizzically.

A relieved look came over Blaine's features, and he fell back against Kurt. "Thank God. I don't think I could take another night with her. Every time she talks I just want to scream and punch something. It's killing me."

Kurt knew he would never fully understand the complicated relationship between Blaine and his mother, but he understood enough to realize that no matter what drove his boyfriend into the bathroom that day, the fact that he was here only made him resent her more. Blaine blamed her for his problems. Kurt didn't know exactly how misplaced that blame was, but he knew the two of them would never get along until Blaine realized that not everything was her fault.

After ten minutes of silence, they heard a knock on the door. "Blaine, Kurt, is everything okay in there?" Malea said.

"Everything is fine," Kurt replied, feeling Blaine stiffen in his arms. "We'll be okay. You can go." He said it as gently and politely as possible.

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll leave my number and the number of the hospital on the fridge, Kurt, in case you need anything. Take care, Blaine. I hope you feel better… I love you, sweetie."

Kurt could feel Blaine groan and his heartbeat increase. All of his muscles were taut with tension. "Bye, Mom," he said, exasperatedly.

"Bye, son. Bye, Kurt," Malea replied, before Kurt heard her walk away. The second the sound of the front door slamming traveled up the stairs, it was like a spring broke inside Blaine. His whole body just melted into Kurt, stress and tension seeping away, leaving a puddle of relaxed and loose limbs in Kurt's lap.

They stayed like that for a moment, before Kurt spoke.

"I need you to promise me something, Blaine."

His boyfriend looked up at him curiously but didn't reply.

"You have to call me whenever you feel like this… like doing this again. Please let me know, so I can help. I can't do anything if you don't tell me, okay?" Kurt pleaded.

Blaine's eyes filled with tears, and after a moment of just staring in Kurt's eyes, he nodded and mumbled, "Okay."

Kurt pulled him into a tight hug and held him for a few minutes.

"Come on. Let's go downstairs," he suggested after a while. "You're going to eat something, and I need to call my dad. Maybe I can get him to let me stay, or maybe you can stay at my house. I don't want to leave you alone tonight." Kurt gently rubbed at Blaine's shoulders and urged him off his lap. Blaine sat next to the toilet as Kurt stood up and stretched. Kurt looked down and caught sight of the items still resting on the toilet. Blaine was staring, too. He suddenly knocked it all off, opened the seat and the vial, poured it in, and flushed the toilet.

Kurt smiled at his boyfriend, then held out his hand. "The needle."

Blaine picked it and gave it to Kurt, letting his fingers linger against the other boy's. "I love you."

"I love you too, Blaine. Come on." Kurt offered Blaine his free hand, pulling the boy to his feet. He paused as they left the bathroom. "Blaine, where did you get that from? Your mom didn't get more did she?"

Blaine dropped his head and looked at the floor and started walking, pulling Kurt along. He went in his bedroom and into his closet. Kurt stood by his bed, waiting and knowing. Blaine came out with a shoebox that he just handed to Kurt with a guilty expression on his face.

Kurt didn't have to open it. He just asked, "Why?"

"I was scared," Blaine whispered.

Kurt sat the box on Blaine's bed and took the boy's hands in his. "Of what, babe? Of being sober? Does that scare you?" Kurt was terrified of the answer.

Blaine vigorously shook his head, "No… No, Kurt. I want to be sober. I'm scared… I'm scared that something is going to happen. Something that hurts, like today… only worse… and I won't be able to stop it."

"Blaine… That's what they make doctors and hospitals for, okay? You can't do that yourself. It's not safe. It's scary."

"Doctors and hospitals can't fix everything, Kurt. You should know that better than most people," Blaine snapped.

Kurt didn't reply for a long moment, just staring at Blaine, trying to figure out how he could possibly respond. Because Blaine was right; doctors and hospitals couldn't fix everything. He just wanted to know how they managed to leave Blaine so irreparably broken. Kurt turned away from his boyfriend and picked up the box. "I'm going to go get rid of this. Why don't you go downstairs and pour yourself some of your mother's soup?" He left without waiting for a response.

He went downstairs after flushing nine vials of liquid down the toilet and hiding four needles and a couple elastic bands in his backpack to throw away at home. He found Blaine sitting at the kitchen table, staring out the window.

"You want some soup?" Kurt asked.

"What soup?"

Kurt turned towards the stove and noticed that there was indeed nothing there. He found an empty pot sitting in the sink. He just shrugged and replied, "Do you want me to make you something?"

Blaine finally turned and looked at his boyfriend, smile broadening. "Do you think you could make some grilled cheese?"

"Of course," Kurt sighed and smiled back. "You know that I would do anything to keep a smile on your face."

"I do," Blaine shrugged, but he looked a little sad.

In the end, Kurt did leave Blaine at home by himself that night. Burt refused to let Kurt stay the night, and Blaine declined Kurt's offer to stay at the Hummels'. Kurt had been hesitant to leave the boy alone, but by thirty minutes before Kurt's curfew, Blaine was sound asleep.

* * *

Kurt was surprised to see Blaine waiting beside his locker the next morning, looking tired and still somewhat pale, but better than he had the night before.

"Well, look who decided to liven up the halls of McKinley with his presence," Kurt laughed. "You must be feeling better."

"I'm feeling well enough to be here. You know me. I couldn't possibly risk the chance of missing sectionals," Blaine smiled.

"True, I know everyone will be outrageously happy to see you."

Everyone was really happy to see Blaine at practice except for maybe Finn, who for some reason was never happy to see Blaine. However, Blaine wasn't excited about some of the choreography that had been instituted in his absence, and he didn't hesitate to say so.

"Dude, you weren't here. You can't just come back after being gone for two days and try to change everything. If you wanted a say, you shouldn't have played hooky. You should have been here working like everyone else was," Finn said.

"Excuse me?" Blaine replied. "What the hell does that mean? I would have been here if I could have, but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have wanted me to be when I was puking up my guts every two hours."

Sam and Mr. Schue tried to smooth things over, but Blaine just got more heated. He ended up storming out after a shoving match and nasty words with Sam.

Much later, after the tension between Blaine, Sam, and Finn had been mostly revolved, Kurt had to ask. "What was that about today?"

Blaine sighed, "Do we have to?"

"Yeah."

Blaine hesitated for a long moment before speaking slowly. "I don't like being reminded of everything I've missed out on because I've been sick."

Kurt smiled sadly, realizing this was about much more than a few days with the flu. He reached across the car console, grabbed his boyfriend's hand, and leaned in for a sweet kiss.

* * *

That Saturday at sectionals, Kurt was wandering around the lobby by himself looking for his father. Finn had of course forgotten to bring his dress shoes, so Kurt had been sent to fetch them from Burt.

He was looking around frantically for his father, when a familiar voice called his name. He turned spotting his boyfriend's mother a few feet away.

"Hi, Mrs. An – Malea. How are you?" Kurt asked politely, walking up to her.

"I'm doing well. I just wanted to say thank you for staying with Blaine on Tuesday," she said. "You must be some nurse to get him back on his feet and competing today," she smiled, teasingly.

Kurt paused, looking at her intently. The words slipped out before he could stop them. "I know about the box." The instant he said it, he covered his mouth with his hand, eyes wide in shock.

Mrs. Anderson looked completely calm. "What are you talking about, Kurt?"

Kurt sighed. He had started this conversation. He was going to finish it. "The box under your bathroom sink. I was the one who flushed the contents down the toilet last month," he whispered.

Malea looked at him seriously, but Kurt couldn't really read her emotions. "Blaine shouldn't have told you about that."

"I'm not going to tell anybody, but you should know that's where he got the morphine. I don't know why you feel the need to keep that in your house, but it's really hard for him… having it there."

At first, Malea's face registered only curiosity, but then he saw guilt and resignation cloud her features. "I don't know why you won't tell anybody. I don't know why he won't. You probably should."

"He asked me not to. He said he didn't want to get you in trouble," Kurt replied, pausing before continuing. He was definitely betraying Blaine's trust, but he couldn't help but think that it was the right thing to do. "I know that you two have your issues, so if he's willing to protect you on this, then I'll keep your secret. I just want to know why."

Malea had been maintaining a rather calm and even expression throughout the whole conversation, but as Kurt finished speaking, her eyes filled with tears, and her face scrunched up in pain. She looked down at floor for a moment, remaining quiet.

At that moment, Kurt heard Burt call his name from close by. He turned around quickly, schooling his face into a smile, and watching as his father walked over.

"Thanks, Dad," he said as he took Finn's shoes. He turned back to see Blaine's mother, looking completely put together, as though they had just been talking about the weather. "Dad, do you remember Blaine's mom, Malea?"

Burt nodded, squinting his eyes, as though he knew something was going on, despite their brave attempts to hide the seriousness of their previous conversation. "Of course, it's nice to see you again. Do you want to sit with Carole and me? We're getting ready to go get a seat? Kurt, you should probably get those shoes to Finn soon."

Kurt nodded as Malea responded, "I'd love to sit with you. That's very sweet of you to offer. Good luck, Kurt. Break a leg." She patted his shoulder as she walked away, and whispered a quiet, "Thank you" in his ear.

* * *

After the New Directions were announced as winner, Blaine and Kurt found their parents standing together in the lobby. With much persuading, Blaine agreed to dinner out with both families and Rachel. Kurt caught Malea sneaking quiet peaks at her son as if looking for something. When Blaine snuck off to the bathroom as they were leaving, she pulled Kurt aside.

"I appreciate you being in Blaine's life and looking out for him, but you can't possibly understand what we've been through," she insisted. Her voice was quiet, but forceful. "I hope that you never will because having a sick child is the worst thing imaginable. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and go sit in his room until the sun rose just to make sure he was still alive. Anytime I couldn't see him with my own eyes, I was worried something was wrong. I never knew what was going to happen next. One day, he would be fine, and the next day he could barely breathe or he had a 105-degree temperature. I have never been so scared in my life, and that fear doesn't just go away. It's there… always… even now. That box was never for me… It was always for him… just in case he needed something. I never imagined that Blaine would use it that way. I just kept it because I couldn't stand the idea that I would find him in pain one day and not be able to do anything about it. I would do anything for my son, and he knows that. He resents me for treating him like a child… because when he was younger he needed me to take care of him. And now that he can take care of himself, it's hard for me to see him be independent. Sometimes I forget that he's grown up, and he doesn't like that. But he knows that I've always looked out for him, and I always will."

Throughout her speech, she didn't blink. Her eyes clouded with tears, but they didn't fall. Her voice never wavered, and she spoke with that unbridled strength that Kurt had always known she possessed, but had yet to see firsthand. When she was done, she didn't wait for a reply. She just turned and headed towards her car. Blaine came up a moment later and gave Kurt a chaste kiss on the cheek before following his mother. Kurt just watched Malea's car pull out of the parking lot before he was dragged out of his thoughts by his dad's voice calling him. He spent the whole way home thinking about Malea's words. He really hoped he could never truly understand how she felt, but he already knew that he too would always look out for Blaine… no matter what.

* * *

**Warnings: **Temptation to drug abuse (He gets close, but he doesn't take it.)


	13. Sam Prolepsis

Here's another short prolepsis. Note that this takes place in the fall of 2012 after the Malea prolepsis and before the Ms. Pillsbury prolepsis. It also takes place between Makeover and The Break-Up in canon if that helps. It's not much, but it will be super important. Hopefully it will tide you over until next week when you'll get two full-length chapters! Yay! Enjoy, and thanks so much for the wonderful reviews on the last chapter. It was awesome! No warnings in this one.

* * *

**October 3, 2012**

"Sam?" Kurt answered. "To what do I owe this unexpected phone call? Oh, do I need to address you as Mr. Vice-President, now. Congrats. Blaine said you definitely won over the female votes."

"Ha, no, Sam is just fine, but thanks," he laughed in reply, but it was somewhat empty. "Um, so you've spoken to Blaine then? Since the elections?"

"Yeah, of course, I talked to him last night. He was telling me all about his plans for his presidency."

"Oh," Sam made a humming noise. "So he's okay, then?"

"What? Of course he's okay. Why wouldn't he be?" Kurt answered, confused.

Sam was silent for a minute. "Well, because he hasn't been to school all week, and his mom said he was in the hospital when I called. She said he had some kind of infection. I wa-"

"Wait, did you say the hospital?" Kurt cut in. "Blaine… Blaine is in the hospital?"

"Uh… yeah… he didn't tell you?" Sam questioned.

"No, he didn't." Kurt was perplexed. How could his boyfriend not tell him he was in the hospital?

"That's weird, huh?" Sam mumbled. "I guess you don't really know how he's doing then."

"No, I don't," Kurt snapped in reply, before apologizing. "I'm sorry. I just… I'm going to go call him, okay? I'll make sure he calls you too."

"Okay, thanks, Kurt. I'm glad I called you. I just was really curious. His mom answered his phone, today, but he hadn't been answering it for days. I was worried. She wouldn't really tell me much."

Kurt was silent, considering. "She probably didn't want to say too much because she doesn't really like people to worry…. I'm sure he's fine. Right? She said it's just another infection?"

"Yeah, that's all she would say. I asked if I could come see him, but she said they were trying to limit his visitors so he wouldn't catch anything else… something about his immune system not working well. She said they were running tests."

Kurt's eyes widened in fear. "Oh, shit. I have to go, Sam. I'll have him call you. I promise."

"Uh, okay, bye, Kurt."

Kurt hung up without replying.


	14. Chapter 10

A/N: Here's Chapter 10! Chapter 11 should be up Saturday, but it might be Sunday since this was a day later than I had planned. I'm going to try to not go more than four days without a chapter, but I'll let you know if that changes. I hope you like this one. Reminder that I'm not a doctor, so all medical information comes from limited experience and the Internet. Thanks again to everyone reading and reviewing. You guys make my day! Warnings are at the end.

* * *

**December 2011 - January 2012**

Blaine was in a good mood for the next few weeks. Kurt was didn't really understand it, but he was pleased to see the radical mood change. It was great to see the happy, bright, bubbly Blaine he had first met. The last few months had been rough for them, but things finally felt like they were looking up.

Christmas break was fast approaching, and the boys spent their days singing and shopping and as many nights as possible tangled up together in Blaine's sheets. His house had become their new favorite place to be since his mother left for work around seven, and they would have over two hours to spend kissing, touching, and exploring each other before Kurt had to catch his ten o'clock weeknight curfew.

One night, the Monday before Christmas break, they were down to their underwear. Blaine was stretched out on his back as Kurt littered kisses down his chest and stomach. As Kurt reached Blaine's boxer briefs, he continued down, pressing his lips over the boy's clothed crotch. He kept going, moving to kiss Blaine's inner thigh, inching his fingers inside Blaine's underwear. He moved off to the side as he pulled them down swiftly, pausing when Blaine turned slightly, showing Kurt the smooth expanse of skin on his back except…

"Oh my God, Blaine! What happened?" Kurt exclaimed.

Blaine sat up quickly in confusion. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Kurt pushed him farther up, moving around to sit behind him. He reached out to lightly touch the skin, mottled black, blue and purple. Blaine flinched at the slight pressure under Kurt's fingers. Wide concerned eyes met Blaine's. "It's a bruise, but it's like… huge. How did you get that, Blaine? It looks like someone hit you with a hammer… or a tennis ball. Did you play tennis?"

Blaine chuckled slightly, but still look confused. "No?" he questioned himself. "Oh, yeah, I forgot I bumped into one of the kitchen cabinets yesterday. I didn't think it even left a mark."

Kurt glanced back at the discoloration marring Blaine's gorgeous olive skin. "Yeah, it looks like there's a cut so you must have hit it pretty hard?"

"Really? Shit," Blaine cursed. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Son of a fucking bitch," he mumbled under his breath. He stood up quickly, walking out of his bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

Kurt sat there for a few minutes, completely mystified, before he got up and followed his boyfriend out the door.

"Blaine," he called. "Where'd you go?"

"Sorry, I just had to go put a bandage over it." Blaine appeared from the bathroom. "I didn't even know I cut it. I just don't want it to get infected," he smiled, shrugging it off and starting to walk back towards the bedroom. He stopped when Kurt grabbed his hand.

"It doesn't hurt?" Kurt asked, disbelievingly.

Blaine smiled. "Nah, it didn't really even hurt when it happened. I just bruise easily."

"Should I be worried? " Kurt questioned. For some reason his heart rate had sped up. He knew it was just a bruise, but something felt strange.

"No, why would you be?" Blaine answered a little too casually. "Come on." He reached out to grab Kurt's hand. "I'm pretty sure we were in the middle of something." His voice had gone low, lips turned in a smirk and eyebrows raised in innuendo.

Kurt huffed out a breath. "That's evil. You're evil." He paused, contemplating, before relenting. "Okay, but this conversation isn't over… it's just postponed."

Blaine just smiled, pulling on Kurt and walking backwards towards his bedroom.

When Kurt left that evening after a long goodbye kiss at the front door, he had completely forgotten about it.

* * *

Two days later, Blaine was absent from school. At first when Kurt called, he got no answer. He did his best not to freak out all day long. After glee practice, he was on his way to Blaine's house to see what was going on when Blaine finally picked up.

"Hello?" His voice was soft and strained.

"Hey, baby, you don't sound good. Is it the flu again?"

Blaine laughed. "I wish. No, I have an infection. I'll probably be out the rest of the week."

"What do you mean an infection? What kind of infection?" Kurt asked, concerned.

Blaine was silent for a minute, only his deep breathing audible over the line. After a moment he groaned loudly, before speaking. "It's just an infection, Kurt… because whereas most people who get a cut or a scrape just magically heal themselves, I don't. Instead I get sick… no matter what I do. So tomorrow if the fever doesn't go down, which it won't, I'm going to have to go to the doctor, and everybody is going to freak out. They'll do a million tests because they will all think that the cancer is back. It'll be this whole stupid fucking ordeal, and it's just so stupid. Fuck. It's stupid, Kurt, because I'm not sick. I can't be sick." When he stopped speaking, Kurt could hear his loud sobs and wanted nothing else than to be able to pull him close and make it all okay.

"Blaine," his voice cracked. "Baby, it's going to be okay, right?" He took a deep breath. "No, it is going to be okay. Listen, Blaine. It's going to be fine. You're fine. I'm on my way to your house, okay? I'm going to be there super soon."

"Okay," Blaine stuttered out between his sobs.

Kurt didn't even knock. He just walked in, straight past Malea, and up the stairs to Blaine's bedroom. His boyfriend was curled up in a ball on his side. He was wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs and a thin grey tank top. All of the blankets had been pushed off the bed. Kurt took off his coat, scarf, shoes, cardigan, button-up, and pants. Blaine watched him, a small smile spreading across his face as Kurt slowly undressed. When Kurt climbed into the bed in just his own blue underwear and white t-shirt, Blaine instantly scooted over and rested his head on his boyfriend's chest. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Any time, baby. I'll always be here," Kurt said, brushing Blaine's sweaty curls off his forehead. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

They didn't say anything else, and Blaine eventually fell asleep curled up in his boyfriend's arms. Blaine's mother opened the door once, but seeing them, quickly turned around and left. Kurt left just in time to make his curfew, pulling away from Blaine as quietly as possible. When he waved goodbye at Malea, she quickly engulfed him in a hug. Kurt cried in his father's arms that night, finally telling him all about Blaine's history of leukemia.

* * *

Blaine was in the hospital for two days. The cancer wasn't back, but the doctors were concerned about his weak immune system. They kept him overnight to make sure he was capable of fighting off the infection. When he got home, he was tired and grumpy. He spent most of Christmas break curled up in bed, no matter how much Kurt tried to pull him out of it.

Kurt came over in the evening on Christmas Day with a Tupperware full of Santa, reindeer, and Christmas tree shaped cookies. Blaine was still in bed, but he smiled brightly and sat up when Kurt came in. He devoured a Rudolph and a few elves and then turned to pull a box out of his bedside drawer.

Blaine's impassioned speech about surprises, phone calls, cookies, and kisses reminded Kurt how much he loved this boy. Despite everything they had been through in the past year, they were still standing, still in love, and Kurt didn't think he could love anyone more than he did Blaine.

"Thank you for putting up with me and my craziness," Blaine mumbled as they were cuddled on his bed.

Kurt just smiled at him. "I will always put up with you. I'll always be here. You know that." He paused, before adding, "Merry Christmas, Blaine. It's our first Christmas together."

Blaine kissed Kurt quickly, before resting his head on Kurt's shoulder. "Hopefully not the last."

Kurt didn't understand why those four words made him so sad.

* * *

By the time school came back around, Blaine was in a slightly better mood. He came to school perfectly put together and smiled widely at all his friends. Kurt was still concerned that the cancer scare had taken a larger toll on Blaine than he was willing to admit. His smile just didn't quite reach his eyes like it used to, and he always went to bed just a little bit earlier, unwilling to fool around and kicking Kurt out of the house early. Kurt didn't push. He knew better than that, deciding to let Blaine be for a bit, only making sure he was still attending his weekly NA meetings and going to talk to Ms. Pillsbury.

Blaine sat out of Mr. Schue's proposal number in the pool, mumbling about his hair and chlorine and heading straight home. Kurt decided not to ask about that either.

Later that evening he walked into Blaine's kitchen to find the boy throwing everything in the refrigerator in the trashcan. He was done not asking.

"What the hell are you doing, Blaine?"

Blaine turned around, clearly surprised by Kurt's presence. "Uh, nothing." He quickly walked away from Kurt, re-opening the fridge, pulling out a Lunchable, and sitting down at the table.

Kurt looked at him closely, curious. Blaine's eyes were glassy, and when he spoke again, his voice wavered. "Oh, sorry. Did you want something to eat? We don't have much, but there might be another one of these in there?"

Kurt walked over and sat across from his boyfriend. "Blaine, do you think maybe the reason you don't have any food is because you just threw it all away?" he responded sarcastically. "Can I ask why?"

Blaine just shrugged. "I told you my mom's cooking tastes like ass. You're welcome to pull it out of the trash if you don't believe me." He went back to carefully placing small pieces of turkey and cheese on top of crackers.

"Did your mom grow the celery you just threw out? Because I'm pretty sure she didn't cook it. I don't get how it could taste like ass."

"I don't like celery," Blaine explained, still looking down at his miniscule supper.

Kurt sighed, "You had celery at school yesterday, Blaine. Why are you lying to me right now?"

Blaine finally looked up, catching Kurt's eyes, but remained silent.

Kurt reached across the table, grabbing Blaine's free hand and holding it tight. "I know I've said this before, but you can tell me anything, remember?"

Blaine dropped his eyes back to the table. It was a long moment before he spoke. "My mom loves celery."

Kurt scrunched his face, bewildered. "I'm still confused."

"She pissed me off."

"Seriously? What on earth did she do?"

"She was just being her usual annoying self," Blaine hissed.

"Her usual annoying self is enough for you to be so mad that you do something as childish as throwing away celery just because she likes it." Kurt was astonished at his boyfriend's behavior. "I really don't buy it."

Blaine gave him a defensive look. "I don't know what you want me to say. I get it. I act like a child. You aren't the only one who thinks that apparently."

Kurt closed his eyes to keep from getting angry. "Is this about her being overprotective again because you know that she's only trying to take care of you… to look out for you?"

Blaine's eyes turned dark. "I don't need anybody to take care of me," he yelled.

"No, Blaine. You do. You might not think so, but you do need people to take care of you. And the more you attack anybody that tries to help, the less likely you are going to have anybody stick around to try," Kurt fumed. "Do you know what I would give to have a mother willing to take care of me? You are lucky to have her, and you really should stop taking her for granted… let alone treating her like shit… because soon she's going to stop trying."

Blaine had gotten up from the table, and poured himself a glass of water from the sink. After taking a sip, he leaned his hands against the counter, facing away from Kurt with his head dropped. Kurt couldn't see his face, but from his voice, Kurt knew it was a whirlwind of emotion.

"Kurt, I have never meant to trivialize what you've lost. Please, know that. I wish so much that I could have met your mother because you make her sound amazing. I know that she meant a lot to you, and I am so sorry that you lost her. But my mom is not your mom. She is a very different person, and I am very different from you. I am thankful for what my mom does for me, but that doesn't me that I can't also resent her. I need to be able to be angry with her. If I can't…" Blaine paused, and Kurt thought he heard quiet sobs. "If I can't be angry with her for treating me like I'm still sick, then I may as well still be sick, Kurt. If I let her treat me like a child, then I may as well still be a child."

Blaine finally turned around to look at Kurt. He had tears running down his face, and he looked heartbroken, regretful, apologetic, and even guilty. But he kept talking. "I don't ever pretend like I understand what it feels like to lose your mother. I can only imagine how much it hurts, Kurt. But I need you to not pretend like you really understand what it's like to have my mom because you don't."

"I don't understand because you won't let me, Blaine. You won't talk to me about it. You're so passive aggressive with your anger and your snarky comments, but I don't understand. You're right. I can't understand how you can have a mother that makes you soup when you're sick and dotes over you… I don't get how you can have that and resent it." Kurt's own tears started to fall, and before he knew it, he found himself surrounded by Blaine. The other boy was on his knees next to Kurt's chair, holding him tight, and rubbing his back.

They stayed there like that for several minutes before Kurt pulled back. "I'm sorry. I made this all about me, and it was supposed to about you."

"Kurt, we have spent so much of our relationship talking and worrying about me," Blaine replied, with a smirk of a smile. "It's about time we made something about you."

Kurt laughed but remained quiet for a long moment, contemplating. "Blaine, how long have we been together now?" he finally asked.

Blaine squinted his eyes questioningly, before answering. "Ten months."

"Has it been long enough for me to tell you now that you need to give your mother a break?" Kurt asked, hesitantly. "I say that knowing that my opinion might be somewhat biased, but also knowing that you really will regret it one day if you don't," he added.

Blaine didn't answer. He got up off of the floor and went over to where he had been eating. He stuffed the last of the crackers from his Lunchable in his mouth and turned to throw the trash away. When he turned back around, he asked, "Do you want to go upstairs?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Kurt laughed. "Blaine, don't change the subject. This is important."

"I know it is, and I hear you. And I can tell you that I'll think about it, but I don't want to make promises that I can't keep." Blaine's face was sincere, betraying not a hint of dishonesty. "Can we please just go fool around?" he begged.

Kurt didn't want to be one of those boyfriends who dropped a serious conversation at the mention of sex, but he clearly wasn't going to get anything else, conversationally, out of Blaine that night. Plus, it had been nearly a month, and he was horny. Kurt stood up and headed for the stairs. "Do you have one of the pizza Lunchables? I bet you'd taste good with a little tomato sauce and pepperoni." He winked and sauntered out of the room and upstairs.

* * *

Warnings: Medical situations, hospital stay, infection, discussion of cancer and possible cancer relapse


	15. Chapter 11

A/N: Long chapter! Mr. Anderson finally makes an appearance, and Kurt gets quite a bit of insight in to Blaine's relationship with his parents. The next three or four chapters are all really important. This one marks a big change between Blaine and Kurt, and the next one will be important for Blaine and Malea. I'm starting to get really nervous about posting these. That's why they've been coming later. Look for the next one on Wednesday or Thursday. I hope everyone is still enjoying this fic. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Warnings are at the end as always.

* * *

**January - February 2012**

Kurt had thought that after their evening at Scandals Sebastian would be out of his and Blaine's lives forever. Sure, they had seen him that one time at the Lima Bean and briefly at sectionals, but Kurt could handle snide attitudes and hateful comments. He just didn't want Sebastian getting in Blaine's head, but he did just that. Kurt knew that Sebastian texted Blaine now and again. Blaine sometimes complained about it, but he never told the Warbler to stop. Kurt knew it was a mixture of Blaine being too polite and him wanting to get updates on the rest of the Warblers.

At sectionals, Blaine and Nick had a brief, awkward conversation during which Blaine said he was getting help for his problem. There was still some resentment there about how it had all gone down though, and Blaine knew that the rest of the group still thought that he had ditched them without a word or an apology.

So Kurt didn't get upset when Blaine texted Sebastian back. With the exception of his mother, Blaine tended to see the best in people or at least minimize their weaknesses. Kurt loved that about him even when he hated the people Blaine saw the best in. When Kurt found out that Blaine had told Sebastian all about Michael week, he understood that, too. Blaine had seemed genuinely enthusiastic for the first time in a long time, and when Blaine was excited about something, he liked to talk about it. He was also just naïve enough to think Sebastian was an okay person to talk about it to, and he would never guess that someone would be mean enough to steal an idea.

The late night duel in the parking garage was supposed to be innocent. Kurt certainly had no idea it would end with Blaine in the hospital for the second time in as many months or that the whole ordeal would lead to him finally meeting the infamous Mr. Anderson, although not under the most ideal circumstances.

The day after the slushie incident, Kurt was in Blaine's room at the hospital, sitting at a table in the corner and pretending to do homework. Really, they were chatting lightly about the glee practice that Blaine had missed that afternoon and how Artie had rolled out of the room in a rage about the whole situation. Suddenly, there was a loud banging as someone barged into the room, slamming the door behind them.

"Blaine, get dressed. We're going home," a tall man with dark hair, slicked back with gel, much like Blaine usually styled his, spoke sternly. He was dressed in a perfectly tailored suit, and it was obvious to Kurt the instant he came in who it was.

"Dad, what are you doing here?" He glanced over at Kurt quickly before turning back to his father. "I thought you were in New York."

"Yeah, well I came back early. Come on. Hurry up. We're leaving," he commanded.

Blaine started to get out of bed, but was still speaking. Kurt remained silent, not wanting to interrupt.

"I thought they wanted to keep me overnight since I was having surgery tomorrow," Blaine mumbled quietly.

"You'll come back tomorrow for the surgery. You were going to stay here… until I got this," Blaine's father replied, pulling a piece of folded up paper from his pocket and handing it to Blaine.

Kurt had no idea what the paper said, but it must not have been good. Blaine paled, and his hands started shaking nervously as he stared at it for what felt like minutes, but was probably only a few seconds.

He finally looked back up at his father, guilt and regret written all over his face. "I'm sorry," he whispered sincerely. "I thought you knew."

His father softened at the look on Blaine's face, reaching out and placing a comforting hand on his son's shoulder, but his voice was still forceful when he spoke. "No, I definitely didn't. You have to tell me when this happens, Blaine. I agreed to let you come back home because you promised me that you would tell me what was going on. So what is this?" He pointed at the paper wrinkled by the strong grip of Blaine's hand. "What was it?"

"It was nothing, Dad. I promise," Blaine mumbled before glancing over at Kurt, looking embarrassed. His father followed his line of sight, finally spotting the unfamiliar boy sitting quietly in the corner.

"Who is this?" he asked.

Blaine sighed, "Dad, this is Kurt, my boyfriend."

Realization passed over Mr. Anderson's face. "Oh right, Kurt. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I've heard wonderful things about you from both Blaine and my wife," he said, walking over to shake Kurt's hand.

"It's nice to meet you, too, sir. Sorry it was under these circumstances, though. I can give you a few minutes if you need me to," Kurt replied.

Blaine's dad watched him carefully for a few moments, and then turned back to look at his son. "Actually, Kurt, I don't mean to be rude, but you should probably just leave. You can see Blaine when he comes back to school."

Kurt's mouth fell open in shock, and Blaine quickly protested. "But, Dad, I'm not going to be able to go back to school for almost two weeks. You can't expect me not to see him for that long," he cried.

Mr. Anderson gave him a firm look. "Yes, I can. You don't need visitors. You need to focus on getting better. I've arranged to be home, so we'll get some family time."

Blaine eyes were wet, and his voice broke when he spoke. "Family time… That's bullshit. You think this is my fault?" He shook the paper in his hand. "It's not. I promise."

Mr. Anderson's eyes turned angry, but he calmed before looking back at Kurt. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I'll make sure to have Blaine call you when we get home," he said politely.

Kurt just nodded his head, packed up his books, and put them in his bag. He walked over to Blaine, giving him a quick hug. When he turned to leave, he was pulled back by Blaine's hand grabbing his. Blaine tugged him into a sweet and loving, but quick kiss. Kurt blushed and smiled widely.

"I love you," Blaine whispered.

"I love you, too, B. I'll see you soon. Get better." Kurt pecked him one more time on the cheek before turning and leaving father and son alone.

He paused outside the door when he heard the loud voices from within. He felt bad for eavesdropping, but he couldn't make his feet move.

"I swear to you, Dad. I didn't do anything… or let anything happen. You have to know that." Blaine was clearly crying.

"So it was just an accident?" Mr. Anderson yelled.

"Yes, I think so, maybe… I don't know," Blaine whined the last words, frustrated.

They were both quiet for a moment.

"Why didn't you call me? If I can't trust you enough to let me know what's going on, then how can I leave you alone anymore?" Blaine's dad was calmer, more controlled.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to babysit me. I'm seventeen. I can take care of myself."

"Clearly not," the father snapped. "Just get dressed, Blaine. We're going, and we shouldn't be having this conversation here. Besides, I think your mother needs to hear this, too."

Kurt heard Blaine huff out a breath. "Are you going to yell at her, too? No, you're just going to blame it all on me like it's all my fucking fault, aren't you? Like I'm the only adult in that house. I didn't do anything, and you know it. You're just too much of a fucking coward to admit it or to do anything about it."

"Do not speak to me like that, Blaine Devon Anderson. Just because I'm not around as much as I should be, that doesn't mean I'm not still your father," Mr. Anderson scolded. "I'll talk to her. I promise," he added more kindly.

It was silent for a minute, and Kurt was just getting ready to leave when he heard Blaine's father's speak again even quieter than before.

"I just don't know what am I supposed to do." His voice broke.

"I know you don't really like me most of the time, but I need you to be on my side, Dad. Please," Blaine begged. His voice and his words broke Kurt's heart.

"Blaine, that is not true. I love you so much, and I will always be on your side." It sounded like Mr. Anderson was crying, too, now.

"It doesn't feel like it."

"I'm sorry," Blaine's dad whispered. After a pause, he added, "Does Kurt know?"

Kurt couldn't hear the answer, but he was pretty sure he knew what it was. He slowly walked away, fighting back his own tears.

* * *

Several hours later when his phone rang, Kurt contemplated ignoring it, but he knew that wouldn't make the conversation they needed to have any easier. Reluctantly he picked up.

"Hey, B. You at home, yet?"

"Yeah, I've been here for a little bit, now," Blaine mumbled. "Dad wanted to have a 'family conversation.'" Kurt could hear the air quotes in his boyfriend's tone.

Kurt debated being honest for a long minute before speaking. "Will you tell me what's going on, Blaine? Please. I really don't want to have to beg for you to tell me the truth. I thought we were done with this."

Blaine didn't answer for long enough that Kurt was getting ready to give up and tell him to call back when he was done keeping secrets. At the last minute, Blaine answered, "My dad likes to blame me for things that aren't my fault."

"Like what?" Kurt asked.

"Stuff my mom does or doesn't do… I swear sometimes he forgets that she's supposed to be looking after me not the other way around. She doesn't accept responsibility for anything. It's like the box. If Dad found out about that, he would find a way to make it all my fault."

Kurt took a moment to consider. "What is he blaming you for now?"

Blaine sighed, "We didn't tell him when I was in the hospital last month for the infection. I mean I thought Mom called him, but she didn't. Somehow I'm supposed to remember that when I have a temperature over a hundred degrees."

It sounded like the truth, but there were still a lot of unanswered questions. If Blaine knew that Kurt had been eavesdropping, he would probably just close off and refuse to talk about it so Kurt decided to keep that a secret. "Can I really not come visit you?" he asked instead.

"I don't know, Kurt. He's really mad," Blaine explained. "He gets like that sometimes. It's probably a good idea to stay away for a while. We can still talk over the phone though. I'll miss you," he whispered. It was clear to Kurt he was trying to hide his tear-strained voice.

Kurt didn't speak for a moment, trying to decide if his next words would ruin everything. "Maybe we shouldn't," he finally mumbled.

"What? We shouldn't talk? Kurt? Is something wrong?" Blaine sounded panicked.

"No, Blaine. Well, yes. I just think that maybe we should use this time to think about us." He paused when he heard Blaine gasp. "Blaine, just hear me out. There's nothing wrong with us. I just think… I need you to be honest with me… about everything. I don't want any more half-truths and little white lies. I need to know everything. I want you to think about that while you're getting better because if you can't do that, then I think maybe we do have a problem."

The silence seemed to last forever. Neither one spoke, both afraid of worsening the crack that had suddenly appeared between them "Kurt," Blaine whispered. The hitch in his voice broke the older boy's heart. "I always try, Kurt."

"I know you do, Blaine, but I need you to try a little harder. Just don't say anything right now, okay? Think about it. If you need to talk to me, you can call, and I'll answer. But try to just think about things okay? Please? For me?" Kurt pleaded.

"I'd do anything for you," Blaine muttered.

"Then do this one thing, okay? I love you, B."

"I love you, too." Blaine was clearly crying.

"I'll talk to you soon, Blaine."

"Talk to you soon, Kurt."

* * *

They didn't talk for a week and a half. It was miserable. Kurt thought he would be able to handle it, but it was really starting to get to him. As Valentine's Day approached, Kurt was depressed to be spending the holiday without his boyfriend. Then the little surprises started. Cards, chocolates, and candy started appearing in Kurt's locker. It was so sweet and just like Blaine to send him things to make sure he was thinking of him even when they weren't talking.

However, the night of Sugar's party, Dave's confession was extremely unexpected. Kurt tried to let him down gently, and he thought he did a good job. The worst part was that more than anything he was just disappointed it hadn't been Blaine that had been leaving him those presents.

Later that night, after Blaine had come up with a surprise of his own, they were sitting in a quiet booth by themselves. Kurt had told him the whole story of the mysterious Valentines and Dave's confession.

"I thought about sending you something, but you asked me to take time to think, and I wanted to do that for you," Blaine said.

Kurt smiled, "Thank you, babe." He reached over and grabbed Blaine's hand. "Did you think about what I asked you to?"

Blaine dropped his head towards the table, and Kurt had a funny feeling he wasn't going to like the answer. It was a long moment before Blaine spoke.

"I want to tell you everything, Kurt. But you have to understand that this is my family. You know that I hate them sometimes, but I'd still do anything for them. I owe it to them… for everything. Unfortunately for us, that means I can't always tell you everything. I don't lie to you, Kurt, but there are some things I can't tell you because they aren't my secrets to tell."

Kurt sighed when Blaine was done. "You have lied to me. How do I know that you're not still lying to me?"

Tears broke free from Blaine's eyes, and he dropped his head in his hands. "This isn't about the morphine, Kurt. It isn't. I'm sorry I lied to you about that, but I've been honest with you about it since. I promise. This is just about the complex dynamics of my parents. It's about them. It's not about me, but I'm their son so it ends up being about me too."

"Blaine…" Kurt mumbled. "Are your parents having trouble or something?"

Blaine suddenly burst into laughter. Kurt just stared in shock. When Blaine finally calmed down, he stated, "Come on, Kurt. You just met my dad. You saw him. He's a condescending asshole most of the time, and that was the first time he's been home since the summer. Of course they're having trouble. They wouldn't know what not having trouble was."

"I don't think I understand," Kurt replied quietly.

"You don't have to because it doesn't matter. Their issues are their issues. I don't give a shit so neither should you. That doesn't mean that I don't get dragged into their drama though."

"That's not really what I wanted you to tell me today, you know. I want to understand."

Blaine huffed out a breath. "I don't understand, Kurt, so I can't begin to explain it." He shrugged his shoulders.

Kurt pursed his lips in thought, looking around the emptying restaurant. "Come on," he said, standing up. "Let's go back to your house."

"Really? You're dropping it that easily. Wow," Blaine smiled.

"I didn't say we weren't going to talk at your house," Kurt smirked over his shoulder as they left. "But I haven't seen you in a week and a half. There will be a lot more than talking."

* * *

They didn't really talk when they got back to Blaine's house, but they also didn't fool around.

When they walked in, they heard banging noises coming from the kitchen. They were both confused since Blaine's parents were supposed to be having a night out together in Columbus.

"I should have known they'd be back early," Blaine mumbled under his breath.

They ventured into the kitchen to find it a mess with Malea opening and closing cabinets as if searching for something. Pots and pans were littered on the countertops and an empty bottle of vodka sat on the table.

"Mom," Blaine mumbled. "Where's Dad?"

Malea turned around taking in Kurt and Blaine silently for a moment before her face turned into a sarcastic smile. "Where the fuck do you think he is, Blaine? Not here!" She threw her hands up in exasperation, returning to her previous activity. "Now, help me find the damn vodka. I know it's around here somewhere."

Kurt was stunned into silence. Blaine closed his eyes, trying not to either cry or scream. Kurt didn't know which. "It looks like you drank it all, Mom. Maybe you should just go to bed."

She turned back around, once again appraising them both. "Did you boys have a nice Valentine's Day? I bet it was super sweet and romantic, wasn't it? Don't get used to it. It'll all go to hell before you know it. Then one day you'll spend the holiday being yelled at by your husband who will then up and leave for another business trip without even a goodbye kiss. That's what you two have to look forward to."

Blaine stood there just staring for a moment. "You probably deserved it. We're going upstairs. Hopefully you can find your bed on your own, and don't expect me to take care of you in the morning."

He grabbed Kurt's hand, but as they headed towards the stairs, Malea followed, yelling at their backs. "That's a bunch of bullshit, and you know it, Blaine. You agree with everything I'm saying deep down. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. You came back because you knew I was right. Everyone always leaves. You're the only one I have left." She choked on a sob as she spoke.

"Then maybe you should stop trying to get rid of me all the time!" Blaine shouted at her. "Maybe you should stop suffocating me," he added more calmly. "It doesn't make me want to stay here, Mom. That's why Dad isn't here right now. Because you suffocate people."

"You'll figure it out one day, Blaine. Kurt's going to leave you eventually, and then, you'll understand. You have to give them a reason to stick around."

The coldest look Kurt had seen came over Blaine's face. "I will never be like you," he spat out.

Malea just laughed, turning back towards the kitchen. "You already are. Don't deny it. I'm not stupid. That's what you're doing right now, begging Kurt not to break up with you. I'm sure you're just going to use this whole situation to garner some sympathy and guilt trip him into sticking around. Smart boy."

The shocking closeness of her last words finally broke Kurt out of his shock. He grabbed Blaine and pulled him upstairs, unwilling to listen to any more of their argument. As soon as the door shut behind them, Blaine burst into tears, sliding down the door to sit on the floor. Kurt sat down and tried to pull him into a hug, but Blaine pushed him away. "I am not trying to get you to feel bad for me!" he yelled.

"I would never think that, B. I know you wouldn't do that."

Blaine looked up at him, eyes red and bloodshot, tears streaming down his face. "How?" he whispered.

"Because you know I love you, and you don't need me to feel bad for you. You're not her, and I'm not your dad. I'm not leaving you. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Kurt. You're going to New York."

Kurt sighed, "You're right, but I'm not leaving you. I'm leaving Lima. That doesn't have to be the same thing. You'll come with me later."

Blaine groaned, leaning his head back against the door, wiping his hands down his face. "I don't want to talk about this right now. Can we just sleep? I just want to curl up in bed with you and never leave."

Kurt smiled at his boyfriend. "Of course we can, B."

* * *

Kurt didn't really sleep much, too concerned about the boy entangled in his limbs and lying on his chest.

He snuck out of bed early in the morning to make some coffee and breakfast. He found Malea in the kitchen, slamming the top of the coffeemaker, frustrated. He walked over and put a hand over hers, stilling it. "Go sit down," he ordered, not unkindly.

She just stared at him, surprise and guilt all over her face before doing as told.

After starting the coffee, he looked over all the pans still sitting on the counter and grabbed the one he wanted, sitting it on the stove and warming it before grabbing another. He then grabbed eggs and bacon from the refrigerator.

"I'm sorry," he heard Malea whisper after a while.

"I don't think you should be apologizing to me," Kurt replied, sternly.

"I know. I just want you to know that I don't really think you and Blaine are going to end up like me and Richard. You're much nicer than my husband on most accounts."

Kurt looked at her, quizzically. "Thanks?"

She smiled slightly over the cup of coffee Kurt had handed her. "I shouldn't have let you stay the night. Won't you be in trouble at home?"

"You were far from being capable of kicking me out last night," he replied, watching the sizzling bacon. "My stepmom is visiting my dad in D.C. so there was no one to even notice I was gone."

She was quiet for a moment before speaking. "Don't be too hard on Blaine for not talking to you about what's going on. He's spent his whole life trying to keep things from us. He thinks everyone else's problems are more important than his own, and I can't say that Richard and I didn't reinforce that sometimes. The only time he ever got any attention when he was younger was when he was in the hospital. That's why he hates it when I dote on him when he's sick."

Kurt stared at her, trying to understand. "That doesn't make any sense."

"It does to him, and that's what matters."

They didn't say anything else as Kurt cooked, trying to comprehend everything she had said until it finally clicked.

After finishing breakfast, he sat a plate in front of Malea and found a tray to take his and Blaine's upstairs. They were pretty much silent while eating, and Kurt got ready to go immediately after. Before he left Blaine's room, he said, "I love you. I know we didn't really get to talk, but I get it, Blaine… why you don't tell me things. But you should know that I'll always listen to you… even if it seems incredibly insignificant. If it's important to you, it's important to me, and just because you tell me about your problems that doesn't mean that you're just trying to get my attention. You already have it. I love you, and nothing you say or don't say is ever going to make me love you any less."

Blaine didn't reply, just watched as Kurt went downstairs. Malea was sitting in the living room when Kurt passed on his way out the door, but he didn't bother saying goodbye.

* * *

Warnings: Discussion of slushie incident and subsequent surgery, possible alcohol abuse? (there's a serious argument between Malea and Blaine while she's been drinking, no violence but definitely some harsh words)

Let me know if you think I'm missing anything in the warnings that you think I should add!


	16. Chapter 12

A/N: This chapter aligns with On My Way so there is discussion of Karofsky's suicide attempt. Check the warnings at the end for further details, and feel free to ask for a summary, either here or on Tumblr (aceamy). This chapter marks a notable change in Blaine's and Malea's relationship. It is fundamentally about them. That made it very difficult to tell this part of the story from Kurt's POV. That's part of the reason it's so short. I hope I did it justice. If not, you'll find out more about what is really going on here later. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

* * *

**February 2012**

Kurt was in homeroom when the announcement came over the intercom. David Karofsky had tried to kill himself. At first Kurt was overcome with shock. He couldn't think about anything else other than his complete awe. He had never seen this coming. Then the sadness crept in. He could relate and knew what it was like to feel so alone, but he couldn't quite imagine the pain that had driven Dave to do something so drastic. Finally, the guilt took over. This was his fault. If he hadn't ignored the boy's phone calls, this might not have happened. The whole thing was overwhelming.

After homeroom, he immediately sought out his boyfriend. Blaine would help. He would comfort him. He would know what to do… what to say. Kurt found him at his locker, trading out his books. When Kurt walked up, Blaine looked at him with an expression Kurt didn't quite understand. It wasn't sad. It was closer to angry, but that wasn't really the word for it either. It was a mystery to Kurt. Blaine opened his arms, and Kurt fell into them, murmuring about his feelings, his grief and guilt. Suddenly Blaine pulled back, leaving only his hands resting loosely on Kurt's shoulders. The new look on his face was definitely anger.

"Don't," he snapped. "Don't feel guilty. None of this is your fault. Do you think that asshole ever once felt guilty for a single thing he did to you? And now you're going to feel bad because you gently turned down his advances when he knew you had a boyfriend. No. Don't. It's a waste of time. If he wants to drown in self-pity, that's his problem, not yours."

Kurt didn't think he could be more surprised by that day's events. He never expected his always sweet and caring boyfriend to lack any compassion. "Really? You don't feel bad for him at all, Blaine? I would think that you would understand… that you could empathize with him… with everything you've been through."

Blaine pulled out of his boyfriend's arms quickly. He turned back to his locker, slamming it shut when he was done. "I'm nothing like him," he stated and walked away.

The rest of the day, Kurt was at a loss as to where to go for comfort so much so that he ended up at a meeting of the God Squad. His heart only broke more when Quinn's words sounded like an echo of Blaine's. It didn't make sense. Where was the sympathy and the concern? If it were him, would they feel differently? Kurt could only hope they would.

* * *

The next day in Glee practice, Mr. Schue told them all to sit down in a circle. Kurt kept an eye on his boyfriend opposite him as the teacher talked. Mr. Schuester told them to always remember that they had new experiences waiting for them no matter how hopeless any moment could seem. Kurt saw Blaine roll his eyes and suddenly stand up. He was turning around to leave when Mr. Schue asked where he was going. Everyone else just looked around in surprise. For some reason for the first time that week, Kurt wasn't surprised at all.

"I'm sorry. I'm not going to sit here and listen to this. I have better things to be doing. We all do actually, but if you insist on wasting our time trying to preach to us about loving ourselves or some stupid shit, I'm going to go."

Wide eyes were everywhere. Kurt could hear shocked gasps, but his face remained stoic as he felt people looking towards him for answers.

"Blaine, you might not think this is worth your time, but you're going to sit here and listen like everyone else. This isn't a joke or something to be taken lightly. It's a big deal," Mr. Schue said once his astonishment had calmed enough to allow him to form words.

"I didn't say it was joke, Mr. Schue. I just said it wasn't worth my time."

"Someone's life isn't worth your time?"

"Not if they are so willing to throw it away."

"Not everyone knows what it's like, Blaine… to nearly have it taken away from them," Kurt interrupted.

Blaine gave him a sharp, cold look. "Don't," he fumed, but Kurt could see the pain through the anger.

"It's okay to not understand, Blaine, but that doesn't mean you can't still sympathize. Isn't that what you've been telling me forever?" Kurt continued, despite hitting a nerve.

"Oh I understand, Kurt. You think I don't know what it's like to want to die. Trust me, I do. But I felt that way because I was dying… and I just wanted it over with. It wasn't just because people called me names and made fun of me for a few days. I know what that feels like, too. I know what it feels like to have people break my bones while they're calling me a fag, but that didn't make me want to commit suicide. I wanted to die because my body was literally trying to kill itself, and all I could do was lay in the fucking hospital and wait." Tears had started to overflow Blaine's eyes, but his voice remained even in its rage. "Of course I wanted to die, but even then, I didn't try to off myself. It wouldn't have taken much. Instead, when it hurt like hell to even open my eyes in the morning, I did. When the medicine that was supposed to make me better made me sick, I still took it. It would have been easier to die, but I didn't. So no, I can't sympathize with someone who is so willing to throw his life away when I fought like hell to keep mine… when I still fight like hell every single day to stay alive. I can't feel sorry for him. I won't."

With that, Blaine turned around and left, ignoring Mr. Schue trying to get him to stay. The teacher tried to get up and follow him, but Kurt told him to let Blaine be.

Kurt explained to the class about Blaine's leukemia and about Sadie Hawkins. "I don't know if he would want me to tell you this, but just so you don't think he's a complete jerk. He has his reasons for his opinions even if they are extremely harsh."

Nobody said anything, and eventually Mr. Schue continued with his original plans for the practice, having everyone say something they were looking forward to. Kurt wanted to say that he was looking forward to the day when Blaine finally trusted him enough to say everything he felt without being pushed to. Instead he said he wanted to see his dad make a difference in Congress. He could only hope he'd get both.

* * *

Kurt went straight over to Blaine's after glee. He knocked on the door, and Malea answered it. She looked at him sympathetically and let him in.

"I hope you are here to fix whatever has him so grumpy. He just came home, hootin' and hollerin' about something. I don't think I did anything to make him mad at me, but who knows? Maybe I did." She rolled her eyes, but Kurt thought he saw a bit of panic in them. He cocked his head to the side, furrowing his forehead in question. She let out a breath, and the front fell away. She was scared. "Please tell me what happened. He said… I don't know why… " She broke off in a pained whisper. Kurt had never seen her like this, speechless and afraid.

"He's upset… at me… at the world I think," Kurt murmured, hoping she would feel better once she knew what happened. "A boy who used to go to our school… the boy who bullied me, the reason I transferred to Dalton. Well, he recently was outted at his new school, and he tried to kill himself. He's going to be fine, but everyone has been talking about it and trying to cope. Blaine has been… less than sympathetic, and he walked out of glee when Mr. Schuester tried to get us to talk about it. He gave quite a speech. I might have pushed some buttons. I brought up him being sick when he was younger."

As Kurt was talking, he saw Malea's face become paler. She looked at first surprised, then sad, and lastly guilty, much like Kurt had felt at the news, but he was sure it was for very different reasons. "Oh my God," she murmured when he was done, turning around and running up the stairs. Kurt followed slowly.

When he got to Blaine's partially open door, he peeked in to find Blaine curled up in his mother's arms, crying on her shoulder as she ran her fingers threw his hair. She was whispering words in his ear that Kurt could just barely make out.

"I love you, Blaine. You know that. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'd be so lost and alone. You're all I have. I'm sorry if I don't always make sure you know that, but you really are my everything." She paused for a minute, just shushing his tears.

Kurt only just caught Blaine's strangled, "Then why?" through the boy's sobs.

"I don't know, Blaine. I'm so incredibly sorry," Malea answered, her own tears spilling over. "That's not what I want. I never wanted you to feel that way. I promise I'll try to do better, sweetie. I will do better. I can't lose you."

Kurt didn't understand, but he cried anyway. He left without a word, and when he got home, he sent Blaine a single text.

_I love you. Please call me when you're ready to talk._

Blaine replied, _Mom said you were here. Thanks for giving us some time. I'll pick you up early for school tomorrow? I love you, too._

_Of course. See you tomorrow, B._

* * *

The next morning, they sat in Blaine's car in the parking lot before classes started.

"I'm sorry… for outting your issues to the glee club yesterday. I shouldn't have. I was just really upset," Kurt apologized.

"It's okay. Well, it isn't, but I forgive you. I'm sorry I yelled. They probably all think I'm an asshole."

"I told them… after you left… what it was about. I figured you'd rather them know the truth than think badly of you," Kurt smirked.

Blaine chuckled, "That's probably true, and I'm glad I didn't have to do it… so thanks I guess."

Kurt leaned across the console of the car and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder. "You are so brave and strong, Blaine. You should be proud of that, but not everyone is like you."

Blaine leaned his head against Kurt's. "I'm not as brave as you think I am. Maybe that's why I'm so angry. I really do understand how he felt, Kurt. I've wanted to give up so bad. Sometimes I don't know why I'm still here." Kurt felt tears hit his forehead, but didn't move, knowing it was easier for Blaine to talk when they weren't looking at each other.

"That doesn't mean you're not brave. You are here, Blaine. You are here, and you're happy, right? And you have me, and you have your mom, and you have the glee club. Everyone loves you so much, and everyone is so glad that you are alive… that you made it through… that you fought… and survived."

"I love you so much, Kurt." Blaine didn't try to hide the tears in his voice. "I really don't know what I'd do without you."

"I love you too, B," Kurt replied, pausing before continuing. "When I met you, I was a mess. I'm not saying that I would have given up, but I honestly can say that I don't know if I would be here if it weren't for you. That's why I feel for David. I get what it's like to be alone, and I'm so glad that I'm not anymore."

"Me too," Blaine replied.

They sat together in the car until the parking lot filled, whispering feelings as well as hopes and wishes for the future until they had to get out and go to class.

That Saturday, Blaine invited Kurt over for dinner after regionals. Malea cooked, and Blaine ate it all without complaint. Kurt didn't really understand what had changed, but he welcomed it. As he and Blaine exchanged sweet smiles across the table, Kurt thought he'd give anything to keep Blaine smiling. He only passively indulged in the thought that maybe if Blaine kept smiling he'd keep fighting, too.

* * *

**Warnings:** Homophobic language, discussion of suicide attempt, mention of leukemia, mention of Sadie Hawkins assault.

**Additional Note:** There are a lot of unsympathetic views expressed towards Karofsky and those who would attempt suicide. This is not at all my opinion, but it's how I think Blaine would feel in this 'verse.


	17. Chapter 13

A/N: The other post this week will just be a short prolepsis. Also, I can pretty confidently say that by chapter 19 we will be caught up to the prologue. Yay! I'm estimating somewhere around 25 chapters in total for this story. Hope everyone sticks it out for the home stretch! Seriously though, thanks to everyone still reading and enjoying and reviewing. You guys are great. No warnings in this one. Enjoy some awkward Anderson family dynamics!

* * *

**April 2012**

The month that followed Blaine and Malea's sudden reconciliation was a wonderful contrast to the ones the preceded it. Blaine was constantly smiling and excited about life. There were a few weeks where their happiness was trumped by Quinn's accident, but when it became clear that she and the doctors were optimistic about a full recovery, both boys took the news as just another reason to be in a good mood.

Blaine spent a lot more time with his mom during those weeks, which meant he spent a little less with Kurt, but it was a sacrifice the older boy was willing to make. Blaine needed his mother, and Kurt couldn't be more glad they were finally getting along. Besides, Kurt's NYADA audition was coming up soon so he had something else to focus on. He was just happy to see Blaine so happy. Everything was going so well that Kurt was determined not to let an unexpected visitor ruin it. Well, at least he tried.

* * *

Blaine and Kurt were chatting by the younger boy's locker before lunch one day when Blaine suddenly looked off into the distance, his face frozen in shock.

"Oh, God, oh no, please tell me this isn't happening," he mumbled under his breath.

"What? Blaine… babe, what's going on?" Kurt said, turning around to see where the boy was staring. "Oh my God, that's the guy from those commercials. What's he doing here? Wait, do you know him?" he added, looking back at his boyfriend.

"He's my brother," Blaine replied, voice barely above a whisper, as the man in question stopped right in front of them, looking angry. Kurt stared silently, stunned. He didn't even know Blaine had a brother.

"What are you doing here, Cooper?" Blaine asked, clearly confused and sounding small and almost scared.

"I could ask you the same question, Blaine," the man, Cooper, yelled at his brother, attracting attention from the remaining students in the hallway. "I called Dad a couple days ago for his birthday and asked how you were. He said you weren't at Dalton anymore. You moved back home, Blaine? You're back in public school? Why would you do that?" Cooper's eyes were wide in question, his face stern and commanding.

"Coop, please, let's not do this here. It's complicated, but we can talk about that later," Blaine said in a pleading tone, looking around at the stares they were getting. "Why are you even here? I haven't seen you in years."

"I came for you, Blaine," Cooper responded, in a much quieter, sympathetic tone. "I was worried about you. I don't get why you're here. I thought you loved Dalton."

Blaine didn't answer, glancing over at Kurt who was still standing there, perplexed. Cooper finally noticed the older boy, giving him an angry glare. "Who the hell is this?"

"Cooper, this is Kurt, my boyfriend. Kurt, this is my brother, Cooper," Blaine answered, rolling his eyes.

Cooper instantly transformed into a new person, grinning widely, and shaking Kurt's hand. "Wow, look at you, Blainers. You scored a hottie. I'm impressed. I didn't think you had it in you."

"It's nice to meet you too, Cooper, although I must admit I'm a bit confused since in the year Blaine and I have been dating he never once mentioned he had a brother," Kurt remarked, giving Blaine a serious look and a sarcastic smile.

Blaine looked panicked and guilty, but Cooper jumped in to rescue him. "Well, Blaine doesn't like to brag about his famous older brother. You can't blame him really. It is hard to live in the shadow of my spotlight," Cooper teased, reaching out to swipe at Blaine's head. The other boy ducked out of his reach quickly, and made sure to smooth his hair back into place.

"Yeah, it's so hard to get anyone to look twice at me when you're around, Coop," Blaine said. Kurt was pretty sure it was meant to be equally teasing, but it came out bitter.

Cooper clearly caught it. "Why didn't you call me to tell me what's going on, Blaine? And apparently you've been in the hospital… twice? You have to tell me about that." Cooper seemed genuinely concerned and worried.

Blaine laughed sarcastically. "So you could fly out from LA and do what, Coop? Sit by my bedside? Yell at Mom? What would you have done?"

"Hell yeah, I would have sat by your bedside, Squirt, and I probably would have yelled at Malea, too." Cooper spat the name out like a curse word.

"Don't call me that, Cooper, and it's not her fault. At least she's here. You never are."

"Because you never call me!" Cooper bellowed, around the now empty hallway.

"See, you don't even see that that is the problem. I didn't call you, but why couldn't you call me?" Blaine asked, voice cracking slightly.

Cooper's face crumbled, appearing at once apologetic. "You're right. I'm sorry, little bro. Look, can I take you out to lunch or something… so we can really talk?" He glanced over at Kurt before looking back at his brother questioningly.

Blaine sighed, "Sure, just wait outside. I need a minute."

"Absolutely. It was nice to meet you, Kurt."

When Cooper was gone, Blaine turned to his boyfriend. "I am so so sorry I never told you about him. It's super complicated, and I promise I will explain it all to you later. He's just never really around, and he didn't leave Lima on the greatest of terms with me or my mom and dad." Blaine chuckled, "I mean the arguments you've seen between my mom and I pale in comparison to the ones between those two, so it's best to just not talk about him at all."

"He called her Malea?" Kurt made it a question.

Blaine smiled sadly. "Yeah, she's my mom… not his mom. Like I said… it's complicated."

Kurt sighed reaching out to Blaine for a hug. "I get it, but I'm glad he's here. You should go talk to him. You need more family around." He tried to believe his own words, but he also hoped that this mysterious brother didn't bring up old issues between Blaine and Malea.

"Thanks for not being mad." Blaine gave another apologetic smile.

Kurt laughed, "I'm a little annoyed, and you better tell me more later. But I'm sure this is frustrating enough for you without me making a big deal out of it." He pulled out of the hug, looking around the empty hallway before slapping Blaine's ass. "Now, go talk to your brother. I'll see you in glee practice."

Blaine grinned widely as he walked away. "Thanks. I love you."

"Love you too, B," Kurt called after him.

* * *

When Kurt got to glee later that day, Blaine was already there, sitting and chatting with Sam, while Cooper was over by the piano, talking to Coach Sylvester and Mr. Schue. Kurt sat down next to his boyfriend and raised his eyebrow in a question, glancing over at Cooper.

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Don't even ask."

"How was lunch?"

"Yeah, don't ask about that either. It was not fun," Blaine remarked.

"Did you tell him the truth?" Kurt wondered aloud. "About why you left Dalton."

Blaine sighed, "I want to, but I don't know how."

Kurt reached over and squeezed Blaine's hand. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

At that moment, Coach Sylvester got up front and introduced Cooper to the group. Kurt sat through the class, fluctuating between a sense of awe and amazement and a feeling of curiosity and concern. Blaine's brother was similar to him some ways while being completely the opposite of him in others. Cooper was cocky and self-assured, and it was at times clear that Blaine felt overshadowed by him. But it was hard for Kurt to resist the charm of the older brother. It was obvious the absorbing personality was hereditary, and Kurt wondered if he would have picked up on the same thing from Mr. Anderson if they had met under different circumstances.

After practice Cooper invited Kurt over to the Anderson house for dinner.

"Are you sure you want me to intrude on the family reunion?" Kurt asked.

"Absolutely, hopefully you can dilute the tension and keep me from being rude to Blaine's mother," Cooper responded, too casual for such a serious statement.

Kurt gave him a curious look. "You sound like your brother just a couple months ago… I don't get it. Malea's sweet… as long as she lays off the vodka," he added, speaking out of the side of his mouth.

Cooper turned to Blaine with a raised eyebrow. Blaine returned the stare with a serious expression. "Don't be mean to her Coop. She's really doing better. I swear."

"Really?" Cooper questioned.

"Really. Things are good. I promise," Blaine said quietly but sternly, as they left the school.

Blaine and Kurt drove together back to Blaine's house. Cooper was leaning against the trunk of his own car when they pulled into the driveway, and Kurt could see the curtain in the kitchen window move as they got out.

When they walked in, Blaine yelled, "Mom, Kurt and I are here… and um… Cooper, too."

"I know," she called back, before peeking her head out of the kitchen. "I saw him lurking in the driveway. Too big to come give your mother a hug hello after how long? Over three years?" She looked at Cooper.

"You're not my mother, but I suppose you can get it a hug," Cooper replied somewhat coldly.

Malea laughed as she pulled him close. "Well, I haven't seen your real mom in over a decade, so I suppose I'll have to do."

Kurt could tell Cooper had a million things he wanted to say when he let go, but he stayed silent.

"So what brings you home so unexpectedly?" Malea added.

"Just checking on my little brother," Cooper answered. "Dad told me he left Dalton, and I just wanted to make sure he was doing okay. Anything I should know?" He face remained calm but expectant. His eyes, however, were a storm of anger, fear, and concern.

Malea looked over at Blaine with curious expression. Blaine just shook his head at the unasked question.

"You have eyes don't you, Coop? You can't see for yourself whether he's okay?" Malea asked sarcastically.

"We both know Blaine, Malea. He would say he was fine even if he was on his death bed." Cooper laughed, "I'm pretty sure he has. I just wanted to know what you thought."

Kurt didn't really think the joke was that funny, but he remained silent, curious. Blaine's face didn't reveal how he felt at all about the conversation.

Malea turned around and walked back into the kitchen. "How long are you staying, Cooper?"

The older brother rolled his eyes at the topic change, but followed her into the kitchen. "I don't know… a few days at least. We'll see. You want to kick me out already?"

Blaine took the opportunity to drag Kurt upstairs in the opposite direction, and Kurt followed the younger boy into his room.

With a sigh, Blaine plopped down onto his bed, and Kurt smiled at him adoringly though his eyes made it clear that he was waiting for an explanation.

"Are you sure you want this story? It's a long one," Blaine smirked, but his eyes were sad.

Kurt just walked over to the bed, pushing on Blaine's shoulder until he could slide in behind him and lean against the headboard. He pulled Blaine back to rest against his chest so he could offer comfort without eye contact. "Lay it on me, baby."

Blaine laughed before speaking. "Well, from what I know, it started because Cooper blames my mom for his mom not being around when he was younger. I guess she tried to visit after her and my dad split up, but Mom didn't really like it so eventually she just stopped. That was before I was born, so I don't really know the whole story. Then when Cooper graduated from high school, he just disappeared. He went to California and very rarely came back. It was hard on my mom. She really loves Coop even if he won't really love her back. I think it hurts that he won't call her mom because she really did raise him whether he wants to believe or it or not. When he left, it was rough. It was just my mom and I. My dad stopped coming home as often when that happened, too, so it was really lonely." Blaine paused for a long moment. "My dad really loves Cooper, but he just tolerates me so when Coop was gone, there wasn't a reason for him to be here anymore.

I'm sure that's not true," Kurt whispered in Blaine's ear, running his fingers through the boy's hair, loosening the curls.

"It feels like it sometimes," Blaine mumbled. "Anyway, then I got sick, and we saw them both more often then. But it was sporadic at best. The last time Coop was here, after Sadie Hawkins, he and my mom got in a huge argument. Mom was mad because he only ever came home when I was in the hospital, and he would somehow make it all about him. I can't blame her for that. She was always there, day in and day out, taking care of me. Then he would come in when things got bad and start going on and on about his life… the amazing things he was doing in California. It was hard not to resent him for it. I don't hate him because he doesn't even realize what he's doing. He's just oblivious, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

Kurt hummed in reply when Blaine was done speaking and hugged his boyfriend closer. "I'm sorry, babe. That's sounds tough. Thanks for telling me about it though. It really means a lot to me… when you talk to me about these things."

Before Blaine could reply, there was a knock on the door, and Cooper poked his head in without waiting for an answer.

"Blaine, I don't want to interrupt you or anything, but you have got to come downstairs. You can't leave me alone with her. Also, is it okay to eat her cooking?"

Blaine huffed out a breath. "We'll be down in a minute, Coop. Just give us a moment, please. And yes, her cooking is fine. It's much improved, lately. It won't kill you. I promise."

"Really?" Cooper asked.

"Yes," Blaine moaned, rolling his eyes. "Now get out."

"Fine, but if I do die, I'm coming back to haunt you," Cooper remarked with a smirk as he closed the door.

Kurt and Blaine went downstairs after a little while, and they all ate a subdued, awkward dinner. Not long after, Kurt left the family to their somewhat uncomfortable reunion, making sure to give Blaine an extra tight hug and kiss as he went.

* * *

Over the next few days, throughout Cooper's master class and whenever the two were together, Kurt could see the lingering tension between the brothers. By the third day, it was clear that it was getting to Blaine. He came over to Kurt's house after school that day and spent twenty minutes complaining about his brother until Kurt had distracted him first with kisses and then heavy petting and eventually just sex. While Kurt was glad that Blaine was finally talking to him about what was going on, he suddenly found it hard to figure out exactly what to say to help.

A few days later, Cooper found Kurt in the hallway before class.

"Hey, what are you doing here? Blaine said you were going back to LA for an audition," Kurt asked.

"Yeah, I am, but I need to talk to him first. I mean really talk to him," Cooper sighed. He seemed frustrated, but when he looked at Kurt, his eyes were sincere. "I know he's upset with me, and I know I haven't always been the best brother to him. But I love him, and I can't leave him like this."

"Maybe you shouldn't leave him at all," Kurt argued. His voice remained polite.

"I wish I could stay, Kurt. I really do, but Malea and I…" Cooper shook his head. "Just no. I can't be here."

"Why does he have to suffer just because you don't get along with his mother, Cooper? It's not fair to him at all." Kurt finally let his annoyance show.

"I know," Cooper whispered. "I wish things were different, but they aren't. I just need him to know that just because I'm not here that doesn't mean I don't care about him."

Kurt eyed him closely. "Why don't you tell him that instead of constantly talking about yourself? You know that he is always comparing himself to you, and to him, he always comes up short."

"I never want him to feel that way. He's so much better than me in so many ways. The way he deals with his mother… all of the things he's been through and survived. I would have given up a long time ago, but he's fine. He doesn't need me."

"He does need you, Cooper. You don't know how hard things are for him because you haven't been around." Kurt paused, considering. "He didn't tell you, did he? About why he left Dalton?"

"He said he wanted to be with you," Cooper shrugged.

Kurt closed his eyes and took a moment to rein in his frustration. He didn't really know who it was directed at. "Ask him again." He turned away to head towards class, but Cooper stopped him.

"He is fine, right?" Cooper asked, face showing nothing but concern. "He hasn't been sick… right?"

"Not since December… and the incident with the slushie, but you know about that," Kurt replied.

Cooper let out a sigh that was part relief, but he still seemed on edge. "Just keep an eye on him, okay? Please call me if anything happens… anything." He paused while Kurt regarded him curiously. "And Blaine would kill me if I said this, but Malea isn't as sweet as you think she is. You should keep an eye on her, too."

Kurt squinted his eyes in a question. "A few months ago, Blaine would have said that himself, but lately, they've been getting along really well. I thought that was a good thing."

Cooper nodded, eyes glazing over as if in thought. "Oh, it could be a great thing, but it could also be the worst thing." He turned back to look at Kurt. "Tell Blaine I'll be in the auditorium after school. I want to talk to him before I go." Cooper left without another word.

* * *

Kurt never found how that conversation went. Blaine did say that he finally told Cooper the truth about why he left Dalton and the drugs, but it clearly didn't go over well. Kurt didn't push for much, sensing it was very much a private conversation between brothers, but Blaine's tears that evening, as they lay cuddled up in Kurt's bed, said a lot.

After the tears had dried up, Kurt asked quietly, "What happened between you and your mom to make you get along so well all of the sudden?"

Blaine looked at him curiously for moment before turning to stare at Kurt's bedspread. "She just reminded me that everything she does, she does for me. She's the only one who never leaves me."

Cooper was gone the next day.


	18. Cooper Prolepsis

A/N: This is the only prolepsis that takes place **in the middle of the prologue** (after Kurt gets to the hospital, but before he really knows what's going on). I think it says a lot in very few words. Thanks for reading! No warnings.

* * *

**November 23, 2012**

"Hi you've reached the voicemail box of Cooper Anderson, actor. Please leave your name and number, and I'll call you back as soon as possible. A description of my work and headshots are available on my website at ."

_Beep._

"Hey, Cooper," Kurt cleared his throat. "Um… this is Kurt, Blaine's boyfriend… or I guess ex-boyfriend. I don't know if he told you or not. But anyway, I'm sure you're busy, and…" Kurt tried not to let the fear and anxiety show in his voice. "I just I think you should come here, Cooper. I mean I know your brother has been in the hospital a lot. I get that it would be hard for you to always just drop everything every time, but I think… I think it's really bad. You told me to call you if anything happens. I really should have called you a couple of months ago, but better late than never right?"

Kurt stopped pacing the hallway outside Blaine's hospital room and leaned his head against the wall.

"I know that I'm probably overstepping. Malea said that you just couldn't make it, but I just… something is wrong, Cooper. I don't know what it is, but I can feel it in my gut. It's like when the hairs on your arms stand up, and you know someone is watching you. It's like that. I'm scared, and I think Blaine needs you here. He needs his family here, not just his mother, but his brother and father, too."

The tears finally started pouring down Kurt's face, and he doesn't even bother to wipe them away.

"I wish… I'm so lost, Cooper. I wish I knew what to do, and maybe this is stupid. Maybe I should just sit there and wait for him to wake up and just listen to the doctors like I'm supposed to. But I just can't. I feel like you'd know if you were here, right? You'll know what to do. Maybe you can explain what's going on because I just don't understand any of it. Please just… at least call me back. Tell me I'm not crazy, or actually tell me I am because if I'm not… well… I think she's-"

_Beep._

* * *

"You have one unread message."

"God damn it, Kurt! Pick up! Fuck! I… I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. I just need to know what's going on. Just… God… Please call me back. I talked to my dad. We're both on our way there. We'll get there as soon as possible. I gave him your number so, hopefully, he talked to you or somebody there. I just… Please let everything be okay. If you get this message, Kurt, please call me back as soon as you can. I just need to know he's okay… Please just tell me he's okay… Thanks for calling me, Kurt. Just… Thank you. I hope you get this, and just until one of us gets there, you cannot leave Blaine alone. I don't care what you do. I don't care who tries to get you to leave. Don't. Don't leave him by himself. He shouldn't be alone. I'll be there soon. Thanks, Kurt. Bye."


	19. Chapter 14

A/N: Sorry, this was supposed to be up yesterday, but life happened. Also, I couldn't get this chapter to be what I wanted it to be. Hopefully, you guys like it. Anyways, chapter 15 should be up on Friday. That's when things are really going to start happening! No warnings in this one. Thanks to everybody still reading!

Disclaimer: Some of these words are not mine. I did my best to balance what these characters want to say with particular canon conversations.

* * *

**April 2012**

A few days after Cooper left, it was as though he had never even been there. Blaine acted like everything was perfectly fine and returned to life as normal. At first, Kurt wondered if Blaine was just putting on a brave face, but it seemed as though his genuine smile was back, and the boy was ecstatic about disco of all things so Kurt just let it go.

Kurt should have been paying more attention. If he had, he would have realized that when Blaine had said that his mother was the only one who never leaves him, he wasn't just talking about his family. He was talking about Kurt.

However, Kurt was too excited about graduation and all the new exciting experiences waiting for him outside of Lima to really see how Blaine's mood would swing when the topic of New York came up. The only difference Kurt noticed was how his boyfriend slowly started spending more and more time at home with his mom and less time with Kurt. At first, it seemed like a good thing until it began to feel like avoidance.

For once Kurt really didn't understand what was happening. Before, it always seemed that secrets or addictions or family drama were causing the space between them. This time, he had no idea what was the cause. Blaine didn't seem to be hiding anything, and a stop by Ms. Pillsbury's office reassured him that there wasn't reason to be concerned. She did tell him that he really needed to ask Blaine himself what was wrong.

But Kurt had spent the last year learning that pushing Blaine to tell him what was on his mind was not the ideal way to go about things, so for the most part, he ignored the problem. He threw himself further into his New York plans, occasionally pressuring Blaine to join him and asking for help. Sometimes Blaine would tag along to pick up sheet music or watch Kurt run through "The Music of the Night" for the hundredth time, but Blaine never seemed to have the appropriate level of enthusiasm.

So when Kurt met a boy at Between the Sheets that had plenty of enthusiasm to spare and was excited about the same things Kurt was excited about, it was unsurprising that he jumped on the opportunity to talk about New York. Texting Chandler was light and fun… simple and uncomplicated. Kurt felt less guilty about the nature of the text messages than he did about how they reminded him of all of things Blaine didn't give him, especially lately.

For the first time in a long time, Kurt wondered if all of the issues that he and Blaine had dealt with had hurt their relationship… maybe Blaine's problems had taken away some of the lightheartedness and simplicity that all teenage relationships should have… or maybe none of that had ever been there in the first place. Maybe Kurt was just now noticing what had been missing all along.

So when Kurt walked into his bedroom with a tray full of snacks for their _Being Bobby Brown_ marathon and saw Blaine looking at his phone, he knew that he had really messed up, but for some reason, he couldn't help but deflect.

"Who's Chandler?" Blaine asked, face and voice hesitant, almost fearful.

"Why are you going through my phone?" Kurt responded angrily.

"I'm not going through your phone. It's just that it keeps buzzing because Chandler won't stop texting you," Blaine answered, looking at the phone in question and reading some of the offending messages. Kurt tried to grab it, but Blaine pulled away, standing up.

"There are literally dozens of texts between the two of you. Do you know how many times you've texted me in the past two days?" Blaine asked rhetorically. "Four, and three of them were about finding peach-colored shoe polish."

Kurt attempted to placate Blaine, promising that it was innocent, but Blaine would have none of it.

"This is cheating, Kurt," he argued.

"This is texting. Okay, he is just a guy I met at the music store. Nothing happened. You used to text Sebastian all the time," Kurt countered.

"But I didn't like him, and all of those texts were family friendly." Blaine held up the phone, looking at it as though it had personally offended him. "You like this guy." It wasn't a question.

Kurt plopped down on the bed, uncertain as to what was the best thing to say. "I like the way he makes me feel. I mean when was the last time that you complimented me or told me how special I was?" It was the most honest response he could think of.

"Seriously? How can you not know that you are the most special thing in the world to me? You know how much you mean to me… everything you've done for me. You're everything, Kurt," Blaine replied, voice cracking, eyes glassy.

"Then why doesn't it feel that way sometimes?"

"I don't know what you want me to do, Kurt. I love you. You know that. If for some reason you aren't feeling it, then you need to tell me… not text some stranger."

"Oh, really Blaine. You're going to lecture me about not telling you things. You never tell me anything," Kurt yelled, letting his temper get the best of him.

"That is not even the same thing. I don't always tell you things about me or about my family. This is about us, and I can't fix anything if you don't tell me that you're unhappy. Tell me. What have I been doing so wrong that you felt the need to cheat on me?" Blaine hissed back in response.

"I did not cheat on you, Blaine. I just texted some guy. It's not a big deal," Kurt said, trying to go back to pacifying instead of screaming.

"You did it for a reason," Blaine whispered. "What are you missing?"

Kurt sighed, looking down at the floor, finally letting a few tears fall. When he answered, it was in a small, quiet voice. "Sometimes I just wish you and I could be like that. Carefree, fun, loose… or even passionate… or, I don't know… sexy, but for some reason, I feel like we're just so heavy… all the time. I sometimes feel like everything you've dealt with has sucked the levity out of this relationship."

The room was silent for a long moment, the quiet tense with the impact of Kurt's words. He didn't dare look up at Blaine because he knew the sight would break his heart. He knew he would want to take back everything he had just said. He kind of already did, but he felt like it was something that needed to be out in the open. He felt just an infinitesimal bit lighter after it was done.

Finally, he heard Blaine speak. "If you're not having fun, then why are you still with me? I don't want you to stay with me because you feel sorry for me or because you think I need you and I'll just break without you. If you would feel so much lighter without my fucking baggage, then for Christ's sake get rid of it."

Kurt should have looked up after that. If he had, he might have caught Blaine before he walked out, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Blaine wasn't at school the next day, even though he was supposed to sing in glee club, and he wouldn't answer his phone. Kurt took the risk and stopped by his house after school. Malea answered.

"Hi, Kurt." She looked apologetic, and he didn't think he would like what she had to say. "I'm sorry, but I'm under strict orders not to let you in. I usually wouldn't listen, but he's actually talking to me these days and I don't want to jeopardize that." She offered a sad smile.

Kurt sighed, "I get it. Will you please just tell him that I'm really really sorry, and I love him?"

"Of course," Malea replied, as she went to shut the door.

"Wait," Kurt stopped her. "Is he really sick, or is he just avoiding me?"

"No, he woke up this morning with a fever and the stomach flu… convenient timing I guess," she shrugged.

"Do you think he'll be back tomorrow?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know for sure." She narrowed her eyes as if confused.

"Okay… It's just… I'm singing in glee club tomorrow, and I really wanted him to be there."

Malea smiled at him. "I'll whip up my best stomach flu-curing soup. Hopefully, I can get him to eat it."

"Thanks," he replied, grateful.

* * *

The next day, Kurt immediately went to Blaine's locker when he got to school hoping his boyfriend would be there. After a late night talk with his dad, Kurt knew exactly what he wanted to sing for glee, and he really needed Blaine to hear it.

Kurt felt bad for not talking to Blaine about what was really going on before he started texting Chandler. He didn't regret being honest about his feelings, but he should have done so earlier. There were some things missing in his and Blaine's relationship, but their argument reminded him of something much more important. He didn't want something that was simple and uncomplicated. What he and Blaine had was intense and heavy because there was so much there… because they meant so much to each other. While Kurt's life might be a lot simpler if he wasn't with Blaine, there would also be something huge missing, and Kurt didn't want that. He wanted Blaine, baggage and all.

Blaine was just opening his locker when Kurt walked up. He still looked sick. His face was pale, and he moved slowly as he traded out his books.

"How are you feeling?" Kurt asked, trying to catch Blaine's eye. "You don't look so great."

Blaine continued his task, refusing to look at Kurt as he answered. "Thanks for implying I look like shit."

"I didn't mean it like that, Blaine. Come on. Talk to me, please. Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not, but I wouldn't want to burden you with my problems," Blaine huffed, shutting his locker and walking away before Kurt could respond. He avoided Kurt the rest of the day, but he did show up to glee. He was sitting in the corner, sulking, but at least he was there.

Kurt sang first, and throughout all of "I Have Nothing," he did his best to make sure that Blaine understood what he was saying. He would always want and need Blaine in his life, no matter how hard it may be.

At first, Blaine tried to remain stoic, but eventually, he appeared resigned. By the end, the look on Blaine's face was heartbreaking, and Kurt hoped that meant that he got the message.

* * *

Kurt tried to catch Blaine after practice, but the younger boy was out of the classroom before Kurt could even gather his stuff. He thought about trying Blaine's house again but decided it probably wouldn't do any good. Instead he just sent Blaine a text.

_I meant every word. Please call me when you're willing to talk._

Kurt wanted to give Blaine time, but then he realized that their biggest problem was keeping their issues to themselves. Time wasn't going to help. They needed to talk about things, so the day after he sang in glee club, he found a way to force Blaine to listen.

"What are you doing here?" Blaine asked, testily when he walked in Ms. Pillsbury's office to find Kurt sitting in one of the chairs.

"Well, Kurt thought that maybe today instead of talking about you, we could use our time to talk about some of the problems you two have been having… as a sort of couples counseling. I thought I'd at least ask how you felt about that," Ms. Pillsbury responded.

Blaine huffed out a breath and plopped into the other seat. "I'm not exactly crazy about the idea."

"Is there something in particular you wanted to talk to just me about today, or are you just avoiding talking to Kurt? Remember what we discussed last week," Ms. Pillsbury replied with a smile.

Blaine gave a cold look that Kurt had only before seen directed at Malea. Ms. Pillsbury didn't seem offended or taken aback at all.

"Blaine, I just want you to talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking," Kurt cut in.

"You know this is a safe space to say what you feel, Blaine," Ms. Pillsbury added.

"Okay, well, Kurt has been texting this guy, and I got really upset. I asked him why, and he told me that we weren't light or fun. That it was actually hard to be with me. Of course I'm angry. How would you feel if I told you that?" Blaine finally turned and looked at Kurt.

"Blaine, I meant what I said in that song. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I realize I did and I'm so sorry. You and I have been through a lot, and, yeah, it's been hard, but I wouldn't trade any of that for the world. It's made us better."

"Then, why would you say that? Why would you text that guy?" Blaine fumed, but Kurt could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Because you stopped talking to me!" Kurt yelled. "We were doing great. For the first time, I felt like there weren't any secrets or problems waiting to swallow us up. I thought we were good. Then all of the sudden, you disappeared, and it just felt like something else that I didn't understand… that I had to struggle for answers to. Then, there was a guy, who was excited about the things I was excited about… who wanted to talk to me about NYADA and New York and all the things I'm looking forward to. It made me realize that we don't do those things, and it was something I felt I was missing out on."

"Seriously, Kurt? We don't talk about NYADA or New York. Where have you been for the last two months because I'm pretty sure that that's all you've talked about? And maybe I haven't been excited about talking about it because I'm not excited about it. How could I be? How could I be excited about you leaving me?"

Kurt was stunned into silence for a moment as he finally realized what he should have seen a long time ago. He looked at Blaine, whose anger had finally crumpled into real grief. Kurt didn't understand how he hadn't noticed how Blaine really felt. It wasn't even the first time that Blaine had mentioned this. Kurt suddenly wondered if maybe Blaine did tell him things, but he just didn't listen.

"I'm not leaving you, Blaine. I promised you, remember? I told you that I'm not leaving you. I'm leaving Lima, but you're still going to be in my life. I know it's going to be hard, but we'll Skype every day and you're going to come visit me in New York every weekend. This isn't going to be goodbye. We're going to be together again."

"How do you know?" Blaine whispered.

"Blaine, I'm not your dad or Cooper, okay? I get it. I get why you're scared, but you don't have to be scared with me. I'm not going to leave you."

Kurt pulled Blaine into a tight hug and tried to reassure him with every fiber of his being… just by being close. He wanted Blaine to be able to remember how close they were even when they were hundreds of miles apart.

* * *

That night they lay in Blaine's bed until late in the evening, talking about the future. They didn't talk about the next year of their life though. They talked about the years after that… about their first apartment together in New York… about what colors they would paint the walls… about getting a cat or a dog. They imagined their first nights spent curled up in bed in a city without parents… in a city all their own.

"I can't wait, Kurt. I can't wait to be out of this stupid town and this stupid house. I can't wait to be with you forever," Blaine whispered into the quiet air.

"You already are with me forever, Blaine." Kurt kissed his head full of curls.

"I know that… deep down I know that, but I don't think it will feel like that until I'm not living here anymore."

"Why is that?" Kurt asked with a hint of concern.

Blaine didn't answer for a long moment, and Kurt thought maybe he wasn't going to. "You know how you told me that we aren't light and fun. That we're heavy?"

"I'm sor-" Kurt started, but Blaine cut in.

"I know. I'm not mad, and you shouldn't ever apologize for how you feel. I get it. I just… You should know that I've always felt heavy, like I was carrying around a huge weight on my shoulders, like life had given me more than I could handle." Blaine looked up at Kurt from where his head had been resting on the older boy's chest. "I think you took some of it. That's why it feels heavy to you because it is, but it feels light to me. It's lighter than it was when it was just me trying to carry it all by myself. I think if you hadn't come around, it probably would have crushed me eventually. Some days I think it still will."

"You know I want to help you," Kurt reassured him with a sad smile. "I'll always help when you need me to… if you'll let me. I think it's hardest for me when you won't even tell me that something's wrong."

Blaine sighed, breaking the eye contact and laying his head back down, "I know. There's just still some stuff I need to do on my own, but I'll let you… when I make it to New York. I just have to get there. Then I promise I'll let you carry it all if you want it."

Kurt pulled Blaine's head up by the chin, leaned down, and kissed him on the lips. "As long as we're still speaking figuratively, I will. Please don't drop a ton of rocks on me," Kurt joked.

A huge grin took over Blaine's face, and he rolled so he was straddling Kurt's hips. "Can we be passionate and sexy now?"

Kurt laughed, face flushing red in embarrassment. "You remembered that, huh?"

"Of course I did. I remember everything you say," Blaine replied, pressing all of his weight down as he leaned in for another sweet kiss.


	20. Chapter 15

A/N: Important things happen in this chapter. It sets up a long string of events, mostly sad ones unfortunately. There will be a prolepsis next (anyone want to guess who and when? Maybe I'll give a present, a preview of something maybe if anyone gets it right) and then chapter 16 next week. I can't promise what days. I hope this chapter isn't too sad, and I hope people don't get too mad at any of the characters. People make stupid decisions when they're in bad situations, but that doesn't make them bad people. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Warnings are at the end.

* * *

**May 2012**

After Blaine finally admitted to his fear of Kurt's leaving and Kurt finally acknowledged it, things between them changed. Before, Blaine had been distancing himself, but after their conversation, the two were almost inseparable. It was as though Blaine was trying to soak up as much of Kurt's presence as possible before he was gone. Blaine was almost always around to offer support and advice while Kurt was preparing for his NYADA audition, and after Kurt nailed it, they spent a lot of time just laying in one of their beds relaxing in each other's company. Every once in a while, Kurt would catch Blaine staring as his fingers ran across every inch of Kurt's skin as if trying to memorize it while he still could.

As much as they tried to exist in their own little cocoon, they still had to deal with all of the other drama amongst their friends. Kurt was trying to be supportive towards Rachel after she had blown her audition, but he also didn't want to let anything ruin his mood.

At first Kurt did let her pessimism about prom get to him. While last year's event had been fun, he still couldn't get over the humiliation of being named prom queen, and he contemplated sitting out this year.

"But it's your last prom, Kurt," Blaine argued, as the three of them sat in the auditorium. "Didn't you convince me to go last year in order to face up to what happened in my past? I think you should do that this year. You were the best damn prom queen ever. You should be proud of that. I know I am."

Kurt tried to hide his bashful smile, but he couldn't. "Really? You want to go even though you can't wear hair gel?"

Blaine waved his hand in front of his face. "Eh, I'll just wear significantly less gel than I usually do. My hair will still look crazy enough no one will even notice."

"Well, I still don't want to go. I think I'm going to skip it," Rachel cut in.

Blaine turned to her with a serious expression. "Look, Rachel. I get that it's been a rough few weeks and it's going to suck to see Quinn and Finn, but think about how much fun it will be to dance and sing with all of your friends for what might be the last time. You shouldn't let anything get in the way of that. High school is ending, and I know that you don't know what's in store for the future right now," he said gently. "But that gives you all the more reason to live in the present." When he was done speaking, Blaine wasn't looking at Rachel. He was staring straight at Kurt, a bittersweet smile on his face.

Rachel sighed, "Okay, you have a point. I'll put on my best show face and have a great time."

They definitely did. Kurt had no doubts about this one. It was absolutely the best prom ever.

* * *

This hopeful, optimistic Blaine stuck around throughout the run-up to nationals. He was sweet and cuddly and seemingly always at Kurt's side. They were pretty busy with practice for the big competition so that was the main reason for the amount of time they spent together. But even after a late practice, Blaine would invite Kurt over to his house, and Kurt very rarely ever said no.

On the few occasions during those weeks that Malea was home when Kurt was there, he was surprised to see that Blaine and his mother were still getting along well. If he hadn't known, he would have never believed that just a few months ago they had been at each other's throats. Now, there were hugs and kisses on the cheek between the two and delicious home-cooked meals. Kurt still didn't really understand it, but he wasn't about to question it.

It seemed like everything Kurt had wanted all year long was finally happening. Blaine had finally gotten over his issues with his mom, Kurt had rocked his audition to NYADA, and they were going to nationals in glee club.

After they won their nationals trophy, everything seemed perfect. Life was great. Kurt should have known that it wouldn't last.

* * *

The rejection letter hurt more than he could have possibly imagined. All of Kurt's hopes and dreams and actual plans for his future were suddenly gone in the blink of an eye. He was lost and had no idea how he was going to find his way again.

When he left the choir room after opening his letter with Finn and Rachel, he immediately got in his car and went to Blaine's. He thought for a brief moment that he should probably call his dad, but he couldn't bear to hear disappointment or, God forbid, pity in his father's voice, however silly that notion might be. Kurt knew that Blaine would somehow know exactly what to say.

He walked into his boyfriend's house without knocking, a new habit of his that no one had corrected him on. He heard talking in the kitchen so he headed in that direction. He paused right outside the doorway to collect his thoughts and overheard their conversation.

"I don't know why you're letting him leave," Malea said.

"Seriously, Mom? What do you want me to do hog tie him and kidnap him? He's an adult. He can make his own decisions. Besides New York will be good for him. It'll suck for me, but not everything is about me. I know selflessness isn't in your vocabulary, but some people like to think about others first," Blaine replied. "Besides I thought you'd be happy to have me all to yourself."

Kurt couldn't quite read the tone of Blaine's voice, and he wondered if the younger boy was being sarcastic or serious.

"I do too know how to be selfless, Blaine, and I also know how to share. I'm just thinking of you. I always think of you," Malea retorted. "And you also know that I was not talking about kidnapping him. That's a last resort." Kurt could hear the smile in her voice and was glad he could tell she was joking.

"Don't worry," Kurt walked in, interrupting their conversation. "You can put your brilliant kidnapping plans away. There won't be any need for that." He tried to smile, but he only managed a grimace.

Blaine's face dropped in shock and confusion. Kurt didn't know what Malea's reaction was because his eyes were focused only on his boyfriend.

"What?" Blaine whispered. "You're kidding. You didn't…" he trailed off.

Kurt shook his head. He opened his mouth to utter the words, but he just closed it again when they wouldn't come out. He barely had a moment to catch his breath before he had an armful of Blaine pulling him into the tightest, closest, and strongest hug ever.

"Oh my God, Kurt. I… I don't even know what to say… other than what a bunch of fucking idiots. Seriously, they must be the dumbest people on the planet." Blaine mumbled the words into Kurt's hair as he rubbed the older boy's back soothingly. "I am so sorry, babe."

Kurt was going to say it was okay, that it didn't matter, try to brush it off like he usually did with things that hurt him. Then he remembered that this was Blaine. He wouldn't be fooled. He would know how much Kurt was hurting. So Kurt just embraced the pain, and Blaine, and cried.

He barely even noticed as his boyfriend led him out of the kitchen and up the stairs and into bed. He didn't remember falling asleep in Blaine's arms, but when he woke up in them, he felt like everything would somehow be okay.

It was a couple of hours later when he stirred from his sleep, and Blaine turned to look at him, a sad smile on his face.

"Hey, beautiful," he whispered, combing his fingers through Kurt's hair. "Feeling better?" He said the words in a hopeful tone, but it was laced with resignation. Blaine knew it was going to take a lot more than a nap to make everything fine again.

Kurt answered with a bittersweet smile and a half-shoulder shrug. "I love you."

Blaine closed his eyes tight, suppressing some emotion, Kurt didn't know what. "God, I love you, too." He opened them again, looking so heartbroken that Kurt just wanted to pull him into a hug and offer him comfort despite the horrible day he himself had had. "I wish I knew how to make this better."

"You do, B… just by being here." Kurt leaned in for a long, passionate kiss. It quickly turned heated, and Kurt rolled on top of Blaine, pushing him down with all of his weight.

Blaine pulled back to speak. "You know it's going to be okay, right? You're going to go to New York. We'll figure out a way."

Kurt waved a hand, leaning back down for a kiss. "I don't want to talk about it," he mumbled against Blaine's lips.

When Blaine tried to talk again, Kurt cut him off with another kiss, running his fingers up underneath Blaine's shirt before sitting up and tugging it off along with his own.

Blaine ran his fingers down Kurt's bare chest before grabbing his hips, rolling over, and reversing their positions.

Kurt smiled into their kisses as Blaine took control, and he let his boyfriend run his mouth and hands over his neck and his chest… until he heard his phone ring. Blaine pulled back with a groan.

"Ignore it," Kurt whined, trying to bring Blaine back closer.

"No." Blaine climbed off and reached over to his bedside table to grab Kurt's phone. "It's your dad. He's been calling. I sent him a text saying that you were here and fell asleep, but that clearly wasn't enough to appease him." Blaine handed Kurt the phone with an amused grin, kissing him on the lips before climbing off the bed and pulling his shirt back on. "I'll go downstairs while you talk."

"Thanks." Kurt returned the smile before answering the phone. "Hey, Dad. Sorry for not answering earlier."

Burt huffed over the line. "You should be. I was worried. Blaine said you were sleeping?" It came out as a suspicious question.

"Yes," Kurt sighed. "You didn't believe him?"

"It's five o'clock in the evening, and you were supposed to be opening your letter. You should be celebrating, not sleeping."

His dad's voice was so excited, so sure that Kurt got in, that he almost wanted to lie or hide it, but he couldn't help the soft sob that escaped his lips.

The silence was nearly unbearable.

"Oh my God, Kurt. I'm sorry. I just… but you were great. You are great. How could they…?" Burt went from shock and awe to anger rather quickly.

"I don't know, Dad. I…" He tried to say more, but there really wasn't much else to say.

"It's okay, son. We'll figure it out," he said, echoing Blaine's earlier words. "I mean… there are plenty of other schools in New York. You can go there in the fall… take the semester. You can apply again or somewhere else. This doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."

"Maybe it's a good thing," Kurt whispered. "I mean… maybe I'll just go to community college for a year, then transfer. I won't have to be away from Blaine that way."

"Kurt, Blaine will be fine without you," Burt argued. "You can't put your life on hold for him or for anyone else… I don't want you to hang around here and forget about what it is you really want to do. You can't forget about your dreams. They're in New York, which is where you should be. We'll figure something out to get you there."

Kurt was silent for a long moment before mumbling a quiet, "Okay."

They talked for a few more minutes before Kurt hung up, saying he would be home soon. He put his shirt back on and wandered downstairs to say goodbye to Blaine.

The moment he walked in the kitchen, he knew something was wrong. The tension in the room was palpable, and when he caught a look at Blaine, his boyfriend was clearly upset about something. That wasn't what really worried him though. What concerned Kurt was the fear he saw lurking beneath the hazel in Blaine's eyes. It was the way Blaine's face completely transformed when he saw Kurt, like a mask appearing with a sympathetic smile. It was the way Blaine insisted everything was fine when Kurt asked if he was okay.

Malea asked Kurt if he wanted to stay for dinner, and he offered his apologies with an eye on Blaine who looked strangely relieved. Blaine ushered him out the door rather quickly, but stole a long hug before he left.

Kurt didn't know what had changed, but for some reason the walls Blaine had built that Kurt had spent months tearing down had suddenly reassembled. For a moment, Kurt thought that maybe reading his NYADA rejection letter wasn't the worst thing that happened to him that day.

* * *

Blaine didn't answer his texts that night or his phone calls the next day. When Kurt showed up at Blaine's house the day after that, the door was locked, and nobody answered. The door had never ever been locked before.

It took three days of no communication before Blaine showed up on his porch looking pale and tired. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his curls were gel-free but had been tamed by a thick layer of sweat despite the mild late spring day. He was wearing a pair of loose jeans and a simple t-shirt. Kurt took one look at him and could feel his eyes start to water.

"I am so sorry, Kurt. I…" He took a deep breath. "I was sick, and my phone wasn't working. I should have borrowed my mom's, I know, but I was just really tired. I slept for like forever. I don't know why, but I'm really really sorry." He looked as miserable as Kurt felt.

Kurt just stared for what felt like hours. Blaine's words were sincere, his pleading believable, but Kurt knew he wasn't getting the whole truth.

"Are you high?"

Blaine's eyes widened in shock, clearly hurt by the accusation. "No, Kurt," he whined. "No… I swear. I'm not… No," he insisted, voice cracking on the last word.

Kurt reached out and grabbed Blaine's chin so he could look into his eyes, trying to spot a drug-clouded haze or a hint of a lie, but there was nothing, only tears. He was almost disappointed.

"Then why the fuck would you do this to me, Blaine," Kurt cried, letting go. "Why on one of the worst days of my life would you start doing this again? Why are you lying to me? Why are you shutting me out? I thought we were done with this. Everything was perfect a week ago. Life was great, and you choose now to just add to the pile of shit that is going wrong. Why?"

"I'm so sorry," Blaine whispered. "I'm not lying, Kurt. I was sick." His eyes were a swirling mass of pain, regret, and pleading.

"I believe that you were sick, but there's something else you're not telling me. And I just don't know what it is." Kurt's voice was a broken mess of sobs that he couldn't control no matter how hard he tried. "Are you really really sick because if that's it, you can't keep that from me, Blaine? You can't keep that a secret."

"No, Kurt. I'm fine now. It was just the flu."

"It's always the fucking flu, but you're clearly not fine. You look awful."

"Thanks," Blaine snorted.

Neither said anything for a long moment until Kurt sighed. "How can everything go from being so good to being so bad so quickly?"

Blaine didn't speak. He just stood there on the porch as if he too wanted an answer to that question.

"Is everything okay?" Kurt jumped in shock when he saw his dad coming up the front steps. He hadn't even heard him pull up into the driveway.

"Everything's fine," Kurt mumbled.

Burt surveyed them both for a moment. "Sure it is," he huffed sarcastically. "You boys need anything?"

They both shook their heads.

Burt nodded. "Okay, but I think you should probably take this conversation indoors before the neighbors start to think something is wrong. Are you staying for dinner, Blaine?"

Blaine just looked at Kurt, hesitation and hope in his gaze. Kurt nodded. "Yeah, he is." Blaine let out a relieved sigh.

They followed Burt inside, going straight upstairs to Kurt's room, where Kurt went to sit down on the bed as Blaine sunk down to the floor by the door. "I don't know what to do," Blaine whispered after a long silence. "Or say to make you believe that I'm fine."

Kurt looked him over for a long moment. "That's because nothing you say or do is going to make me believe you when I know that you're not."

Blaine just rested his head against the door, and they sat there quietly for over an hour before Blaine finally spoke. "Do you think that people can change?"

Kurt jumped at the words, pulled suddenly from his thoughts. "What do you mean?"

"Do you think that people can be better… that people can get better when they've done something wrong… when they've hurt someone… or been a bad person?"

"You're not a bad person, Bl-" Kurt started.

"I'm not talking about me," Blaine cut in.

"Then who are you talking about?"

Blaine huffed out a breath and closed his eyes. "Never mind. Just forget it."

Kurt didn't say anything for a few minutes, collecting his thoughts. "People can change," he finally answered. "They can be better. People hurt each other all the time, and they realize it's wrong and they don't do it anymore. Look at you. You were never a bad person, but you used to hurt yourself… with the morphine, but you don't do that anymore."

Tears started streaming down Blaine's face at Kurt's words. He opened his mouth to say something else, but they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Blaine scrambled away as Burt opened it to tell them dinner was ready.

When he closed the door, Blaine got up to go downstairs, but Kurt grabbed his arm to keep him there for a minute. "What were you going to say?"

Kurt could see the conflict in Blaine's eyes as he debated on an answer before finally replying. "I thought that was true… that people could change, but now I don't know anymore."

He walked out before Kurt could say anything else.

Throughout dinner, Kurt watched Blaine closely as he picked at his meal. His plate was still nearly full when he excused himself to the bathroom, and Kurt followed after him when the sounds of vomiting echoed down the hall to the dining room. Kurt just sat there brushing back the sweaty hair from the younger boy's forehead. Twenty minutes later, Blaine went home, mumbling a quiet goodbye and giving the tightest hug as if he was afraid Kurt might just disappear if he let go.

* * *

"Do you need to talk about it?" Burt asked Kurt later as they were washing dishes.

Kurt didn't answer for a long time, and when he did, it was barely a whisper. "What are you supposed to do when someone you love is hurting but they won't tell you why?"

Burt sighed, placing a comforting hand on Kurt's shoulder. "You try to be there for them as best you can and hope that they'll ask for help when they really need it."

Kurt closed his eyes as the tears ran down his face. He was surprised he had any left after the last week. "He's not going to. I just don't know how long I'm supposed to sit and watch him suffer and listen to him lie to my face."

"I wish there was a right answer, Kurt, but only you know when you've reached your limits. The only thing I do know is that you can't let yourself drown in someone else's pain."

The sobs came freely then, and Kurt let himself be pulled into a strong hug. He cried on his dad's shoulder for several minutes before excusing himself and going to bed.

* * *

The next day he showed up at Blaine's house. He knocked, and Malea let him in with a bright smile. "Hi, Kurt. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," he answered, half-heartedly. She didn't say anything else, and he just pointed upstairs before going up to find Blaine lying in bed under the covers. The room was dark, the curtains drawn closed to keep out all light. Kurt just came in and crawled in next to Blaine. He pulled him close to his chest, pressing his face in his curls. He squeezed tighter when he heard the first quiet sob and muffled, "I'm so sorry."

After the tears had dried up, Blaine turned over and laid his head above Kurt's heart. "I'm just so tired of this," he mumbled.

Kurt looked down at his boyfriend. "Tired of what, Blaine? Please, tell me what's wrong. I promise I can help."

Blaine didn't answer right away. He just stared at his finger, which was drawing patterns on Kurt's stomach over his shirt. "I'm tired of things going wrong when I finally feel like I'm okay. I'm tired of making you worry about me. I'm tired of you being mad at me for not telling you stuff that I just can't tell you. I'm tired of being here. I'm tired of… I got used to pretending everything was fine because for a brief moment, it was, but now it's just so exhausting."

"Then don't pretend, Blaine. If things aren't fine, then just tell me. There is nothing you can say to me that is going to change us. I'm always going to be here for you."

"That's what scares me the most," Blaine whispered so quietly Kurt almost didn't catch it.

Kurt jerked as a shiver of fear ran down his spine. Blaine looked up at him, eyes questioning. Kurt sat up and leaned against the headboard, pulling Blaine back towards him. "You're scared? I don't understand, Blaine. Why you would be scared of that?"

"I don't want you to end up like me," Blaine mumbled, before shaking his head and speaking louder. "Don't stick around me because you feel like I can't survive on my own or because you feel guilty or loyal to a fault." Suddenly, Blaine shifted in Kurt's arms and turned around. He put his hands on Kurt's face, holding him still as he looked into his eyes. "Promise me that you won't stay with me when you're miserable."

"Miserable! Blaine, I'm not or will I ever be miser-"

"No, stop!" Blaine snapped, closing his eyes tightly. "I know that sometimes you're mad because I don't tell you everything, but that's just how things have to be. I need you to promise me that if you can't handle it, you'll leave. Promise me that you won't stay with me because you think I need you. I need you to want to be with me. I need you to tell me if I don't make you happy anymore. Please just promise me that."

Kurt's brow was furrowed, and his eyes were filled with unshed tears. "Blaine…"

"Promise me."

"Okay," he whispered as a lone tear streaked down his face.

Blaine turned back around, settling against Kurt. "Thank you. I love you, Kurt."

"I love you, too," Kurt choked out.

There was a long silence before Blaine spoke again. "I'm really sorry that I didn't call you. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

"Why not, and don't tell me it's because you didn't have a phone?"

"I… I was really sick, and I didn't want you to see me like that. You would have freaked out," Blaine murmured.

"What do you mean?" Kurt questioned, voice fraught with nerves.

"It was bad, but I'm okay now. I promise."

Kurt sighed in frustration, but didn't ask any more questions. Blaine fell asleep after a few minutes, his head resting back against Kurt's chest, but Kurt just lay awake for hours. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was going to have to keep that promise someday. He wanted all of Blaine, and he knew he would eventually have to stop settling for just bits and pieces of the whole story.

* * *

Warnings: Mention of previous drug abuse and mention of vomiting


	21. Burt Prolepsis

A/N: Sorry this is a bit longer of a break between updates, but I didn't know when I would get to Chapter 16 this week. I didn't want you to have to wait to long between this and that. It will be up Saturday at the latest though. If I don't answer reviews this week it's because I'm trying to finish some last minute school work, but thanks to everyone who takes time to write to me and everyone who is still around reading. No warnings, just tears and heartbreak. I'm sorry. Thanks!

* * *

**October 2012**

"Hey, kiddo," Burt answered. "It's good to hear from you. I heard you had a surprise visitor yesterday."

Kurt couldn't speak for a minute. "Yeah, I did, but… he left."

"Everything okay?" Burt asked even though they both knew that it wasn't.

"No, Dad. It's… It's not okay… we broke up."

Burt huffed out a breath. "Oh, Kurt, I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

There was a long silence, while Kurt debated what exactly to tell his father. "I think I knew it was inevitable… that this was going to happen eventually because I couldn't handle the way things were. I mean I had to reach my limit eventually, right?"

Burt made a humming noise to indicate he understood but wanted Kurt to keep talking.

Kurt was sobbing now, and when he continued, the words came out slow and broken. "I t-thought that if we b-broke up that m-maybe I'd be able to b-breathe again. That I wouldn't f-feel like I was d-drowning, but I think it's a million times w-worse. I feel like I'm dying, Dad."

Burt remained quiet for a moment, but when he spoke, Kurt could tell he was trying to keep his voice even. "I wish I knew what to say or how to make this okay, Kurt, but I don't. Break ups hurt. I had hoped you and Blaine would be forever so you would never have to find out how much. But I think that you did what's best for you, Kurt. It hurts, but eventually you'll be able to heal and move on."

"I can't move on, Dad. I love him. How can I leave him like this when he needs me? He's hurting, and he needs me. But he won't let me help him, and I just didn't know what to do anymore." Kurt was pretty sure that his words barely made sense anymore, but he couldn't stop talking.

"Maybe this will make him think, and he'll come around," Burt argued, trying to find anything that might make his son hurt less.

Kurt laughed sarcastically through his tears, which somehow calmed him. "I don't think he will, Dad. He's been shutting me out for two years. Why would he stop now?"

"Sometimes, you don't know what you have until you've lost it," Burt replied. "You've always been there for him. Hopefully, he'll realize that."

"I hope so, Dad. I just don't know if I can keep hoping he'll change. It just leads to disappointment."

There was a long silence as they both were lost in thought.

"Will you keep an eye on him for me?" Kurt asked. "Let me know if anything happens. Maybe Finn can, too. I just worry that… I'm worried that he's going to use this as an excuse to do something stupid. I know that I'm supposed to worry less now, but it's a hard habit to break."

"You don't think he'd hurt himself or something, do you?" Burt questioned, astounded at the possibility.

"Not in the way you're thinking, Dad. But he is hurting, and I know him well enough to know that he's going to blame himself for all of this. He doesn't always deal with pain in healthy ways."

"You're not going to give me more than that, are you?"

"I can't," Kurt mumbled. "You know how hard it has been to get him to trust me with anything. I can't betray that trust… even now."

Burt was quiet for a long moment. Kurt would have thought he had hung up if he didn't hear breathing on the other end of the line

"Dad?"

"Kurt… I don't really know if I should tell you this, but he stopped by here yesterday afternoon. I mean that's why I knew he was going to visit you. But… He just… It was a little strange. He was acting funny… jumpy, and he left kind of suddenly…"

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Kurt sighed, resigned. "Did he say anything?"

"You know what?" Burt said, after a pause. "Don't worry about it. I'll try and talk to him. I promise. You shouldn't have to deal with this. Just focus on yourself, okay?"

"Dad? Are you really going to keep secrets for me now, too?" Kurt snapped.

"No, Kurt. It's not really a secret," Burt placated. "I just want you to leave it alone. You know, maybe you should go find someone to talk to about all of this… someone that doesn't know Blaine. I think you need to talk about this stuff. I don't like you keeping it all to yourself. That's Blaine's problem. It doesn't need to be yours, too."

Kurt sighed, "Fine, but if you find anything out, please talk to me."

"Of course, son."

"Okay, I think I'm going to go. Rachel and I have finally gotten out of the curling up in bed and crying stage, and I think we're going to move on to ice cream and sappy chic flicks."

"Sure, Kurt," Burt huffed out a humorless chuckle. "Thanks for calling me. Take care, and I love you." Burt put a firm emphasis on his final words.

"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too. Bye," Kurt replied, voice breaking as the tears started back up. He really missed his dad.

"Bye, son."


	22. Chapter 16

A/N: This chapter is kind of a whirlwind. It wasn't supposed be this way, but Kurt didn't have much to say about this period of time. I think it's because it all just felt a little like limbo to him or like a slow fall down a large cliff. Anyway, Chapter 17 and the very last prolepsis (guesses?) will be next week. I'll apologize in advance. It's all going to be a little heartbreaking for a while, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel! Thanks for sticking around!

* * *

**June – October 2012**

The summer was an exercise in patience for Kurt or perhaps acceptance and ignorance. For the most part, Blaine's attitude was bright and sunny as though their serious argument had never even happened. Kurt was smart enough, and knew Blaine well enough, to see that it was mostly put upon, but he wouldn't survive another series of unanswered questions so he didn't even ask.

When the flu reared its head again, Blaine did his best to avoid Kurt, but when the older boy eventually stormed his way into Blaine's room, he ended up with an armful of his curly-haired, cuddly boyfriend.

After this second bout of illness, Blaine's coolness towards his mother returned, a symptom of her constant babying Kurt assumed. Blaine was rude and snappy towards her, once again refusing her attempts to take care of him.

Malea and Kurt had formed a casual, but respectful relationship over the past few months so he felt comfortable relaxing in the living room with her one evening while Blaine slept upstairs. After a conversing about random topics - Blaine when he was younger, Kurt's hopes for New York, movies and music - Kurt eventually asked her what was actually on his mind.

"Do you know what's really going on with Blaine? I mean other than the flu and the general grumpiness. Something's wrong, but he won't tell me what it is."

For a brief second, Malea's eyes burned with what looked like fear, but when she blinked, it disappeared. "He's fine, sweetie," she answered, reaching over to place a calming hand on his knee. "I think he just gets scared when he gets sick like this sometimes. He doesn't like to admit it or let people see him like that, but he worries. He doesn't like other people to worry though so he pushes people away so it doesn't seem as bad as it is."

"You don't think anything is really wrong though, right? It's just the flu?" Kurt's voice wavered as he spoke.

"Trust me. He'll be fine. It's just the flu. He has a checkup in August, and I'm sure all his tests will turn out just fine," she consoled with a sweet smile. "You shouldn't worry yourself so much. You'll get wrinkles."

Blaine woke up awhile after that. The two of them were curled up in his bed, and Kurt was trying to find the energy to head home when Blaine said something unexpected. "I don't want you to talk to her when I'm not around, Kurt."

"Who? Your mom?" Kurt questioned, eyes wide with shock and confusion.

"Yeah, she… I don't want her to say anything stupid to you. She does that sometimes. You remember Valentine's Day. I just… I would feel better if you weren't alone with her," Blaine spoke, petulantly

Kurt tried to temper the frustration he felt at Blaine's crypticness, but it didn't really work. "What the hell is going on, Blaine? A month ago, everything was fine between you two, and now you don't even want me to talk to her. I don't get it."

Blaine let out a long breath, clearly as frustrated as Kurt was by the conversation. "She goes through phases like this when she's just not really a nice person, and she's going to pretend to be nice to you because that's what she does. But I just would feel better if you didn't get too close to her."

Rolling his eyes, Kurt climbed out of the bed and headed toward the door. "Well, I'm tired of you not giving reasons for whatever is going on in that head of yours, so unless you're actually going to tell me something, you can forget it. I'll talk to her if I want to. She tells me a lot more than you do."

With that, Kurt left. Later that night, Blaine sent a standard apology text with an added note to forget the whole conversation, and they didn't talk about it again.

Still, Kurt found it strange. Malea really had told him more about what was going than Blaine did, and he needed someone to talk to. He found some comfort in her words, using them to temper the concern that flared throughout the summer when Blaine spent days unable to keep food down and grumbled and groaned at everyone trying to help him. It didn't happen often, but it was enough to keep Kurt and Malea both on edge.

* * *

In the middle of June, Kurt started working at the Lima Bean, and Blaine started showing up during his shifts just to hang out for hours at a time. Some days he would be talkative and excited. Other days he would just sit there and stare off into space as if trying to find the solution to some complicated problem.

"Are you really just going to stay here for a year and what? Wait for me?" Blaine asked suddenly one day in late July when Kurt was dropping another medium drip off at his table. He had been quiet all afternoon, so the question took Kurt by surprise.

"I'm not waiting on you really. I'm just… waiting until I have something to do when I get to New York," Kurt answered.

Blaine looked up at him seriously. "There's always something to do in New York, Kurt. It's New York."

Kurt glanced back at the empty counter before sitting down across from his boyfriend. "There will be more to do if you're there with me."

"You can't wait on me," Blaine replied. His face and tone left little room for argument. He was serious. "You should go. You can get a job there, find a place with Rachel. There's nothing here for you in this stupid town."

"You're here," Kurt whispered.

Blaine didn't answer, going back to gazing at nothing, and Kurt had to get up to go take care of a customer.

* * *

They didn't talk about it again until after school started. Blaine was his usual, charming self when Kurt saw him at McKinley that first week. The persona he put on for others was firmly intact as he competed with the other glee club members for "the new Rachel." Kurt thought he could see the fraying edges of the mask Blaine wore even when he was in his element, but Kurt let it go like everything else.

He tried to be enthusiastic about starting at Allen County Community College, but he would be lying if he said a part of him didn't want to be somewhere else… in New York.

He went over to Blaine's house one night after work that week to find Malea cooking in the kitchen.

"Blaine just ran to the store real quick. He shouldn't be gone long," she said when he came in the room. "How are you doing, Kurt? Have you started classes yet?"

"No, they don't start until next week. I've just been working at the Lima Bean this week." He smiled and watched as she cut up some vegetables for what looked like a stir-fry. "Do you need any help?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine. Thanks for offering. Just sit there and keep me company." She smiled politely at him, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, sliding onto a stool across from her at the counter.

She looked up at him, surprised. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"You just seemed a little sad," Kurt replied.

Malea smiled again. "Oh, I'm fine," she answered with a wave of her hand, but after a brief moment of silence, she sat down her knife and looked up at him seriously. "Blaine's okay, you know. You don't need to stay here for him."

Kurt's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I know you worry about him, but he'll be fine without you. You should go to New York. I know you want to," she argued, but her voice was still smooth and polite.

"I'm not just staying for him. I can't just go there. I don't have anything to do. Why would I go there and get a silly job when I can stay here with my silly job but be with Blaine? It'll be easier on him… on us."

She picked up her knife and went back to chopping. "Fine, but you two will be okay no matter what. He loves you. You could be a million miles away, and it wouldn't make a difference."

Kurt looked at her with a questioning smirk on his lips. "I distinctly remember you once telling Blaine he needed to give me a reason to stick around and also threatening to kidnap me to keep me here. What's changed?" He tried to make it sound like a joke, but he was pretty serious.

She looked up at him briefly before her eyes quickly flicked behind him. "I just changed my mind. I think I needed a little bit better perspective."

Blaine laughed sarcastically from behind Kurt. "That's a bunch of bullshit."

Kurt started to turn to look at his boyfriend, but at Blaine's words he continued to examine Malea's face for her reaction. She kept her smile, but it tightened in irritation or annoyance. "Language, Blaine."

A bag of groceries was set on the counter next to Kurt, and he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. "You want to go out to dinner?" Blaine whispered in his ear.

Kurt smiled and leaned his head against Blaine's. "I think your mom is making more than enough for us. It looks good."

He could feel Blaine tense at his words, and he pulled away to look at his boyfriend. Blaine's eyes were glaring at his mother. "Fine," he muttered.

They all sat down to an uncomfortable meal. Kurt tried to make conversation, but it was awkward at best, hostile at worst. When they finished, Kurt and Blaine stayed to wash the dishes, and Malea left after a pointed look from her son.

"She's bullshitting you about her reasons for changing her mind, but her arguments aren't wrong," Blaine said when she was gone.

"You mean about me leaving?" Kurt questioned, as he dried the plate that Blaine handed him and put it away.

"Yeah… I will be fine, Kurt. We'll be fine."

Kurt paused to look at his boyfriend as he passed another dish to dry. "I don't know if I will be." He broke eye contact and went back to his task. "I know you're going to be mad when I say this, but I worry about you enough when I'm here. I can't imagine how bad it would be if I left."

Blaine sighed and pulled his hands out of the sink of water, placing them on the sides and resting his weight there, dropping his head in frustration. "That's why you should go. If that's even one of the reasons you're staying, then you need to go. I won't be able to forgive myself if you're miserable here because of me."

"I'm not miserable. I'm with you. How could I be miserable?"

"You might not be miserable, but you're not really happy either," Blaine whispered.

They didn't talk about it anymore that night, and the next day when Blaine sang to Kurt on the courtyard steps at school, Kurt knew he couldn't keep making up excuses to stay, so he left.

He did his best to ignore the fear he saw in Blaine's eyes as he went.

* * *

Kurt was wrong. It was easier not to worry when he was five hundred miles away. He didn't have any evidence to point to the contrary when Blaine said everything was fine back at home. He could believe it or at least pretend to even when he didn't. He threw himself into his new internship, his new life, and he had something to be excited about again and stories to tell Blaine when he called. He didn't need to constantly be wondering what Blaine was doing or how he was feeling.

New York was everything that Kurt hoped it would be when he dreamed about it except that Blaine wasn't there with him. At times he could physically feel Blaine's absence as though there was a giant hole in his heart. Other times he felt relief, like when he and Rachel drank a whole bottle of wine their first night in their new apartment or when the cute guy from work bought him three vodka lemonades when the whole office went out. Those were the moments when he didn't really miss Blaine at all, but they were also the moments that kept him up at night with guilt. He loved his boyfriend. He wanted him here with him, but there were times when he remembered all of the things he missed out on because he was with Blaine.

The guilt made him call a little less, made him talk a little more when he did. He told stories about what he was doing in an effort to include Blaine, but also because he couldn't stand to hear Blaine say he was fine again and have to question whether he was telling the truth. He couldn't stand the long silences when the space between them was like a giant cavern he was afraid of falling into. He hated himself because it felt like everything he had promised wouldn't happen and everything he had feared would. Mostly Kurt was scared that it would all fall apart in the quietest way possible. That neither of them would fall into the cavern, but eventually they wouldn't be able see the other on the opposite side. He didn't want to not know if Blaine was okay. He much preferred knowing that Blaine was not okay, despite how horrible of a person that made him.

Blaine almost always answered Kurt's phone calls, even in the middle of the day. Kurt suspected that it was often because Blaine was at home sick, but Blaine would usually deny it. When Malea answered the phone one day and confirmed that Blaine was ill, Kurt once again expressed his concern that it was more than just another passing flu, but eventually those concerns faded. Kurt didn't know if it was because he never heard when Blaine was sick or if it was easier not to worry when he had a feeling he wouldn't be told if something was really wrong.

Sure enough when Blaine did end up in the hospital, no one told him… except for Sam. The phone call with Blaine that followed that revelation was particularly awful. It was the one that made him realize that they were merely biding time until it all fell apart.

"You didn't tell me you were in the hospital! How could not tell me that, Blaine?" Kurt yelled through the receiver, aborting all effort to remain calm.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I just knew you would be worried, and I'm fine. It's nothing, really. I'm going to be out tomorrow. I didn't want to say something when I knew it was nothing." Blaine sounded just as frustrated as Kurt, but also scared, which only worried Kurt more.

"What if it hadn't been nothing? Would you have told me then? Because something tells me that you wouldn't have? I think you could be dying, and you wouldn't even give me time to say goodbye!"

"Kurt," Blaine cried. The sound broke Kurt's heart, but he refused to let that make him back down.

"Don't try to make this out like it's not important. I'm tired of it, Blaine. This is the same argument, the exact same problem we've been having forever. I don't know how many more times I can do it. I refuse to let you keep lying to me and keeping things from me by saying you're protecting me. You're not protecting me. You are hurting me, Blaine."

"I'm s-sorry. I just… I didn't want you to think anything is wrong. I know y-you would have m-made a big deal out of it, and it's not a big deal." Blaine's voice cracked and strained, and Kurt wished he were there to comfort him. At the same time, he couldn't get over his anger that he wasn't there, and that was Blaine's fault.

"It is a big fucking deal, Blaine. I know that you've been in the hospital a lot, but that doesn't make it any less important when you're there. It makes it more important. It makes me more concerned. It makes me want to be there for you because I know how much you hate it."

Blaine didn't speak for a while. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"I don't know how much longer that's going to work," Kurt whispered.

* * *

Two days later, Blaine showed up unexpectedly at Kurt's door. Kurt should have been excited, but he was just terrified.


	23. Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry to bring down such a happy day and the big Supreme Court news with this horribly depressing chapter, but I'm sure you guys are ready for this already. So this chapter was actually one of the first things I wrote for this fic, but I had to redo a lot of it from the original draft. After writing Kurt and Blaine's relationship from the beginning, the events here are all pretty inevitable. It breaks my heart a little bit more this way. Anyways, you can still guess the next prolepsis, which will be up probably Saturday. Hint: It's a conversation that's been mentioned before! I'll give out a little excerpt of chapter 18 to anyone who gets it right. Warning at the end! Thanks everyone!

* * *

**October 5-6, 2012**

Blaine refused to look him the eyes. That was how he knew. Of course, Blaine was pale and looked like he had lost quite a bit of weight in the last few months, but Kurt could blame that on being sick and in the hospital. But Blaine's eyes always told the whole story, and Kurt knew what he would see in them if Blaine would only let him look.

Still, Kurt avoided the truth of it for most of the evening after Blaine randomly showed up on his doorstep. If Blaine got to hide from the problem, then Kurt did to. They would both just pretend like nothing was wrong, go to Callbacks with Rachel and Finn, and have a great time. Everything else could be dealt with later. Unfortunately, later came a bit sooner then Kurt would have liked. Truthfully, he had never really been good at taking the easy way out, and Blaine's melancholic version of "Teenage Dream" put him on edge in a way he just couldn't ignore anymore. He decided that one of them was going to have to admit what was really going on here, and it definitely wasn't going to be Blaine. The younger boy had excused himself to the bathroom after his song, and a little bit later, Kurt followed after him.

There were several guys at the urinals when Kurt walked in, but Blaine wasn't one of them. He looked for Blaine's shoes under the stall doors and found him sitting on the floor of the one on the very end. Kurt squatted down and peeked underneath the door, huffing out a frustrated breath before reining it in and speaking calmly and softly.

"Blaine, can you open the door for me, babe?"

Kurt couldn't see Blaine's face, which was turned towards the toilet, while he leaned against the side wall. He jerked slightly at Kurt's voice, but didn't turn to face him.

"Please, go away, Kurt," he whispered quietly.

"Nope," Kurt replied not angrily but still sternly. "I'm coming in there if I have to crawl under the door, and I won't be happy if I have to ruin my pants so I would highly recommend you just open the door and save the argument, please. I just want to help."

Blaine didn't respond for a minute, and Kurt thought he was actually going to have to crawl on the disgusting tile of the bathroom. But then he heard Blaine's voice so quiet he barely caught what he was saying.

"You aren't going to want to help me when I open the door. You're going to leave me. I broke my promise." His voice cracked as he spoke, and it immediately brought tears to Kurt's eyes.

Kurt wanted to say that wasn't true, but he didn't want to lie. He had made a promise, too.

"Look at me," he demanded, trying his best not to let his anger show. When Blaine finally turned towards him, he continued, "Open the door now."

With a great sigh, Blaine slowly reached up to the lock, and the door swung inwards slightly. Kurt stood up and pushed it open enough so that he could squeeze through and lock it behind him.

Looking down on Blaine still sitting on the floor, it was probably the worst thing Kurt had ever seen. His boyfriend had never looked so broken, and Kurt really didn't know how to put him back together. Even if he did, he probably wouldn't have the energy left to do so anyway. Kurt had never felt so exhausted, but he gathered up what little strength he had left and ignored the voice in the back that was telling him it was almost over and he would be able to sleep soon.

Kurt knew there wasn't really anything to say, so he just got to work. He leaned over, untied the rubber band from Blaine's bicep and threw it and the needle on the floor behind the toilet, where hopefully no one would find them until long after they were gone. Kurt briefly wondered whether Blaine had actually brought this on the plane with him, but decided that thought would only add unnecessarily to his worry. Honestly, he didn't know if it would better if Blaine had risked getting arrested at the airport or somehow managed to find some seedy drug dealer in his short time in New York. In the end, Kurt reasoned, it didn't really matter how he got it. He did.

Blaine rolled the arm of his blue button-up back down. His face was emotionless as he ran his hand down the sleeve several times to smooth out the wrinkles. It was so clinical and practiced an action that it brought bile up Kurt's throat. He swallowed it down and bent over to pull Blaine up onto his feet with his hands under the boy's arms. Blaine swayed on his feet, but eventually steadied and fixed Kurt with a look mixed with surprise and defeat.

"Why are you helping me?" he asked. "You hate me,"

Kurt sighed. He really didn't want to talk about this right now.

"You're my boyfriend. I don't hate you. I love you. I'm definitely pissed, but I'm certainly not going to let you pass out on the bathroom floor of a bar. Come on; let's just go home. We'll deal with everything else tomorrow."

"I don't deserve you," Blaine mumbled.

"No, you really don't." Kurt said the words without thinking, but even the agony on Blaine's face couldn't really make him want to take them back.

Blaine just nodded slowly and followed Kurt out of the stall and the bathroom. Kurt said a quick goodbye to Finn and Rachel, explaining that Blaine wasn't feeling very well. Blaine just waited by the door, unwilling to answer questions or give parting hugs. The couple didn't speak a word the whole way back to Kurt's apartment, and they silently got in bed leaving a large space in between them although they both lay there awake for hours.

At some point in the night, they heard Finn and Rachel come in quietly. A little bit later, Kurt heard Blaine's racking sobs. He quickly scooted across the bed, wrapped his arm around Blaine's waist, and pulled the boy back so he fit perfectly against his chest.

"Shh, B, it's okay. It's going to be okay," Kurt whispered soft words of comfort.

"No… No, it's really not, Kurt," Blaine mumbled through his tears.

Kurt couldn't deny that so he just tightened his hold on his boyfriend and began to hum and eventually sing until Blaine's sobs quieted, and they both fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning Kurt woke up with a beautiful boy wrapped up in his arms, and for a moment he relaxed in the wonderful feeling of having Blaine in his bed after so long apart. It didn't take long before the memory of last night's events came back, and that feeling all but disappeared.

Kurt tried to stay in bed and pretend that everything was fine. He tried to keep denying the truth like he had been for months, but he couldn't do it anymore. The longer he stayed there, the more physically uncomfortable he became. It was like he was cuddling with a stranger. Eventually, he shuffled out from underneath his boyfriend, grabbed his robe from his closet, and made his way to the bathroom.

He showered quickly and then slipped into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Blaine was still curled up asleep in bed when he got back to his room, so he quietly got dressed and returned to the kitchen to make some breakfast.

Twenty minutes later, he walked back into the bedroom carrying a tray full of French toast, eggs, and coffee.

"Morning, ba-," he started before the entire tray dropped to the floor and the sound of breaking wood and glass echoed around the apartment. At the noise, Blaine's eyes quickly darted up to meet his from where they had been focused on his upper right arm as he tried to knot one of Kurt's ties around it pulling one end with his mouth. A needle and a small bottle of liquid sat on the bed in front of him.

"Kurt, I-," he started, letting go of the tie, but Kurt interrupted.

"Don't stop on my account," he snapped, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "You clearly don't give a shit what I have to say, so go ahead, and ruin my fucking tie while you're at it."

Blaine just stared at him for a moment, eyes conflicted and confused. "Please don't look at me like that."

"Like what? Like I don't even know you because that's kind of how I feel right now."

Blaine shut his eyes tight, and a single tear ran down his cheek. "I'm sorry, Kurt."

At that moment, they could hear Finn and Rachel moving around in the rest of the apartment, obviously awoken by the sound of Kurt dropping their breakfast. Finn's voice echoed out, "Kurt, is everything okay?"

Blaine startled and quickly pulled the tie off his arm, wrapping it around the needle and bottle as he stormed out of the room. Seconds later, Kurt heard the bathroom door slam shut.

He took a few deep breaths before going to find a broom. Finn was outside his room when he came out, looking at him like his hair was on fire. "What in the world was that about? Is Blaine okay?"

"It's nothing, Finn. Just go back to bed. I'll handle it," Kurt told his brother before going back to clean up the mess in his room.

When he returned to the kitchen a few minutes later to throw away the shattered plates and food he had swept up on the broken sections of his breakfast tray, Finn and Rachel were both pouring themselves coffee.

"Help yourselves to the food. I don't think Blaine or I will be eating any of it," he told them with a roll of his eyes.

"Do you know how long he's going to be in the bathroom?" Rachel mumbled. "I kind of need to pee."

Kurt huffed out a breath and strode over to the bathroom door, knocking rapidly. "Blaine, come out already. Surely, you're done with that shit by now. Rachel needs in there."

Blaine didn't answer for a moment, so Kurt continued. "This locking yourself in the bathroom thing is getting really old. Come on, Blaine. We're not going to solve anything this way."

"I'm just putting off the inevitable," Blaine muttered through the door.

"What's that?" Kurt sighed.

"You know what."

Kurt's anger finally melted into real grief at Blaine's words, and he sunk down to the floor as his eyes filled with tears. "I know how you feel. I've been doing that for a while, too, I think."

Kurt could hear Blaine's laugh on the other side. "We both have."

"Please, come out and talk to me though. Maybe we can keep putting off the inevitable a little bit longer."

"I don't think so."

Kurt looked up to see Finn towering nearby. "Is he okay?"

"No, he's not," Kurt whispered.

"Please tell Finn to go away," Blaine shouted through the door.

"Blaine, don't do that," Kurt replied. "He's just worried about you like everyone else."

"I'm not coming out if he's nearby. I can't… I don't want him to know. Rachel, too."

Kurt sighed and gave Finn a pointed look. Finn just raised his hands in a placating gesture and walked away.

"Do you want me to go, too?" Kurt asked quietly.

It was silent for a long moment before Blaine answered, "Yeah, I just need a minute. I promise I'll come out in a bit. I need to breathe."

Kurt reluctantly got up and went back into the kitchen where Finn and Rachel were sitting at the table nibbling on the breakfast Kurt had made. They both stared at him as he went to go pour himself a new cup of coffee and came to sit down across from Rachel. Nobody said a word until all the food and coffee was gone.

"So are you going to explain what in the world is going on now?" Rachel, of course, was the one to break the silence. "I mean, I love a good storm out and all, but I really really would like to use the bathroom some time today. Do you know when Blaine is going to be finished with this little mental breakdown of his?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and pointedly ignored her. He really didn't have any idea what to say. He couldn't tell them the truth… that his boyfriend was getting high in their bathroom. Although it might help to be able to share some of the weight he'd been carrying around, he knew that Blaine wouldn't react well if he found out Kurt had told them.

After a moment of silence, Finn decided to give it a try. "Listen, man. I get that something's going on. I don't know what is, but you know you can talk to us, right? We just want to help."

"Well, you can't," Kurt snapped. "I can't even help right now." He took a breath to calm himself before continuing. "Look, I appreciate it. I do, but I really just need you to leave it alone. Please."

"Sure, bro. I get it," Finn sighed halfheartedly. "I guess I can skip a shower today. I have a plane to catch."

Kurt looked up abruptly, confused. "Are you going home? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, noticing how both Rachel and Finn were staring at the table avoiding all eye contact.

"Uh… Well, it was a last minute decision," Finn said quietly, getting up and taking his plate and mug to the sink.

Kurt caught Rachel's watery eyes as Finn left and gave her a sympathetic smile. It turned out he and Blaine weren't the only ones who had a rough night.

Kurt and Rachel remained at the table in respectful silence while Finn went to her room to get dressed and pack his things. A few moments later, they heard the bathroom door open. Kurt didn't dare look up until he heard Blaine clear his throat to his left.

At the noise, Kurt turned his head to stare at this person he still called his boyfriend, hoping he would find something he still knew and understood. He needed some sign that this was still his Blaine, but the boy looked like a stranger. He was wearing a ratty old long-sleeved Dalton shirt and sweatpants, when he usually slept in pajamas with a matching top and pants. His curly hair was mostly free from its usual gel and looked as though Blaine had been running his fingers through it. Most strikingly different though, Kurt noticed were his boyfriend's eyes. Even when things had been the hardest, when Blaine had been the sickest, his eyes used to shine with light and love and life. But now they were covered in a cloud, and when they paused their constant wandering around the apartment to finally let Kurt see them, they were dead and lifeless. Kurt only hoped that it wasn't a complete reflection of Blaine himself.

Rachel's voice broke Kurt out of his thoughts, as she excused herself politely to the bathroom. Blaine slowly walked over and took her seat. They sat quietly for a minute until Kurt reached out and sat his hand palm up on the table in front of Blaine.

"I want all of it, the needles and t-the fucking m-morphine," Kurt sputtered out as tears gathered in his eyes and his throat tightened. "Give me all of it, and then we'll talk."

Blaine didn't reply for minute and just stared at Kurt's hand like it might jump up and attack him. After a long moment, he whispered a quiet, "I can't."

At the words, Kurt's tears ran over and streamed down his cheeks.

"Please, don't cry," Blaine said, battling his own tears and getting up to hug his boyfriend, kneeling on the floor next to Kurt's chair. "I'm sorry. I just can't. I know you don't understand, and I want to explain it to you. But I just can't, and I can't give you my stuff because I need it, Kurt. I need it to get through this. I won't get through this without it. I'll die, or I don't know maybe I already am dead. Maybe it's just keeping me walking around and acting alive and without it, I'm just gonna drop. I don't know. I don't really understand it either, Kurt. I just know that I need it." Blaine rambled endlessly, talking into the crook of Kurt's neck. He held on tight as though Kurt would disappear if he let go, or maybe as if he would disappear if he let go.

Kurt shushed him though and pulled back, so that he could look into those dead eyes. He held Blaine's face in his hands and searched again, hoping to find it, find that piece of his boyfriend still there. When he spoke again, his words were based on pure faith that his Blaine could still be found.

"I have always told you that I wanted to help you, and you have always told me that you're fine. But clearly you're not. You turn to this instead of me. Do you have any idea how much that hurts me?" Kurt asked, barely able to get the words out through his tears.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. You know I am so sorry, but you just… you can't help me right now. Nobody can help me. I just need time. We just need time. And I know that I shouldn't take it, but I can't help it. I need it. Just for a little while. I promise… I promise… just until things are better. Please, try to understand. I need it." Kurt saw a flicker of light in Blaine's eyes as he pled for understanding, but Kurt just couldn't understand or be okay with not understanding.

"Do you need it more than you need me?" he asked, knowing full well how much of himself he was betting on Blaine's answer.

Blaine flinched at the question. He looked betrayed, devastated, and resigned. They both knew this was coming. Blaine's face alone was to Kurt a sure sign of what his answer would be, but it took several long minutes before he answered, the silence only interrupted by Finn's and Rachel's muffled voices coming from her bedroom.

Eventually, Blaine spoke, "Please don't do this. Can't you just pretend for a little while longer? Please, Kurt."

"No, I can't," Kurt whispered the words, as his body tried to keep himself from uttering them. "You made me promise that when I couldn't handle it anymore, I would let you go. If you won't let me help you, then I'm at least going to keep that promise." He closed his eyes tightly, holding his breath before letting it go. "I think you should leave." His voice was barely audible, and it physically hurt him to say the words. "I can't stand to see you like this." He let go of Blaine's face and looked away, not willing to see the pain there anymore.

Blaine didn't say anything else, although Kurt could see him nod out of the corner of his eye. Kurt sat unmoving as Blaine stood up and went into Kurt's room to gather his things. He looked up when Finn exited Rachel's room carrying his stuff and prepared to leave. Finn gave him a sympathetic smile, set down his bag, and held his arms out for a hug. Kurt let out a humorless chuckle and walked into his brother's arms. The hug was warm and full, but rather short, both feeling more vulnerable than they really wanted to let on.

"Are you in a hurry, or can you wait a bit and split a cab with Blaine?" Kurt said, when they stepped apart.

Finn's eyes widened at the statement. "It's that bad?" he asked.

Before Kurt could answer Blaine walked out of Kurt's room. He had changed into jeans, thrown on henley, and smoothed back his hair, but he still didn't really look like Kurt's Blaine.

"It is what it is," Kurt said, his eyes turned at his boyfriend, or ex, maybe. "Have a safe flight, both of you."

"I really am sorry, Kurt," Blaine yelled as Kurt turned to go.

Kurt didn't turn back around. "I know."

At that, Kurt left the boys in the open space, going not to his own room but to Rachel's. He crawled into bed next to her, where they both spent the rest of the day in tears.

* * *

Warning: IV morphine drug use


	24. Blaine Prolepsis

A/N: Congrats to amethyst-uk, who not only guessed Blaine but even got the conversation right. This is the phone call mentioned in the prologue on Thanksgiving. I really like this. I hope you guys do, too. The next chapter should be up Monday or Tuesday. It will give a lot more insight into the tone of this conversation. Thanks everyone!

* * *

**November 22, 2012**

"You're just a glutton for punishment, aren't you?" Blaine answered harshly.

"Hello to you, too," Kurt replied sarcastically.

"What do you want?"

"To talk to you. To tell you I love you. To ask how you're doing," Kurt said false casually. He didn't want to sound nervous, but he was actually physically shaking with anxiety.

"I'm fine," Blaine mumbled. He didn't even try to be sincere because they both knew it wasn't the truth.

Kurt sighed. "Can you give me anything else? Please, Blaine? I'm trying here."

"I appreciate that, but I don't know what you're expecting to get out of this. Nothing has changed," Blaine stated.

"Maybe I've changed."

"I don't know what that means." Blaine groaned, clearly agitated.

"I need you to tell me the truth. What's been going on? How are you really doing? Are you still taking the morphine? How often? Are you still sick? I need you tell me all of it." Kurt's voice was stern, forceful. He was determined to get answers to his questions.

"Seriously? Kurt, I don't have time for this. I have to go compete at sectionals."

"Okay, then, you can call me back afterwards. You can tell me everything." Kurt couldn't keep the pleading tone out of his voice

"Kurt… I can't tell you everything," Blaine whispered. "Maybe you've changed, but I haven't."

"Then you will because if you don't tell me everything, then I will. I'll tell everything I know to everyone I know. I'll tell your mom. I'll tell Ms. Pillsbury. I'll tell my dad. I'll tell your dad. I'll tell Cooper. I'll tell Sam. I'll tell Finn. I'll tell everyone, Blaine." Kurt was proud that he said all of that without any doubt or fear.

The silence, however, was terrifying.

"You wouldn't." Blaine was trying to be sure of the statement, but his voice shook slightly.

"I will. I'm not going to stand by and watch you kill yourself. I won't do it."

"I hate you."

Kurt tried to pretend like the words didn't hurt, but he could feel them cut right through to his heart. They didn't change things though. "I know."

"Please, don't." Blaine's voice cracked.

"I have to."

"No, you don't."

"I do if you won't tell me the truth. Please, Blaine, just tell me everything, so we can get you the help you need. So you can be okay. So I can be okay. So we can be okay. I love you."

"You know, this isn't me, right?" Blaine whispered after a long pause.

"I know this isn't you, B. You're better than this."

"No, I mean it's not me. This whole mess… it's not about me. "

"Then who is it about?" Kurt questioned, confused but excited to get anything other than angry words from his ex.

Blaine sighed, "Never mind. I can't. Kurt, I can't right now." Kurt could hear the tears he was holding back.

"Soon?"

"Maybe."

"Will you be okay until then?"

"Maybe."

"I can give you some time, but not much. I don't know what I would do if I called, and you didn't answer because I gave you too much."

"Okay… I'll try, too."

"Thank you, B. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Kurt smiled. "Will you call me? When you need me… or anytime really? Please? I need to hear your voice."

"I'll try."

"Thanks."

"I have to go."

"Okay, I'll talk to you soon?"

Blaine hung up without answering.


	25. Chapter 18

A/N: Short chapter, but it's going to take us right up to the prologue. I hope everyone's excited about that. I'll try to get Chapter 19 out quick, hopefully Thursday. Another note, I'm going to be editing some things, mostly minor stuff, but I am going to put specific dates on a few things to make them line up correctly. I know for sure it means I'll have to change the month on at least one chapter, but it shouldn't make that big of a difference. I just wanted to let everyone know in case you notice it, and to clarify that it's my perception of time that might not line up with actual episode dates in the Glee 'verse. Thanks everyone! Warnings at the end.

* * *

**October - November 2012**

It took two days before Kurt could think about Blaine and not be overwhelmed by a combination of guilt, anger, and grief. He knew his dad was right. He had made the right decision for himself by letting Blaine go, but he also knew that he had left the boy he loved, a boy who was scared and sick and struggling. And Kurt left him… with nothing.

The first week he vowed not to worry about him. Blaine's problems weren't Kurt's problems, and he needed to learn how to separate himself. He needed to remember who he was before he became Blaine's boyfriend… before he became so invested in whether or not Blaine was sober or ill. Kurt could barely remember what life was like when he didn't need to worry about those things, and while it was freeing to have a little bit of weight lifted, he also felt empty.

It wasn't hard for Kurt to throw himself into work as a distraction, and he probably would have kept it up if the concerned texts from his old friends at McKinley didn't start to get to him. At first he just ignored them. It was none of their business what had happened, and it wasn't his job to tell them anything. When Finn begged him to come see the production of Grease that he was directing, Kurt told him it probably wasn't going to happen, but one text convinced him otherwise.

_He doesn't talk, Kurt. That's not an exaggeration. We had to beg him to play Teen Angel, and I'm pretty sure the only time I've heard words come out of his mouth are when he's singing the song. I know it shouldn't be your problem anymore, but something's really wrong. At least tell me what happened, so I can try to help. I'm really worried._

Kurt couldn't tell Finn the truth, so after persuading Rachel to join him, he took the trip back to Lima.

* * *

"It's not that I'm not glad to see you, son, but I thought you were going to try to let someone else handle this." Burt gave his son a somewhat judgmental look, as Kurt got dressed for opening night of the musical.

"Well, when everyone else just texts me to find out what's wrong, it's kind of hard for me to leave it alone," Kurt snapped in reply.

Burt huffed, "I didn't text you. I know that all of those people in that glee club are worried, but I told you that I'm looking out for him. You need to learn to let go."

"I tried, but I can't," Kurt whispered, putting the final touches on his hair and heading out to pick up Rachel.

* * *

Blaine was nowhere to be found when Kurt got backstage, but when the rest of the cast spotted him, he was suddenly surrounded by people, some that he didn't even know, all of them spouting a million questions at once.

"What the hell happened in New York, Kurt? Blaine's been running around here acting like a zombie since he got back. Did you hurt him? Because I don't want to have to beat you up, but I will," Sam ranted.

"Is Blaine okay? Do you know what's wrong? He's been so quiet lately," the tiny brunette girl playing Sandy wondered, her face grave with concern.

"Seriously, Kurt. He's acting so melodramatic. It's ridiculous. Please tell me you're here to tell him to get over himself." Tina rolled her eyes.

Kurt stopped paying attention to the rapid-fire questions when he spotted Blaine walking in and staring at the group with wide, scared eyes. When Blaine caught sight of Kurt, his head dropped in exasperation, defeat, guilt, sadness maybe. Kurt didn't really know what it was. He could only tell that Blaine looked completely and utterly exhausted.

When the group realized who Kurt was staring at so intensely, they all tried to subtly sneak away, all failing miserably, and Kurt was left there with Blaine. He went to open his mouth, but Blaine cut him off.

"Don't, Kurt. There's really nothing left for either of us to say. I'm sorry if everyone bugged you to come back here, so you could save the day or whatever. But you don't need to save me, okay? I'm fine or I'm not fine, but it's not your problem anymore."

Kurt didn't get to say anything else before Blaine left to go warm up and Rachel grabbed him to go find their seats before the show started.

"Maybe you can find him afterwards." She smiled sympathetically at him, and he returned it the best he could.

When they got out to the auditorium, Kurt looked everywhere for the one person who could maybe tell him something he didn't already know, but she was nowhere in sight. "Do you see Blaine's mom anywhere?"

Rachel frowned. "I don't think so. That's weird, isn't it? She's usually so excited to see him perform."

They were both quiet for a moment.

"You think he told her about the show?" Rachel asked.

"No, I don't," Kurt replied.

* * *

Blaine performing was always breathtaking. It didn't matter what else was going on with him or in his life, if he was sick or maybe even high. When he was on stage, he was magnetic, dynamic. It was impossible not to watch him, not to fall in love with him all over again. He was amazing, and watching him as Teen Angel, watching him ironically tell Frenchy not to throw her life away, Kurt just couldn't believe this Blaine, and the one he saw laying on the bathroom of a New York bar after shooting morphine were the same person. It broke Kurt's heart all over again.

When Blaine didn't come out for the final bows, Kurt sighed to himself and got up to go find him, wondering if he was even still at school or had skipped out early. He found him walking out of a bathroom near the choir room.

"You missed curtain call." Kurt's voice echoed down the hallway.

Blaine was facing way from him, and Kurt could see him take a deep breath before turning around.

"I can't say I'm severely disappointed," he muttered.

"You were wonderful up there. I've missed that Blaine, the real Blaine. I want him back."

Blaine laughed in reply. "That's not really the real Blaine, Kurt. That's just me pretending." He held his arms out wide. "This is me. You may not like it, but it's always been me. I was just hiding."

"That's not true," Kurt huffed. "I know you. This isn't you."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "What are you even doing here, Kurt?"

"I just wanted to see if you were okay?" Kurt mumbled.

Blaine raised his eyebrows in a great imitation of Kurt's "seriously?" face. "I'm just peachy. Thanks. You can go now."

"Were you high on stage, or did you just save that for after?" Kurt retorted.

"Who says I'm high now?"

"Your arm is bleeding."

Blaine looked down and saw the red spot on the inside elbow of his white sweater.

"Fuck," he cursed, turning to go back into the bathroom.

"I don't know how much longer I can keep protecting you. I don't even think that keeping your secrets is actually protecting you anymore. I think it's just hurting you more. I mean are you ever not high anymore, Blaine? Look at yourself. What are you doing?"

Blaine turned back, cold across his face. "You know, I was fine today until I saw you. You don't need to come here with your perfect little New York life, and looking like that… like you always do… just to remind me what a fucking idiot I am… how much I fucked up… how much my life fucking sucks. I don't need you here. I don't need you. Just go away. Leave me the fuck alone."

"If you were fine, I wouldn't have been getting texts from all of your friends asking what in the world happened in New York because you won't even talk anymore. From what I hear, this conversation is the most you've spoken since we broke up," Kurt argued.

"I don't have anything to say to anyone. That doesn't mean something is wrong with me," Blaine murmured, but even he knew his response was weak.

Kurt just stared at him for a moment. "Where's your mom?"

Blaine's head immediately dropped at the question, as though he was trying to hide any reaction he might have had to it. "She had to work." The words were tight and strained, clearly not the truth, but also filled with such venom that it sent a shiver right up Kurt's spine.

"I take it you and her still aren't getting along then," Kurt stated the obvious. "Let me guess she's worried about you, too. You surely can't have that happen, can you?" he added, sarcastically.

After a short chuckle, Blaine looked back up at Kurt and held his eyes as he walked closer until they were just inches apart. His face took Kurt's breath away. Kurt always knew that Blaine was hiding things, but until this moment, he never realized how much of the time Blaine covered his feelings, because now, Kurt could see a whirlwind of emotions behind Blaine's usually composed exterior. Sheer agony was painted in the lines around his eyes, worry and exhaustion clouded his forehead, and his lips were tightened in what Kurt could only call disappointment. "After all this time, Kurt, I really thought you would be the one that would see what's right in front of your face. You think you know everybody, that you have everyone figured out. But you really have no idea, do you?"

"Then why won't you just tell me? If you're not who I think you are, then who are you?" Kurt whispered, bringing a hand up to Blaine's cheek but dropping it back down when Blaine flinched at the touch.

Blaine's eyes filled with tears, and he answered as he backed down the hallway. "I don't really know because I haven't really had the opportunity to live yet. But I do know that I'd do pretty much anything to protect the people I love. That includes you, which is why I'm telling you that you should just leave me alone. It's definitely what's best for you." He whirled around quickly to leave, but turned back after a moment, adding, "And don't you dare try to talk to my mother." Even down the hallway, Kurt could see his eyes burning with the seriousness of his words. It wasn't angry, but it was a warning.

* * *

Kurt accepted Blaine's parting words but called Ms. Pillsbury. It was his last desperate hope, his last cry for help. After that, he once again declared himself done with the whole drama. He buckled down at Vogue again, worked tirelessly on his new application to NYADA. He was going to get in, live his New York dreams, and Blaine would have to figure out his problems on his own.

But no matter how much he tried, it was impossible to get Blaine out of his head, and when Isabelle asked him about it, he remembered his dad's advice. Maybe he should talk to someone who didn't know Blaine.

Isabelle and some other people in the office knew that Kurt had broken up with his boyfriend, but they all had learned not to ask what happened after one rather loud exclamation of, "It's none of your damn business."

When Isabelle politely asked late one evening, a few days before Thanksgiving, if everything was better between the two, Kurt tried to say he was done with Blaine and wasn't going to worry about it anymore. She knew it wasn't the truth though. She asked if he wanted to talk about what happened, and Kurt finally relented. "I should warn you though. It's a not a short story."

She smiled sweetly and answered, "I don't have anywhere else to be." So he talked.

Isabelle listened politely, sympathetically to the whole thing, from beginning to end. Her face was earnest when Kurt dared to look at her, but mostly he stared at his hands or the wall. He finally understood why Blaine never wanted to make eye contact when he was spilling his secrets.

When Kurt was done, she wrapped her arms around him tightly until his tears were dry. When she pulled back, Kurt could tell she had something important to say.

"You can't save him, Kurt. I know you want to, but you can't. He has to save himself. But you also can't just stop worrying about him like it's nothing. I'm glad you realized that you needed to take a step back, but you also need to tell someone, someone who knows him, about this… all of it, not just some of it."

Kurt's eyes widened at that, and he shook his head. "No, no, I can't do that. I can't…"

Isabelle gave him an understanding look. "If something happens to him and you didn't say anything, you will never forgive yourself for that. You've dealt with a lot more than you should have to at your age, but you need to stop trying to do this all by yourself, Kurt. If you can't try to help anymore, if you've done all that you can do, then you need to give the people who can still help the information they need."

"He'll hate me," Kurt sobbed, the tears returning in streaks down his face. "I still love him. I can't have him hate me."

"Then you need to call him. Tell him that. Tell him that you love him, but if he won't get help, if he won't tell you what's going on, then you're going have to do what's best for him, even if it means that he'll hate you. It might not sound like the right thing to do, but it is the most caring, compassionate thing that you can do for him. He might hate you, but trust me, that will be a lot easier to handle than the guilt if anything happens to him that you could have prevented."

Kurt made a promise to her that he would talk to Blaine and that he would tell someone else if Blaine wouldn't. Then, he made a promise to Blaine that he would give him just a little more time. It was all just a little too late.

Isabelle was right. The guilt was unbearable.

* * *

Warnings: Mention of IV drug use, blood


	26. Chapter 19

A/N: Well, here we are folks. I'm really excited to get reactions for this, so I hope to hear from all of you whether you love it or hate it. I will warn you that I'm not a doctor, but I did my best so hopefully you can forgive any errors. There's a change in POV and a flashback in here, and there will be more of that in the next few chapters. Also, keep in mind if you're still somewhat confused, there will be a lot more revealed soon and I'll probably have more notes about this chapter in the next one. Also we'll finally get inside Blaine's head since that's the only way to get answers to a lot of burning questions. Thanks for sticking around this far. I hope you like it! **Warnings at the end**.

* * *

**November 23, 2012**

Kurt didn't want to be there, sitting in a hospital room with someone he loved in a coma once again. And just like how it had been with his father, Kurt couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly guilty about the last conversation he and Blaine had. He doubted that he could have done anything to prevent this situation from the moment when he had decided that he had to do something. Still, he should have realized how serious the situation was long before it had gotten to this point.

Malea was calm despite being clearly distraught. She had usually been really good at keeping her feelings under wrap, and apparently this was no different. Although, Kurt reasoned it wasn't really the first time she had been through something like this. She seemed to think Blaine was going to wake up and be just fine. It quelled a bit of Kurt's own nerves. He still needed answers, though, and most importantly, he needed to know how much she and the doctors knew about what Blaine had been doing.

"Did he tell you why we broke up?" Kurt asked, afraid to say the question he really wanted to.

"Of course, not. He doesn't ever tell me anything really. He loves to keep his secrets. I assumed it was the distance. I know it's been hard on him being away from you."

Kurt didn't like that answer. Months of Malea's reassurances that they would be fine, and now, she took it as obvious that distance tore them apart. Surely, she knew more. "Did Ms. Pillsbury call you?"

Malea gave him a questioning stare as if she couldn't fathom a reason why the counselor would need to talk to her. "Why would she do that?"

"You didn't know that Blaine's been using again?" How could she not know? The last time Kurt saw Blaine, he looked like the very definition of a drug addict.

The still, stoic look on Malea's face scared Kurt more than he could begin to explain. "No," she whispered.

Kurt was expecting questions, but he got none so he continued to ask his own. "Did you bring that back into your house when you knew what he would do with it?" His voice was soft, quiet. He didn't want to be accusing, but he couldn't help it.

Her reaction reminded him of the day almost exactly a year ago after sectionals, when Kurt had told her that he knew that Blaine had gotten the drugs from her in the first place. Kurt reasoned it was how she looked when someone accused her of not having Blaine's best interests at heart. She probably had earned the right to be offended after everything she and Blaine had been through. "Really, Kurt? How could you think I would do something like that? I had no idea about this. I promise you."

Kurt nodded and remained silent for a while until he remembered he forgot to ask the most important question, probably because he wouldn't believe the answer he'd be given. "He's going to be okay, right?"

Malea's face was consoling when she spoke. "Of course he is, sweetie. You know Blaine. He's a fighter. He'll get through this. He always does."

"I just wish he didn't have to fight so hard… all the time."

Malea didn't respond to that, turning back to look at her son.

"So do they know what caused this, the seizure and the coma? Do they know what's wrong?" Kurt wondered.

"Apparently his blood sugar was really low. They don't know why though," she answered smoothly.

"Low blood sugar?" Kurt was astounded. "Low blood sugar can cause this?"

"It's called insulin shock. It's rare in people without diabetes, so they still have to figure out exactly what happened. It could be a tumor or an infection, but something is probably wrong with his pancreas." Malea didn't turn her face away from her son as she answered. Her voice was even but tight as she spoke. She sounded like a nurse and not a mother.

Kurt was suddenly overwhelmed by the need to do something… to fix something. He didn't know what was wrong, but he just felt like there was something he was missing… something that he forgot.

"Where's Cooper and your husband? They're coming right."

It was a while before Malea answered, and she sounded angry when she did. "Richard is going to try to make it as soon as he can, but it definitely won't be today. Cooper has an audition or something stupid. Who knows what it is with him."

Kurt just stood there in complete silence for a moment. His skin was prickling. "Do they know how bad it is? How can they not come as soon as possible?"

Malea sighed, frustrated. "Kurt, I get the need for all of the questions. I have a lot of my own, but could you please just stop for a minute? I just… I can't answer everything. I can't even comprehend it all right now."

Kurt nodded and finally took the other seat next to the bed. "Do you think you could give me a minute alone with him? I just… I need to talk to someone."

She gave him a curious look for a moment before putting on a polite but fake smile. "Of course, but I don't think he's going to talk back," she mumbled. "I'll just go get some coffee or something. Do you want anything?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks." Kurt replied, not trying for a minute to fake sincerity.

When she was gone, he reached out to grab Blaine's hands. His head fell of its own accord to rest on Blaine's stomach. "This didn't just happen, did it, B? You knew something was wrong? Why didn't you just tell me? Now, I'm here, and I don't know what to do," he mumbled into the soft blanket wrapped around his ex-boyfriend. "What am I supposed to do?"

He sat there for a while, murmuring words of concern while tears streaked down his face. Eventually Malea came back in. He didn't know how long it had been, but he immediately got up and went in the hallway to make a phone call he should have made a long time ago.

* * *

An hour after he left a rambling voicemail on Cooper's phone, Kurt was sitting back in Blaine's room, a thick, stormy silence settling between him and Blaine's mother. Suddenly, her phone rang. She looked down at it questioningly, clearly curious about the caller. A chill he knew all to well lately ran down his spine when her eyes met his. He had never thought she could look that angry.

She stormed out of the room, answering the phone as she left with a sweet, polite "Hi, dear," that seemed incapable of coming out of the woman who had just looked so livid. Kurt thought about following, but then thought better of it.

Two minutes later, there was a knock on the door, and he looked up to find a strange woman. She looked innocent enough, short with long brown hair and a too tight suit. "I'm looking for Mrs. Anderson," she said with a polite smile.

"She just went to answer her phone," Kurt replied, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Are you a doctor?"

The woman gazed at him intensely for a minute before her eyes flicked to the ceiling as if in thought. "Yes, I'm Dr. Collins. Can I ask who you are?"

"I'm Kurt Hummel, Blaine's… friend." He didn't trust this strange person enough to give her the whole story behind their complicated relationship.

"Ah… Kurt," she replied, a bright smile crossing her face. "The ex."

"How do you know that?" Kurt exclaimed in surprise.

Dr. Collins just kept smiling and walked into the room, sitting in the chair that Malea had just vacated. "I was just talking to Blaine's father. He spoke highly of you."

"Okay," Kurt said slowly. "That's interesting considering I've met him once for five minutes, and he spent it yelling at his son." Kurt huffed out a breath to rein in his anger. "I'm confused. What do you want?"

"I just need to talk to Blaine's mom for a minute. I'll just wait until she gets back."

Kurt rolled his eyes in annoyance but decided to ignore the woman. He didn't like being left out the loop, but he wasn't going to take it out on a stranger.

"Can I ask how long you and Blaine were together?" she questioned after a minute of silence.

"About a year and a half," Kurt answered, grudgingly. He really didn't feel like talking.

"Wow, that's a while. What happened?"

Kurt glared at her. "I don't know you. I'm not going to answer that."

"That's fine," she smiled.

They sat quietly until Malea came back in the room. She was clearly angry, and she opened her mouth as if to say something before spotting Dr. Collins and shutting it for a moment and trying again. "Who are you?"

"I'm Dr. Collins." The doctor stood up and went to offer Malea her hand. Blaine's mom reluctantly shook it with a narrowed gaze. "Do you mind coming with me for a minute? I need to ask you a few questions."

"About what?" Malea huffed.

Dr. Collins smiled for a moment as if deciding what to say. "I just need to ask you some questions about your son. We can do it here if you would rather."

Malea didn't speak right away, and when she did she asked another question. "What kind of doctor are you?"

"I'm a psychiatrist."

Kurt would have sworn Malea looked nervous at the response instead of confused like he was. She must have known something Kurt didn't.

"Can you give us a moment, Kurt?" Malea asked, without looking at him.

He was caught off guard, but quickly stood to leave.

"I'll probably need to talk to you later, Kurt, so I'd really appreciate it if you stayed close by," Dr. Collins called at his back.

Kurt nodded, still bewildered. He didn't realize he had left his phone on Blaine's bed until after he had closed the door behind him.

* * *

Burt came while Kurt was waiting outside Blaine's hospital room and asked if there was any improvement. Kurt didn't really know how to answer. "Some lady, a psychiatrist, is talking to Blaine's mom."

"What about?" Burt questioned with furrowed eyebrows.

"I have no idea."

Over a half an hour after he had been kicked out of the room, the door opened, and Malea walked out. She looked heartbroken. Tear tracks ran down her face, but for the second time that day, Kurt was reminded of the time she yelled at him outside of Breadstix. There was a quiet anger in her eyes and the fierce belief that nobody could understand how much she loved her son. She looked at Kurt. When he caught her gaze, she suddenly seemed resigned as if whatever had just happened had been inevitable. She turned and left, walking down the corridor without a word.

Kurt got up and ran into the hospital room, ignoring Dr. Collins to grab his phone. He immediately listened to a voicemail from Cooper saying he was on his way there. Kurt's face was pale as snow by the end.

"What's going on?" He looked at the doctor, determined steel in his eyes. "I am so fucking tired of no one telling me what is going on?"

Dr. Collins looked at him sympathetically from her seat on the other side of Blaine's bed, but she turned towards Burt when he followed Kurt into the room. Burt introduced himself at her curious glance, and she nodded her head and mumbled, "That's good."

She turned back to Kurt with a sad smile. "Kurt, can I ask you how many times Blaine has been in the hospital since you started dating?"

"I don't know," Kurt snapped. "Shouldn't you know that? Why are you asking me stupid questions? Just tell me what's going on."

The doctor sighed and sat her clipboard down at the foot of Blaine's bed. She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in her chair. "Blaine's father called the hospital earlier today… after you called Blaine's brother."

Kurt just gave her an expectant look, urging her to continue.

"He was concerned that Blaine's condition, the seizure, the coma, and the hypoglycemia may not have been caused naturally."

"You mean the morphine?" Kurt questioned, eyes watery. Of course, it was Blaine's drug problem, but surely they knew about it. He looked sideways at his dad, a guilty expression on his face that only deepened when he saw the dark look his father returned.

Dr. Collins narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

"He has a morphine addiction. You didn't know that?"

She sighed, closing her eyes tightly. "No, I didn't. That complicates things." She smiled, but it wasn't happy. "How long?"

Kurt looked up thinking. "On and off since he was fourteen… on lately. That's… that's why we broke up." He trailed off into a whisper.

"Kurt, how could you not tell me that?" Burt cut in from where he was standing at the end of the bed.

"I was going to. I just… I didn't know how. I told him yesterday before this happened that if he didn't tell somebody, I would. I didn't know that he was sick. I didn't think that this would happen."

Burt sighed heavily and sat at the small table over in the corner of the room.

Dr. Collins was nodding her head, leaning back and picking up her clipboard to write something down. "I need to ask you a few questions. If you could answer them as honestly as possible and to the best of your ability, hopefully, we can both figure out what's going on together."

* * *

Half an hour later, Kurt sits in Blaine's room by himself. His dad had run out to get them both a cup of coffee. It was just an excuse. He was just giving Kurt some time alone to breathe. Dr. Collins had asked Kurt a dozen questions, but he only really remembers one. It had come towards the end after Dr. Collins's inquiries had begun to fill Kurt's mind with doubt. If he had only asked himself these questions a long time ago, he would have had a different answer to the most important one.

_"Have you ever had any reason to believe that someone, a parent or guardian, might be intentionally harming Blaine?"_

_"No, but I guess I probably should have," Kurt answered, eyes squeezed tight, still hiding from the truth._

There's a knock on the door, and Mr. Anderson walks in. Neither of them says a word as Blaine's father practically falls into the chair Dr. Collins had recently vacated. Kurt never thought he would ever see this man look so miserable. The last time Kurt saw him, he was authoritative, angry, but still in control. He had been perfectly presentable in his slicked back hair and orderly suit. Now, Kurt can see how much he's hurting. His tie is loosened and crooked, his suit wrinkled. His hair is coming loose from the gel, and Kurt notices that the curls beginning to stick out are so similar to Blaine's. Kurt also notices large flecks of gray at the roots. He just continues to stare at this man he doesn't really know at all. He has a million things he wants to say, but he can't form the words.

Ten minutes later, he asks the one question he can't get out his head.

"How the fuck could you not tell me… tell someone… do something about this?"

Mr. Anderson doesn't look at him, just stares at his son, and Kurt doesn't think he's going to get an answer, but he does.

"I didn't believe it was true. I mean there were reasons to think that it might be, but Blaine never said anything. He always told me that everything was okay, so I thought that meant that everything was okay." He pauses and shakes his head. "No, that's not true either. I just wanted things to be okay, but deep down, I always knew they weren't." Mr. Anderson raises his head and looks Kurt right in the eye for the first time. "I really should have been paying more attention."

Kurt thinks that might be the most honest thing he has ever heard an Anderson say.

* * *

**July 2009**

Richard Anderson had no proof. He had seven whispered words from his son before the boy stopped talking completely for four days.

"It wasn't me, Dad. I think she-"

His wife walked in to the room at that precise moment with the concerned, caring smile she always had when her son was in the hospital. She was the epitome of a doting, loving mother. It just didn't make any sense.

Blaine's eyes had frozen in fear at the sight of her, and that should have been enough. But Richard was an analytical man. He didn't make hasty decisions based on instinct or emotion. He needed solid facts and arguments in order to come to a reasonable conclusion about the situation.

When the doctor had told them there was nothing wrong with Blaine physically, that his symptoms didn't make sense, and that six hospital visits in as many months made them wonder if the problem was physical or mental, Richard didn't really understand what he meant. A lengthy discussion followed. Phrases such as "Munchausen's Syndrome," "see a psychiatrist," and "possible drug problem" were thrown around, and Richard finally started to get the gist of what this doctor was saying. He just couldn't for one minute believe his son would intentionally make himself sick.

Blaine had been in and out of hospitals since he was five. Richard saw the toll it took on his son, the way his eyes looked dead after weeks spent getting treatment, the horrible experience that was the bone marrow transplant when he thought for a minute that Blaine might just throw in the towel one day. He looked so tired. Richard didn't want him to go through that any more. That was the point of the transplant. It was supposed to be the end of this. It was supposed to make everything better. The cancer would finally stop coming back, and his son would be able to have a life again.

Then there was Sadie Hawkins. As hard as the leukemia had been, Sadie Hawkins was the worst. Richard would admit that he had trouble relating to Blaine growing up. His youngest son had always been a mama's boy, and he didn't mean that condescendingly. It was just the truth. Blaine loved his mother, and Richard had always felt a better connection to his oldest son. He had had his suspicions about Blaine's sexuality when the boy was younger, and while he didn't really like acknowledging that his son was gay, he knew there was nothing he could do to change it. It was a fundamental part of Blaine, and it didn't make him love him any less.

It was really only heartbreaking that Blaine never got to tell Richard and Malea himself. Richard wanted that moment, to be able to look his son in the eyes and tell him it didn't matter. But Blaine hadn't told anybody he was taking a boy to the dance, and when Blaine woke up in the hospital to find out his parents already knew everything, there was no convincing him that it didn't make a difference because it clearly did.

That was what broke Blaine. Richard saw it. After that, he moved through life with a casual indifference to everything, as though nothing really mattered. The constant infections and the hospital visits that came in the months following the assault barely fazed him. He didn't appear to care much whether he was healthy or not.

Unfortunately, Richard wasn't someone who talked much about feelings and emotions. He had no idea what to say or do in this situation. He had to work to provide for his family like he always did. His wife would take care of it, and he would go back to his routine. Change would just make things harder.

He had missed the last four trips to the hospital. He felt guilty about it, but he couldn't always drop everything to be there. He would forever be grateful that he was there that time, that his wife was downstairs getting something to eat when the doctor came in and shared his concerns.

The doctor didn't really have any proof either. He said they rarely did. They would just send for a psych consult, treat what they could, and then let the patient go home, likely to come back sooner rather than later.

Richard still didn't believe it. He didn't want some kooky shrink coming in and asking questions, accusing his son of doing something there was no way he would ever do. No, Richard would take care of this himself. He needed to step up and talk to his son for once.

Those seven words were the most important ones Blaine had ever said to him. They made Richard doubt everything he knew about his family, about his wife, about himself. He had to do something different. That was the one thing he had enough evidence to be sure of.

They moved the next month. Richard could work from anywhere with how much he traveled anyways, but his family needed to leave Pennsylvania. Nothing good had happened to them there. Blaine needed a new school. That was the impetus for the move, but it became clear that just putting him in a different public school wouldn't be enough.

Richard found Dalton. It was perfect. He told himself it would be good for Blaine to board there so that he could focus on school, to be close to boys his own age, but years later he would finally acknowledge that he was purposefully keeping his son away from his wife.

Malea's resistance to the plan should have convinced him. He should have seen the truth. He did. He just didn't want to admit it. When Blaine begged him to move back home to go to school with a boyfriend, Richard listened. He didn't want the argument, and he thought his son would tell him if something were wrong. When he found out Blaine had been in the hospital and no one had told him, he had done the right thing. He disciplined his son. He had told his wife it was unacceptable. Then he left, as though that was enough, as though that wasn't the problem to begin with.

* * *

**November 23, 2012**

Three years after their move, Richard's sitting here, in his son's hospital room for what must be the hundredth time, and he knows that he is the worst father in the world. He has all the evidence now of what his wife has been doing to his son, but he can only really blame himself.

"You should look under the sink in your bathroom," Kurt says, breaking him from his thoughts. "Actually it's probably not there anymore… the drugs, but I'm sure she's got them hidden somewhere in your house. I threw them away once. I should have known that wouldn't really be enough." He pauses, looking down at Blaine with a regretful expression. "You're not the only one that should have figured this one out. I was going to tell you everything, but Blaine convinced me to wait. I didn't realize… I thought it was only him and the morphine. I didn't know that I had to worry about her, too." He sighs, runs frustrated fingers through his hair. "God, he told me so many times. How could I miss it?"

Mr. Anderson looks up at him sympathetically. "If I know Blaine he may have tried to tell you, but he also tried to make you forget whenever he did. He loves her so much."

"How can you love someone who's trying to kill you?"

"She wasn't trying to kill him. She just wanted people to see him. She wanted me to see him," Richard mumbles.

"I don't understand," Kurt fumes.

"I don't think any of us ever will, but he does. He put himself before her for years. He protected-"

"Protected the person he loves," Kurt interrupts. "He told me that once. He said he was talking about me, but he wasn't. It was always about her. He said that, too. I just really didn't listen."

"It's not your fault, Kurt. This one is mine. He's my son. I should have been here. I should have been looking out for him. Don't let the consequences of my mistakes weigh you down." Richard can tell that Kurt took no relief from his words, but he promises himself that he's going to do anything he can to make this right so he gets up to go home and find the evidence he should have gathered so long ago.

He finds it in his own closet, buried underneath winter clothes he hasn't touched in years. He probably should have made it home last year for Christmas.

* * *

**Warnings:** Mention of drug abuse, hypoglycemia and other medical issues, Munchausen's syndrome (suspected), and Munchausen's by proxy syndrome (actual). Feel free to send me asks or messages if you have any questions or want a summary of anything.


	27. Chapter 20

A/N: Thanks to everyone who wrote back about the last chapter! It was awesome! I hope everyone likes where the story goes from here. I was going to explain a lot of other stuff in this note, but I decided that for now, I'm just going to let people ask questions as they come so just leave a review, comment, or ask if you're confused about anything. I'll also keep track of questions on tumblr in the tag "fic: pay attention related" so check that out if you want more explanations of anything in the story. I might create an FAQ page later, too. Thanks to everyone for reading. This chapter is for amethyst_uk on , who has been so looking forward to Blaine POV. Here it is! Warnings at the end!

* * *

**November 26, 2012**

When the first tendrils of feeling come to Blaine's mind, he can only think, _Finally, it's about time she just killed me already. _

It's a depressing, self-pitying thought and not one he wants to drown in long, so he focuses on the drifts of sensation he can feel floating through the depths of his consciousness. He hears a rushing noise, feels a pressure in his throat when he tries to swallow.

After a moment he starts to feel his limbs, a heaviness he's never felt before settling throughout his body. Then he notices the weight, distinctively different from the rest of him that rests in his left hand. He squeezes his fingers and feels the skin run against skin, the shift of the hand in his own.

"Blaine?"

Even in death, he knows that voice. Kurt. He must be in heaven then. That's the only place Kurt would be. He knows that doesn't make sense both because Kurt's not dead and also because he doesn't really deserve heaven after the way he treated the most beautiful person on earth, but Blaine's mind is still a little too fuzzy to really process this reality. So he tries to call back to Kurt and chokes.

The pressure in his throat becomes an object, becomes a thing that blocks his breath, blocks the air. But why does he need to breathe? He's dead. Then the voices come back; the dullness of his mind wears. He can hear, can feel. His fingers reach up to pull at his throat, at this tube. He needs air, but hands pull his back down. He cries, wants to scream, but he can't.

"Blaine, stop. Calm down. Don't fight it. Just relax. You're fine. You're not going to suffocate." Kurt's voice is soothing, but Blaine's scared, frantic. The words do little to ease his worries. He's supposed to be dead. What kind of new torture is he being subjected to now?

His hands are held tight within Kurt's own as more voices come to the front of his mind. It's clear now that he's not dead, and he's been in this place enough to know where he is. He can't help but be a tad bit disappointed.

"Open your eyes, Blaine," calls a rough, deep voice he doesn't recognize. "You're going to be fine."

Blaine wants to kick his feet and throw a fit, tell him that it won't be fine. He's not fine. He doesn't even know what fine is anymore. He hasn't since that day years ago when he counted the pills his mom gave him to find two missing, since the day after when she only gave him one, since he had to ask his doctor himself to write down a list of everything he was supposed to take and when. He was eight. It's been a long time since he knew what fine was.

But Blaine's old enough now to realize that the best way to deal with doctors is to listen to them... at least while they're in the room. When they're gone, he'll do what he wants.

He does his best to calm down, but it's weird. After all his hospital visits, he really thought nothing could surprise him, but he's never woken up with a tube down his throat.

"Blaine, can you nod your head if you can hear me," the new voice continues.

He does, reluctantly. He's still feeling petulant.

"Good. Can you open your eyes?"

He shakes his head. He probably could, but he doesn't want to know who's in the room with him right now. That's always what worries him the most. His mom is always there even when he doesn't want her to be, but he's always worried about who she's sought attention from this time… who did she go cry to. Although recently, it's been nobody. She's been content with sympathetic smiles from nurses and doctors. Apparently this time it was Kurt, even though Blaine told her he would never forgive her if she ever called him, went to him with her perverted need for comfort. That was not acceptable. Blaine wonders how he'll ever be able to look Kurt in the eyes again. It's so embarrassing.

"Okay, that's fine. Just stay there and relax." The doctor is still talking as though Blaine is going to go anywhere, as though Blaine gives a shit. "We're going to check some things, and then we'll try to get the vent out so you can breathe on your own. Does that sound okay?"

Blaine just nods. The feeling coming back into his limbs is starting to betray him, and he doesn't know how much longer he's going to last before he starts begging for some pain meds. Hopefully whatever is wrong with him will be painful enough that they'll give him some. He doesn't actually feel much physical pain enough to notice anymore. He's mostly just numb. He used to take the morphine to ease the stabbing pains in his stomach, his head, or whatever cut or organ was infected at the time. Now, he just needs it to soothe his broken heart.

Blaine waits patiently for a while. He thinks he falls back asleep to the smooth slide of Kurt's thumb on the back of his hand. Eventually his throat and lungs are freed, and when he takes in a breath of air of his own accord, his eyes open on instinct.

The sight confuses him. Kurt's here, which was already strange but so is Burt, his own father, and Cooper. He thinks about all the questions he wants to ask, but he says the most important one.

"Where's Mom?"

His dad drops his head, and Blaine sees the nervous, sympathetic looks on all the faces. He isn't going to like the answer so he takes back the question. "Never mind. Don't answer that."

Blaine shakes his head, turns it on… the act… and smiles at the man in the white coat. "So what is it this time, doc? I feel like I fell off a building."

The doctor smiles back at him, but it's weary, almost nervous. "Well, Blaine, you had a pretty bad seizure, and you've been in a coma for a few days."

"A few days?" Blaine asks, genuinely shocked. "What day is it?"

"Monday, November 26th."

Blaine takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes tight. A lot can happen in a weekend. He doesn't like it, especially when he opens his eyes and looks around at his visitors. His hand is still trapped in Kurt's, but he refuses to look in that direction.

"Wow, but I'm going to be okay?" he questions, imbuing panic in his voice. "I mean what caused that?" It's actually a legitimate question. He really doesn't know. A seizure and a coma… it's new. He wonders why his mom switched from her standard methods of torture, the vomiting, nausea, and the infections. Truthfully, it really doesn't matter. He knows how she does most of it, but it's easier to pretend he doesn't.

"You had a dangerously low blood sugar, and went into insulin shock," the doctor answers.

Blaine had always wondered what injecting insulin did to a non-diabetic. He wishes he still didn't know. His mom must have run out of the Purinethol. That shit always made him sick when he was in the early stages of remission. It was usually the only pill she remembered to give him. It took him years to figure out that was what she was hiding in her green bean casserole that always left him puking his guts out. That was long after he was supposed to be taking it. Somehow, she never seemed to have the same reaction to it.

The doctor is purposefully avoiding eye contact with the rest of the room when Blaine looks back up at him. It makes Blaine nervous. He feels like the one on the outside of a secret for once, and he doesn't like it. "Now that you're awake we'll have to run some more tests to see if we can figure out exactly what happened, why your blood sugar was so low. We'll probably have to keep an eye on it for a while," the man continues although he looks like he already knows… like the tests are just a formality. It sends a shiver of apprehension down Blaine's spine.

He nods anyway and lets his eyes wander around the room, then down to his own body and the IV in his hand. He follows the tube up and strains his head to see what they have him loaded up on. It's just glucose. Lame.

When he turns back, he sees worried stares. He's really not liking this. "Can I get something to eat? I'm starving… preferably the mac' and cheese and a salad… none of that disgusting crap this hospital thinks is meat. Please." He smiles politely, hopefully.

Blaine really just wants to get this doctor out of here. He can practically feel the anxiety drifting off him. Sure enough, the man releases a breath of air in relief and nods. "Sure, we'll get you some food. We're probably going to have to come back soon to run those tests, but we'll give you some time with your family first. The call button is behind you if you need anything." He pauses for a moment and then smiles. "But you knew that already. I'm Dr. Reynolds by the way."

"Um… wait," Blaine says before the man can leave, and he glances back up at the IV drip, trying to find the right words to get him the good stuff. "I really do feel like I fell off of a building. Can I get somethin-" he starts but is interrupted.

"Don't, Blaine."

He closes his eyes at the words. He doesn't want to hear this… a confirmation of his worst fears. He pulls his hand out of his ex-boyfriend's grip quick as lightning.

"Don't tell me what to do," he snaps.

The doctor shifts uneasily by the door, and Blaine sighs in frustration when his dad tells the man he can leave.

"Blaine, you can let me know if you really do need anything. I'll do my best to help you," the doctor says sincerely before leaving. It pisses Blaine off. He really wanted to hate the man.

Blaine just rolls his eyes and looks back at his father. The man's face is making him irrationally angry. It's guilty, apologetic. Blaine has the uncontrollable urge to punch him. He really doesn't want to deal with these people. He contemplates putting it off for a little bit longer, but the sooner he gets answers, the sooner they'll leave… hopefully.

"Okay, so where's mom?" he asks again.

The room is deafeningly silent for the longest time, and the words from his father are like a knife cutting through and stabbing him in the heart. "She's in jail."

Blaine feels like he's being crushed. His heart starts pounding. He can't breathe. It's worse than having that damn tube blocking the air. It hurts. The room gets cloudy as his eyes fill with water, and a hand in his pulls him back from the edge he feels like he's falling over. "What? Why?" he yells through gasps of air. He's fought forever to keep this from happening. He's so close to getting them both out of this situation alive and free. It's just a few more months… until graduation… until New York. This can't be happening right now.

"For stealing drugs from the hospital," his dad answers quietly.

Blaine gasps in a bit of relief, although he tries to hide it as shock. He knows what that means, and it means a lot. They don't have any proof that she's been giving him those drugs, which is good. They won't ever get that, so stealing is the most they can get her on. It might still be okay. Then he realizes what else it means, and he looks over at his ex-boyfriend for the first time since he woke up. He looks beautiful as always, even with droopy hair and red-rimmed eyes. He looks like an angel.

Blaine tries to pull his hand from his grip once again, but Kurt holds on tight. "I'm sorry, B. I had to. We both just ran out of time."

The sob comes up out of his throat without Blaine giving it permission. He finds himself wrapped up in the warm arms of his first love, but he pushes him away. "No, stop. I don't…" Blaine shakes his head, covers up the agony in his heart. "I don't know what's going on!" he screams.

Comforting arms rest on both of his shoulders, one from Kurt, the other from his dad. He doesn't have the energy to push them off, even though it makes him irrationally angry.

"Blainers." Cooper's voice cuts through the fury in his veins. "We know what's been happening… what Malea has been doing. You don't have to hide it anymore."

Blaine just rolls his eyes. "Hide what? I'm not hiding anything. How many times do we have to have this conversation, Coop?" He turns to his father. "I want my mom."

Richard Anderson sighs deeply again. Blaine hates that he's acting so put upon. Why can't he go crawl back under the rock he's been hiding under for the last ten years? "Blaine, your mom is in jail. She's going to stay there, and she's not going to hurt you anymore. We're going to sit down and talk about this. You're going to tell the truth about what she's been doing to you, and she's going to be in jail for a long time.

"Really, Dad? You have no idea what you're talking about. Are you really going to prance in here and pretend to be my fucking father right now? No. If you're not going to go help her, I will." Blaine rips the IV out of his hand before anyone can stop him, and he pushes away the arms that try to hold him back as he crawls out of bed. But the second he lands on his feet, he collapses in a heap on the floor. He tries to keep moving but his body won't let him. Soft, sweet, loving arms embrace him, and he falls into them, crying, sobbing, and gasping for breath against a firm chest.

"It's going to be okay, B. It's going to be okay. I know it hurts right now, but I promise you. You're going to be just fine, babe. Everything is going to be fine."

As Blaine cries himself back into unconsciousness, he tries to believe Kurt's words.

* * *

Kurt watches as Blaine sleeps off his panicked, frightful breakdown. He refuses to move from his ex's bedside, refuses to release Blaine's hand from his own. He needs to feel that Blaine is still alive. Cooper is the only one left in the room. Burt went home for the evening, and Mr. Anderson is in the hallway getting a lecture from Dr. Collins for not paging her immediately and talking to Blaine without her there.

The doctor had told them that Blaine probably wouldn't want to talk about anything when he woke up. It makes sense. After years of doing everything to protect Malea, accepting her abuse as if it were nothing, Blaine wasn't going to just wake up and admit to it all. That would mean that all of the time he had spent covering it up would have been in vain. It's hard for Kurt to understand, but he's doing his best to accept it.

Blaine isn't just a victim of abuse. He's a victim of Munchausen's by proxy syndrome. It is its own brand of psychological torture, and taking Blaine out of the situation isn't going to magically cure him of all of his injuries. Still, Kurt wants to be able to wrap Blaine in his arms and make all of this just go away. He wants Blaine to trust him enough to tell him the truth… to love him more than he loves his mother, the mother who has been making him sick for years.

"You and Blaine have had this conversation before?" Kurt asks Cooper. For all of the guilt that Kurt feels about the situation, he still feels like he needs answers from everyone else. He has this burning need to know, to understand how Richard and Cooper sat by while this happened to their son, their brother. He really just needs answers to how any of this could have happened without anyone knowing or coming to Blaine's defense.

Cooper sighs heavily and looks at Kurt from the other side of Blaine's bed. Kurt doesn't turn his gaze from Blaine's face. "We talked about it few times… not many, and it was always like we were speaking in code. It's like that with Blaine. He speaks in another language sometimes… like he wants you to know what he means without him saying it," Cooper pauses, looks up at the ceiling in thought. Kurt can tell he's trying not to cry.

"My dad called me one day a few years ago when Blaine was in the hospital with an infection. He was crying. My dad never cries. He said that Blaine said something… something that made him think something was wrong… that Malea was hurting him. I hated her even before that, and I was so overcome with rage after that phone call. I wanted to come here, but Dad told me to wait. He said they were moving, and there was all of this stuff going on. It was so confusing. Then Blaine was going to Dalton, so I thought that everything would be fine. It was just one of those things every family sweeps under the rug. I eventually asked Blaine about it… over the phone. I never came home. I couldn't stand seeing her. Blaine denied everything, so there wasn't anything else I could do." Cooper's rant slowly dies down into a whisper. He sounds like he's trying to convince himself.

Kurt turns his head to look over at Blaine's brother. "What did you say to him… before you left in April? He cried for hours."

The guilt that takes over Cooper's face brings an ache to Kurt's chest. The tears finally start pouring down Cooper's cheeks as he can barely get the words out. "He told me about the morphine and why he left Dalton. I believed him when he said he was clean so I said it was fine, but… I told him that I knew it had something to do with his mother. I was so angry with her, and I took it out on him. I told him-" he cuts himself off, bows his head, face scrunched in agony. "I told him that I couldn't come see him… or… or talk to him anymore if he didn't tell the truth… if he kept covering for her. I couldn't be around her so I refused to be around him."

* * *

**April 2012**

The second Cooper saw Blaine on stage in the auditorium singing, he was overcome with guilt. He knew he had let really Blaine down, but he also knew that probably wasn't going to change anytime soon. He was never really meant to be a big brother.

Cooper sang the rest of "Someone That I Used to Know" with his only sibling, tried to understand the anger Blaine had. He did understand it, but he still needed to rationalize his own actions. He hadn't come visit his brother in years despite the countless times Blaine had been in the hospital. He came this time to ask a question, and he wasn't going to leave without the answer. Cooper needed to know why the one thing that made it okay for him to not ask more questions was somehow gone.

"Why did you leave Dalton, Blaine? Tell me the truth. I know you're not going to tell me what's going on at home or what was going on at home, but you loved Dalton. You wouldn't have left it just to be closer to Kurt. What happened?"

Blaine looked up at him with such a guilt-ridden expression. Whatever it was, it was bad.

"Please, Blaine. I need to know," Cooper begged.

Blaine turned around and started pacing the stage away from Cooper. "This isn't a problem anymore. You have to know that. It was… before, but I got help. I'm fine now."

"Blaine…"

When Blaine whirled back around suddenly, he looked right into Cooper's eyes. It was a challenge. He was begging Cooper to still love him, to still think of him the same way. "I got kicked out of the Warblers for doing drugs… morphine to be specific. I couldn't be in show choir there, so I came here. I got to be with Kurt this way."

Whatever Cooper was expecting, it wasn't that. He just stood there dumbfounded watching Blaine's nervous, anxious face. "How? Why? I don't understand, Blaine. You were doing drugs? I mean… I just… Sorry, I'm confused. This just doesn't make any sense."

Blaine cocked his head to his side and let out a sigh. Cooper thought he could see him roll his eyes before he faced the other way again. "It makes plenty of sense, Coop. You just don't want to believe that your brother could be a drug addict. Well I was. I am. You want to blame things on my mom and pretend like I'm the perfect brother that way you don't have to worry about me. You can just go live your life guilt free. That's also the only reason you're mad I left Dalton because for some stupid ass reason it means you had come check up on me."

"That's not true, Blaine!" Cooper yelled. "I worry about you all of the time. I just want you to be safe, and no matter how many times you tell me differently, I don't think you're safe with her."

"Bullshit!" Blaine whipped around again, eyes blazing angrily. "If you were really worried about me, you would have actually come home. You would pick up the fucking phone and call me. I know for a fact that you didn't for once think anything was wrong until Dad called you before we moved to Lima, and for some reason this is the first time I've seen you since then. Clearly, you didn't really give a shit at all. The funny thing about that is that I was shooting morphine outside of the hospital months before we moved, and no one even suspected a damn thing. Neither of you either bother to pay attention unless it's convenient for you."

Cooper stared back in astonishment. Blaine couldn't really believe that. "I'm your brother, Blaine. I love you. If I had known that something was wrong, I would have been here."

"So something has to be wrong for you to stay? That is fucking ironic," Blaine laughed coldly. "I mean you know that something was wrong, but now that I'm fine, that's not enough to keep you here, is it?"

"Something is wrong, but you're still not going to tell me," Cooper hissed.

"Nothing is wrong, Cooper." Blaine stomped his feet like a frustrated child. "Everything is fine. You come here now, stir up shit, and pretend like you're helping, but you're not. You probably should just go."

"I'll stay… If you tell me the truth, Blaine, I'll stay… as long as you need me to," Cooper pleaded.

Blaine looked up, and for a brief moment, Cooper thought he saw hesitation in Blaine's expression as though he was considering saying something, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "There's no truth to tell," he whispered, as tears dripped down his cheeks onto the floor.

"Please, Blaine. I can't stay here and be near her and watch you lie to me. I want to stay. I want to help, but I need you to tell me the truth."

"Then I think you should just go."

Cooper choked back a sob as his own tears spilled over. "Okay, then. Call me if you change your mind."

With that, he left. At the time, he had genuinely thought it was the only thing he could do.

* * *

**November 26, 2012**

Kurt is torn between fury and compete devastation. He stares at Cooper in compete shock and awe, unaware how someone could be so heartless. "How could you do that to him?"

"I didn't know what else to do, Kurt. I mean isn't that what you do with drug addicts at interventions? You give them an ultimatum… either they get help or you cut contact. Isn't that what you did?"

"That is not the same on so many accounts, Cooper. I'm his boyfriend. You're his brother. You're supposed to protect him… always… and it wasn't about him being a drug addict. It was about Malea. If you thought something was hurting him, you were supposed to stick around until you could get the proof on your own… without him having to say anything. Christ, if you really didn't know what to do anymore, why didn't you just go back to ignoring him like you did before? You didn't have to break his heart, too." Kurt closes his eyes in frustration. "God, you just don't even get it, do you? You and your father were the problem. Malea's sick, but you two… you've enabled her illness for years. Running off and pretending like nothing was wrong. That's why she did this. All she wanted was for you two to be around… for you to notice her… to notice Blaine. Hell, she probably thought she was doing Blaine a favor by getting you to pay attention to him every once in a while. I don't get how two people can be so fucking ignorant." Kurt takes a deep breath, trying to calm his anger. "God knows, I fucked up, too. I didn't see it either, but if I had had even an inkling of what was really going on, I wouldn't have left. She wanted you two around, but she wanted me gone. And I just fell right into it."

When Kurt opens his eyes and looks back down at Blaine, he sees beautiful, deep hazel eyes staring back at him. He offers a teary smile. "Sorry for yelling and waking you up."

Blaine shakes his head and squeezes his hand. "Please go away, Coop," he says without looking away from Kurt.

Cooper doesn't say a word as he leaves.

Blaine scooches over on the bed and gestures to the open space beside him. Kurt doesn't hesitate a second before climbing in, curling up, and resting his head on Blaine's chest. Blaine's hand comes up and fingers run gently through Kurt's hair. "Mmm… product free, my favorite," he mumbles.

Kurt chuckles. "I haven't showered since yesterday morning. I would apologize for the smell, but you haven't showered for like four days so I don't even feel a bit guilty." He can feel the smile Blaine presses into his temple along with a kiss.

"I love you," Blaine whispers.

"I love you, too."

There's a long pause before Blaine speaks quietly. "What I'm about to say never leaves this room, and if you tell anyone about it, I will deny it."

Kurt tries to sit up and look at Blaine, but Blaine pulls him closer so he can't move.

Blaine's voice is just a whisper in Kurt's ear. "I don't get scared of much these days, but when you didn't get into NYADA, I was scared. I pushed you away. I wanted you to go to New York. I needed you to be as far away from me as possible because I didn't know what she was going to do. She was angry and scared, and those are two things you don't ever want to see. This is not your fault, Kurt. No matter what happens. That is the one thing I want you to know. I didn't want you to get hurt in all of this so I shut you out. There was nothing you could do, and if there had been, I wouldn't have wanted you to do anything. I still don't want you to."

Kurt's quiet for a long time, contemplating a response. "It doesn't matter what you wanted. I still should have done things differently. I would do things differently if I had the chance whether you wanted me to or not. I never want to see you hurt either."

Tears fall down Blaine's face, and Kurt can feel them land in his hair. Blaine doesn't speak.

"You're going to let her get away with all of this, aren't you?" Kurt asks, but it's not really a question.

Blaine lets him go enough that he can look up and see Blaine's scrunched, confused face. "Get away with what?"

* * *

Warnings: Munchausen's by proxy and discussion of poisoning, mention of death and dark thoughts, discussion of morphine use and drug cravings, other medical issues


	28. Chapter 21

I'm back! Sorry for the long wait, but here's a long chapter. Updates should pick back up after this. In light of Cory's tragic passing, I want to emphasize warnings for this chapter. **There will be mentions of prescription drug abuse, withdrawal symptoms including vomiting and therapy and rehab options for recovery. **I didn't have time to edit this completely because I'm posting on my phone on vacation so please excuse any errors. Thanks for your patience!

* * *

**November 26, 2012**

Blaine and Kurt are still curled up on Blaine's hospital bed when his dad and a woman Blaine doesn't know come in. The woman smiles at him kindly, almost approvingly when she sees Kurt in his arms. Her presence instantly sets Blaine's nerves on edge.

He thought that nothing would be able to get him to move Kurt from his position until a nurse comes in with his food and his stomach argues that point. Kurt just chuckles and gets up to pull the nearby table over the bed. He helps Blaine sit up and then plops back down on the edge as Blaine digs into the macaroni and cheese with a delighted moan.

The strange woman sits down, and he knows she's expecting him to ask who she is. But he has an idea already, and he's not about to start playing her game. He sees Kurt raise an eyebrow in his peripheral vision. Kurt is much less patient than Blaine. He's going to be the first to break.

Sure enough, Blaine is just scraping the last bit of mac' and cheese off his plate and moving on to the salad when Kurt says his name.

"Huh?" Blaine replies, nonchalant.

"I think someone is here to talk to you," Kurt murmurs under his breath with a pointed look over at the woman.

"I'm not dumb, Kurt. Just waiting."

"It's okay," the woman says, and Blaine finally looks up at her. His gaze probably seems like a challenge, but to him it's just an appraisal. He needs to find out how far he can push her and how far she's going to push him. "Take your time, and then we can talk."

Blaine does take his time, picking at his salad slowly. About a halfway through, he's no longer just trying to delay the conversation, his deliberate pace is due to the violent cramping starting up in his stomach, and he can once again feel the ache in his bones as he breaks out into a light sweat.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asks, raising a hand to feel his forehead.

"I'm fine," Blaine mumbles, violently pushing away his food, crossing his arms, and looking up at the lady with an expectant expression.

"Hi, Blaine. I'm Dr. Collins, a psychiatrist here," she answers his unasked question. "I'm guessing you probably know why I'm here." Her smile is sweet, polite, understanding. Blaine hates her. She's the one that's going to decide whether he's crazy. She's probably already decided that about his mom. She has way too much power over him right now.

Blaine just nods in answer.

"Well, I need to ask you a few questions, evaluate how you're doing, and what's best for us to do to get you healthy. Do you want Kurt and your dad to leave?"

"Kurt can stay." The glare he sends his father says a lot, and the man quietly walks out.

"How are you feeling?" she asks. "I imagine you're probably in some pain. You were fortunate enough to be unconscious through a large chunk of the morphine withdrawal, but you're likely going to feel sick for a few more days." She offers a concerned expression.

"I'm fine," Blaine repeats.

She nods solemnly. "Well, You should let the doctors know if that changes. There are things they can do to try to help. We'll need to talk about what you want to do… if you want to try a rehabilitation program when you're discharged from here. Morphine is one of the hardest drug habits to break."

Blaine narrows his eyes in anger. "I'm not going to rehab so you can forget that idea right now, and I don't need some fucking intervention either. I've quit cold turkey before. I can do it again."

"I get that, but maybe that's the reason you're back here again," Dr. Collins says calmly. She quickly changes topics at his venomous expression. "We can talk more about that later though. I don't know that a rehab program is really what's best for you anyway, but I do think we need to get you some kind of help along the way this time. Why don't we talk about what happened this morning? I heard things didn't go so well when you woke up."

Blaine chuckles lightly. "That's an understatement."

She nods again, writing something down on her clipboard. "I understand you were upset when you found out about what happened to your mom?" It's a statement, but she twists it into a question, trying to get insight into why he got so angry.

"Wouldn't you be upset if you found out your mom was in jail?" Blaine huffs.

Dr. Collins purses her lips in thought and nods again. "I would, yes, but your mother committed a pretty serious crime, Blaine. I know you know that."

Blaine glares at her for a long moment without answering. She opens her mouth to continue speaking just as he asks a question of his own. "Do I have to talk to you? I mean what happens if I don't. I'm guessing it would be different than last time since I'm 18 now."

"Last time?"

"The last time someone tried to tell me I'm crazy."

"Who said I think you're crazy?" she asks, her eyes wide and sincere. She doesn't wait for an answer. "I think you've been through a lot. I think you have a lot of issues that you need to deal with, and I think that it's going to take some serious effort on your part and from the people that love you to make sure that you're happy and healthy. None of that means you're crazy. It just means you need help." She sits her clipboard down and leans forward. "Put aside everything with your mother because I understand that you're not going to admit her role in your ill health right now. That's not what I'm most concerned with. I'm concerned with getting you better, and that means letting people help you. I know thats hard for you to do, but I think that admitting that you can't do this on your own is the first step."

When he doesn't answer, she continues, "Look, Blaine. I get it. People like me have come into your life before, asking you questions, expecting answers, and they haven't always been on your side. But I'm on your side. I want to help you get better."

"That's bullshit," he finally explodes. "You're not on my side, and I don't need any help. You're just here to appease my dad's stupid, senseless worries because every once in a while he decides that he's going to pretend to be a father. Well, fuck him and fuck you. He's not my parent, and he's trying to take away the only person that has ever been a parent to me."

Dr. Collins lets out a heavy sigh and runs a hand over her furrowed brow. "Blaine, your dad isn't trying take away your mom. Your mom committed a crime, and she's in prison. She will be for quite a while. That's just the truth. You need to accept that and not blame your father because the only person at fault for that is her. I get why you're angry at him. It makes complete sense. He hasn't been around, and now, he's trying to make up for lost time and it might be a little too late. But Blaine, at least he is trying to make things better, not for himself but for you. He wants you to be safe and healthy, which you're not right now. Something has to change, and you need to let someone help you. Maybe you don't want that person to be your dad, so maybe you let Kurt help you. But you need to let someone in. You need to let someone keep you safe."

"I'm not a child. I don't need someone to protect me," Blaine mumbles. His eyes are halfway closed, and his arm is wrapped around his stomach as it angrily protests all of the food he just ate.

"I wish I didn't have to disagree with that, but I do. You haven't been taking care of yourself. That much is obvious to everyone around you right now. The only thing I need from you right now, Blaine, is to admit you need some help and agree to let people help you. I don't think you'll like what happens if you don't."

Blaine's eyes open wide in fear. He doesn't want to know what she's talking about. He tries to speak but is instantly overwhelmed by nausea when he opens his mouth. He pulls a hand up to try to hold it back as he panics, and Kurt shoves a plastic bucket on his lap just in time.

Kurt keeps a soothing hand on Blaine's back the entire time as his body ripples in pain as his lunch comes back up. It's minutes later before he feels like he can breathe, but the pain is still present like sparks running through his nervous system. He looks up and meets Dr. Collins sympathetic eyes.

"We'll finish this conversation later, okay, Blaine? I'll page a nurse. Try and get some rest." She places a kind hand on his shoulder, and Blaine unconsciously leans into it slightly.

"Thank you," he whispers when she's far enough away that he knows she won't hear it.

Kurt gives Blaine some water, and a doctor eventually comes in with some medication that is supposed to make the withdrawal symptoms better. He still hurts and turns to curl up on his side to try to shut out the pain. He feels the bed dip behind him and an arm wrap him up close. He finally cries himself back to sleep in the only place he's ever really felt safe.

* * *

Kurt listens for the smooth, even breathing of the beautiful boy wrapped in his arms. When he's sure Blaine's asleep, he slowly crawls out of bed and marches out the door. He finds them talking quietly in the hallway.

"What's going to happen?" he bellows. Dr. Collins looks over at him, a curious and frustrated look on her face. Mr. Anderson looks downright distraught.

"Kurt, just let me handle this. We're going to get him help, okay? I promise," Mr. Anderson replies.

"I don't trust you. Tell me what's going to happen," Kurt demands again.

Mr. Anderson sighs, looks at Dr. Collins, and waves his hand.

"Since Blaine's 18, he has a lot of autonomy to do as he wants," Dr. Collins starts. "That's why we need to convince him to get help on his own. Otherwise, I worry this will just be a vicious cycle. I don't think we'll have to worry much about Malea hurting him anymore. She'll probably serve at least a year even if she gets a deal for pleading guilty. I think time away from each other will help break their codependency. Hopefully, by the time she gets out, he'll at least acknowledge to himself that she's been poisoning him even if he won't admit it to anybody else."

"So, what does that mean? We just pretend like nothing happened," Kurt huffs.

"No, absolutely not. He needs therapy… a lot of it. He needs to talk to someone about this, and he needs help for his addiction. He's not going to know how to handle the adjustment to being without his mother. It might seem like things will be fine now, but they won't be. He needs his family," she pauses to give Mr. Anderson a pointed look, "and his friends. He needs to know that his mother wasn't the only one that loved him and most importantly that he doesn't have to be sick to get people to stick around. Otherwise, he could very well fall into the same pattern as his mom."

Kurt is frustrated by that answer. He has avoiding the inevitable… the ever present fact in the back of his mind. He has to go back to New York. He'll just have to come visit as often as possible. He'll make sure that his dad and Finn and everyone at school are supportive. He'll help as much as he can even if he can't be here in person. Plus, Blaine will have his father and maybe even Cooper.

"He needs to go to a residential rehab program," Mr. Anderson's voice cuts in and immediately dashes Kurt's hopes. "I can't stay here and look after him right now, but I can try to work some things out at work, and hopefully in a few months I can. In the meantime he should be somewhere where he'll be looked after."

Dr. Collins sighs, "I really don't think that's what's best for him. I think that's only going to alienate and anger him further, and I really doubt he'll agree to it. If you work with him, you might be able to get him to agree to some kind of outpatient treatment nearby where he can live at home, but he's not going to cooperate if you act like you're just sending him away," she holds a hand up to cut off Richard's attempt to interrupt. "I know that's not how you see it, but it's how he'll see it."

"He's my son. I think I know what's best for him," Mr. Anderson bellows.

"I think we both know that isn't true or we wouldn't be here right now," Dr. Collins replies calmly.

Kurt just listens to the heated argument before quietly sneaking away without either of them noticing. He pulls out his phone and dials quickly.

"Dad, I need your help."

* * *

Blaine wakes up to a dark, empty room. He tries not to be petrified, but he can't help it. He doesn't like hospitals, especially at night when he's forced to be alone. He knows it must be late, but he presses the nurse call button and spends the wait trying to think of something he needs. He really just wants someone to turn on a light, someone to talk to for a few minutes.

"Hi, Blaine, sweetie. How are you feeling?"

Blaine jumps, panicked, at the sound of that voice. "Carole?"

"Yeah, it's me. What can I get you?" She flips on the light, and her face is so caring and so sweet that Blaine instantly feels his eyes water.

"Um… um… Can I get some apple juice or something? I'm thirsty," he mumbles.

"Sure, I'll go get that. Then I want to come back, and check your vitals while you're still awake, okay?" She smiles brightly.

He nods and tries not to cry while she's gone, but it doesn't work.

"Here you go, Blaine. Oh," she sighs when she spots his tears. She places a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Sweetie, are you hurting?"

Blaine laughs. "If I say yes, do I get pain medicine?"

She purses her lips. "I can talk to the doctor… maybe get you some of the stuff to ease the withdrawal symptoms," she shrugs.

"It's okay," he murmurs.

She nods and goes about checking his IV, his blood pressure… all of the things he's used to after spending a lifetime in and out of hospitals.

"Is there anything else I can get you before I go?" she asks when she's done.

"Do you know where my phone is?" he wonders.

She smiles again and opens a cabinet to pull out a bag full of his things. Blaine recognizes his sectionals outfit and cringes at the realization. He had a seizure in front of hundreds of people. He's never felt so embarrassed. He momentarily feels guilty for letting his team down, but he has bigger concerns so he lets it go. Then he has a second thought.

"Wait, can you hand me those pants?" he asks as Carole hands him his phone.

She nods with a curious expression and watches as he roots through the pockets and pulls out a small, round coin. "What is that?"

Blaine stares at it for a long moment, turning it around in his fingers and running his thumb along the raised number one. "It's a lie," he mumbles, turning it so she can see the 1-year sobriety chip. "I got it last week, but I was high the entire meeting. I don't know how no one noticed. Maybe they did. It wouldn't surprise me. Most people just pretend they don't notice when something's wrong."

Blaine feels the bed dip slightly next to him and finds himself surrounded by the wonderful, comforting embrace of a mother. It is so much different than what it feels like to hug his own mom, both good different and bad different. He knows that he's not supposed to miss her, but he does. This is the longest time he's ever been in the hospital and not had her at his side. It's disconcerting in the weirdest way.

"I'm so sorry, Blaine. We all should have noticed," Carole says when she pulls back from the hug. He sees the tears in her eyes and shakes his head. She doesn't need to feel guilty about this. There's nothing to feel guilty about.

"I didn't want you to."

"I'm a nurse, Blaine. I should have known."

* * *

**September 30, 2012**

It was only Carole's second week on the general medical/surgical floor of the hospital. So far, it had been a dream. After years of working in the emergency room, she was happily adjusting to work days with much less stress… well work nights since that was the only shift she could get on this unit at the time. She hoped that it would only be temporary.

She had just clocked in and was checking out her patient list when a familiar name caught her eye. "Oh my God," she mumbled under her breath to no one in particular. "Blaine…"

Carole walked as fast as possible without breaking out into a run, and when she arrived at the room, she calmly knocked on the door before entering. "Hey, Blaine," she said, looking over to confirm that really was her stepson's boyfriend in the bed. "I didn't know you were here. What's going on?" She smiled goofily at herself before reaching beside the bed to get his chart to look at. "I guess I'm supposed to know that, aren't I?"

"Carole? Um…" Blaine looked over at his mother, who was sitting on the other side of the bed. He looked nervous, apprehensive, almost scared. "It's just an infection," he shrugged.

Carole nodded and looked over the paperwork in her hands before turning back towards him. "Looks like a pretty bad one. That's quite a fever."

Blaine once again just shrugged his shoulder. "It happens. I didn't know you worked on this floor."

She smiled politely at him. "It's just my second week. The ER was starting to get to me. I'm not as young as I used to be."

Blaine nodded but didn't say anything. His eyes just stared off into space.

"Hi, Malea." Carole turned her attention to the woman who had kept quiet so far. "How are you doing? It's been awhile. I wish I didn't have to see you again under these circumstances."

Malea smiled pleasantly, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Carole reasoned that was probably to be expected. "Yes, well, it's always a busy time when you have a teenager. You know that. Although, it's been even tougher lately with Blaine being sick and all."

Blaine's eyes widened slightly. "Mom," he mumbled under his breath.

Carole watched them curiously as an unspoken conversation seemed to take place. Eventually, she interrupted. "Well, I should be going to check on my other patients, but is there anything I can get you, Blaine?"

"Um… no… I'm fine," Blaine answered.

"Okay, well I'll be back in an hour to check in. I'm sure you know how to press the button if you need anything."

Carole turned to leave, but Blaine's voice stopped her.

"Carole? Can you… Do you think you could not tell anyone about this… that I'm here?"

The question was so quiet Carole almost didn't catch it. Her eyes narrowed in confusion. "Why not, sweetie? You haven't told anybody? I'm sure everyone at school wants to make sure you're okay. And what about Kurt?"

Blaine closed his eyes tightly, and Carole thought she saw his bottom lip quivering as if holding back tears. "I just don't want anybody to worry. I'm going to tell Kurt. I promise, but I want to wait until later tomorrow when I'm feeling better. I don't want to worry him when it's not really a big deal."

Carole's heart started to race. A nervous shiver fluttered in her stomach. "Blaine, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. I promise," Blaine stated, head nodding fast as though trying to convince himself.

"Okay, well… I can't tell anyone anyway if you don't want me to. It's a rule, but please tell Kurt. He worries about you, and he'd be really upset if you didn't."

"I know," Blaine mumbled, eyes darting over to look at his mom, whose face was impassive.

Carole just nodded again and started towards the door but paused right outside it when she heard Malea speak.

"You can call him, you know? You probably should."

"No, he'll come here, and I don't think I can handle that," Blaine replied.

"Fine, whatever. Do what you want. You never listen to me anyways."

"Trust me. You don't want me to call him. I really don't know what I'd say if he were here."

Carole stood there confused for another brief moment before turning and heading back to the main desk.

* * *

Carole walked into the kitchen the next morning to find her husband and son eating breakfast. "Hey boys. Good morning," she greeted, placing a kiss on each of their cheeks.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hi, honey. How was work?" Burt asked.

Carole dreaded that question, and she knew her husband would recognize the hesitation, the concern, and the fear in her eyes as she lied. "It was fine… nothing interesting."

"Really?" Burt gave her a disbelieving look.

Carole huffed out a deep breath. "No, it was awful, and I wish I could tell you why, but I can't so let's just pretend it was great."

Burt stood up and wrapped her in a warm hug. She burrowed her head in his shoulder and held back the tears for a long moment. When she let go, she met her son's curious glare. "Is everything going to be okay, Mom?"

"I don't know, but I hope so," she answered, letting a few of the tears fall.

* * *

**November 28, 2012**

Blaine looks at Carole for a long time without saying anything. He feels guilty for causing her even a moment of grief over all of this. It isn't her fault that he asked her to lie for him. She was just doing her job. She didn't have a responsibility to see anything that anybody else hadn't seen.

"There wasn't really anything to know," Blaine states evenly.

Carole sighs, a look of contemplation on her face before she speaks, "I get that you want to pretend that nothing happened, but it's okay to admit it, Blaine. It's okay to admit that your mother isn't perfect. You don't have to protect her anymore."

Blaine ignores the statement and picks up his phone. He takes one look at the dozens of texts and missed calls and groans. Carole chuckles lightly, and he's glad when she stands up and lets the previous conversation go.

"So Kurt wanted me to tell you that he tried to stay, but I was forced to kick him out. And to make sure that I give you absolutely anything you ask for. So is there anything else you need, sweetheart?"

"Um… yeah. Can I take a shower or something? I feel disgusting."

Carole looks down at her watch and takes a moment to think. "Do you think you can wait an hour? I have a few patients I need to check on, and then I can come back to help you."

"I'm not disabled. I can take a shower by myself," he snaps.

The look on her face brings him back to tears.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just…"

"I understand," she says. "I just need to help you in there and stay nearby in case you have another seizure. It doesn't mean that I think you can't take care of yourself."

Blaine can't help the bright smile that breaks through the tears. "Thank you."

She returns it. "No problem, sweetie. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Yeah, thank you. Really, thank you, but can you please not call me sweetie?"

Her face turns curious, but she doesn't ask, just nods, and says, "Of course."

Blaine lies awake staring at the ceiling until she comes back to help with his shower, and afterwards he does pretty much the same. The quiet is settling in his bones and making him itch again as a sheen of sweat breaks out across his forehead.

He can't stop wondering what's going to happen now. He realizes he has decisions to make and things to do, but he's at a loss as to what those things are. He would be lying if he said he didn't feel better knowing that his mother is behind bars. He wants to ask how long she'll be there for stealing from the hospital. A part of him wants her to stay there until after graduation, and he can't help hating himself for that. It's a nice idea though, to not have deal with her until after he's free… free to go to New York… to not live with her anymore.

But when Blaine really starts to think about it, he wonders if he's actually already free. Now that Kurt knows, he probably won't let him go back to his mom, no matter what, and Blaine still doesn't have to tell anybody what really happened. He can still protect her.

Blaine thinks back to his 18th birthday in April, just seven months ago. He had contemplated running. He was finally old enough that he could get out, but he didn't. He thought it was because he had nowhere to go, but now that he's laying here contemplating his current situation, he realizes that maybe freedom is much scarier than being trapped.

* * *

Kurt is sitting at the table in the corner when Blaine wakes up in the morning. The sun is shining through the window, and he just stares and tries to figure out what he did to deserve to have this man in his life. He was pretty sure he had thrown away any chance he had of getting Kurt back, but here he is as if nothing happened. He's writing furiously on a notepad, head bent down, brow furrowed in concentration.

"What are you doing?" Blaine asks.

Kurt looks up, a bright smile on his face, and Blaine can't help but smile back. "I'm making a list."

"Of what?" Blaine smirks.

"Things we need to do." He pauses, looks down at the paper. "Actually, I'm making two lists. One list is questions I need to ask you, and the other one is things we need to do. Although, it's kind of hard because I can't really finish the second list without getting answers to the questions on the first list," he rambles.

Blaine chuckles and wonders if this man can read his mind sometimes. "Come here, and bring the first list." He pats the spot next to him on the bed, and Kurt crawls in close. "Shoot."

Kurt's eyes widen, and he stares down at the piece of paper in his hand. "Okay… um… well… I don't know where to start." He grimaces.

"Hardest to easiest if it's possible," Blaine suggests.

Kurt nods and then turns to look Blaine right in the eyes. "Do you trust me?"

It feels like he's been kicked in the chest. Kurt definitely didn't ease into it; that's for sure. Blaine doesn't even know what to say. He breaks eye contact and looks around, tries not to take too long to answer. He owes Kurt trust. He knows that, but it's easier said than done. "I want to," he whispers. "I'm trying to."

"Okay," Kurt mumbles, voice only wavering slightly. "I can accept that."

"I'm sorry."

Kurt pulls Blaine's face around by the chin. "Don't ever be sorry for how you feel. I get it."

Blaine smiles sadly. "Next?"

Kurt looks back down at his list. "Do you want to go to a rehab center? Or rather would you be willing to?"

Blaine gives him a sharp look. "No."

Kurt just smiles. "I was expecting that. I get it so do you want to live with your dad?"

The question strikes Blaine as odd. "I don't understand. I mean I do live with my dad, technically, if not literally."

"If literally was an option, would you take it?"

Blaine considers the question for a long moment. "I'd rather not see him ever again if I could help it, but I doubt I'll get so lucky."

Kurt reaches out and twines his fingers with Blaine's. "I get it. I don't think you can possibly begin to understand how angry I am at him right now, but I hope one day you can forgive him. He really is sorry for everything. But, Blaine, you should know, I'm asking you these questions because these things are up to you. They're your decisions… your choices. You get to choose whether you see him again. It's important that you tell me what you want."

"But I don't know what I want," Blaine says quietly. "I don't know how to make these decisions."

"I know. That's why I'm going to help you," Kurt whispers.

"Why do you want to help me… after everything I've put you through?"

Kurt pauses and turns on the bed to face Blaine. "I understand that it is going to be a long time before you will ever admit or acknowledge what's really been going on, but I know, Blaine. I know that everything you ever did, every decision you made when you hurt me, when you shut me out, it was because of what was happening to you. And, Blaine, whether you want to admit it or not, you were being abused." Kurt holds tight to Blaine's hand so that he can't pull away at the word even though he tries. "You don't need to say it now. You don't have to tell me anything, but there's no one else here, Blaine. It's just you and me. You need to hear it, and you need to accept it. Your mother abused you."

Blaine turns away and looks towards the door, not daring to acknowledge Kurt's words. "Can you ask the next question, please?"

It's a long moment before Kurt says, "Would you want to come stay with my dad, Carole, and Finn until graduation?"

Blaine drops his head down as the tears come pouring down his face. He can only nod as Kurt wraps him up and pulls him in to sob against his chest. Water spots smear the ink on the lists in Kurt's lap.

"Okay, babe. Okay. That's what we'll do, okay? You'll stay with us. We're going to help you get better. Everything is going to be just fine. I promise. It might take awhile, but you are going to be okay now. You're going to be fine."


	29. Chapter 22

A/N: Sorry, I've been so MIA. Life has been stressful. Hopefully, things will get better soon, and I'll be able to update more often. Thanks to everybody who's still around. There are warnings at the end. Also, the dates are really important in the flashback, but so that you don't have to go look up old things, I'll clarify that the first part of the flashback is before the break up, and the second part is after. Enjoy!

* * *

**November 27, 2012**

Freedom feels a lot better with a plan. Blaine will never be able to thank Kurt enough for that. His heart is a little bit calmer. He feels a little bit safer. He still misses his mom, and he can't really reconcile that thought. It makes him wonder if he really is crazy.

"You need to tell your dad if this is really what you want," Kurt says, breaking Blaine from his reverie, shocking him back into the real world. "I don't know if he'll fight you, but yesterday, he acted like he might."

Blaine squints his eyes in question. "What do you mean?"

Kurt sighs, and his face turns apologetic. "He seems pretty insistent about sending you to a rehab center."

Surprisingly, Blaine remains calm at the statement. It sounds like what his dad would do, and maybe it is the smart thing to do. To Blaine, it just feels like his father is once again pushing the problem off onto somebody else. It's not really new, but Blaine is pretty sure there's not much his dad can do in this situation. In Blaine's mind, his dad isn't really his dad anymore,, and Blaine has other things he's more concerned with. "When can I see my mom?" he asks.

Kurt's face falls with what looks like disappointment, and Blaine wants to take the question back but he knows he can't. "I don't know, Blaine. I guess whenever you get out of here. There's nothing stopping you." He makes sure to avoid all eye contact as he speaks.

"But you don't want me to?" Blaine inquires.

Kurt finally meets Blaine's eyes, his brows furrowed as if trying to solve a puzzle. "I don't know. I'm not going to presume to know what's best for you, but I would be lying if I thought you going to see her the second you can is the right thing to do. I think you need space, but that's not my decision."

"No, it's not."

Kurt nods and drops his head back down. "Just… don't go alone?" he asks tentatively.

"I don't need a babysitter, Kurt," Blaine snaps, although not angrily. He's really just tired of everyone treating him like a child.

"I never said you did," Kurt says sincerely. "I'm the one who is fighting for your right to be able to take care of yourself, but if you refuse to give yourself time to learn how to be apart from her, then I think that somebody should be there to watch out for you… to make sure you don't fall right back into old habits." When Blaine doesn't answer, he adds, "Let someone help you."

"Because I can't help myself? You sound like that stupid shrink."

"Maybe… but believe it or not she's trying to help you, too. She was arguing with your dad yesterday about what's best for you."

Blaine just scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"Look, B. You don't even know what's best for you anymore because for years and years you've been looking out for your mother when she should have been looking out for you. Right now, you need someone to be there to help you help yourself, and I want to do that." Kurt's face is so sincere, pleading, and honest. It brings tears to Blaine's eyes.

"I can take care of myself," he mumbles.

"But it wouldn't it be nice to let someone else take care of you for once, and to do it right."

Blaine looks down at the blanket covering his legs and nods, tries to hold back tears. "When are you leaving?"

He hears Kurt sigh heavily but refuses to look up to see his face. "I don't know, B… but don't worry about that now. I'm going to try to stay as long as possible."

Blaine doesn't really know if he likes that answer, so he just ignores it. He glances back up to make eye contact. "Does your family really want me around? It's going to be weird, isn't it?"

Kurt isn't the one to answer though. "Of course we want you around, but I can't promise it won't be weird," Burt chuckles, walking through the door. "Hey, kid. You look better. How are you feeling?"

Blaine can't help but smile, and it settles his nerves. "Thanks, I feel better."

"That's good to hear. Any news on when they're going to let you out of this joint?"

"I don't know. I haven't asked. I only recently figured out I had a place to go," Blaine answers.

"You'll always have a place to go, Blaine. You know that. Our home is your home." Burt places a strong hand on Blaine's shoulder, and Blaine once again struggles to keep the tears in his eyes from falling.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles under his breath. "For what I said to you."

Burt shakes his head and waves a hand in front of his face. "Don't worry about it, Blaine. It's water under the bridge."

"What are you talking about?" Kurt asks, confused.

"It's nothing," Burt repeats firmly, holding Blaine's gaze seriously.

* * *

**October 5, 2012**

The knock on the door interrupted Burt from where he was digging around in the fridge for something he probably shouldn't eat. His wife was still upstairs sleeping though, and he had just gotten home from a long week in D.C. He was determined to eat something unhealthy while he could get away with it. The unexpected visitor ruined that idea though, so Burt quickly grabbed a beer on his way to see who it was.

Swinging the door open quickly, he raised his eyebrows in surprise at who was standing behind it. "Oh, hi, Burt. How are you?" Blaine asked. He looked funny. He was a little pale and kept shifting back and forth from foot to foot as though nervous. Burt wanted to ask what was wrong but decided not to put the skittish boy on the spot so soon.

"Oh, well, I'm doing okay, Blaine. Come on in," he answered, gesturing to the living room and plopping into his favorite armchair as Blaine took a seat on the couch. "What about you? What brings you here? I haven't seen you in quite awhile. I thought I told you that you were always welcome to Friday night dinner."

"Um… yeah… you did. I just… I've been busy, you know. School and stuff… I've got college applications… plus I was voted senior class president… so… there's that, too." Clearly, welcoming Blaine into the house had done nothing to cure the kid's nerves. Burt really didn't understand what was going on here.

"Yeah, well, it sounds like you're doing good things at that school, Anderson. Keep it up. I'm sure you'll get into whatever college you want. Are you sure you're doing okay, though? Kurt mentioned you were in the hospital. You know, you really should have let someone know. We were all worried about you."

Blaine sighed and squeezed his eyes closed tightly. "I know. I'm really sorry. I just… I don't like it when people worry about me. It bothers me, and I didn't want anyone there. I don't like people to see me like that."

Burt watched Blaine for a minute before answering. "It's okay to be sick sometimes, Blaine. You don't always have to be strong."

Blaine shook his head quickly, almost frustratedly, and opened his eyes again. "It's not that. It's just… It's weird. I know I messed up. I… I actually wanted to tell you I'm going to go surprise Kurt tonight. I got a plane ticket. I have to leave in like twenty minutes. I just… I felt bad. I wanted to make it up to him. I know he's mad at me."

"Yeah, he wasn't too happy about it. Honestly means a lot to him."

"I know… Um… I was just wondering if your wife was here. I kind of wanted to talk to her about something."

Burt narrowed his eyes curiously. "She's upstairs sleeping. She's been working night shifts lately so…"

Blaine nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Really now?" Burt questioned, his gaze turning suspicious.

At that moment, they heard footsteps coming down the stairs and both looked up to see Carole smiling at them. "Hey, Blaine. It's good to see you. How are you feeling?" she asked politely.

"I'm okay. I feel much better. Thanks."

Carole came over and took a seat next to Blaine on the couch, resting her hand on his knee. "I'm glad to hear that. I was worried about you."

"I know. I just… I wanted to tell you I'm sorry… for asking you to lie for me," Blaine whispered the last words.

Burt was surprised and shocked, but his wife remained calm. "It's fine, sweetie. You don't have to apologize for asking me to do what I'm supposed to do. It wasn't really lying."

"You asked her to lie for you?" Burt huffed. He didn't like this. It was one thing to not tell people you were sick, but to actually ask someone to keep it a secret, there was definitely something bigger going on here.

"Burt, don't worry about it. It's not a big deal," Carole reassured.

"Blaine?" Burt waited until the boy made eye contact. "Why didn't you want anyone to know you were sick?"

The nervous ticks were back, and Blaine's eyes started darting all over the room, as he wrung his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry… Um… you know… I really should go if I'm going to catch that flight. I don't want to be late. I might catch traffic… so… I'll… I'll talk to you later." Blaine stood up quickly and walked towards the exit, only turning back to mumble one last apology before running out the door.

* * *

**October 12 - November 17, 2012**

Burt knocked hard on the door for several minutes before it finally opened.

"Burt? What are you doing here?" Blaine looked around suspiciously. His eyes were red as though he'd been crying, and he moved slowly in small jerking movements.

"I'm here to pick you up for Friday night dinner. Come on. Let's go. I'm starving." Burt turned around to walk back towards his car, but Blaine's voice stopped him.

"Um… I don't think that's a good idea. I mean… you don't have to do this. I don't know what Kurt told you, but I'm fine."

"No, you're not, and I'm not going to let you lock yourself up in your house and wallow, so you and I are going out to dinner, just the two of us, every Friday, until you tell me what's going on."

Blaine sighed deeply. His face turned contemplative, but he eventually reached inside to grab his keys and jacket and followed behind Burt.

* * *

The first dinner was awkward. Blaine didn't speak much, and Burt had to lead the conversation, asking a million questions and getting nothing but one or two-word answers.

The second one was better. Blaine talked about his ideas for his senior class presidency. His tone was nostalgic, however, as though he didn't really expect to do any of the things he really wanted to. Burt asked about the play, and Blaine said he was only doing it to get everyone to stop bothering him.

During their third trip to Breadstix, Burt brought up how Finn told him that Blaine wasn't really talking at school anymore. Blaine didn't say anything to Burt for the rest of the night.

They didn't go out the next week because of Grease. Burt let Kurt deal with Blaine that night but wasn't surprised to hear it didn't end well.

The following week, Burt had to go inside, into Blaine's room, and physically drag him out of bed to get him to come to dinner. "You're scaring me, kid," he said when they were finally sitting at the restaurant. Blaine was wearing sweatpants, and his wild curls were loose.

"I scare myself sometimes, too," Blaine whispered.

On the fifth Friday, Blaine was waiting on the steps when Burt pulled up. He spent the entire night talking quickly about random topics. It was almost like he was afraid of the silence. It was more disconcerting than when the boy said nothing.

The next week, Blaine wasn't home when Burt went to pick him up. He looked everywhere inside the unlocked house and sat in his car for over an hour before he left. When he got home, he called Blaine's mom at the hospital. She seemed surprised and told him she would have Blaine call him when she found out where he was.

Blaine showed up on Burt's porch the next morning.

"Don't ever… ever call my mom again," he snapped the second Burt opened the door. "I can't believe you would do that. I trusted you."

Burt was wide-eyed in shock at the boy's anger. "Blaine, kid, I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be this upset about it. I was just worried about you. We've been going out every Friday for weeks, and I didn't know where you were."

"It's none of your business where I go or what I do. You're not my father. You don't have to babysit me. I'm not a child."

"I never said you were, Blaine," Burt placated. "Why don't you come in so we can talk?"

"No, I don't want to talk to you. I never wanted to talk to you. Do you really think I went out to dinner with you all those times because I enjoyed your company? I was just bored, and I felt sorry for you. You clearly didn't have anything better to do so I thought I'd make you feel useful." Blaine held his eyes closed tightly as he spat out the words, and the tears spilling down his cheeks made it fairly obvious that he didn't really believe what he was saying.

"Okay, Blaine. I get it. I'm sorry. I'm not going to make you hang out with me if you don't want to, and I'm really sorry for calling your mom."

Blaine sighed. His face turned slightly guilty, and he looked as though he didn't know what to do since Burt gave in so easily. "Good… okay," he mumbled. "I'm going to go." He stayed rooted to the spot.

"It was good to see you. Just let me know if you change your mind, okay, kid? If you're ever bored again, I enjoy feeling useful."

A choking sound came out of Blaine's throat. "I have a life, you know? I have things to do."

"I know, Blaine, but if you ever don't, please call me." Burt placed his hand on Blaine's shoulder and squeezed slightly. "You're a good kid. I hope you and Kurt can figure things out. I was only trying to help."

Blaine's face crumpled at that, but he quickly turned and walked back to his car without a word. Burt contemplated following, but ended up just watching as Blaine drove away.

When he went back inside and closed the door behind him, he leaned back against it and shut his eyes tightly, ignoring the tickle in his throat. He wasn't Blaine's father, but sometimes, he wished he was. The kid really needed one. For the first time in a long time, Burt was at a complete loss as to what to do. He resolved to give Blaine a couple of weeks and then try again. He would keep trying though. Blaine needed somebody in his life who wouldn't give up on him.

* * *

**November 27, 2012**

The tears finally fall from Blaine's eyes as he looks up at Burt. "Can we do Friday night dinners again? They really were the highlight of my week," he smiles tightly.

Burt doesn't reach up to hide the wetness in his own eyes as he murmurs, "Of course we can, son. They meant a lot to me, too."

A throat clearing to Blaine's left pulls them both out of the moment. "I missed something, didn't I?" Kurt mumbles.

"I told you I was keeping an eye out for him. I meant it," Burt answers.

It should bother Blaine, but it doesn't. It's been a long time since he really felt like someone other than Kurt was really looking out for him.

* * *

Blaine gets sick again not long after a brave attempt at a small breakfast. He starts to get the shakes and his arms and legs literally won't stay still. Kurt sits next to him, their hands intertwined in an attempt to keep him calm, and they don't talk much even after Cooper, his dad, and Dr. Collins come in and sit down.

Eventually, Cooper breaks the silence. "I'll stay as long as you need me to," he says quietly.

Blaine rolls his eyes. Once upon a time, he did need Cooper, but he just doesn't anymore. It's a bittersweet realization, but he can't deny a certain satisfaction in being able to relieve Cooper of any duty he feels obligated to perform out of guilt. "I've survived this long without you. I think I'll be fine," he mutters.

"I'd say it's been a close call a few times," Cooper replies. "You're certainly not surviving well."

"Well, neither of you two have really been helping," Blaine argues.

"Blaine-," his father starts.

"No, I don't want any half-assed apologies or promises to do better," Blaine cuts in. "I get it. You feel bad. You want to make things right… But you can't. Things aren't going to be okay. You guys missed your chance to fix things. You missed your chance to be around, and now I don't need you anymore."

Blaine tries to keep his emotions under control, tries not to reveal how much it kills him to say these things. He has spent years wanting Cooper and his dad to be around. It hurts to tell them now to go away, but maybe that's progress. He wants people around him who will love him in sickness and in health, not just when they feel it's necessary in order to preserve their own sense of responsibility.

He takes a deep breath and continues. "Everyone keeps saying that I need space from Mom, and maybe that's true. But I also need space from you. I promise I'll be okay, but I'm not going to be okay if I feel like I have to fill some expectation of who you guys think I am… or… or what I have to do to get you to stay." Blaine lets the tears fall down his cheeks, glances at Dr. Collins' sad, but somewhat proud face. "I'm going to stay with the Hummels. That's what's going to happen. I don't want to talk about it or debate it anymore. I'll talk to whatever therapist, and I'll do outpatient treatment. I'll stay clean, but I don't want to see you two for a while, not forever, just for now. I'm sorry. I love you, but that's what I need."

As Cooper and his dad offer their goodbyes and hugs, as they sort through plans to get most of Blaine's things moved to the Hummels' house, Blaine feels good about himself for the first time in a long time.

* * *

**November 28, 2012**

Kurt tries to get Blaine to let some of the New Directions visit the next day, but he refuses. Whether it's from the guilt and embarrassment over what happened at sectionals or just his continuing resistance to let people see him in the hospital, Kurt doesn't know, but he persists until Blaine finally agrees to let Sam stop by. Kurt is pretty sure he only relents so that he can figure out what rumors have been spreading around the glee club about what happened.

"I'm sorry," Blaine says the second Sam walks in the door.

Sam just smiles and waves a hand in front of his face. "For what? Sectionals? Who cares? No one is even worried about that, man, just about you. We're all really glad you're okay." He squints his eyes, tilts his head to the side, and takes in Blaine's pale appearance. "You are okay, aren't you?"

Blaine sucks in his deep breath and turns to look at Kurt. Kurt just offers a tight smile and shrugs his shoulders, trying to let Blaine know that it's up to him what he says.

"I will be. I'm much better than the last time you saw me," Blaine smirks.

Sam nods and sits down. "So what happened, dude? I've never seen someone have a seizure before. That was some scary shit. You looked like you were possessed."

Kurt can see Blaine's embarrassment as he drops his head and his cheeks flush. "I'm sorry I scared you. It wasn't a big deal… just low blood sugar."

Sam gives him a disbelieving look and glances over at Kurt. "If it was nothing, you wouldn't still be here. It seems pretty bad, and there's a rumor going around about your mom going to jail. What's that about?"

Blaine scrunches his eyes closed tightly. The room is silent for a long time, and Kurt is just about to cut in and change the topic when Blaine speaks. "I'm an addict," he whispers, eyes still held shut. Kurt takes in Sam's shocked and confused expression and waits to see if Blaine is going to elaborate. He does. "My mom is in jail for stealing drugs from the hospital. I was taking them… morphine specifically. That's why I'm still here. I've been going through withdrawal."

Kurt reaches out to grasp Blaine's hand in support and can feel Blaine squeeze back tightly. Kurt gets how big it is for Blaine to reveal that much of the truth.

"Oh my God, dude, really? That's why you've been so sad lately? I mean other than the whole Kurt thing, of course." He shoots Kurt a half-smirk, half-grimace. "I thought you were just depressed. Why didn't you say something? You know you could have talked to me, right?

Blaine looks back up at Sam with wet eyes. "I know. I'm sorry I didn't, but I'm going to try to do better about that."

Sam grins and shoves Blaine's shoulder lightly in an affectionate gesture. "You better. We'll look out for you know… everyone in glee. I'm not saying you have to tell everyone, but maybe it'll help to have more people looking out for you."

Blaine nods. "I'll think about it, but for now can you keep this to yourself?"

"Of course I can."

The boys start talking about random topics after that. Kurt tries to follow along, but he's not quite as into the whole superhero thing as they are. He lets his thoughts wander until a question strikes him and he lets it out before he really thinks it through.

"Wait, Sam said you almost went back to Dalton a few weeks ago. Why didn't you if they would have let you back in the Warblers?"

Blaine looks at him in shock and glances guiltily at Sam, who just looks confused. "Why would he? He belongs with the New Directions… even if he seizes on stage and gets us disqualified."

Blaine lets out a chuckle and shrugs. "I'd rather be DQ'ed than cheat."

Sam's eyes widen. "Cheat?"

Blaine makes a humming noise. "They tried to get me to do steroids with them in order to compete better. I guess Nick spread the word about the morphine, and they thought I'd be up for it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider it, but I'm a drug addict, not a cheater."

"Blaine," Sam says seriously. "Why are you just telling me this now?" He frantically gets out of his chair and starts running towards the door. "We might not be done for the year," he screams as he exits the room.

Kurt and Blaine share an amused look. "I didn't really find glee important enough to care at the time," Blaine says after a moment. "I probably should have said something, huh?"

"Maybe, but you did now," Kurt answers.

"It feels kind of hypocritical of me though."

Kurt smiles sadly at Blaine. "Just because you haven't always made the best decisions doesn't mean you can't point out when other people are making poor choices."

Blaine nods in thought, and they're quiet for a moment until Blaine speaks. "You should go back to New York."

Kurt reels back in shock. "What?"

"You shouldn't put your life on hold for me. You should go home... soon"

Kurt almost can't believe he's hearing this, but then he thinks he probably should have expected it. "Really, Blaine? After everything, you're just going to tell me it's no big deal and send me away again just like all of the other times." He can't help but be angry.

"This is different," Blaine huffs frustratedly. "You know what's wrong. I'm not going to be miraculously better anytime soon, and we're both just delaying the inevitable. I don't want you to feel like you need to be here. I'll be okay."

"I want to be here," Kurt exclaims. "I love you. I want to help."

"I love you, too, Kurt, but we're not together anymore. You don't owe me anything. You've already done more than enough." Blaine reaches across to grab Kurt's hand. "I appreciate everything you've done. I really do, I swear, but I think you should go back to New York." He turns away from Kurt. "You should go tomorrow."

Kurt can't help the aching in his chest as tears gather in his eyes. "But… we broke up because you weren't telling me things, but I know now. I want to be here for you. I want to be us again."

Blaine looks up surprised, and Kurt can't understand why. "Kurt, all of the reasons we broke up are still there. You know things now, but it's certainly not because I told you. I don't want you to be with me because you feel like you should."

"I don't feel like I should do anything. Blaine, I love you," Kurt pleads.

Blaine sighs and looks away again. "I love you, Kurt. I do, but maybe I just need some space from you, too," he whispers.

Kurt didn't think he could be more shocked by the words coming out of Blaine's mouth. "You can't take space from everyone, Blaine. You need people to help you. God, how many times are we going to have the same conversation?"

Blaine turns back to Kurt. His face is sincere, and his eyes are wet. "I promise. I'm going to do my best to get better, but… I just don't want to have to worry about you giving up on your job or New York for me. I fought really hard for you to be happy there and for you to find a life there, and I need you to keep it. Otherwise, I'm just going to feel guilty, and that is not going to help me. I need you to go live your life. I promise we can still talk, and we'll see each other when you come home. But I don't want to hold you back."

"You're not holding me back, Blaine."

"Kurt, just… please do this for me. I have your family, and I have my friends. I'll be okay, but I also need to know you're okay. Please."

Kurt doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything. He just nods his head in defeat.

After a long silence, Blaine says, with enough conviction to slightly ease Kurt's worries, "We'll find our way back. I promise. I don't know much about what happens now, but I know that. I know I'll never love anyone as much as I love you." Blaine pulls Kurt into a tight hug and leaves a chaste kiss on Kurt's lips before he leans back. "You saved me. You have no idea how much."

* * *

**November 29 - December 1, 2012**

Kurt flies back to New York the next day, and Blaine calls him on Friday after he's discharged and goes home to the Hummels.

On Saturday, Kurt goes to see Rachel sing at the Winter Showcase and gets his second chance at auditioning for NYADA. Sometimes, Kurt thinks Blaine makes more good decisions than he even realizes.


	30. Chapter 23

**A/N: **Hey folks! I haven't gotten to answer reviews/comments yet, but thanks for leaving them. Sorry for the only once a week updates. It might stay that way for a couple of weeks. I made a final outline that has this story at 30 chapters and an epilogue, just as an FYI. Anyways, enjoy! Warnings are at the end, and there are a few new ones.

* * *

**December 2012**

Living at the Hummels is a practice in patience that Blaine isn't quite prepared for. There are always people around, people who want to talk to him and spend time with him. They ask how he's feeling and offer him food that only makes him sick because of the last of his withdrawal symptoms and, he thinks, because of some psychosomatic torture his brain has come up with.

Finn greets him with a bombastic enthusiasm, which is so strikingly different from how Blaine actually feels that it leaves him wholly unsettled. He knows Finn wants to help. He's been trying to for the last month, but Blaine's only here because he has nowhere else to go. He's not really excited about anything in his life right now, which is strange because he knows he should be, but for some reason, staying with a real family for once feels kind of like offering one last meal to someone who's starving.

Blaine knows that he should feel happy for the first time in a long time. He should feel optimistic and hopeful for the future. This isn't his last meal but the first of many more healthy, nutritionally-satisfying, poison-free dinners to come. But there's something pulling at his heart and his mind, making him feel like he doesn't really deserve all of this. He doesn't really deserve to be happy.

He decides he can't sit still for long and insists on going back to school on Monday. His appearance is met with intrigued stares and whispers from most of the student body, but when he sees his friends from glee, he's immediately enveloped by hugs. It feels good in a way Blaine wishes it didn't. He sticks to the same story that Sam and Finn both got. It's a large portion of the truth, and the only thing he's been willing to admit to anyone. He's an addict, and he relapsed. Sam tells him that the story about why his mom is in jail has spread around the school, and he snaps at Tina when she asks about it. No one mentions his mother at all after that.

The hardest person to talk to at school is the person that had always been the easiest. Ms. Pillsbury is polite and understanding when they talk at lunch, but he can see the guilt in her eyes and knows she blames herself for everything that happened. It's unfair. She couldn't be expected to solve a problem when he only ever told her lies and vague versions of the truth. She still doesn't really know, and he only refuses to tell her now because it will only increase her anxiety rather than relieve it. He can pretend like he's really better. She doesn't need to know how truly fucked up he is.

Blaine has two times a week group meetings and once a week counseling sessions at the hospital. The group is specifically for youth dealing with family and substance abuse issues. He actually likes it better than his NA meetings since he has a lot more in common with these people. Blaine likes to listen to their stories, but he's yet to share even a piece of his own.

Somehow Dr. Collins had casually won him over enough for him to agree to keep her as a therapist. She had said he could go to someone else, but he realized enough people knew about his dirty little secret. He'd like to keep it as contained as possible, and she didn't seem like she was going to force him to talk about it if he didn't want to.

It's only his second session that Laura, as she had asked him to call her during the first one, somehow manages to get him to say more than he ever thought he would. Blaine had been cleverly avoiding most of her attempts to talk about his mother and his family. He let small anecdotes about his childhood slip, but he tried to stay away from the topic as much as possible. He stuck to school and his hopes for after graduation. Then, she brought up Kurt.

"I heard you told Kurt to go back to New York," she says innocently.

It's a complicated statement for such a simple sentence, and Blaine can't help but snap at her. "Yeah, are you going to tell me I shouldn't have? You didn't tell me it wasn't a good thing to tell Coop and my dad to leave. What makes Kurt any different?"

"Calm down, Blaine. I was just wondering why. He seems like a good support for you. I mean you were sober for nearly a year when you were together. I just thought you'd want him here for as long as he could be."

Blaine laughs. "You're only asking that question because you know the answer, so why don't you answer it for me?"

Laura raises her eyebrows momentarily in surprise before she lowers them in contemplation. There's a quiet moment before she speaks again. "I think there is a fine line between you sending people away because you need space to figure out things for yourself and sending them away because you're afraid of what they'll think of you... the real you without your mom or the drugs to hide behind."

"I didn't want him to miss out on anything because he was here with me," Blaine replies quietly, voice strained.

Laura nods seriously. "Yeah, but that's for him. Why did you do it for you? What do you get out of him not being here?"

"Am I not allowed to do something selflessly?" Blaine argues.

"You are, but I don't think in this situation you would have done it if there wasn't a reason... one for yourself. I don't think that you spent much time thinking about other people when you were in the hospital... except for your mother of course. But I think even that is more about you than her, too."

Blaine doesn't answer for a really long time. Laura hadn't asked a question, but he knows that she expects an answer regardless and will probably remain quiet until she gets one.

"How much did people tell you about Dalton?" he asks when he finds his voice.

"Not a lot," she answers. "I know you went there after your dad first suspected something. You met Kurt there, and you left when he transferred to McKinley."

"Did you know Kurt and I were friends for five months before we started dating?"

Laura just shakes her head, but her eyes urge him to continue.

"The second I saw him I knew we could be something someday, and I think the reverse was mostly true, too."

"So what happened?" she pushes, her eyes bright with excitement at finally getting him to tell her something important.

"He deserved better. He still does," Blaine murmurs.

There's a long time when no one speaks. Laura seems afraid of tearing him out of this moment, and Blaine is scared of actually telling this story. He doesn't want to admit things aren't as simple as they may seem from the outside looking in.

After probably three minutes of silence, Blaine starts talking again. "I thought Dalton would be like this magical place where everything is perfect, and nothing ever hurts. I thought I'd be okay there. I was doing morphine quite a bit right before I transferred so I stole all that my mom had before I left and tried to ween myself off it so no one would notice. I still got sick quite a bit during the first semester though. Then I went home for Christmas, and I was clean. Dad was there for once, and Mom was acting normal. It seemed like things were fine except neither of them would look at me. They didn't really talk to each other either though. It was so quiet. Then, I went back to Dalton, and everything was supposed to be perfect. I was sober, and I wasn't at home with my mom. But... I just..."

"You just what, Blaine?"

"People at Dalton loved me because of the Warblers, the glee club, because I could sing, and it was so different from my old school where I was the sick kid or the gay kid that no one liked. I soaked up the attention like a substitute for the morphine, but it just wasn't enough. Practice would end, and I would go back to my dorm room by myself. I still didn't actually have friends. When I finally managed to get friends, it wasn't because they actually liked me. They hung out with me for selfish reasons."

"Because of your voice?"

Blaine shakes his head. "Because they wanted to make sure I was healthy enough to compete."

Laura's eyes widen for a minute before she nods. "You were sick?"

"After Christmas, after my dad left, I started going home... every weekend until I finally came back sick, and I made sure to eat all of the food my mom would send back with me." The words are barely a whisper in the room as Blaine stares at the floor, but he feels like they echo repeatedly. They usually do in the back of his head even when he doesn't want to acknowledge them. He blinks his eyes closed to try to dry the tears threatening to spillover.

"Going to visit your mother and eating her food is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. It doesn't have to mean anything other than you missed her and were willing to accept whatever might happen," Laura speaks confidently, assuredly, a stark contrast to his own words.

"We both know I didn't do it for the company or the food."

"I know you don't want to say why you did do it, but I think you'll feel better if you do."

The silence echoes for a long moment as Blaine contemplates the reality of what will happen if he does say the truth. Laura breaks it. "Nothing will change if you do, Blaine. What you say here is between you and me unless I think you or someone else is in harm's way. You're not in harm's way right now. You can tell me. No consequences."

Another five minutes of silence go by before Laura speaks again. "Have you ever heard of the term 'learned helplessness,' Blaine?"

He just shakes his head.

"In the 1960s, some psychologists did a study on animals where they put them through pain. The doctors noticed that after a while, the animals would give up and act completely helpless to the situation. Later, they might not even choose to escape if the option is given. It's one of the theories behind Stockholm Syndrome. It's part of how some people act to situations that are out of their control."

Blaine snorts out a laugh but still doesn't speak.

"The consequences of the abuse that you suffered are not your fault. Your actions during that time are not a reflection of your character. You just need to learn to be your own person and how to accept control over your own life for once."

Blaine looks up at her with wet eyes and nods.

Laura smiles at him. "So can I ask what changed?"

"What do you mean?"

"You met, Kurt, and you didn't feel like you deserved to be with him. But you were with him, so what changed?"

Blaine sighs and can't help the small smile on his lips. "He made me want to be better. He made me be better."

"Then why did you want him to leave?"

Blaine thinks about it for a moment, deciding nothing bad can really come from telling the truth. "If I let him stay until I felt well enough for him to leave, I'd be afraid of what I'd do if I wanted him to come back... My mom and I aren't really all that different after all."

Laura offers him a sad half-smile. "I don't think that's true at all, Blaine. Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked him to leave, and you certainly wouldn't be sitting here telling me this. It's okay to have thoughts or feelings, whatever they are. You can't help that. It's what we do that's important. You're here. You're trying, but you might make mistakes. That's okay. From a young age, you were taught that a piece of your self-worth is entangled in how people react to you when you're ill. That's how you're mother raised you, to believe that people won't want to be with you or around you or love you unless you're sick. You're going to have thoughts about doing something like that when you're alone. We just have to make sure you never feel like you need to act on it. You already know that you don't have to... deep down you know that. That's why we just need to make sure there are people around to remind you when you forget."

Blaine nods again as a slow tear drifts down his cheek. "Okay."

* * *

**December 2010**

The second Kurt left his dorm room, Blaine got up. He could feel the wetness in his eyes and the tickle in his throat as he ran to the bathroom, falling to the floor in front of the toilet. He stuck his finger down his throat until he gagged and emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

He quickly exited the bathroom when he was finished, avoiding his reflection in the mirror. He found some gum on his desk and immediately stuck it in his mouth to get rid of the taste of mushrooms, onions, and green beans that was even worse on the way up than it was on the way down. He got down on his knees by the bed, pulling out the casserole dish from where he had stashed it in a hurry underneath. Tears splashed down on the saran wrap covering as he stared down at it before stomping over to his trash and throwing the whole thing in. Two minutes later, the entire contents of his refrigerator and all of his other food were in the trash with the casserole, and he hurriedly pulled the bag out of the can, walking out of his dorm to go take it to the trash room at the end of the floor.

"What are you doing, Blaine?" Wes's voice stopped him. "I'll take that. Go get in bed. You're supposed to be resting."

Blaine put on a fake smile as Wes grabbed the bag. "Thanks. It was really starting to smell so I wanted to get rid of it."

Wes paled. "Oh God, what's in here? It's not going to get me sick, too, is it?"

Blaine laughed loudly. "No," he said, shaking his head. "It won't."

He went back in the room, still smiling to himself.

Blaine's phone rang from his bedside table with his mother's designated ringtone, Carl Orff's "O Fortuna." He walked over to silence it and crawled back into bed. He lay down for an hour before he was nauseous again, although there was nothing left in his stomach to throw up. When he went back to his room after dry heaving, he grabbed his phone and sent a text to his mom.

_When will Dad be home?_

The response was almost immediate.

_I think he said the 23rd. Are you okay? I called._

_I'm fine. That's when I'll be home, too._

_Aren't you done early next week? Why don't you come home then?_

_Nope, I think I'll wait for Dad._

_Okay, if that's what you want. I miss you, though. Love you._

He didn't text back.

* * *

**December 2012**

Kurt calls Blaine every day for the first couple of weeks after he gets back to the city. He's eager to make sure Blaine's doing okay and determined to make sure he doesn't do what he did last time he left Blaine for New York. They talk about unimportant trivial matters for the most part, but they talk and that's what really matters. And Blaine talks. That means the most. Kurt doesn't know if Blaine does it just to ease Kurt's worries, but he'll take it if it means Blaine's sharing just a bit of how he's feeling.

Vogue . com is still as busy and stressful as ever, and he's working more now in an effort to save money and make up for cutting his hours next semester when he starts at NYADA. Late nights are typical, and sometimes, Kurt finds himself talking to Blaine from his office in the evening and sneaking out of meetings to make his daily phone call. It's one of those days that Isabelle pulls him into her office to chat.

"Was that Blaine?" she asks.

"I'm sorry. I just promised I would call him every day. I _have_ to call him every day. It's important," he says. He's apologetic, but he's not actually sorry. Isabelle will just have to understand.

She just waves a hand at him though. "Don't worry. I get it. You're not in trouble. I just wanted to ask how everything was. We didn't really talk about it when you got back. You didn't seem like you really wanted to so I thought I'd give you time, but is he okay?"

Kurt sighs and drops into the chair in front of her desk. "I think so. I think he's doing better. It's all so much more complicated and bigger than I had imagined, and I can't even begin to understand it all. I mean I should have known, and so I feel guilty about it even though it's not my fault. But it is, too, you know? I just wish I could do more from here, but I can't. And he doesn't want me to be there so there's just not anything I can do except promise to call him every day and remind him that I love him so that's what I'm going to do." He takes in a deep breath when he's done.

"Feel better?" Isabelle asks with a smile.

Kurt grins back. "Actually yeah. Sorry about that."

"So now do you want to explain to me in words I can understand?"

"Blaine's mom has Munchausen's by Proxy Syndrome. His mom made him sick in order to get attention. She's been doing it for years, and nobody knew." It feels so good to say the words, to say the truth, simple, straightforward, and uncomplicated, even if that's not how it really is. People did know, and Blaine still won't admit it.

"Wow," Isabelle replies with wide eyes.

"Yeah."

Kurt tells her the whole story, and she supports him as she always does, offering more time off for him to go home. He takes her up on the gift of a long Christmas holiday. He can't say no to that, but he also explains how Blaine really doesn't want him there most of the time.

"He'll come around," she replies. "I'm sure it's hard for him to get used to such a big change in his life. He's probably more scared now than he has been all these years living with his mom. I mean it's all he's ever known. It likely felt safer than this strange new world he's living in now."

Kurt nods. "I know. I just hope it doesn't take him too long. I miss him."

"Maybe he just needs to make sure you'll still be waiting for him on the other side of this mess... when he's figured out how to move on and be happy and healthy. If he leans on you now while he's still struggling, how does he know you won't leave when he's well again?"

"I wouldn't do that," Kurt says, shocked at the statement.

"I know that, but maybe he doesn't."

* * *

Blaine calls Kurt the next day before their usual time. Kurt can immediately tell something is wrong by his voice.

"What happened?" he asks.

"Nothing," Blaine mumbles.

"Talk to me, please."

"I was just talking to Laura today."

"What about?"

"You."

Kurt can't help his audible intake of air. "And?"

"Do you know when the first time I knew for sure I wanted to date you was?"

"'Blackbird,' right?"

"No, before that."

"Valentine's Day?" Kurt guesses.

"Nope, before that."

"But I told you I wanted to date you on Valentine's Day, and you wouldn't," Kurt pouts.

"I know. I was scared, but that didn't mean I didn't want to date you."

"So when? 'Baby, It's Cold Outside?'"

"You're getting warmer." Kurt can hear a smile in Blaine's voice.

"Just tell me," Kurt huffs.

"It was two days before that. Well, I was pretty sure I knew the moment I met you, but that was when I knew, for sure, without a doubt."

Kurt makes a questioning noise. "Did something in particular happen that day?"

"I was sick." Blaine's voice is noticeably quieter at the statement.

A light bulb goes off in Kurt's head as he remembers. It was the first time he had ever heard of or seen "The Anderson Flu," and with his new knowledge, the memory sends a nervous shiver down his spine. "I totally forgot about that."

"That makes sense. It probably didn't seem important to you, but it was."

"Why?"

"Because that was the day I first knew for certain that I wanted to date you," he repeats, in an exasperated but fond voice..

Kurt laughs. "But why?"

Blaine exhales loudly, and it seems like he's gathering the courage to speak. "You said you didn't like me being sick, and it wasn't because you didn't want to be there with me. It was because you missed me. It was the first time anyone had ever told me that."

Kurt's silent for a moment as he tries to figure out how to respond to such a sad statement. "I'm sure that's not true."

"It is."

"Blaine..."

"I just wanted you to know. You should know that."

"I did miss you. I do miss you."

"I miss you, too, Kurt."

"I'll be home a couple days before Christmas. Isabelle gave me some more time off."

Blaine takes that as a change of topic and runs with it, offering up plans and ideas for what they will do while Kurt's home.

"Will you come with me to see my mom?"

Kurt is shocked silent by the question. "Um... Of course, I will. I just thought you would have already done that."

"You didn't want me to go without taking somebody with me, and I couldn't take anybody but you."

Kurt smiles. "Okay, I'll go with you."

"Thank you, Kurt."

"You're welcome, B." There's a long pause. "Can I ask what you were afraid of?"

"That once you had me you wouldn't miss me anymore." Blaine's voice quavers at the end.

"I'll always miss you."

"I know, but sometimes I forget."

"Then I'll just have to keep reminding you."

* * *

Kurt arrives back in Ohio late in the evening on Friday, the 21st. His dad picks him up at the airport in Columbus, and the drive back home is full of small talk and catching up. Kurt asks about Blaine.

"He seems to be doing well, although it's really hard to tell with that kid. He doesn't really talk about himself much."

Kurt just smiles and nods his head. "I hear ya."

Burt looks over quickly. "I think he's actually starting to like living with us though, to get comfortable there, and he's really excited to see you."

"I'm excited to see him, too."

* * *

The whole family settles down for a late dinner around the table that night. Seeing Blaine sitting next to him with the rest of his family and a sincere smile on his face sparks a warm feeling in Kurt's heart, despite the circumstances of his being there. Blaine really does look better. He looks happier.

Then, Carole serves dessert, and Burt speaks

"So, listen, boys. Carole and I have something we need to tell you." He looks over at his wife, whose solemn face matches his own. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. I have prostate cancer."

Kurt feels his stomach drop as his head spins. A slow, building panic approaches and starts to drown out the rest of his father's words until a hand grabs his own and squeezes tight. He looks over at Blaine, who offers a reassuring, but sad, smile and gestures with his head towards his dad. Kurt focuses back in on the conversation, hears his dad explain how they caught it early, it hasn't spread, and the cure rate is almost 100%. The tightening in Kurt's chest loosens and he can breathe again, but the entire atmosphere in the room has changed. Finn asks curious questions. Kurt expresses his worry and concern. Blaine stays mostly silent. It's not until Kurt is headed up to bed that he spots Blaine in the living room squeezing his father in a tight hug, almost as if afraid to let go. It feels like he's intruding on a private moment, but his feet won't move. When Blaine steps back, Kurt is pretty sure he sees him brush a tear off his cheek.

Kurt's own tears don't come until he's curled up in bed. He tries to furiously wipe them away when he hears a knock on the door, but when it's opened, he gives up. Blaine smiles and walks over to the bed, gesturing at Kurt to scoot over. Before Kurt can really understand what's happening, he's curled up with his head on Blaine's chest, as he cries heavily into his shirt. Blaine is running fingers through Kurt's hair and whispering comforting words.

"It's going to be okay, Kurt. It'll be fine. He's going to get better. I promise." Kurt knows by the sound of his voice that Blaine's crying, too.

* * *

**Warnings: **Discussion of Munchausen's-like symptoms or tendencies, Munchausen's by proxy and enablement, drug addiction and relapse, self-inflicted vomiting and dry heaving, therapy session, and prostate cancer


	31. Chapter 24

**A/N: **Hi, I'm here! This chapter is short, but the next one should be longer. This one only took so long because I suck at coming up with good gift ideas! I'm the asshole who just gives people gift cards, but Kurt and Blaine would never do that! Warnings at the end. Thanks for reading!

* * *

**December 24, 2012**

The tension is rife as they sit in the car on the way to the Allen Correctional Institution. Blaine keeps glancing over at Kurt, whose fingers are white from his tight grip on the wheel. Kurt had insisted on driving, as a means of distraction, Blaine thinks. He's clearly not as certain about this trip as he had originally claimed to be.

"I'm sorry you have to spend Christmas Eve in a prison," Blaine says quietly.

"No, it's fine, Blaine." Kurt shrugs it off. "Your mother deserves to have someone come visit near the actual holiday anyway. It's good. You should get to see some of your family, too. Have you talked to your dad or Cooper?"

Blaine sighs, frustrated. "They keep calling me, but I don't answer. I doubt either one of them are in Lima. My dad's probably happy to not have to come home."

"Blaine," Kurt says in a chastising voice. "You really should talk to them."

"I will, but I can't right now." Blaine hopes his tone denotes the end of the conversation, and judging by the returned silence, it does.

However, it's not long before Kurt starts talking about something else Blaine doesn't want to talk about.

"Are you doing okay... with everything with my dad?" he asks.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question? He's your dad."

"You already have," Kurt replies sharply, "every hour since he told us about it, and we've talked about me a million times. But when I ask about you, I get radio silence. I just want to know how you're doing. It has to be a sore spot, Blaine. I don't know what it's like to have cancer, but I can't imagine it's easy to find out someone you care about it has to go through that, too."

Blaine debates how to answer for a long moment. "It's complicated, Kurt. If it were simple, I would try to explain, but I think I need to work through my feelings on the matter with Laura before I can even really begin to understand it myself." That is putting it mildly. Inside, Blaine is a ball of mixed emotions and crazy. At any given time, a million different thoughts are dueling it out in his head. Some of them make him incomprehensibly sad, and some make him feel like the worst person in the world. If he starts talking about any of them, it will make them more real, and he can't do that without Laura there to talk him off a ledge when he lets the dangerous ones take over. She is good at that. She's rarely shocked no matter what he says, and talking with her makes him think that maybe he's not really the villain he makes himself out to be all the time.

A broken sigh pulls hims from his thoughts, and he looks over to see Kurt's eyes shining.

"It doesn't mean I don't trust you, Kurt. It's just easier to talk to someone who can listen without judgment. She's impartial because she's disconnected. It's weird talking to you about about your dad having cancer when he's your dad. You shouldn't have to deal with the craziness in my head right now."

Kurt glances over, and Blaine can tell it still kind of hurts. "I get it. I just wish things were different."

"So do I," Blaine whispers.

They pull up to the prison not long after that so there's no need to try to fill the somewhat awkward silence. Check-in is a flurry of procedures that Blaine pays little attention to. As nervous as he is about this meeting, there's not much room for him to dwell on that. In little time at all, he and Kurt are sitting down in a room filled with small tables, a few of which are occupied by other visitors and women in orange jumpsuits. They take their seats and wait a few minutes before Blaine sees his mom come through a door looking smaller than she ever has before. He can't help the tears that come to his eyes as he immediately pulls her into a hug.

"I miss you so much," he whispers in her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

His mom just rubs his back soothingly, telling him that everything will be okay, and there's not enough time before the guard is ordering them to step apart and sit down.

"Don't apologize, sweetie. This isn't your fault. It's my fault. It's my fault I'm here."

Blaine has never seen her eyes burn so intensely. He doesn't know what to say at her vehemence.

"Blaine, I'm the one who should be sorry. Okay? I'm here because I deserve to be here. But this isn't about me. Are you okay? Is your dad taking care of you? I haven't heard from him since he told me you woke up. I didn't even know if you were okay. I was so worried."

"I don't know where dad is, Mom. I told him and Cooper to go away for a while, and I'm staying with Kurt's family."

Malea finally looks over towards Kurt, who has been sitting there stoically. Her eyes are kind but contemplative, and Blaine is on the defensive, ready to break up a fight should it start. Thankfully, it doesn't.

"Good. That's good." Malea's voice cracks slightly. "Thanks, Kurt, for watching out for him."

Kurt opens his mouth, and at the look on his face, Blaine immediately reaches a hand out for his arm to restrain the sarcastic retort that Blaine knows Kurt was getting ready to let out. Kurt takes in a breath and offers a tight, "You're welcome."

Malea nods in response and turns away from Kurt. Blaine can tell she plans on ignoring him for the rest of the visit. "You're sober, right, sweetie? You look good." She tilts her head as if appraising him.

Blaine snorts and lets out his own snarky remark. "You would know." He wants to take it back when he sees his mom's face crumble, but he doesn't. He loves her, but she doesn't get to comment on how he looks or whether he's stopped using the drugs that he only started using to combat her crazy.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"I believe you. It just sucks that it took this to make you realize that."

Tears start drifting down Blaine's mother's cheeks, and he closes his own to keep his emotions reined in. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I love you, Blaine."

"Why didn't you fight? Why did just give up and plead guilty? You left me alone." He tries to be angry, but his voice cracks. Kurt reaches over and rubs a gentle hand up and down his back.

Malea's eyes widen, and she looks serious. "I did it for you. I didn't want them to bother you. They would have asked you questions, and I didn't want you to get in trouble. I didn't want to leave you, but it's better this way, Blaine. It's better." She nods her head adamantly.

"How am I better off with my mom in prison?"

"I can get better here, Blaine. I can be better. I'll be a better mom."

Blaine shakes his head as the tears fall. "As if I haven't heard that a million fucking times. It doesn't matter now. There's not a chance to do better. You're here, and by the time you get out, I'll be gone. I'll be at school, wherever that is."

"That doesn't have to be the end, Blaine. You'll come and visit. I'll be eligible for parole before Christmas next year. Maybe, we can have the whole family together for the holiday." She looks so excited and hopeful that Blaine almost doesn't want to shatter her dreams. Almost.

"We aren't a family anymore, Mom. I don't know if we ever were. At least not that I can remember. You've been trying to bail out a sinking ship for way too long. It's already gone."

Malea just looks at him for a long moment, clearly hurt by his words. "Why are you so mad at me now? You always get mad, but you always forgive me. This is me doing the right thing for you so why won't you forgive me?"

"Because you shouldn't have had to go to prison to do the right thing. You shouldn't have had to get arrested to stop hurting me. All of those other times that you apologized and you pretended like you were going to do better, you should have done better then. It's too late now."

Blaine is about to get up and just leave when he realizes he has something else he needs to say before he goes because he doesn't know when or even if he's going to see his mom again. "I blame myself sometimes... for things that are or were completely out of my control... because you made me think that I deserved what you did. Now, I'm heartbroken because I love you and I miss you, but I am also so angry because you've ruined my life. I can't be a normal person because of you. I can't be happy with Kurt or with people without being scared that they're going to leave me because you programmed me into thinking that no one would ever stay with me unless I guilted them into it. I'm a broken person, and it's your fault. A million apologies aren't going to change that."

He stands up and pulls her out of her own seat to give her a hug. "I love you," he says, pulling back and brushing her hair out of her face. "I hope you can find a way to be happy someday."

Blaine walks out, wondering to himself where all that anger came from. He hadn't expected to get mad today, but he thinks Laura would probably be proud of him for sticking up for himself so he lets thought calm his rapidly beating heart. He's so distracted that he doesn't realize Kurt isn't with him until he's in the hall getting ready to walk back through the double set of barred doors.

* * *

**April 2012**

Blaine stormed into the house in much the same fashion as he had stormed out of glee practice. He was angry or maybe he was just scared. It was hard to tell sometimes. He just knew he needed to take his emotions out on someone, and that someone just happened to call out to him from the kitchen as he came in.

"Blaine, is that you? You're home early," Malea said.

"Aren't you observant?" Blaine replied, sarcastically.

His mother came out of the kitchen and looked at him curiously. "Is something wrong?"

Blaine was silent for a long moment. He just stared at his feet, willing the anger to leave, but it eventually became too much. So he asked the question he had been wanting to ask for longer than he could remember. "Why don't you just kill me already?" It came out as barely a whisper, but it could have been a bomb for all the chaos it was likely to cause.

Malea just looked at him, eyes filling with terror, face horror-stricken. "Blaine, what are you talking about? What happened?" she said. She was scared, but she still hadn't been knocked hard enough to give up the facade.

"It's been ten years, Mom, ten years, and some days, I just don't know why I'm still trying anymore. It would just be so easy, you know. I fight you, and I lose. I give in, and I still lose. It would just be easier. I don't know what it is you want anymore. If you really just want to kill me, just do it already."

Silence permeated for long minutes. Neither of them knew exactly what to say to that. Eventually, Blaine just turned and marched upstairs to his room. He was embarrassed by the outburst at his mother. He meant what he said in the auditorium. He didn't want to die. The one thing he had always prided himself on was that he never gave up. The whole situation just reminded him how sometimes he just really didn't want to keep going anymore.

Blaine didn't know how long he lay there before he heard a knock on the front door and voices downstairs. Moments later when someone barged into his room, he was expecting Kurt, not his mother.

She looked at him, tears in her eyes, and crawled onto the bed next to him. Blaine resisted when she tried to pull him towards her. They had done this before. He didn't want her empty promises, her pleas for forgiveness. But it didn't take long before he gave in. He really was tired of fighting. He curled up next to his mom, let her run her fingers through his hair. He listened to her apologies, her promises to do better, and he prayed to a God he didn't really believe in, that just this once, she meant them.

* * *

**December 24, 2012**

Kurt is about to get up and follow Blaine out when Malea's choked voice calling his name stops him. He turns back to her with an unsympathetic look and a raised eyebrow. "What?"

"I mean it when I say thank you for watching out for him. He deserves someone like you. Don't leave him."

"It's insulting to me that you think I would," Kurt snaps. "And you aren't in any place to tell me what to do."

He stands up to go, catching her last words as he's about to walk out the door. "Just take care of him. Make sure he knows that you love him. Make sure he doesn't make my mistakes."

Kurt stops. "He's not you."

"Don't be so sure. I raised him."

* * *

Blaine spends the car ride trying to convince Kurt to tell him what Malea said after he left. Kurt won't though, and not because it's some big secret. Kurt just knows that it will make Blaine angry. It's Christmas Eve. Blaine shouldn't be mad. So Kurt doesn't drive them home like he's supposed to. Blaine is so preoccupied that he doesn't even notice until they pull up outside the skating rink on the Auglaize River.

"What are we doing here?" Blaine says.

Kurt just turns and smiles at him. "I think we should put aside the melancholy for a little bit and have some fun. What do you think?"

Blaine's answering grin sends a warm thrill through Kurt's heart that he hasn't felt in way too long.

They spend the early evening spinning in circles on the ice, and after much convincing, Blaine even agrees to sing "White Christmas."

"That was the first time I've sang since Thanksgiving," Blaine confesses later that night over coffee at the Lima Bean. "And even then I was just mumbling around in the background. Grease was the last time I sang by myself."

Kurt is appalled by this. Clearly, his face shows it because Blaine suddenly looks guilty. "I just haven't really feel like singing," he says quietly. "It reminds me of you."

Now, Kurt is just confused. "Is that a bad thing?" he asks.

"No, it just hurts to be reminded of what I've lost."

"You haven't lost me," Kurt argues, reaching his hand across the table to grab Blaine's. "I'm right here."

Blaine smiles sadly and puts his other hand on top of Kurt's. "I know."

Kurt tries to understand what's going on in Blaine's head sometimes, but at that moment, it's a complete mystery.

* * *

**December 25, 2012**

Despite the stress and awful news of the past few days and months, or maybe because of it, Christmas is a relaxed and joyful affair. Kurt is delighted to see how well Blaine fits perfectly into the fabric of their family. He has presents under the tree on Christmas morning - a new CD from Finn and gift card to the Gap from Burt and Carole that makes Blaine blush red and reminds Kurt to tell his parents that story sometime. Blaine also gives his own gifts - a certificate to a nice restaurant in Columbus for Burt and Carole and a new video game for Finn.

There aren't any presents from Kurt to Blaine or vice versa under the tree, and by some unspoken agreement, they wander back to their rooms after Christmas brunch. Kurt gathers his present and immediately goes to knock on the door to the guest room.

"Come in," Blaine answers.

Blaine is sitting on the bed, staring at a large wrapped box in front of him. Kurt comes in and sits on the edge and places his own smaller gift next to Blaine's.

"Hi," Kurt says.

"Hi."

"Same time?"

Blaine just nods and waits for Kurt to pick up the large box before reaching for the other. The room is quiet apart from the sound of ripped paper until Kurt lets out a gasp.

"Blaine, it's beautiful." Inside his box is a gorgeous blue-green jacket, accentuated with gold buttons. He immediately puts it on over his light green button-up shirt.

"It matches your eyes," Blaine whispers.

Kurt looks up at Blaine, whose eyes are shining in the light. When Kurt looks down at the present in Blaine's hands, he knows why.

"I took that the second week I was in New York. I was going to give it to you when you came to visit, but then..."

Blaine is holding a framed picture of Kurt on the Empire State Building in New York City. There's also an NYC guidebook, a MetroCard, and a Statue of Liberty keychain. Kurt had planned this present long before they broke up. He wanted to show Blaine how much he wanted him in New York, too. Kurt thought about getting Blaine something different after everything that happened, but in the end, he decided it meant something that despite everything, he still couldn't see a long-term future in New York without Blaine there.

"I... I don't know what to say," Blaine mumbles.

"I'm sorry. It's probably not the right thing to give you. I just..." Kurt pauses, trying to figure out how to explain it. "I know we're not together, but that doesn't mean that I don't still want everything to be how we planned... you and I, in New York together. I understand if that's not what you want anymore, but I just wanted to let you know that I do."

Blaine is quiet for a long time, running his fingers over the framed photograph.

"I remember taking that picture. It was a beautiful view, but I'll I could think was that I wished you were there, too."

Tears fall down Blaine's face, and he looks up at Kurt before glancing down to the box still in Kurt's lap. "There's something else in there."

Kurt's eyes widen as he looks down and spots a colorful brooch. There are three flowers in pink, blue, and orange, coming out of a purple base with green leaves, and on the bottom is a large gold honey bee. Kurt smiles. "B."

Blaine smiles back. "I've had it for a while. I mean... I want you to know I didn't buy it specifically for you."

Kurt looks at Blaine with a quizzical expression. Blaine moves his present off his lap and takes Kurt's hand, the one that's not holding the pin. "I was six or seven probably. I don't know for sure. That time all blends together, but I was at the hospital, had been for a few weeks. I would always get super restless when that happened. They had activities and things for kids, but sometimes I just needed to get away. And this particular time, my dad happened to be there. I convinced him to take me outside, and then, on the way back in, we stopped by the gift shop. I saw that, and it was bright and shiny so it caught my attention." Blaine laughs self-deprecatingly, but his smile is genuine. "I didn't understand then, you know, but I had to beg my dad to get it for me. When we got back to my room, he pinned it on my shirt, and I wore it so proudly. I remember he gave me a funny look every time he saw it, but before he left for his next business trip, he hugged me for the first time in a long time. He told me he loved me, but he looked sad or maybe scared. I didn't get it then, but I know that was him trying. I just... I want you to have it." Blaine's voice trails off into a whisper.

"Why?" Kurt asks after a moment.

Blaine pulls Kurt's hand closer and runs gentle fingers over it. "I just want you to have something that's important to me. I know I haven't done a good job of explaining how I feel, and I don't want you to think it's because I'm hiding things from you. This is just a peace offering I guess because I can't really tell you how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking, but this is me trying."

Kurt smiles brightly despite the tears in his eyes and pulls Blaine into a tight hug. "Thank you, Blaine. I love it."

* * *

**January 2, 2013**

Blaine doesn't go the airport to see Kurt off to New York. They have a very short, cordial "see you later" at home. Kurt decides it's because they both know that Blaine will be in New York with him soon enough. At least, that's what he chooses to believe.

* * *

**Warnings:** discussion of cancer, prison visit, positive thoughts towards death (brief mention of murder), mention of childhood illness and hospitalization, Munchausen's by Proxy and its psychological implications


	32. Chapter 25

**A/N:** This chapter went differently than expected, but Blaine really wanted to talk and he also wanted to help somebody who really needed help… So whatever happened to Marley? I hope you like this one. It's definitely a pivotal chapter. Also don't worry too much after the first part. It has a happy ending! The next one is written and should be up on Friday (crosses fingers). Thanks everyone! Check the warnings at the end if you're triggered. There's a lot… like I said Blaine talks.

* * *

**January 2013**

NYADA isn't quite what Kurt had expected, and with all of the drama of the last few months, he had really been hoping to escape into new friends and new adventures. However, fitting in is a little rough since Kurt is starting in the middle of the year, and he decides to seek out extracurriculars in the hopes of meeting some new people.

Despite Rachel's advice, Kurt joins NYADA's show choir, the Adam's Apples, and befriends Adam, the leader of the group. He joins other groups, too, like the Tennessee Williams' playwriting club, and he slowly but surely starts to find a place at his new school.

It's good. Filling his days up makes the hole in his heart where Blaine used to be hurt just a little less. They still call each other everyday, but Blaine just spends the time talking a mile a minute about superficial things that are going on at McKinley and he never lets the conversation stray to how he's actually doing. Kurt still feels like there's a giant wall between them he just can't quite break through.

* * *

Kurt is walking with Rachel, who's on her way to meet Brody, when she says something that sparks a familiar flare of pain in his chest. It's already bad enough seeing the two of them together and always feeling like the third wheel, but he had no idea that Rachel was so clueless about his emotional state regarding Blaine.

"I can't wait for you to find the new man of your dreams and then me, you, him and Brody can all go on double dates together, and it'll be so much fun. I really feel like it's going to happen soon." Rachel is so in her own world that she doesn't realize that Kurt has come to a complete stop in the middle of a New York City sidewalk.

He's quickly knocked out of his shock by a fellow pedestrian, and he looks up as Rachel turns around wondering where he went.

"Rachel, I don't want a new man of my dreams," Kurt says, catching back up to her as they continue walking. "I'm waiting on Blaine."

Rachel's eyes widen in surprise, but Kurt is just confused. This can't be a shock to her. He and Blaine talk every night. Surely, she knew this. "Waiting on him? Kurt, what do you mean?"

He sighs and rolls his eyes, incredibly annoyed. "He needs some time to work on himself, but we're going to get back together."

"Wait, you mean he needs time to try to stay sober and not do drugs in our fucking apartment?" Rachel snaps. "Come on, Kurt. You can do better than that."

Kurt ignores the painful tears that gather in his eyes. He pushes down his anger. She doesn't know the whole truth so it's impossible for her to really understand. "I get why you think that is what this is all about, but you just don't understand. It's more complicated than you know."

"Then why don't you tell me, Kurt? You two talk all the time, but it doesn't really seem like you're going to get back together. How do you even know he still wants to be with you someday? Are you really going to wait forever?" She throws her hands up in frustration and gestures around her. "This is New York, Kurt. You can't just sit around on your ass and wait on some guy when there are a million men here who would love to date you. He screwed up. You should move on."

Kurt has the sudden, overwhelming need to end this conversation. He's not going to be able to convince her of anything without telling her the truth, and he can't betray Blaine's trust. He doesn't like to let her have the last word, but he breathes a sigh of relief when she heads across the street to meet Brody.

"Just think about it Kurt. You should live a little. Don't put your life on hold for anybody," she yells, walking backwards.

Kurt does his best to not think about it at all.

* * *

It doesn't last long though because that night on the phone, Blaine is going on and on about a Sadie Hawkins dance. Apparently, he's going with Tina, but he's also talking about Sam in a way that makes Kurt shiver in nervous anxiety. He keeps telling himself that it's nothing, but it doesn't quite register.

Two days later, Adam asks him out to coffee, and with Rachel's words and his conversation with Blaine echoing in his head, he says yes.

* * *

His hands are literally shaking, and he can barely hold his coffee let alone make coherent statements. They've been talking for fifteen minutes. Well, Adam has been talking for fifteen minutes. Kurt has been sticking to nods and the occasional two or three-word sentences.

"Are you okay?" Adam finally asks.

Kurt tries to smile, but when he knows he has failed, he gives up and drops his head in his hands. "No," he mutters.

"What's wrong? Do you need to reschedule or something?"

Kurt sighs and looks up. Of course, Adam's going to be nice and make this difficult. "I'm sorry. I agreed to come here on impulse, and I really probably shouldn't have. I'm just not ready for this."

Adam nods his head, and Kurt can see his face dim a little but he seems more resigned than upset. "Let me guess. Bad breakup?"

Kurt bursts into unrestrained laughter, and it takes a minute before he can even answer. "That is like the understatement of the century," he finally gets out in between chuckles.

"You want to talk about it?"

Kurt thinks about it for a minute before shrugging. "My roommate thinks I should move on. That's why I'm here, but I've been pretty content just waiting for him to decide whether or not he still wants to be with me."

Adam looks intrigued by Kurt's words. "So he broke up with you, but you think he might take you back?"

Kurt smiles and shakes his head. "No, I broke with him." Adam raises an eyebrow. "He lied to me, and he did some things that I just couldn't tolerate. But I didn't really have the whole story. Now I do. Now I just want to be there for him, and he won't let me."

Adam nods his head and looks serious. "Well, you can't force yourself to move on anymore than you can force him to be with you again. But maybe moving on doesn't mean you have to date either. Maybe it just means drawing a line in the sand and figuring out where you stand so that you don't get hurt if things don't go the way you want. That's probably what he's doing."

"I just don't want him to think he can't talk to me if he needs me," Kurt whispers. "Everyone else in his life has left him. I can't let him think that I'll leave, too."

Adam smiles sadly. "That's why you're a good person, Kurt. But there's more than one way to be there for someone. Be his friend, but make sure you're not sacrificing your own happiness for his. If he deserves you, he wouldn't want you to do that anyway."

All of the sudden, Kurt is hit with a painful realization.

_I just don't want to have to worry about you giving up on your job or New York for me. I fought really hard for you to be happy there and for you to find a life there, and I need you to keep it. Otherwise, I'm just going to feel guilty, and that is not going to help me. I need you to go live your life. I promise we can still talk, and we'll see each other when you come home. But I don't want to hold you back._

Blaine had drawn a line in the sand, but not for his own benefit. It was all for Kurt. It had always been for Kurt. In that moment Kurt thinks that maybe it's not Kurt that Blaine doesn't trust. Maybe it's Blaine.

* * *

Blaine is shocked and almost appalled that Tina had the balls to ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance. It was completely inappropriate in so many ways. He's very openly gay, he has a drug problem, has been in and out of the hospital over the last few months, his parents aren't around, and his entire existence pretty much just sucks right now. That's not even mentioning the fact that that he was assaulted at the last Sadie Hawkins dance he went to. Why would she think he had any desire to go to a stupid fucking dance with her?

Blaine had to say no. He was absolutely not going, but then she finds him at his locker later and offers a sincere apology and Blaine just can't deny her. It's one of those moments where he wonders if he'll ever have the balls to stand up for himself. It's something he's been wondering a lot lately.

In the end, he decides it's probably a good thing that he doesn't. He has a great time. He feels strangely normal, and it feels nice.

Ever since Kurt went back to New York, Blaine has thrown himself into his old life. He started going to student council meetings and actually performing his duties as president. He even began singing in the reinstated glee club again. It felt good, but it also felt like he was avoiding the inevitable.

Laura tells him that he does that a lot. That when things are bad or he doesn't know how to deal with a problem, he just pretends it doesn't exist... kind of like how he pretended his mother wasn't poisoning him for ten years. Sometimes she states the obvious, and it makes him feel stupid for not realizing it all along.

After winter break, Blaine spends his first session with Laura telling her exactly how angry he is that Burt has cancer. He's proud of himself that he can say that - he's angry - because that's how the emotion comes out even if the reasons why are much more complicated.

He's angry that a good person like Burt has to deal with something as awful as cancer. He's angry that Kurt has to once again be reminded of how he only has one parent and how easily he could lose his father and end up with none. He's angry with himself because sometimes he doesn't feel bad for Burt. Sometimes, he's resentful because the last thing he needs right now is to be reminded of how people get sick for completely natural reasons and that some of his own sickness was orchestrated and planned and completely preventable. He's angry with Burt because he has the opportunity and the possibility of coming through this relatively unscathed. Blaine has wounds so deep they will never heal, and he's angry with his mother for that. He's angry with his mother because he had cancer. He went through this horrible, debilitating disease, but he didn't get to get better. Instead, she manipulated the worst thing in his life for her benefit. She saw some gain in him being ill, and she put herself before his health. He hates her for that. Then, he gets angry with himself because he loves her, and he understands her. And that just scares him.

The next session he and Laura spend the time talking about why he's scared.

It's a slow process, but it helps. Kurt helps, too, even though their conversations are common and shallow and completely unobtrusive. Blaine likes it that way, likes keeping Kurt at a distance. He doesn't know how to completely let Kurt in, yet. He doesn't want to disappoint. He's also worried that when he's done talking about all of these feelings, he's going to be a completely different person. Maybe, Kurt won't like that Blaine.

* * *

"So, I know you don't like to talk about things that aren't like, school or glee club or Tina and Sam and student council, but there's something important I want to tell you," Kurt says during their evening phone call the day after the dance.

"Okay?" Blaine answers.

"I went on a date today."

Blaine didn't expect that, and he certainly didn't expect how much it hurts. "Oh?"

"Yeah, I... I know that we're doing this kind of wait-and-see thing, but I just felt like I was doing too much waiting and not enough seeing." Kurt's voice is unsteady and nervous.

"So how did the seeing go?" Blaine asks. He tries to be confident, but it's barely more than a whisper.

"Horrible," Kurt laughs.

Blaine can't help but smile at that.

"I don't really want to see anybody other than you," Kurt says, "and I know that you're not ready for that. That's fine. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but you were right. I can't give up my life or my happiness for you. I can't wait forever."

The tears come no matter how hard Blaine tries to hold them back. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to wait for me," he mumbles through them.

"Don't apologize. I understand. I get that you need time. I just want to do what's right for both of us. I'm not saying that I'm going to really start dating. I don't think I'm actually ready for that, but I am going to try moving on." Blaine chokes out a sob. "B, that doesn't mean that we aren't going to be friends. We are always going to be friends. I still want New York together if you do, too, even if it's only ever platonic. But I'm stuck. We're stuck. I think if I take a step forward and try to be just myself and start to move on, then maybe one day we'll find each other again down the road."

"What if we don't?"

"Then we'll both find something better. That's something I'm sure of. You've already been dealt your share of sadness in life, Blaine. It'll only be up from here, and no matter what happens, we'll be in each other's lives in some way… forever."

* * *

They don't talk on the phone for a few weeks after that. They text because not texting would mean not being friends, and that's a promise to each other that they just can't break.

Blaine doesn't tell Laura about what happened, but he doesn't know why.

* * *

"The Men of McKinley calendar."

Blaine doesn't know where Tina came up with this ridiculous idea to pay for regionals, but the second the words come out of her mouth, he starts to panic. He immediately wants to scream at everyone that there is no way he is taking off his shirt and posing for a camera, but he figures he should be more discreet about it unless he plans on telling everybody why.

After class he tracks Tina down and pulls her into the girls' bathroom to find a way out of it, but when he walks in, he hears a familiar noise coming from one of the stalls. He bends down and recognizes the shoes of the person kneeling on the floor.

Blaine considers himself to be pretty observant of other people even if he often tends to ignore their problems over his own. He pretends that that doesn't mean he's heartless, although he knows he can be selfish at times. He figures this is as good a time as any to try and make things right.

"Hey, Tina, go ahead to class. I'll talk to you later," he says.

She gives him a funny look. "You're the crazy person who pulled me into the girls' bathroom. You know that right?"

"I know."

She huffs angrily but still leaves as Blaine goes over to the far end of the bathroom and takes a seat on the floor against the wall. Two minutes of silence pass before he finally says something.

"I'm not leaving until you come out."

"I'm fine, Blaine. I just seem to have caught a stomach bug," Marley says.

"That's a pretty long-lasting stomach bug then. Trust me. I can tell when someone is well accustomed to throwing up. You've had lots of practice."

Marley's voice is barely there when she speaks. "How do you know?"

"Because I'm very well accustomed to throwing up myself," he answers.

The toilet flushes after a brief moment, and Marley comes out. She washes her hands and face before finally looking at him. He holds up a package of breath mints he had dug out of his pocket, and she plops down next to him as she takes one.

"Are you going to tell somebody?" she asks.

"No, you are."

She looks over at him, surprised and confused. "Why would I do that?"

Blaine offers what he hopes is a comforting smile "I want to tell you something… something important about me, and when I'm done, I hope you'll want to tell somebody about you. I think it'll help."

He sits up from the wall and pulls off his sweater and then starts unbuttoning his shirt. Marley is staring at him with shocked, scared eyes, and he smiles at her again. "Don't worry. I swear I'm gay," he says.

She makes an amused face, rolls her eyes, and relaxes slightly, but only for a moment because when his shirt is finally unbuttoned he pulls the sides back and raises his undershirt to expose his stomach. Her eyes are immediately drawn down, and she lets out a sharp gasp at the sight. "Oh my God, Blaine. What happened to you?"

Blaine points out the various scars and explains their sources similar to the way he had so long ago with Kurt. When he's done, she's staring at him with sad eyes. "I'm so sorry," she says quietly.

"Me, too," he shrugs casually.

"Are you going to do the calendar?"

"No," he shakes his head adamantly, "I'll get out of it somehow."

Marley just nods in response.

"I've always been really embarrassed about these," he says as he drops his shirt back down to cover his stomach. "Kurt helped some, but it can be hard to live in a world where there's such an expectation of being perfect and you're carrying around visible scars that show off how much you're not."

She nods again, suddenly looking even more serious. "Did you make yourself sick, too?" she asks quietly as if afraid of the answer.

Blaine gathers every ounce of courage he has, but his voice still quavers as he answers. "No, my mom did."

"She made herself sick?" Marley's brow furrows.

Blaine shakes his head again. "No, she made me sick."

Once again, Marley rears back in shock, but her eyes are sad and scared and worried, as if she's preparing herself for a story she doesn't really want to hear.

"I had cancer when I was younger. I don't know if you knew about that. I was five when it was diagnosed… acute lymphoblastic leukemia." He lists the facts, trying to make them impersonal and unemotional. It's easier that way. "I was in and out of remission until I was nine, when I had a bone marrow transplant. Then I had a really bad infection, and that's when they took out my appendix. Eventually, I was just sick, off and on, all the time. I had an infection here, a stomach bug there, and none of the doctors really understood why."

"Did you know?" she asks.

"Yeah, I knew. I figured it out when I was eight. She gave me the wrong dose of medication when I was in remission. Maintenance therapy is when you take the drugs that are supposed to keep the cancer away, and those were always the ones she never gave me so..."

"It kept coming back."

Blaine nods and takes a deep breath. "The bone marrow transplant is supposed to help improve the immune system after it's been weakened from the cancer, but it... it just really sucks." He laughs lightly. "They put me on drugs keep my immune system down so that my body didn't attack the new bone marrow so I just spent months locked away where people couldn't be around me so I wouldn't catch anything."

"But you did," Marley says, face grim but curious. She's turned towards Blaine now, giving him her full attention. He's not really looking at her though.

"But I did," he repeats. "I don't know if she purposely did anything that time, although it wouldn't have been hard. Later though, she would give me sleeping pills, and then sneak in my room while I was sleeping and cut me with a knife." He turns around and pulls up the back of his shirt to show Marley the scar on his back and tries to ignore her audible intake of air. "That was from Christmas of junior year. I was in the hospital for a couple of days with an infection. I'm pretty sure she would rub dirt in all of the cuts or something because they would always get infected. The doctors were always worried the cancer was back, and I think those worries made them overlook the obvious."

Blaine takes a deep breath to fortify himself, and Marley just waits patiently in the silence. "She used to put some of my old cancer medication, the pills that always made me sick, in my food so I'd spend days throwing up. It was always in her green bean casserole. She'd put it in one half, and then make sure her portion came out of the other side. After I figured that out, she would get creative. Generally the medication didn't bother her stomach as much as it did mine for some reason, but at times I would refuse to eat her cooking altogether. So she'd put it in pints of ice cream and break it up in glasses of soda or tea if I turned away for even a moment. She was smart about it. I'm pretty sure she had other tricks, but I never really figured it all out. I was paranoid about it though. I got to the point where I didn't eat much at all because I refused to eat or drink anything that came from inside her house."

They are both quiet for a minute. "What about your dad? Why didn't he do anything about it? Why didn't you do anything about it?" Her voice is almost pleading, like she wishes she could go back in time and change things.

Blaine smiles at her sadly. **"**My father, and my brother, too, always had their suspicions, but they're not the most attentive or caring people in the world. My dad travels for work all the time, and my brother is a lot older than me. He moved away even before I got sick the first time. They also just didn't want to be right I think. It was easier to not notice or pretend like they didn't notice. You can't keep pretending forever though." He turns towards her, and his smile widens slightly. "The guilt of ignoring a problem always gets to you eventually.

"This whole thing only really started because my mom noticed that they came home when I got cancer. Anytime I was really sick, they would show up, at least at first. Then it became about getting attention from doctors and nurses, but deep down, it was always about how she felt abandoned." Blaine pauses for a moment, considering, but decides if he's being this honest, he should be completely honest. "As for me, most of the time, I let her do it because I just didn't want to fight her and because she's my mother. I'll love her no matter what, and she was really the only family I had. But there were times that I got my own strange pleasure out of it, but that's probably too complicated to really explain."

Marley gives him a sympathetic look. "I get it."

Blaine just nods.

"So... can I ask what happened last fall… at regionals?"

Blaine continues to explain about using morphine, the insulin his mom was giving him, and how his coma was finally enough to make his dad speak up about his suspicions. He tells her about Kurt admitting he knew about the drugs that his mom kept in the house and how his mom is in prison for stealing from the hospital. He even tells her about his time at Dalton. The whole time Marley sits there and listens, at one point wrapping a comforting arm around him and leaning her head on his shoulder and he rests his own atop hers.

"You're the first person who has heard this whole story," he says when he's finally said it all.

She instantly jerks back in surprise and tries to move so she can see his face, but he doesn't let her. He's still feeling the need to hide. "Why me?" she asks.

"I don't know." Blaine laughs. "Some people know little things, whatever drops of information I'm ready to let out, but it's not an easy story to tell."

She finally twists out of his hold and sits in front of him. She gazes into his eyes for a long moment. "Thank you for sharing it with me, Blaine."

Her eyes are a little red, and Blaine knows his are, too. "Did it help?" he asks.

Marley shrugs and leans back against the wall. "I don't know. Now I feel kind of guilty… like you should be mad at me. You probably would have done anything to not be sick, and I do it on purpose."

"No," Blaine says, shaking his head vigorously. "No, I'm not mad. What happened to me happened. I'm moving on from it, but I didn't tell you this to make you feel sorry for me or to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to hear from someone who understands. I get what it's like to feel like you don't deserve to be treated well, but you do, Marley. There were many times I could have done something, but I didn't because I accepted that that was how I had to live my life. But we both deserve better than that. I don't know you're whole story, and I'm sure I don't understand everything you're feeling but I'm willing to listen."

They're both silent for a while, just letting the heaviness of the moment settle. "Sometimes, I just don't feel like I'm enough, like I'm not what everyone wants me to be," Marley whispers eventually.

Blaine pulls her closer, wrapping his arms around her. "You are more than enough, Marley. You're amazing and so so talented. I get the need to do anything you can to feel perfect, to feel worthy of someone or something, but you don't need to be perfect. Just be you, and don't forget that this is your body. It's nobody else's. You get to decide what it looks like, what happens to it, and what you do with it. You shouldn't let anybody else decide who you are going to be or make you feel like you're less than. You deserve so much more than that."

Marley pulls back and smiles brightly at him. Her eyes are now full of tears. "You're pretty amazing yourself, you know. I'm really glad you're doing better, Blaine. I was worried about you."

Blaine returns her smile and lets go of her completely so he can button up his shirt and pull his sweater back on. When he gets up, he offers her a hand and pulls her up, too.

"Come on. There's someone at this school who can help you a lot more than I can," he smiles.

Two minutes later, he knocks on Ms. Pillsbury's door. "Hi, Ms. Pillsbury. I hope it's okay, but I brought someone who I think needs to talk to you more than I do today."

He gestures for Marley to go in and offers her an encouraging grin. She pulls him into a hug. "Will you stay?" she asks.

Blaine smiles and nods. "Of course."

He holds her hand as she tells her own story, and he can't help but be proud of both of them. For a moment, he thinks that maybe this new person he's finding beneath the ruins of his old self is even better than he ever thought he could be.

* * *

Blaine decides that telling the truth is awesome so he tells Tina he can't be shirtless in the calendar because he has scars. She looks surprised, then concerned, but she accepts his excuse rather easily. He also tells Sam the truth when he asks why Blaine is wearing a shirt, or rather yells about it. Sam immediately looks guilty.

"I'm really sorry, dude. I didn't know."

"It's fine," Blaine smiles. "I am more than what I look like on the outside." He pats Sam on the shoulder. "You are too, you know."

Sam looks a little heartbroken at that.

"You're also more than a test score," he adds, trying to help ease Sam's anxiety over his poor performance on the SATs.

Blaine ends up giving Sam his next appointment with Ms. Pillsbury.

* * *

That Friday, they're autographing calendars when Artie says, "You know what? I'm really excited about this new year."

"Me, too," Sam says. "It's a new year and a new me."

Blaine catches Marley's wide smile from across the table. "Me, three," he whispers.

* * *

**Warnings:** In the interest of being succinct, all previous warnings may apply, and anything related to Munchausen's by proxy syndrome is likely here. In addition, self-induced vomiting (bulimia), self-esteem and body issues, physical child abuse, assault with a knife. I hope that covers it. Please let me know if I missed anything important.


	33. Chapter 26

**A/N: **Well, what do we have here? Two chapters in one week. It's like the old Amy is back. Anyways, enjoy this one. If you're keeping track, the next chapter should be especially fun. If you guys really like this one, I might even be motivated to finish and post it early. No matter what, we're coming close to the end, and I promise the tears are going to stop soon. In fact, I think this will be the last truly sad chapter. Happy tears from now on! Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me so far. Warnings at the end.

* * *

**February 2013**

Blaine is used to fevers. He is used to fevers so high that he lies half naked in bed pouring sweat only to get the chills ten minutes later and curl up in a tight ball under several blankets. Blaine is used to pain. He's used to the pain of broken bones, of infected wounds, stomach cramps, and headaches. Blaine is used to nausea. He's used to constant vomiting, diarrhea, and feeling as though he might faint at any moment. He's used to all these things. However, Blaine is not used to colds.

It starts as a sniffle. He doesn't think much of it, but soon his throat starts to itch and he starts to sneeze. It quickly becomes obvious what is going on, but Blaine refuses to be bested by a cold. He's survived much worse so he'll keep chugging along. For the first time in a long time, he is way too proud to be sick even if he actually is and for once, his mom had absolutely nothing to do with it.

It's diva week, and if any male member of the New Directions can show the rest of them how to be a diva, it's Blaine. He can't afford to be off his game so he puts his cold out of his mind and gives a rousing performance of "Don't Stop Me Now" despite his aching throat.

Truthfully though, his throat and nose and sinus headache aren't what have him most concerned at the moment. A nervous shiver has been running down his spine, and once again, his avoidance tactics are starting to come to the end of their usefulness. He really needs to do something about Tina.

She had come up to him earlier in the day armed with her own homemade cold-buster kit. He had thanked her, knowing full well that he couldn't touch a single thing in that box. Just the thought of it gave him chills and made a tightness swell in his chest. It's stupid, but he can't help it. He had put the box in his locker, planning to get rid of it later, but not before giving her back the bottle of nighttime cough syrup. He refused to be anywhere near that kind of temptation when he was feeling so anxious. Luckily, she had understood and was actually apologetic about giving him anything that might mess with his head.

The box ends up in the trash can as soon as he gets home - he gets a happy, tingly feeling in his heart every time he thinks of the Hummel house as home. Carole spots him throwing it away and asks about it. He contemplates ignoring the question but tells her all about Tina trying to make him feel better and how it's seriously stressing him out. Carole just smiles, completely understanding, and offers to make him some soup of her own. She sits him down at the counter and shows him everything single ingredient she puts in it. He eats a whole bowl with tears in his eyes. He couldn't be more grateful. The next morning she brings home a new package of cough drops with the seal firmly in place. It's a silly paranoia. He knows that nobody is out to get him anymore, but it's nice that Carole has found a way to help him without making him feel like he's crazy.

Despite the soup and cough drops, Blaine still isn't feeling much better at school that day, and Tina is making things even worse. When she gives him a small, already opened, container of vapor rub, he has to close his eyes, take a deep breath, and count to ten before he feels like he's not drowning. He knows she's just trying to help and he feels awful for having such a reaction, but he really just needs his space. However, her face at his response to the sweet gesture just breaks his heart, and he invites her over after school so he can help her find a diva song for her performance the next day. He wishes he could take the words back as soon as he says them, but she looks so happy and he just can't.

Instead he makes a playlist before she even gets there in the hopes of expediting the whole process. He's beyond exhausted, and the only thing he can really wants to do is go to sleep early.

She's sitting on his bed looking at pictures of Kurt on the nightstand when he brings up drinks.

"Is it weird living in Kurt's house even though you and Kurt aren't together?" she asks.

Blaine forces himself not to roll his eyes. "No, not really," he shrugs the question off easily. "I thought it might be, but Burt and Carole are really great."

"So what is going on with you and Kurt then? Why aren't you together? I mean you aren't together, right?" Blaine can tell that Tina is trying to be casual, but she's not really doing a great job.

"It's complicated, but no, we're not," he says simply.

She nods and takes a sip of her drink, eventually opening up the laptop and looking through the songs.

Blaine's exhaustion prompts a yawn, and Tina tries to get him to lie down. He refuses at first, but she's just sitting there playing through song after song and eventually he is does, unable to find the energy to keep his eyes open any longer.

He falls asleep despite his resistance and wakes up in a sudden terror. Someone is touching him, and he feels like he's twelve years old again. It doesn't hurt, but just having unwelcome fingers on his skin and a weight on his hips sparks a familiar panic in his chest. His eyes pop open, and he tries to scream but he can barely breathe.

Somewhere, his brain registers that it's just Tina... just Tina, but he still pushes her off until she's standing at the side of the bed and he scrambles to the other side in fear.

"Blaine! I'm sorry. I was just putting vapor rub on your chest. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out."

Blaine hears her words, but they don't really register. He sees tears in her eyes, but they definitely don't spark any understanding. He's just terrified.

Eventually, he calms his breathing, but when she sits back down and places a hand on his shoulder in an effort to comfort him, it picks back up as he throws himself onto the floor.

He stands up and walks as far away from her as he can until his back is against the wall. "Don't touch me!" he screams.

Her tears are falling now, and he can't even bring himself to care. "I'm sorry! I just wanted to help. I was trying to take care of you."

"I don't you need you to fucking take care of me!" He's still freaking out, but it's no longer in a panic. Now, he's just livid. Why does everyone think he's some child that can't take care of himself? Why do people think that they can do whatever they want to him? Doesn't he have a say? Why doesn't he have a say? "I don't need you're fucking cough drops or your soup or fucking vapor rub. I don't need you touching me. I can take care of my damn self!"

"Hey!" Burt's strong voice cuts through his anger. He's standing in the doorway, staring at the scene in awe. "What the hell is going on here?"

At the sight of Burt, Blaine's anger flees, and he's suddenly reduced to tears. They come at once, falling down his face in streams. He sits down on the floor and curls up in a ball, mumbling apologies and banging his head against the wall.

Burt comes over instantly and tries to pull his hands away. "It's okay, Blaine. It's okay."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell," he mutters. "I just… I didn't want her to touch me."

Blaine barely registers Carole ushering Tina out of the room or Burt helping Blaine back into bed. He's still fully dressed, but he doesn't even care. He makes himself small under the blankets and lets Burt tuck him in until he eventually falls back asleep.

* * *

When Blaine wakes up, the sunlight shining through the window confirms that it's late morning, and school must have already started. He doesn't really care, and he figures that after last night Burt and Carole don't either. He hurts. His nose, throat, and head are even worse from all the crying, and he quickly grabs a cough drop from where he had hidden them in the nightstand drawer. He finally changes out of yesterday's clothes into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before going downstairs to find Carole in the kitchen.

"I thought I was going to have to come and get you so you could eat something." She smiles sweetly at him.

"Sorry," he mumbles.

"Don't apologize, Blaine. There's nothing for you to be sorry for." The sternness of her voice and the look on her face denote nothing but sincerity.

Blaine sighs and rests his head on the counter. He feels awful, not just sick, but guilty despite her reassurances.

"What do you want to eat?" she asks. He can feel her running her fingers lightly through his hair, and he doesn't even flinch.

"I don't care. Just whatever you're making is fine.."

She doesn't say anything for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he says. "I'm sure." And he really is.

* * *

They don't talk about it, and Blaine is thankful for that. He knows it's because he has an appointment with Laura that afternoon, and Burt and Carole figure he's better off just waiting to talk about everything with her. Blaine sends Tina a short message: _I'm sorry about last night. We can talk when I come back to school. _It's really just to assuage his own guilt over the whole incident and hopefully to keep her from telling anyone else about it.

Laura knows something is wrong the minute she sees him. She probably notices the cold, but she doesn't mention it, just starts the session how she starts all of them.

"How are you, Blaine?"

He doesn't answer because he's trying not to lie. That's usually her cue to ask another question.

"Do you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?"

Blaine nods and gives himself a moment to figure out how to start. "I really fucked up last night."

She smiles sympathetically. "I'm sure it's not really as bad as you think it is, but you and I can work through it together if you want to talk about it."

"I yelled at my friend. I mean I screamed at her, like she was trying to murder me or something. I was so scared, and it was stupid. I ended up crying in a heap on my bedroom floor like a baby." His voice is low and scratchy. He doesn't know if it's from his cold, his nerves, or his embarrassment.

"What happened that scared you? I think I know you well enough to say that you don't get scared often so I'm sure you had a good reason."

Blaine closes his eyes and tells her the whole story starting from Tina's cold-buster kit to her rubbing vapor rub on his chest while he slept. "I thought she was… I was asleep, and then I woke up. And I just couldn't tell what was really happening. Then even when I did, I just didn't want her near me. I felt like my skin was crawling, and I was trapped. It was like I was suffocating. Then Burt yelled at me, and I realized it was stupid. Then, I felt miserable because why do I have to be like this? Why am I so fucked up? Why can't I be normal? And… why do people think that they can just do whatever they want to me?"

The last words are whispered because they're the most important. Laura realizes that, too, because she doesn't say anything in the following silence, just waits for him to add more. "Why do people think that they can hurt me, poison me, cut me, beat me up, break my bones, touch me whenever they want? What did I do to make people think that I'm just somebody they can have their way with and I'm not ever going to do anything about it? When did I become this person? Why am I this person that never tells people to stop? Why didn't I tell her to stop?" By this point, Blaine is almost yelling. The words still aren't very loud or authoritative because they're broken up by the sobs coming from his throat.

He drops his head into his hands and cries for a minute. Laura offers him tissues like she always does, and he takes them. She doesn't speak until he looks up at her and breathes evenly.

"You did tell her to stop, Blaine."

He cocks his head sideways in confusion. "Huh?"

She smiles. "Last night, you told your friend to stop. You might not have done it in the best way possible. It wasn't polite or neat, like I know you like to be, but sometimes, being polite or neat isn't the most important thing in the world. Sometimes, you just have to stand up for yourself, and I am proud of you for that."

Blaine takes in a huge breath of air, amazed at her words. His eyes start to water again, although they never really stopped. He offers her a small smile in return. She's right.

"You have spent your whole life with very few personal, physical barriers. You've had doctors and nurses, your mother, bullies, all kinds of people touch you in ways that you didn't necessarily get to approve of. But you are allowed to be angry when someone touches you without your consent, Blaine. You're allowed to be mad. You're allowed to yell if you need to, and you are definitely allowed to tell them they're wrong. But I think what you're most upset about now though isn't that someone crossed a physical boundary without your approval, it's that they also crossed an emotional one without even realizing."

Blaine raises an eyebrow in question. "Because she saw me cry and freak out?"

Laura nods. "I don't think you are someone who easily lets people see them scared or weak. Think about how you reacted at the hospital when people found out the truth. Think about how long you were living with this huge secret. It had to be hard to stay strong and not let your emotions out, to not show people how much you were hurting. Maybe you've been substituting emotional barriers for physical ones."

Blaine takes a long moment to digest that. "Maybe I've been talking too much about my feelings. Before long, I'll be walking around with permanent tears all over my face," he jokes.

She laughs in response. "I don't think it would be a bad thing to let a few more people in, Blaine. I think if you did, that anger and pain wouldn't show up the way it did last night."

"It wouldn't be a giant explosion," he smiles.

"You've been holding all of this stuff in for the better part of a decade, it was about time you let it all out."

"So what should I say to her?"

Laura looks contemplative for a moment. "What do you want to say to her? Do you want to tell her the truth? Is she someone you trust enough to do so, and are you ready to?"

It doesn't take long before he answers. It's obvious. "No."

"Then tell her that she crossed a line, and it made you uncomfortable. You don't have to explain your reaction if you don't want to."

Blaine sighs and scrunches up his face in frustration. "But I feel bad. I feel like I should trust her. We're good friends, technically better friends than Marley and me, and I told her. And I know that she likes me, and it will hurt her. I don't want to hurt her."

"You don't need to be responsible for her feelings. You just be responsible for your own. There could be a million reasons why you felt comfortable opening up to Marley, but you don't feel the same way with Tina. It doesn't make you a bad person. It's just the way you feel, and you know what I have to say about feelings."

"'Feelings just are. They aren't good or bad,'" he quotes. "But you always say it's when your feelings become actions that they can have value judgment. If my feelings are why I don't tell her and it hurts her, that's bad."

Laura shakes her head. "Would it hurt you to tell her?"

Blaine takes a moment but eventually nods.

"It's your life, Blaine. It's your emotions. It's your story. She doesn't have any right to it that you don't give to her. It's okay to keep a piece to yourself."

"Didn't you just say I should open up more?" he jokes.

"Some things take time, Blaine. Don't push yourself. You've already been doing amazing things in just a few months. This is marathon, not a sprint. Last night, you stood up for yourself. You told somebody that they weren't allowed to touch you when you didn't want them to. And you even did it in a way that showcased your emotions, that let down a little bit of that emotional wall. That's progress, Blaine. Your friend saw how much it upset you, and she may want answers. But if she's a good friend, she'll understand that it might be hard for you to give them."

Blaine is quiet for a long time. He's stopped thinking about Tina. He's thinking about Kurt. "Do you think that I owe Kurt the whole story?"

Laura is clearly surprised by the question, but she quickly schools her expression into her "thinking face." "Do you?"

"I didn't, but... we were dating. He should be the person I trust more than anyone. He should have been the first person I told."

"I think that sometimes the people we're closest to can be the hardest people to open up to," Laura says.

Blaine nods and looks down at his hands. "Because there's a lot more to lose."

* * *

He makes it simple and starts with a compliment.

"I'm so sorry I missed your performance yesterday, Tina. It must have amazing. Congrats on the win. You really deserve it."

She just glares at him.

Blaine lets out a frustrated sigh. "I'm sorry about the other night, too. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, and I'm sure I probably scared you."

Tina's face is haughty, and her expression makes it known she thinks she's won. He doesn't let her talk though.

"But… I am not comfortable with you touching me like that when I am not awake… or really touching me at all when I'm not awake. I'm allowed to need my personal space, and you invaded that. It made me uncomfortable, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I know that I am generally a touchy-feely type of person, but I have to have a line. I have to be able to say when I'm not okay with something, and you knew that I wouldn't be able to but you did it anyway. I need you to understand how much it scared me, how much it hurt me. It might not make complete sense to you, but I was not okay with it. And I need you to know that so you don't do something like that again. I need you to respect my right to space."

Tina doesn't look angry or haughty anymore. She just looks sad and concerned. "Did something happen to you, Blaine?" she says quietly. "I've never seen you like that. I was really worried."

Blaine smiles sadly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that to worry you, and I promise that I'm okay. I am, but I can't tell you why I reacted that way. I just did."

She doesn't look pacified, but Blaine doesn't really care. He tells her he loves her (as a friend, he emphasizes) and asks her to be his date to Mr. Schue's wedding. It seems like enough, and even if it weren't, it would just have to be.

* * *

Kurt had just finished giving Rachel a pep talk after his victory over her at Midnight Madness when he gets the strangest text from Tina.

_What happened to Blaine? Did somebody hurt him?_

He replies immediately, curious as to how much of the story she knows.

_What do you mean? Did something happen?_

_He just gave me a speech about respecting his personal boundaries. He freaked out because I touched him "without his consent." Did somebody like… I don't know… you know...?_

Kurt rolls his eyes. Of course Tina would jump to scary conclusions. He better nip this one in the bud before she started a horrible rumor.

_Stop right there. Don't go making up baseless stories. Nobody did anything. I promise you. He's been through some shit, but if he wanted you to know, he would have told you. So leave it alone, and stop touching him without his consent. Better yet, stop touching him at all. I don't think I even want to know that story._

_Fine! I'll leave it alone. I just wanted to make sure he's okay._

_He's really good. The fact that he said something to you is proof enough._

They send a few more cursory texts, about glee and Mr. Schuester's wedding, to which she is apparently Blaine's date. As soon as he thinks the conversation's over, he calls Blaine for the first time in weeks.

"Kurt! Um… hi!" he answers.

The sound of his voice instantly makes Kurt smile. "Hi, Blaine. How are you?"

"I… I'm good." He pauses. "I'm actually doing really good."

"That's not what I hear from Tina," Kurt laughs to ensure Blaine knows he's joking.

Blaine groans. "Oh God! What did she say?"

"She seems to be concerned that you may have been… touched inappropriately in the past… something about you being upset that she touched you without your prior approval. Can I ask where she touched you? I mean should I be concerned?"

Blaine laughs. "She rubbed vapor rub on my chest while I was asleep… I may have woken up and screamed at her… and then cried a lot. I'm kind of surprised your dad didn't tell you about it."

As strange as it is, this story makes Kurt smile… for a million different reasons, not the least of which is the fact that Burt didn't tell Kurt. "I'm glad he didn't tell me. I want to hear things from you. You should be able to tell me what you want me to know."

There's a bit of silence, and when Blaine speaks, his voice is tight, but he doesn't sound upset. He sounds genuinely ecstatic. "God, Kurt. You have no idea how much that means to me."

Kurt smiles, beyond excited to have Blaine finally tell him something.

"Do you remember when I got that cut on my back that got infected a couple Christmases ago?"

Kurt nods before answering, "Yeah."

"My mom did that. She would give me sleeping pills and then come in at night and cut me. She'd make sure it wasn't clean so it got infected, put dirt or something in it."

"How did you find out?" Kurt whispers, horrified by this story.

"I woke up once." There's a long stretch of quiet before Blaine speaks again. "I saw that knife, and I could have sworn she was getting ready to kill me."

Kurt's silent for a minute, contemplating a question. "Did I ever make you feel uncomfortable… when we were together?"

"No, Kurt. You've only ever made me feel safe."

* * *

Kurt is just hanging up the phone when there's a knock on the door. Assuming it's Brody, he goes to open it somewhat begrudgingly. He's still not over the guy ruining his vintage flea market chair. He's shocked, however, when Santana is standing outside his apartment with a suitcase.

Her announcement that she's moving in is met with confused questions and appalled glares. She actually expected to just be welcomed in with open arms, but Kurt is expectedly skeptical. He and Rachel eventually agree to let her stay until she figures out what she's doing. Kurt finds some sympathy for her, at least enough to give her a place to sleep for a while.

The sympathy quickly vanishes the next day when he finds her searching through his room, for what he doesn't know.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he yells.

She smiles politely at him as if she was doing nothing wrong. "I'm just looking for some evidence of whatever is going on between you and the puppy. While I appreciate the awkward irony of a kid who acts like a twelve-year-old shooting morphine, I know there's shit you two are keeping to yourself, and I want to know what it is." She narrows her eyes in a challenge. "I will find out what it is." She turns back towards his dresser to continue looking through his things.

Kurt doesn't know whether to be horrified or angry. He knows Santana well enough to know that if she wants the truth, she'll do anything to get it. He tries to cover it up anyway.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he huffs, grabbing a pair of his underwear out of her hands. "Blaine is going through a tough time right now. He's trying to stay sober, and neither of us needs you snooping into our business."

Santana eyes him up and down, and Kurt crosses his arms over his chest in a defensive stance. Her face takes on a concerned tone that looks so strange on her features. "Let me help," she whispers. "I know how rough it can be to keep secrets from everyone you know.

Kurt stares at her for a minute, contemplating the best way to get out of this conversation unscathed. "They aren't my secrets to tell. Besides, I have people to talk to you. Just because you think that you need to know everything, doesn't mean that you actually do."

The bitch glare comes back quickly. "Fine. I was trying to do this the easy way, but don't worry. I'll find out whatever it is. I always do."

Kurt tries to see it as an empty threat, but he knows it's not. Over the next few days, he notices Santana's pointed, curious questions directed towards Rachel, but when she quickly realizes that Rachel won't be the source of any new info, she turns back to Kurt. It's two days before they're flying back to Lima for Mr. Schuester's wedding when she finally breaks him.

"Oh hell," she says, "I don't know why I'm bothering you. You probably don't actually know anything. I mean that's why you two broke up isn't it? He lied to you. You probably still don't even know what's going on with him. He could be high as a kite right now, and you would have no idea."

"Will you shut the fuck up?" he yells, thankful that Rachel is out with Brody for the night. "Just because I won't tell you, doesn't mean I don't know what's going on. He's not lying to me anymore. I know exactly what happened to him. I know exactly why he was in the hospital. I know why he was doing morphine. I know him. Don't make me feel bad because you don't. He tells me things because he trusts me. You two weren't really even friends. Why would he tell you anything?"

Santana suddenly looks sad. "You two helped me out once. I just want to do the same for you."

"Then leave it alone," he says harshly.

"Kurt, someone like Blaine doesn't do drugs for no reason. What happened to him?"

Kurt sighs, frustrated. He drops his head in his hands and doesn't answer.

"I remember that day in the auditorium when he stormed out," Santana says, voice soft. Kurt can't help but look up at the sincerity in it. "Someone hurt him, and I just want to know who I need to beat the crap out of."

"Why didn't you bug him about this when you were back in Lima?" Kurt asks. "Why are you bugging me?"

"He had enough shit going on last week with his cold and Tina the stalker. Besides, I want to hear it from you."

Kurt furrows his eyebrows in confusion at her.

"You'll tell me it to me straight… well, as straight as you can tell me anything. He'll make it sound like it's no big deal… Did someone hurt him?" Santana asks again after a long pause.

Kurt gets up to head to his room. He can feel the tears starting to gather in his eyes, and he doesn't want Santana to see them. "Yeah," he whispers before ducking behind his curtain.

Santana is in his room by the time he curls up in bed. "Was it his mom?"

Kurt looks back at her. He doesn't say a word, but his silence says everything.

She crawls in next to him, and they cuddle up together. It's not as awkward as he expected to be. Santana doesn't ask any more questions, but Kurt answers the ones she doesn't ask until they both fall asleep.

* * *

**Warnings:** Some mentions/suggestions of poisoning paranoia, nonconsensual touching on chest (nothing not in canon, but a very different reaction to it), panic attack/panic attack symptoms


	34. Chapter 27

**A/N: **Late, late, I'm always later than I say I will be! Sorry folks! Hopefully, the next one will be up early next week. It's written, and just needs editing so feel free to come bug me if it's not up by Tuesday. Also, hopefully this chapter won't get swallowed up in the riot going on. I'd wait, but I promised I'd post today. There isn't really anything new to warn about in this chapter. This is based on "I Do," but there's nothing too explicit. Enjoy!

* * *

**February 15, 2013**

Kurt feels sincerely sorry for the poor old lady sitting next to him and Rachel on the flight home from New York. They're both anxious to be going back to Lima, so much so that Rachel can't stop talking for more than thirty seconds, going on and on about all the possible implications of seeing Finn, and Kurt can't keep still no matter how hard he tries. His nervous fidgeting has caused him to bump his knee and elbow into the lady ten times already, and they only just ascended high enough to allow for electronic devices. It's going to be a long flight.

Santana had actually refused to sit with them after the subway ride to the airport had ended in a screaming match between the two girls. Kurt figured it was probably for the best. Only a week of living with Santana has been starting to get to him already, and he is beyond excited to have his own room with a door in his own house for the weekend… plus he gets to see Blaine. There's nothing better than that.

The barely hour and a half long flight feels like days, but Kurt doesn't even care, when he's met in the lobby by his smiley, happy ex-boyfriend. "Blaine, what are you doing here? I thought Dad was picking us up." Kurt leaps giddily into a hug when Blaine opens his arms.

"He dropped me off at the door and is waiting in the cell phone lot. I just texted him. So baggage claim?" Blaine asks.

Kurt gives him a disapproving look. "It's a weekend, Blaine. Do you really think I pack that much?"

Blaine shrugs. "Liquids, Kurt. I had to check my bag when I came to visit you."

There's a momentary strain in the air as they both remember the disastrous weekend that turned out to be. Of course, Santana makes it even more awkward.

"Well, that's because you had to hide the morphine, Robert Downey, Jr. Jr."

"Santana!" Kurt yells but stops when Blaine gives his shoulder a tight squeeze.

"It's fine, Kurt. It was actually the hair gel that put me over the top anyway."

Santana almost immediately bursts into laughter and gives Blaine an approving smirk. Kurt is somewhat awestruck by the response.

Rachel, however, does not look impressed. "Are we really joking about this?" she snaps.

Blaine looks somewhat hurt and definitely taken aback, but he recovers quickly. "Well, lets go," he says and walks away without waiting to see if anyone is following.

Kurt gives Rachel a death stare.

"What?" she asks. "I don't think we should make jokes about it. It's serious. He brought drugs on a plane and into our apartment."

Santana rolls her eyes exasperatedly. "People fuck up. God knows you have. Give him a break, Rach. He's trying."

Kurt and Rachel both look at her surprised. "What are you staring at? Come on, let's go before Papa Hummel takes his new son and leaves without us."

* * *

"So how's Mommie Dearest?" Santana breaks the quiet of the car ride home.

The car swerves slightly as Burt jerks in shock. Kurt freezes still in the front seat, terrified at the question and Blaine's response. Blaine coughs as if the air has been stolen from his lungs and looks at Kurt with a curious gaze when the older boy glances at the three people in the back seat. Kurt nods in answer, offering an apologetic expression. Rachel just looks confused.

"I don't know," Blaine mumbles after an awkward silence. "I haven't seen or talked to her since Christmas."

"Good. Keep it that way," Santana says.

"Santana, it's none of your business." Kurt tries to jump in. "Don't tell him what to do."

"Kurt, it's fine," Blaine says, before lowering his voice and speaking to Santana. "Don't worry. I wasn't planning on changing that anytime soon."

Kurt turns around again just in time to see Santana nod, although she doesn't look completely placated.

Sure enough, as soon as they drop Rachel off at her house, she turns back to Blaine. "I'm mad at you."

"Mad at me?" Blaine responds, clearly surprised.

Both Blaine and Santana know that Kurt can hear their conversation, but he can't help but feel like he's eavesdropping. He sits up front quietly and tries to be as unobtrusive as possible.

"We're friends, right?" Santana asks, her voice actually shaking slightly as though she's nervous.

"Of course," Blaine answers.

"Then, why didn't you tell me? I'm a badass. I would've done something."

Kurt can't help the slightly shaky breath he takes.

"Santana," Blaine says in a sweet, comforting voice. "I didn't want anyone to know. I'm sorry."

It's quiet for a minute, and the car is full of tension. When they turn the corner onto Santana's street, she speaks again. "If anybody is hurting you, you're supposed to tell me. You're my people, okay? You tell me."

Kurt can hear a smile in Blaine's voice and the ruffle of clothing that sounds like a hug. "Thanks, San."

"Okay, that's enough of that," Santana says louder. "Save that mushy crap for your boy toy. I'll cut someone if you need me to, but I'm not talking about feelings."

When Burt pulls up at her house, Blaine follows her out and helps her grab her bag, and despite her words, they talk for a few more minutes and share one more tight hug before she walks towards her door. Kurt swears she wipes away a few stray tears as she goes.

"You okay?" Kurt asks when Blaine climbs back in.

"I'm fine," Blaine smiles sweetly, reaching through the space between the seat to squeeze Kurt's hand momentarily.

"I'm sorry I told her," Kurt whispers. "She was pretty persistent about finding out what was really going on. She went through all of my stuff."

"It's fine," Blaine says. "I should have known she'd be nosy, and I should have known she'd know something else was going on."

Kurt sighs in relief and smiles back at Blaine. "Yeah, she's really creepy like that. She calls it her psychic Mexican third eye."

The slight tension in the car finally breaks completely as Kurt, Blaine, and But all laugh.

* * *

The two of them spend the evening rehearsing their number for the wedding reception the next day. It's fun and lighthearted, and Kurt hasn't felt this peaceful in a long time. When it starts to be less fun and lighthearted, and an undercurrent of want and desire starts to settle in the room, Kurt excuses himself for the night. He can't let himself cross the invisible line they've created. It has to be Blaine.

* * *

**February 16, 2013**

Kurt's resolve doesn't last long, however. The second Blaine steps out of the guest room in his suit the next day, the tension is back, and neither of them seems to want to stray away from it. Mercedes drives Kurt, Blaine, and Tina to the wedding in her dad's Prius, and somehow in the ten minutes it takes to get to the church, Blaine manages to lose his cufflinks in the backseat. Of course, Kurt offers to help him look, but if by instinct, they fall into a familiar space and place with lips and hands and limbs entwined. A knock sounds on the door and Tina's voice is ignored, but it breaks the moment as Kurt realizes where they are and what he's doing.

"Wait, wait. We're not supposed to be doing this," he says, pulling back from where he's sprawled out on top of his ex.

Blaine sighs. "I know. I know," he replies. "I just… God, I've missed you. You and this fey bow tie, it's my kryptonite."

Kurt leans back down for another kiss but only for a second as his brain continues to resist. "But… I don't want to push you. You said you weren't ready, and that's fine. I'm fine."

Blaine reaches a hand around Kurt's neck and threads his fingers into the hair at the back. "Can we just… just this? I don't know what I'm doing, but I just want this."

Kurt wants to say no, but the desperate look on Blaine's face is impossible to resist. He nods enthusiastically, and Blaine crushes their lips back together, pulling at Kurt's shirt as Kurt lets go and gives in…

Knock, knock, knock, and the door opens.

"Please tell me that's not Tina again!"

It's not Tina, but it is Mercedes. The moment broken, they reluctantly climb out and follow Mercedes into the church, but Kurt still feels the spark linger every time he catches Blaine's eye.

* * *

After their performance at the non-wedding reception, Blaine politely offers to go get them both punch. Kurt is busy admiring the baby cupcakes when he is suddenly and unexpectedly ambushed by a tiny girl in a pink dress, who wraps him up in a breath-stealing hug. He tries not to act scared and smiles politely when she pulls back. "Uh… Marley, right? It's good to see you again," he says, but he knows he sounds awkward by the look on her face.

"Oh my God. I'm sorry. We barely know each other. This is probably weird." She looks down, her face tinting the color of her dress. "I just feel like I know you so well… from Blaine." She suddenly breaks into a bright smile. "He talks about you a lot."

Kurt is momentarily stunned. "He talks to you about me?" he asks, brows furrowed.

Marley's smile turns slightly bittersweet. "He talks to me about a lot of things. He helped me with something and…" Her gaze turns inward. "I like to think I help him, too." Kurt tries to understand the vagueness of her words and can't help but wonder if she's really saying what he thinks she's saying. She reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder as she glances over at Blaine standing by the punch table. "He talks to me because I can understand how he feels sometimes. I mean I can empathize not just sympathize." Her face turns panicked for a moment when Kurt offers up his own concerned expression. "No, not like completely empathize. No… I'm bulimic. It might not seem like Blaine and I have a lot in common, but somehow we get each other."

Kurt must look sad even though he's trying to be happy that Blaine has someone to talk to, either that or Marley is just good at knowing what other people are thinking.. "That doesn't mean he doesn't need you, too," she continues. "He's trying. He just needs you to see how hard it is for him."

Kurt nods. "I just wish he'd tell me that himself."

Marley smiles brightly again and Kurt is momentarily taken aback by the change in mood. "He's trying to be better for you. If he told you that, he wouldn't really be getting better." She shrugs. "At least that's the way he thinks."

With that, she pulls him into another tight hug and vanishes without another word, leaving Kurt once again stunned into silence and completely confused.

* * *

"Can I ask about Marley?" Kurt questions softly as they slowly turn around the dance floor.

Blaine pulls back from where his chin had been resting on Kurt's shoulder and gives him a quizzical look. "What about her?"

"How much does she know?" Kurt shrugs.

Blaine's face takes on a guilt-ridden expression, but Kurt only catches it for a second as he turns away quickly to hide it. "She knows all of it."

With a sigh, Kurt turns Blaine's face back so he can see it. "Don't hide. I don't care that you told her. I'm glad you have someone to talk to."

Blaine's eyes look tortured, and it breaks Kurt's heart. "But I should have told you."

Kurt holds Blaine's face in his hands and presses their foreheads together. "I get why you haven't. It's hard, but I get it. You don't have to tell me anything about what happened back then, B. You can tell me when you're ready or you can tell me never. It's not going to make me love you any less. The only thing I need you to tell me is what's going on with you now. That's all I want from you."

Blaine closes his eyes, and Kurt can feel his breath float across his own cheek as he leans in to whisper in Kurt's ear. "I just want you."

* * *

Blaine pulls Kurt into the room by his tie, desperation and want flooding through his veins. He's missed this, missed being close to Kurt, feeling skin on skin. It's the closest he's ever gotten to being completely open and vulnerable and just letting go of all of the stuff that haunts his thoughts every other second of his day. He needs this feeling, this moment of escape, needs to feel wanted and needed himself. But most importantly, he wants to feel in control, like he knows what he's doing because he's felt so lost lately.

Kurt's seductive smile widens in awe as Blaine hastily pushes him down onto the bed, crawls on top, and starts frantically pulling off Kurt's clothes. "Well, this is a side of you I certainly don't see often," Kurt murmurs against Blaine's lips.

It's true. Blaine's attempts at initiating sex have always been gentle, although mostly obvious, suggestions, but once Kurt gets the idea, Blaine's always happy to hand over the reins. He always just lets go, lets Kurt lead the way, and Kurt is so good at it. In those moments, when they're alone and naked and there's nothing left between them, Kurt can read Blaine like a book. He always knows exactly what to do.

But today, Blaine just really wants to figure this out for himself. He needs to be the one in charge, the one responsible for what's going to happen. Right now, he feels like he might fall apart if he lets Kurt take over.

It doesn't matter though. He falls apart anyway. He's on top, as they pull off their clothes, but the minute they're lying there in just their underwear, a panic settles in Blaine's veins and the tension in the air turns darker, heavier. He suddenly has no idea what to do. His breath picks up, not from the heat of the moment but from the anxiety. He kisses Kurt frantically to try to hide it, but Kurt notices everything and eventually pulls back.

"What's wrong, B?"

Blaine groans in frustration and ignores the question to keep kissing, but after a moment more, Kurt suddenly flips them over and pulls away and Blaine wants to cry.

"Blaine? Are you okay? You're shaking."

He is. He didn't even notice until now, but his hands are fluttering next to him without his permission. He closes his eyes tightly, both to keep in the tears and restrain his frustration and embarrassment.

"We don't have to do this, Blaine? If you're uncomfortable…" Kurt's voice is laced with concern, and Blaine can tell the words are sincere, if not also a little disappointed.

"I'm not uncomfortable," Blaine barks out. "Can we just… just…" He shakes his head and threads his fingers around Kurt's neck to pull him back into a kiss and roll them back over. Kurt is hesitant underneath him, but eventually, he relaxes when Blaine releases his lips to lay kisses along his neck and down his chest. Then suddenly, Blaine stops and looks up at Kurt who smiles sweetly at him before the corners of his lips turn down in concern. Blaine tries to kiss the frown away, but Kurt once again stops him.

"Hey, hey, Blaine," he says comfortingly, running fingers through Blaine's loosened curls.

This time Blaine rolls off of Kurt of his own will and lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He feels Kurt turn on his side next to him, and Kurt's hand comes up to rub sweet circles on his bare stomach. Blaine lets his own hand rest on top and twines their fingers together.

"What can I do, B? What are you thinking?" Kurt asks quietly.

Blaine just shrugs. "I don't even know," he whispers.

Kurt rests his head on Blaine's chest, and Blaine's heart calms just a bit. They stay like that for several minutes before Kurt sits back up and leaves a passionate kiss on Blaine's lips. "What do you want?" Kurt asks.

"I don't know," Blaine answers. "That's the fucking problem."

Kurt furrows his brows and tilts his head adorably, but doesn't say anything, just stares at Blaine for a while before nodding his head. Finally he lies back on his side and pulls on Blaine's hand until he's lying on his side right next to him. "Don't think," Kurt whispers. "Just kiss me, Blaine. Just kiss. Then just do. Whatever feels right. Just do it."

Blaine's next exhale is a sharp shaky noise, full of relief and sorrow and pure love. It's cut off quickly though as he pulls Kurt to him and does just as Kurt says. He just kisses, and then he just does. He moves on instinct, and he doesn't doubt that what he's doing is right.

* * *

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kurt asks, after they've finally come down and can speak without panting heavily.

Kurt can feel the breath from Blaine's exaggerated sigh as it skates across his chest where Blaine's resting face down, having collapsed on top of him, not even taking a moment to get themselves cleaned up. "I don't know," Blaine whispers.

"We don't have to. I mean… I get what you were trying to do… even if I don't know why, but… I just want you to know that you can talk to me. I don't want you to ever feel uncomfortable, and I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel that way.

Blaine shakes his head and leaves a kiss on Kurt's chest before sitting up slightly and resting his chin there so he can look in Kurt's eyes. "I've never felt anything but comfortable with you." He laughs self-deprecatingly. "Until earlier… I just… I wanted to figure things out on my own. I wanted to know what to do for once. You always know what to do, and I'm always just following along."

Kurt places his hand on Blaine's cheek and offers him a sad smile. "You can lead whenever you want, B. I never meant to take that from you. I just thought you liked it that way."

Blaine huffs and rolls off of Kurt, looking away in an effort to hide some emotion Kurt can't quite read. "I do. I just… Sometimes I wonder if I'm always going to be somebody who lets things happen instead of someone who makes things happen."

"B…" Kurt whispers, heart breaking a little. He turns on his side and pulls Blaine's face over so he's looking in his eyes. "Who you are and what you do when it's just you and me doesn't have to reflect on anything that happens outside of the bedroom. You can be who you want to be. You can let me make decisions here, but that doesn't mean you can't make your own out there. I know you're trying to be someone who has control over his own life… someone who stands up for himself... someone who wouldn't let other people hurt him because he thinks he deserves it. I know you're trying to be strong all the time, but it's okay to need to let go sometimes."

"When do you let go? You're always strong. You're always perfect. How do you do it?"

Kurt smiles widely. "I'm not always strong or perfect, but you make me feel like I am."

Blaine returns the smile for a moment before quickly pulling Kurt into a heated kiss. "You know you're the only person I trust to really take care of me, right?" he whispers when he pulls back.

Kurt can't help his delighted laugh or the happy tear that rolls down his cheek. He can feel Blaine exhale in relief the second Kurt pulls him close and rolls on top of him, pressing his own weight down and curling himself around the smaller boy beneath him. "I'll always do my best," Kurt whispers.

"I know," Blaine says. "That's why I love you."

They don't need words after that. This is a language they've been speaking for years.

* * *

**February 17-18, 2013**

Kurt decides the stern look that he and Blaine (and Finn, too, since they had to hitch a new ride) get from Burt when they both come home in ruffled clothing the next morning was totally worth it. Burt apparently decides they're old enough not to warrant a speech and actually leaves them alone for most of Sunday, which they spend cuddled up in Kurt's bed watching movies. They don't talk about anything serious. They don't kiss. They just are.

On Monday, Kurt picks Blaine up and even invites Tina to their double feature of _All About Eve_ and _Showgirls_, but she only makes it through one movie. Kurt is pretty sure she picks up on the tension and hightails it out of the way so they can spend the last film making out in the back of the theater.

Rachel having gone back to New York the night before, it's just Kurt and Santana on the late night plane home. Blaine somehow manages to convince Burt to let him drive them to the airport himself despite it being a school night. He actually parks the car and walks them in, and after giving him a quick hug, Santana goes through security right away in order to leave him and Kurt time to talk.

"So…" Kurt says.

Blaine chuckles and looks down at the floor. "I feel like I should say something really profound or meaningful right now, but I'm kind of at a loss for words."

Kurt pulls Blaine into a hug. "It's fine, B. I know." He actually does. He knows that they aren't what they should be right now, but he's never been more certain that they will be one day.

"I'm sorry that I can't give you what you deserve," Blaine mumbles into Kurt's shoulder.

Kurt shakes his head and pulls back to look Blaine in the eyes. "You can. You just don't believe it, yet, but I do. Just give me a call when you do, too."

With a chaste kiss on the lips, Kurt leaves, but he's never been less scared, concerned, or sad to go back to New York because he can feel it in his heart that when Blaine does finally make the trip to NYC with him, they'll finally be really together again.


	35. Chapter 28

**A/N: **Don't yell! Don't yell! I'm here. So this is the second to last chapter… I know… sad. Chapter 29 will be up before the end of the week, and the epilogue will be up no more than three days after that. Blaine makes a bold move in this one. Hope you like it! Warnings at the end.

* * *

**February – March 2013**

The first week Kurt is back in New York after Mr. Schuester's non-wedding, there's a massive snowstorm that shuts down the city and classes for a few days. Kurt had just invited Adam over to watch movies for the afternoon when it starts, which adds an additional level of awkwardness to the whole experience.

Ever since Kurt had confided in Adam about his continued feelings for Blaine, they had remained casual friends. At times, Kurt wondered if Adam was waiting around to see if Kurt would eventually want to try dating for real, but he decided to give Adam the benefit of the doubt and continue their friendship.

However, Santana is less inclined. From the second they learn they are going to be stuck in the apartment for a while, she seems to be on a mission to discredit the new men in both Kurt and Rachel's lives.

At first, Kurt thinks it's just jealousy or fear of change, but it quickly becomes obvious whose side she's really on.

"So are you two dating?" she asks after a few cursory attempts at getting to know Adam. "Because at Mr. Schue's bomb of a wedding, you and Blaine like…"

"No," Kurt interrupts. "Adam and I are just friends, but can we not talk about Blaine, please?"

"I thought you were done waiting on him," Adam says, making the situation even more uncomfortable.

Santana snorts. "Kurt will be waiting for that boy on his deathbed. Won't you Lady Hummel?"

Kurt just gives her an unamused glare, and she luckily turns her attention to picking on Rachel.

Kurt really only has himself to blame that the topic of Blaine even comes back up, but he just can't watch _Moulin Rouge_ and hear "Come What May" without thinking of his ex.

Luckily, Santana gives him a hard time about crying during the song for only brief moment, instead bringing attention to the wad of bills she found in Rachel and Brody's room.

"When did you find that?" Rachel asks, appalled.

"Last night, when I was rooting through all the pockets and drawers in your guys' room."

"Wait, what? You went through our stuff?" Rachel yells.

Kurt, of course, is unsurprised, so Rachel turns her attention to him. "Why aren't you more concerned about this?" she asks.

"I'm honestly shocked it took her so long. She went through my stuff the second day she was here," he answers nonchalantly.

Santana smirks. "Kurt has no more secrets from me."

"Unfortunately," he mutters under his breath.

"I don't know why you're surprised Rachel. Going through your stuff is exactly something I'd do," Santana adds.

Rachel rolls her eyes, and Adam suddenly butts in to try and defend Brody, turning the conversation back to the money.

"Your friend Brody is a drug dealer," Santana says, revealing her suspicion.

The silence is blaring, and Kurt can't stand it. He doesn't know what to say or believe, but the accusation hits too close to home so he excuses himself to his room to escape.

* * *

The power goes out an hour later, and they all kind of hibernate in their own corners of the apartment in an attempt to avoid any more awkward conversations for the rest of the night. It comes back on around lunchtime the next day, and Rachel immediately starts making lunch. Kurt suggests watching _Moulin Rouge_ again, but Santana objects and once again brings up Brody.

"Okay, he's not a drug dealer," Rachel argues and conducts an awkward phone call with the man in question in an attempt to prove her point.

Santana just gives her an unimpressed look when she hangs up the phone, and that is what finally pushes Rachel over the edge. The second she opens her mouth, Kurt knows it's going to be bad.

"Seriously, Santana? I don't understand why you're giving me a hard time just because you have the stupid idea that Brody is selling drugs, but you haven't said one word to Kurt."

"Don't you dare," Kurt barks, but she's started and she's not stopping.

"Actually, it's the opposite. It's like you want Kurt to get back together with Blaine. All week, it's been Blaine this and Blaine that. You don't even care how awkward that must be for Adam. Stop being such a hypocrite because clearly even if you knew for sure that Brody was dealing drugs that couldn't possibly be why you don't like him because you sure do seem to still like Blaine!"

Kurt feels like his heart is breaking, and he doesn't have the brain space to even try to form a rebuttal. Santana does it for him.

"Listen here, Rachel, because I'm only going to go over this shit once. How long have we known Blaine? More than two years. You've known Brody for what? A little over six months. There's a big difference. I'm not trying to say that Blaine hasn't made mistakes, that he didn't lie to all of us, that he didn't seriously fuck up because he did. But we know him so we forgive him. Kurt's forgiven him, and that should be all the reason you need to forgive him, too. Maybe Brody has a good reason for whatever he's been doing, but he's still lying to you, and I'm just suggesting that maybe you think twice before you trust blindly. We were all so involved in our own stupid drama that we were completely oblivious to what Blaine was going through, and I'll be damned if I ever make that mistake again. You really think Brody is a good guy? Then ask him what's going on. Just don't ignore the signs. Don't end up like Kurt and only figure it out when he's lying nearly dead in a hospital bed."

Kurt doesn't realize he's held his breath for Santana's entire speech until she's done. The words are harsh, and he feels them cutting through his chest. But he can't help but be glad Santana had the balls to say them.

Rachel looks at him with tears in her eyes and nods, muttering a quiet, "Okay."

"Also, there's a big difference between using and dealing." Santana, of course, needs the last word. "Blaine only ever hurt himself, and that's just a lifelong habit he picked up from other people. We both know that boy would never push that stuff on other people."

Rachel doesn't say anything to that. She just quickly goes back to stirring the soup she's been making. Santana sits down at the table next to Kurt, who is just staring down at the cards he had been playing with back when he knew how to breathe. He has no idea what Adam is up to.

"I'm sorry," Santana whispers and wraps an arm around him.

He leans into it and answers with a joke. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were crushing on Blaine."

She laughs and shrugs her shoulders. "If I was into dick, maybe… He's always reminded me of Britt somewhat," she says quieter.

Kurt tilts his head and looks at her. "I can see that I guess. They both tend to have their head up in the clouds sometimes."

"Yeah, but Brittany does that because she doesn't understand everyone else down here on Earth. I wish I had known Blaine did it because things were so much better for him up there."

Kurt laughs, "Is that a subtle getting high joke? Really? After that amazingly, eloquent speech?"

"I have a five minute serious conversation limit."

Kurt just smiles.

"You are going to get him back, right?" Santana asks after they're both quiet for a minute.

Kurt's grin widens. "Absolutely."

* * *

He avoids the inevitable conversation, but when Adam finds him practicing in one of the dance rooms at NYADA after the snowstorm has finally passed, Kurt knows he has to be honest.

They engage in silly chitchat about pirouettes and the snowstorm until Adam finally gets serious.

"You never really planned on actually moving on, did you?"

Kurt sighs and takes a moment to form the right words. "I did. I had every intention of it, and I like to think I did move on a little… I moved on from everything that happened."

"But…"

"But I'm never not going to want to be with him… flaws and all."

Adam nods his head and looks down at the ground in thought. "A drug addict is always going to be a drug addict, Kurt. I understand that you love him, but you should know what you're getting yourself into."

Kurt smiles politely. "I appreciate the concern, Adam, but I know what I'm doing. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't know him, but Blaine is worth it. He's never going to be perfect, but he's always going to try. And that's why I love him."

As Adam leaves, Kurt knows he's probably lost the one real new friend he's made at NYADA, but he can't say that it isn't worth it.

* * *

Kurt spends the next week mediating a catfight between Santana and Rachel regarding Santana's insistent hatred of Brody. Kurt refuses to kick Santana out no matter how much Rachel pushes. She's been too good of a friend to him lately. He feels bad that Rachel hasn't really had the opportunity to support him through everything with Blaine because she doesn't know the truth. However, after spilling the beans to Santana, he can't possibly ask Blaine to let him tell Rachel, too. Mostly, because he knows Blaine would say yes, and Kurt wouldn't know if it was because he was really okay with it or because he was being polite.

When the truth about how Brody really earned all of that money finally comes out, Kurt just focuses on being Rachel's friend. He refuses to lie to her about it even to save her the heartbreak before her big "Funny Girl" audition. He knows that no matter how much the truth can hurt, it's almost always better than a lie. After the tears are gone and Santana and Rachel make fun of his boyfriend arm, he makes them boyfriend and girlfriend arms or their own. It all inevitably just leads to them bugging him about why he and Blaine aren't back together yet, and Kurt gives the best non-answer he can while Rachel is there and later tells Santana a more accurate version of the truth. He should have known she'd stick her nose where it didn't belong.

* * *

He's not thinking about it. That's what Blaine keeps telling himself. He's not thinking about it because when he does, he starts to panic, and he cannot afford to panic.

Kurt says he knows they'll be together. He says he knows, and he's waiting again. And Blaine just can't have him wait because what if he screws up? What if he screws up and breaks Kurt's heart all over again? What if he can never be what Kurt wants?

He can't think about it because if he starts to think about it, it's all he'll think about. So Blaine goes back to what he does best, avoidance. School, glee club, and student council all serve as the perfect distractions. Plus, he ends up joining the Cheerios after Coach Sylvester blackmails him into it. Sam had convinced him to do it in an attempt to defeat Sue from the inside, but he actually finds he enjoys being part of the group once he gets Becky and rest of the girls to stop grabbing his ass on purpose. He still allows the occasional accident. It is cheerleading after all, and part of his job is to touch theirs a lot more often than he really wants to think about.

Blaine does his best to keep his nose out of the drama constantly revolving around the glee club, and he definitely stays out of the Rachel-Brody saga he hears about from Kurt and Santana. Truthfully, Blaine is pretty sure Brody isn't a drug dealer based on the brief encounter they had last October. Dealers can usually spot a junkie a mile away, and Brody hadn't even looked at him funny, let alone said anything to him; although, Blaine supposes that could have just been about not mixing business with pleasure. He keeps these thoughts to himself though, not wanting to cause trouble. He's had enough of that kind of trouble to last a lifetime.

Santana is the one who tells him that Brody was selling himself, not drugs. She calls him a lot actually. He knows she's just checking in, and it's sweet in a way he would expect to be annoying. It's probably only tolerable because it's Santana, and even her sweetness is tempered with cutting remarks and sarcasm. She asks about Brittany sometimes, too, which must make him act too nice towards her because it always ends with nothing but a dial tone in his ear.

It's the week that Sam and Blaine take over glee club with their own assignment, guilty pleasures, that Santana finally truly pisses him off.

"So what is this I hear about you ordering people in glee club to start revealing their deepest, darkest hidden secrets? Pretty hypocritical of you, don't you think?"

"Uh, no," Blaine answers, drawing the words out. "The assignment is about sharing the things you enjoy, but are too afraid to admit. How is that me being hypocritical?"

"I'm not talking about how your mother used you as a hazardous waste receptacle for prescription medication. I'm talking about Kurt."

"Huh?" Blaine is genuinely confused.

"You love him. You want to be with him, but you're too afraid to admit it."

Blaine sighs and rolls his eyes. "I do love him, and I do want to be with him. But I can't right now. That's not some guilty pleasure. That's a fact."

Santana takes a long moment, and Blaine can hear her frustration through the phone. "You like hurting yourself. You enjoy being unhappy, just a little bit. It's all you've ever known, and you have no idea what to do with the idea of not living in pain so you're inflicting it upon yourself. You could be with Kurt, but then you might actually be happy. But you can't have that, so you're torturing yourself by pretending you're not ready when in reality you just get your jollies off on being miserable."

Blaine can't press the end button on his phone fast enough.

* * *

Santana's words repeat themselves over and over in his head the next day, and when Sam also calls him out on not really sharing his guilty pleasure, Blaine picks his song.

It's not about Kurt because Santana was right. It never really was about Kurt.

* * *

Regardless of the truth, he tells the glee club the opposite, that "Against All Odds" is about how much he misses Kurt and also his love of Phil Collins. Tina tries to call him out on it, but Kitty and Sam both dismiss it. He's thankful for that.

Marley sits on the stage with him for half an hour after everyone else has left just trying to get him to talk, but he doesn't even know what to say.

* * *

Blaine ghosts through school the next day without much thought. Most of the glee club is up in arms over Jake's desire to sing Chris Brown, and when he settles on Bobby instead, they get angry with him about that, too. Blaine notes the irony of the whole conversation, especially when they all look at him after Artie brings up how Bobby got Whitney hooked on crack. Blaine just shrugs and says, "I've never done crack." He leaves as quickly as possible. He needs to talk, and there's only one person he can talk to about this.

"Do you think I enjoy being miserable?" he asks before she even gets out her usual greeting.

Laura looks briefly taken aback, but she barely pauses before throwing the question back at him. "Do you?"

He shakes his head. "Well, I didn't, but now, I don't know."

"And what happened to possibly change your mind?"

"A friend… Santana, Kurt's roommate. She says that the only reason I'm not back together with him is because I like torturing myself."

Laura laughs. "Is she studying to be a therapist?"

Blaine rolls over with laughter. "Oh my God. I hope not. She would send her patients home in tears. She's actually a bartender."

"So she's not really an authority on people's feelings. Although bartenders do have to listen to a lot of sad stories and give advice, she doesn't actually have any formal knowledge to make you believe that what she says is true. So why do you?"

Blaine thinks about this for a long moment. "She's just one of those people who sees things in other people that they don't see in themselves."

Laura nods her head. "So why do you think you're not back with Kurt?"

Blaine huffs out a breath and drops his head in his hands. "I kept telling myself I wasn't ready. Kurt seems so sure about us, but when I think about it, I just start to panic. The idea of us being together scares me."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

She sighs slightly but looks at him with a patient smile. "What do you think might happen if you and Kurt did get back together?"

Blaine furrows his brow and gives her a questioning look. "What do you mean?"

"Clearly there is something that might happen if you and Kurt got back together that scares you. If you figure out what that is, then I think you'll have your answer."

Blaine doesn't say anything for a long time, and eventually Laura speaks again.

"In my experience, Blaine, people don't actually enjoy being miserable. They've just become so accustomed to being sad, that the thought of being happy - no strings attached, just plain happy - is more terrifying than any pain they've ever been through. It's the fear of the unknown. But also, more importantly, it's the fear of losing the one thing that's kept them living for so long."

"What's that?" Blaine whispers.

"The hope that one day things will be better."

* * *

Blaine calls Kurt that night.

"Hey, B. How are you doing?"

"Will you tell Santana that I'm not mad at her anymore, but I'm not ready to talk to her yet?"

"Oh God. What did she do?"

Blaine chuckles. "She tried to tell me how I'm feeling," he says simply.

"Feeling about what?" Kurt asks slowly.

"You."

There's a long silence on the phone, and Blaine almost starts to say something when Kurt speaks. "Was she wrong?" he whispers.

"No, but she wasn't right either. She did make me think though, so I have to give her that."

"I'm not going to feed her ego," Kurt answers with a laugh.

"That's probably a good idea." Blaine pauses, takes a deep breath. "Kurt, when you come home again, we should talk, I mean actually talk, not fool around. I want to try… try to be with you, but I need to tell you why I'm scared, too. I need you to understand."

Blaine can hear a hitch of breath on Kurt's end of the line. "Of course, Blaine. I want to understand. I want to help you not be scared."

Blaine smiles. "Good, because I don't want to be scared anymore."

* * *

Before they start putting together "Mamma Mia" for the last number of the week, Blaine stands in front of the glee club and says he has an announcement. His hands are shaking violently and he feels like he's going to puke, but he's determined.

Marley catches his eye, and she looks curious, almost apprehensive. He nods at her, and her eyes widen. She smiles nervously at him and mouths, "Are you sure?" He just nods again. She stands up and offers him a hug before taking his shaking hands in hers until he feels less like he's going to vomit.

"The song I sang the other day wasn't really about Kurt," Blaine starts. "I guess once upon a time it could have been, but not anymore. The song was actually about my mom.

"This week has been all about opening up about things that you enjoy but you feel guilty about. The point is that you shouldn't be ashamed of what you find joy in. That's true for the most part, but there are some guilty pleasures that are bad for you." Blaine laughs. "Says the recovering drug addict," he jokes to only a few strained chuckles from his audience.

"We talked this week about Chris Brown and Rihanna and Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, and I thought it would be good for me to share a bit of my story. My mother used to hurt me. She abused me, and she's the main reason I started doing morphine. It's a long, complicated story, but the details are unimportant. What's important is that she's not a good person for me to be around… for me to have in my life at all. She's not a good person for me to love, but I do anyway. Sometimes you can't hate the people who hurt you, and you can't even find it in your heart to feel guilty that you don't when you know you should.

"I guess I'm just trying to say that, to quote my therapist, you can't really help how you feel about something, whether it's sad or happy or guilty or scared. Feelings just are. It's what we do with them that matter. So if liking Chris or Bobby Brown makes you feel guilty, that's fine. If it doesn't, that's fine, too. You should just make sure that what you do with those feelings doesn't hurt other people. So when we pick songs, I think we should keep that in mind.

"This room, this club should be a safe place for everyone. It should be a place where I'm able to stand up here in front of all of you and tell you my biggest secrets and know that nobody is going to judge me. If there's anybody I can trust, it's you guys." Blaine smiles and looks at the sad and shocked faces. "Okay, so now that it's sufficiently awkward. We should probably just sing something." He looks down at the floor and starts to walk over to take a seat. He doesn't make it.

Blaine used to think that his mom was the only person that could ever really love him, but he had clearly never been sandwiched in the middle of a glee club group hug. In that moment, there's no doubt in his mind that these people love him, maybe more than his mother ever really did.

* * *

When Kurt gets out of class in the afternoon, he has 31 missed texts and seven missed calls. He's in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by his fellow students, but he doesn't even try to contain his ecstatic laugh or the delighted tears that stream down his face as he reads them one by one. The last one is from Blaine himself.

_I didn't tell them the whole story. But you can tell Rachel everything if you want. I should have let you a long time ago._

Kurt smiles somewhat sadly as he types up a reply.

_You never had to let me do anything. It's your story._

_I know but I was just being stupid. Not telling people was just a way for me to keep her safe in mind. Keep people from thinking badly of her. She doesn't deserve that though._

_You don't have to hate her._

_I don't. But I think maybe it'll be easier if other people do._

_I'll never like her. But I can't hate her. She made you._

Kurt is back at the apartment before he gets another reply.

_I think I still have trouble realizing she's never going to be better. I still don't want to let go._

_Maybe she will. Maybe she won't. But you are better. You can have a life without her._

_I'm going to try._

_I think that's a good place to start._

Kurt smiles to himself as Rachel walks into their apartment, and he calls her over to sit next to him on the couch.

She cries profusely and apologizes a million times when he finally tells her the truth.

"I should have known there was something else going on. God, I was such a bitch. I said the most horrible things to you."

Then she gets angry, even more so when she finds out Santana already knew. "Why the hell didn't you tell me? I'm your best friend."

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, Rach. Blaine was scared of people knowing."

"Why? We're his friends. We should know these things. I was nice to that woman. If I had known…"

Kurt rubs her shoulder lightly. "She's his mom. He didn't want people to hate her."

"Why?" Rachel looks genuinely dumbfounded at the statement.

"Because now people will never understand why he loves her so much. She's always just going to be the person that hurt him. She's never going to be his loving mom, and that's still who she is to him."

"I don't understand," Rachel says.

Kurt laughs. "That's exactly why he didn't want to tell anyone."

Rachel's sudden look of comprehension is priceless. "So why aren't you two back together again?" she asks after a moment.

Kurt just drops his head in his hands and groans in frustration, but when he looks back up, he can't help the huge grin that spreads across his face.

"Soon," he answers.

* * *

**Warnings: **discussion of drug use, suspected drug dealing, and male prostitution (in relation to a minor character) in addition to any previous warnings


	36. Chapter 29

**A/N: **There's a time jump in this chapter. Some events are glossed over, but I wanted to emphasize that what happens in "Shooting Star" does not happen in this 'verse. I've kept most canon events in this story, but that one just didn't fit with the optimistic and upward movement of the story. Also, you'll notice in the epilogue that Finn does not die. I think the best part of fic is that we get to do things that can't happen in real world. Fic is where Finn gets to live forever, so I'll probably never ever write his death. This is the last full chapter. The epilogue should be up tomorrow but it might be Tuesday. It's been quite a ride folks. Thanks for sticking with me. No warnings here… just happy!

* * *

**April 2013**

Life seems pretty insignificant after Blaine tells the glee club about his mom. He starts to feel like he's just biding time until Kurt comes back to Lima again, and the eager anticipation of their upcoming conversation starts to build. He's both scared and excited, and his emotions are wildly jumping back and forth between the two. Luckily, time somehow flies by with all of his commitments and the typical glee club drama. Overall though things are calm and normal, and Blaine has probably never been happier. Of course, that's what scares him the most.

Glee has never felt more like home. He's never felt more like people love and appreciate him. Living with Carole and Burt has become so ordinary that sometimes he forgets how lucky he is… how much his life has changed. Blaine does his best not to the let the calmness of his life overwhelm him, and he's successful for the most part.

It's the week before regionals when Kurt flies home. Burt has a doctor's appointment, a big one, and the whole family, Blaine included, has been crossing their fingers and hoping for good news.

The second Blaine spots Kurt in the hallway at school, he can tell that Kurt is stressed. His eyes aren't quite as bright, and he's fidgeting with his hands in a nervous, but methodical gesture.

"Hey," Blaine says, immediately reaching out to grasp Kurt's hands in his own. "It's going to be okay."

Kurt's face drops, and it breaks Blaine's heart. He quickly pulls Kurt into a tight hug. "Thanks." Kurt sighs into Blaine's shoulder.

"Of course."

They don't talk much after that, making there way to glee practice where Mercedes and Mike join them. Afterwards the four of them go to the Lima Bean.

The excited chitchat in the air dissipates quickly when Blaine feels Mercedes's and Mike's serious eyes appraising him.

"You can look all day. You're not going to see anything different," he jokes.

They both turn away quickly looking embarrassed.

"It's fine. You can ask if you want to. Just please don't stare at me."

"Are you okay?" Mike asks quietly.

"I'm actually really great." Blaine smiles, shooting a glance over at Kurt who grins back.

"Wait a minute." Mercedes jumps in. "What's going on between you two? Because it was pretty boy-on-boy heavy at the wedding."

Kurt smirks. "Nothing," he answers.

Blaine smiles back, grabbing Kurt's hand away from the sugar packets he's rearranging. "And everything," he whispers.

Mercedes and Mike don't say anything else about it, and Blaine is thankful for that.

* * *

Blaine and Kurt decide to delay their "serious conversation" as Blaine keeps calling it in his head until after Burt's doctor's appointment.

Kurt comes to the next day's glee club class, and surprisingly pulls Blaine out of the school as he leaves.

"What are you doing?" Blaine yells, exasperatedly.

"Come on. We're going to be late!"

"Wait… you mean to your dad's appointment?"

"Of course, what else would I be talking about?" Kurt asks, finally letting go of Blaine's hand as they get to his car.

Blaine just stands there, silently, trying to fight off a sudden overwhelming need to cry, but it's fruitless.

"Blaine, what's wrong?"

Gasping for air and grasping for the right words, Blaine asks quietly. "You want me to come?"

Kurt's shoulders drop, and a small smile creeps onto his face. "Of course I do. There's no one else in the world I want there more."

* * *

When Blaine walks into the doctor's office, Carole sweeps him into a hug, as Burt does the same with Kurt. When they switch, Blaine says, "I hope it's okay that I came. I mean I know I'm supposed to be at school."

Burt gives him a funny look. "I called the office this morning and said you'd be missing fourth period. Of course, I wanted you here."

Kurt gives Blaine an "I told you so" look over Burt's shoulder, but it turns into a glare when Burt continues talking. "Besides, who would keep Kurt from going bonkers if you weren't here? I certainly don't have the patience for it right now."

Blaine and Carole both laugh, while Kurt looks angry, but it quickly vanishes when Blaine wraps his arm around him and pulls him close.

The news is good, and the triumphant celebration and group hug that follows makes Blaine feel whole, like every piece of him that's ever been broken is fixing and righting itself. It feels like everything he ever needed and wanted but never even knew. This is what a family does, how a family feels when they find out that one of their own has survived cancer. For a moment he thinks he should feel jealous or sad that he never got this, but he doesn't because he has it now. He's a part of this family, a part of this moment, and that is enough to make up for all that he should have had all along.

* * *

Blaine sits nervously in the auditorium. The waiting feels like forever, and the anxiousness keeps building and building until finally he hears footsteps come on stage.

"Blaine, is everything okay?" Burt asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Blaine smiles to show he's telling the truth. "I just wanted to talk to you about something."

Burt appraises him for a moment. "Is there a reason we couldn't talk about whatever it is at home?"

Blaine's grin widens, and he looks at the floor for a moment. He'll never get over hearing the Hummel house referred to as his home. "I just… I-I wanted to ask your permission to ask Kurt to marry me."

It takes a moment for Blaine to brave a look at Burt, but when he does, he can't quite read the expression on Burt's face. It's certainly not angry, but it's not exactly as delighted and approving as Blaine had hoped for. It looks somewhat indulgent, which immediately puts Blaine on edge.

"Blaine," Burt says, placing a hand on his shoulder, and Blaine suddenly feels very small. "Don't you think you're a little young to get married? You're still a kid yourself."

Blaine looks down at the ground again. "I know I'm young, but I'm a lot older than my age. Kurt's been there for me through everything this year, and I just want to show him that I'm serious about us. I'm serious about us being together forever."

Burt sighs. "Blaine, listen. Let's sit down for a second." He grabs a stool, and Blaine follows after him feeling like a child. "Look, I can't tell you why, but something happens when you exchange vows. It's a big deal. It's why getting divorced is so much harder than breaking up. I know that you love Kurt, and Kurt knows that to. You don't need to prove anything to him, and I don't want you to do something just because you're scared."

"I'm not scared," Blaine huffs out a frustrated breath.

"Then what do you have to lose from waiting until you guys are a little bit older and a little bit more mature?" Burt asks.

Unfortunately, Blaine doesn't have a good answer to that so he just stares at the floor.

"Blaine, look at me."

He does.

"No matter what happens, from now until forever, you will always be a part of my family. You don't need to marry my son for that to be true. You don't need to marry him to ensure that he stays. He loves you. Carole loves you. Finn loves you. I love you, Blaine. We're not going anywhere. I promise you. Nothing is going to change that."

Blaine doesn't know when he started crying, and he doesn't know when he ended up wrapped in Burt's arms. He stays there for a while, partly because he feels safe and partly because he's too embarrassed to let go. He has to eventually though.

"Thank you," Blaine whispers. He's quiet for a minute before he voices a thought he never expected to speak aloud, let alone to Kurt's father. "Do you think I'm going to grow to be just like her… to always be afraid of people leaving me… to always try to find ways to keep them around?"

Burt shakes his head quickly. "No, Blaine, absolutely not. You're mom is afraid of people leaving her, but that's because she thinks she doesn't deserve to have people in her life that love her, that would do anything to keep her around. She deserves better… so do you, but you have so many people who care about you. You have people in your life that will remind you that if someone doesn't love you enough to stay on their own, then they don't deserve you at all. That's what you have that she doesn't. That's why you won't end up like her."

Blaine sighs and takes a moment to think. "How do you know when someone doesn't love you enough to keep them in your life?"

Burt contemplates the question for a minute. "I don't think I can answer that question, Blaine. Some people make mistakes. They don't realize that they're not being the type of father or brother or whatever that they should be, but people can come around, too. Just remember not to embed your own self-worth in how much of their time someone is willing to give you."

Blaine chuckles as he looks at the floor. "Sometimes, I wish you were wrong when you try to read into what I'm saying."

Burt shrugs his shoulders. "I've had a lot of practice. Kurt rarely says what he actually means, and you rarely do either."

Blaine laughs again. "Both you and Kurt are really good at figuring out what I'm not saying though."

Burt pulls Blaine into another hug. "Family always knows."

* * *

That night, Blaine crawls in bed next to Kurt and lays his head on Kurt's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. They had found themselves in Kurt's bedroom after dinner by instinct, both of them wandering off and finding each other, wanting to curl in close and just be together. They lie like that for at least ten minutes. Kurt brushes his fingers through Blaine's hair, breaking up the gel, and Blaine chuckles when Kurt eventually grabs a tissue from the nightstand to clean off his sticky hands.

"I swear I didn't think you could possibly put any more gel in your hair, but I'm pretty sure there's more in here than there used to be."

Blaine presses his smile against Kurt's chest. "I haven't had anyone wanting to comb through my curls lately."

"We should fix that," Kurt whispers.

"I'm still here. You're still not," Blaine replies.

They're both quiet for a minute, before Kurt asks _the _question, "Is that what you're scared of… the distance? It's only a few months."

Blaine sighs. "Yes and no. Before I met you, I didn't think that I could have something like this. I didn't think I would find love or be really truly happy, and that I would be safe. It was always that thing in the back of my head… getting to New York, not living with Mom, being with you. It's everything that I hoped for, that I waited for. It's the reason I put up with everything I did. But a part of me… most of me never thought it would ever happen, and now that it could…"

"It's scary…"

"What if I'm still unhappy? What if it's not everything I wanted it to be? What if my mother and my family and my circumstances weren't what made me miserable? What if I'm just a miserable person? What if I'll never really be happy?"

Kurt moves his hands back to Blaine's hair and continues the sweet gesture. "I wish I could make you happy all on my own, Blaine. I wish I could ease all your worries and all your fears and make sure that your life is everything you want it to be, but I can't. Most importantly, I shouldn't. You're the only person that can make you happy. It might take work, and it might take time. But the fact that you want it, that this is the future you've dreamed of, that means you'll find a way. I know it. This is real, Blaine. You can have these things, and you deserve them. You deserve to be happy, and if you believe that, you will be."

"I'm sorry I've been such a pain in the ass about us this year."

Kurt chuckles and wraps his arms around Blaine, pulling him tight to his chest and leaving a kiss on Blaine's now half-gelled head. "It's okay. As long as you're my pain in the ass."

Blaine smiles and turns to look at Kurt for the first time in the conversation. "For as long as you'll have me." He tries to hide the fear, but after everything they've been through, he can't hide anything from Kurt.

Kurt kisses him sweetly on the lips. "I don't want to promise you forever because I don't want you to ever think that your forever would end if I wasn't around, but I can promise you that I will love you as much and for as long as I can. I promise that if things change, you'll be the first to know, and I'll do my very best to make sure you never feel like you're alone."

Blaine turns over so he's fully on top of Kurt and smashes their lips together in a passionate kiss. "I love you," he says when he pulls back.

"I love you, too," Kurt replies before kissing him again.

They stay that way for a long time, exchanging long, slow, sweet but passionate kisses, never going farther, always staying close. Eventually, they end up back in the position they began.

"I asked your dad today if I could ask you to marry me," Blaine mumbles into Kurt's chest.

They're both silent for a long time before Kurt speaks. "If that's a proposal, you really need to work on your execution."

Blaine laughs. "He politely told me no."

"What? I can't believe he would do that. I'm going to go talk to him." Kurt sits up and makes as though to get out of bed, but Blaine pulls him back.

"It's fine, Kurt. He was right. You just said yourself you can't promise me forever, and as much as I want to marry you someday for the right reasons, there are a lot of wrong reasons, too."

"Like what?"

"I want to be a part of your family… to feel like I'm not going to lose your dad and Carole if something happens between us. I want to feel like I won't lose you, and I want you to know how much I do love you and want to be with you even if I haven't always acted like it."

Kurt sighs and presses their foreheads together. "I know all of that already. But I am going to marry you one day."

Blaine smiles and leans in for a short kiss. "How can you be so sure?"

Kurt's lips brush against Blaine's as he speaks. "Because you and I are sitting here right now together after everything we've been through over the last year and even before that. We're together, you and I. If we can survive this, we can survive anything."

Blaine doesn't sleep in his room that night, but neither he nor Kurt hears a word about it from Burt or Carole.

* * *

The phone call comes the Monday before regionals. Kurt had, of course, agreed to stay for the big competition, knowing that it would mean a lot to Blaine, now that they were finally back together. They were both so excited about starting anew and confident that this time they could do things right.

Kurt figures it's probably some kind of cosmic test… the phone call. How he handles this situation will be the measuring stick for how he deals with things going forward. For days afterwards, every time, he looks at Blaine, he wonders if he did the wrong thing, if Blaine is going to be upset and break up with him when he finds out. But Kurt still maintains the secret, still keeps his knowledge to himself. Blaine will realize he had good intentions all along.

Luckily, Blaine is increasingly distracted as the week goes by. There's always some kind of chaos leading up to competition. It's the standard of the New Directions. Sure enough, Blaine ends up dealing with Ryder and Brittany both threatening to quit and spends a ton of time comforting Sam, Unique, and Marley. Hearing Blaine talk about his friends will always bring a smile to Kurt's face, even if it's because they're going through a hard time. Blaine cares so much, and Kurt is so happy that Blaine has it in him to care, that all of his energy is no longer being wasted keeping himself afloat. Blaine's true light and caring spirit are finally out for everyone else to see. It makes Kurt feel more and more sure that he made the right decision.

* * *

After the show circle, Kurt and Santana scurry into the auditorium to find their seats at the last minute. Kurt can't help but search around the room before finally sitting down though.

"Who are you looking for?" Santana asks.

"No one," he says quickly, too quickly.

"Who is it?" Santana follows his line of sight when he finally spots them.

All the way on the other side of the auditorium, sitting next to Burt and Carole, are Cooper and Richard Anderson.

Of course, Santana has never seen them before and has no idea who they are. "It's Blaine's dad and brother," Kurt says quietly and receives a glare in response.

"Something tells me Blaine has no idea they're here."

Kurt offers her a nervous, tight-lipped smile.

"You're playing with fire, boy… playing with fire."

"It'll be okay," Kurt says, mostly to himself.

"I sure hope so."

* * *

It's not until Blaine steps out from the group for his duet of "All or Nothing" with Marley that he sees them. He has to use all of his years of practice at performance to school his face into something that doesn't resemble panic. Marley notices though, especially as the words to the song take on a new meaning, and he sings to them and for himself. Blaine is tired of living his life halfway. He's determined to do things differently.

* * *

Kurt's face says it all when Blaine spots him in the choir room when everyone else is celebrating the win. "You knew?" he shouts. He didn't really mean to. It just happened.

The room gets quiet, except for Santana's whistle. "I told you, Kurt… playing with fire."

Kurt scrunches up his face apologetically. "Are you mad?"

Blaine sighs and drops his head to look at the floor. "I don't know."

Kurt's hand lifts up his chin. "They wanted to be here. I thought that would mean something to you, and if it doesn't, then it doesn't really hurt much. They can leave, and you don't have to talk to them."

With a nod, Blaine leans in to kiss Kurt softly on the lips.

The moment and the conversation are interrupted when Ms. Pillsbury comes in and a surprise wedding occurs. Blaine can't help but get lost in the romance. He leans into Kurt's embrace as she and Mr. Schue exchange vows, and he thinks about what Kurt said. He really doesn't have anything to lose. He's happy, and that happiness has nothing to do with his father or brother. He would be okay if he never saw them again, but he would also be okay if he did. In the end, Blaine decides that if he really wants to be a good person, he should be the better person. So he does what they never did for him, he gives them more of his time than they probably deserve.

* * *

Kurt sits next to Blaine in the booth at Breadstix. They're surrounded by their friends, old and new, but they're sitting across from strangers.

"You look good," Richard says.

Blaine smiles brightly. "I am good." Kurt just can't take his eyes away from Blaine in that moment. He's radiant.

"I'm sor-" Cooper starts before Blaine cuts in.

"Don't. Sorrys aren't welcome here. They won't change anything."

There's an awkward silence before Richard speaks. "What will?"

"Nothing," Blaine says simply. "There's nothing you can do to take back everything that happened. Nothing will make it okay. We just have to start over."

Richard nods emphatically. "We can do that. We can be better at being there for you. We can be a better family for you."

Blaine smiles and lets out a laugh. "I never thought you'd sound like Mom, but I guess things do change." He shakes his head. "But I don't need a family. I already have one. I'm willing to talk and try to get to the point where I see you guys as family, too. But you should know that I don't need you in my life. I have plenty of people who love me and care for me, and I never had to be sick or dying to get them to do that."

Kurt suddenly feels a weird tension in the room, and he looks around to find all of the glee club looking towards them and listening to the conversation. Richard and Cooper must notice, too, because they start to glance around nervously at the curious stares.

"Everything okay, Blaine?" Sam asks from the next booth.

Blaine suddenly looks around, finally becoming aware of all of the attention directed towards him. He smiles brightly and laughs, slightly embarrassed. "I'm fine, guys. Eat. Celebrate."

At his words, the group goes back to their dinners, and Blaine turns back to Richard and Cooper. "Look, I don't know when you guys are going back to wherever you guys are going, but can we do this some other time? I really want to talk, but right now, I just want to be with my friends."

Richard and Cooper both look sad, but they nod and start on their way out. Blaine hugs them only somewhat awkwardly, and then it's just Kurt and Blaine. It doesn't last long though as they're suddenly ambushed by Santana and Marley, and eventually Sam, Mike, and Mercedes huddle around. They ask questions, but Blaine just smiles.

"Stop it, everyone. We're supposed to be celebrating _our_ big win and Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury's wedding and saying goodbye to Britt. I'm fine. In fact, I've never been better."

Blaine looks at Kurt with a smile and leans in to kiss him before laying his head on Kurt's shoulder. The conversation changes, but Blaine and Kurt stay in their seats and remain an integral part of it. An hour later, they sneak away and go home… to their home. They curl up in Kurt's bed and talk and whisper late into the night.

Kurt lies there awake after Blaine finally falls asleep. He doesn't know what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day or the next year, but he's pretty sure that Blaine will be there with him for it all.


	37. Epilogue

**A/N: **This is it, folks. It's very bittersweet, but every story must eventually come to an end. I may or may not (probably will) write a few one-shots in this 'verse because there are still a few mini stories here left to tell, but there won't be another long fic. Feel free to leave me prompts or ideas or questions you want answered, here or on tumblr (aceamy). I can't promise I'll write something if it doesn't fit with the story, but I'll do my best. I've started on my next fic, but it will be awhile before I start posting it because I've started working full time, so I have less time for writing. I'm also looking for a beta if anyone is interested. Follow me on here or track my fic tag (aceamy writes) on tumblr if you want to keep reading my stuff. Thanks everyone for sticking around. You've been amazing!

* * *

**May - July 2013**

Graduation is bittersweet. Blaine is proud of himself and all that he's done in the last year… of how far he's come. He looks out at the audience and sees his family, Burt, Carole, Finn, Santana, Rachel, Cooper, his dad, and, of course, Kurt. Still, he knows that someone's missing. He doesn't let it weigh on his heart though. This is the most he could hope for, but it's one of those days he has every now and then when he misses her. He can't help it. He knows that he always will.

It's not long after graduation that he packs up his belongings, cleans out the Hummels' guest room, his room, and puts everything into boxes to ship to New York. He stands at the door to the room, staring for ten long minutes before Kurt comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his stomach.

"What are you thinking?"

Blaine sighs and relaxes back into the embrace. "It just looks like a guest room again… It's weird."

"It'll always be yours," Kurt whispers in his ear.

"I know that, but I'm excited to have a new place that's mine, too." Blaine smiles brightly and turns to look at Kurt.

"With me?"

"With you."

* * *

**August - October 2013**

Settling into an apartment with three already well-established residents is awkward and difficult. It takes time before Blaine feels like a part of the group with Santana, Kurt and Rachel, and not an extended guest, but eventually, it starts to feel like home.

NYADA is harder for him to get used to. He tries not to feel lost but he does, and his attempts at fitting in make for poor choices. It's the end of October, and he and Kurt have a huge argument after Blaine comes home drunk. That's when he finally finds a new therapist. He misses Laura, and he knows it's something he should have done a long time ago. It's just hard for him to admit that he might always need someone to help keep his inner demons at bay.

* * *

**December 2013**

Christmas is a test of Blaine's patience and resolve. He is determined, and despite Cooper and his father's pressuring, he spends Christmas day with his family, the Hummels. The day after, he goes to his old house for the first time in over a year. Kurt comes with, and the four of them have an only slightly awkward late afternoon lunch that actually far exceeds Blaine's expectations.

Kurt refuses to come with Blaine that evening. Malea's apartment is small, but appropriate for her needs. Richard pays for it and all of her expenses. Blaine thinks that his dad will probably never have the balls to actually leave her. It's the one thing Blaine knows he will never understand, but he likes to believe that there's just a little bit of love still left between his parents.

Blaine brings takeout and tries not to cry for the two hours he's there, but he doesn't succeed. He allows his mother to hold him close, and he cries into her shoulder. He leaves and doesn't let himself feel bad about it.

* * *

**August 2014**

Blaine loves having a place that's just his and Kurt's. Finding it had been hard, but their new small cozy apartment not far from NYADA is perfect for them once Kurt has decorated it to perfection. There's nothing like coming home to Kurt making dinner, or bringing Kurt breakfast in bed. It's domestic in a way Blaine has never before seen or felt.

School is hard, and Blaine wonders sometimes if he should pick an easier career, one that won't put as much stress on him, won't bring up all of his issues with his own self-worth. Then, he has a moment when he remembers how much he wants to perform for a living, and he vows to not let what happened to him as a child keep him from achieving his dreams. He starts to let the small failures roll off of him and not shake him to his core like they used to. He trusts himself and learns that he doesn't need be good at everything or have everyone love him. He just needs to be good at what he loves and have the people that he loves love him back.

* * *

**February - March 2015**

There are times when his past comes back to haunt him in the worst ways, when his valiant attempts at shaking it off threaten his well being.

It takes weeks of excruciating pain in his side before he finally tells Kurt about it and ends up in the hospital again to have kidney stones removed. He refuses pain medication for only so long, but Kurt is there every step of the way to help him through the surgery and the period after when the emotional pain is so much worse.

That's when Blaine knows, but he had promised himself he wasn't going to ask. As selfish as it may seem, if Kurt wants to be with him forever, then Kurt was going to have to be the one to say it.

He does. On their four-year anniversary, Kurt gets down on one knee and asks Blaine to marry him. Blaine, of course, says yes.

* * *

**June 2017**

It's a long engagement, but the wedding is worth it. It's a small ceremony in a small banquet hall in New York with all their family and plenty of old glee club members. It's the only time Blaine has ever regretted telling as many people about his mom as he did. She sits by herself at the reception. No one really wants to talk to her. While he and Kurt are sharing their first dance, Blaine sees Marley walk over and strike up a conversation, and he couldn't be more thankful. It's the last thought he spares his mother and her issues that day. It's his wedding day, and he's promising to love someone forever. He can't let her taint that for a moment more.

* * *

**November 2021**

They are taking a cab back to their apartment after visiting Finn, Rachel, and their one-year-old boy Nathan. Kurt has been biding his time, waiting to ask the question he's been putting off for way too long. But he really needs to ask.

"You're really good with babies," he states instead.

Blaine looks over at him with a smirk, and Kurt knows he's not being subtle. "So are you."

Kurt sighs and rolls his eyes. "But you don't want any of your own."

Blaine turns away and looks out the window and doesn't speak for a long time.

"If you don't want kids, that's fine, but I don't think that's true." Kurt says eventually.

"Do we have to have this conversation now, Kurt?" Blaine huffs without looking at him.

"Yes, because we can't put it off forever."

"You know I love kids," Blaine whispers.

Kurt scoots across the seat and pulls Blaine back until Blaine's head is resting on his shoulder. "You'd make a really great father."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

* * *

**March 2023**

Kurt walks in the door and can immediately tell something is wrong. "Blaine, where are you?"

His husband comes running out of the hallway and instantly crushes him in a hug. "You can't leave me with her like this," he sobs into Kurt's shoulder.

"What? Blaine, what's wrong? What happened?"

"She's so sick," Blaine whispers.

Kurt furrows his brow in confusion. "I know, baby, but it's just a cold. The doctor said she'd be fine in a few days."

Blaine pulls back and holds Kurt's cheeks in his hands. "I know, but you can't leave me alone with her when she's sick."

Kurt's heart does not skip a beat. At least he tells himself that. He's not worried at all. "Why not?" he whispers.

"Because it breaks my heart. I don't want to see her like that. It's so sad."

Kurt's heart does skip a beat then and breaks just a little. "I know, B. I know, but I'm sure she loved having her daddy here to take care of her."

Blaine's face drops at that. "Just next time, you're staying home."

Kurt nods and smiles and pulls his husband in for another hug before going to check on his sick daughter.

* * *

**July 2026**

Blaine sits by his husband's bedside, waiting and waiting. It wasn't supposed to take this long. After a while, Burt brings him a cup of coffee and sits on the other side.

"Carole watching Lizzie?" Blaine asks.

"Yeah, she's making her Papa a 'Get Well Soon' card."

"Good." Blaine smiles.

They return to silence for another five minutes.

"God, this sucks," Blaine says eventually.

Burt laughs. "Consider it a little penance."

Blaine just glares. "I hate you."

"No, you don't."

Blaine doesn't answer, just goes back to waiting. It feels like it's been ages, when Kurt's hand in his finally moves and Kurt's eyes begin to flutter.

"Hey babe. How are you feeling?"

"Floaty," Kurt says drawing out the word.

Blaine cracks a smile. "Yeah, sounds about right."

Kurt's grin lights up the room. "Hi, B. Whatcha doin?" he mumbles.

"Just been waiting for you," Blaine chuckles.

Kurt sighs with a smile and closes his eyes. "It's about damn time."

"That's exactly what I was thinking."

"I'll go get Liz. She's been dying to see you," Burt says, and Kurt turns towards him, just realizing he was there.

"Okay, Pops."

Burt laughs as he leaves, and Kurt turns back towards Blaine with adoring eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Thanks for bringing me here even when I told you I was fine," Kurt mumbles, looking like he's about to fall asleep.

Blaine just shrugs. "Someone's got to be the brains in this relationship."

Kurt pushes at his shoulder. "Like you haven't done the same thing a million times."

Blaine smiles and leans down for a kiss. "Thank goodness I have or I wouldn't have been able to tell that you were lying your ass off."

"Papaaaa!" Lizzie comes running into the room, folded paper in hand, and Burt scoops her up to sit her at the foot of the bed. "I made you a card."

Blaine sees Kurt struggling to keep his eyes open and takes the paper himself. "Papa is a little tired. Why don't I read it to him?

"'Papa, I hope you feel better really soon so we can play dress up. Also, Daddy is not a good cook so you need to make us food.' What's this?" Blaine points out a pink blob on the paper next to a drawing of what is clearly the three of them.

"That's Papa's appendix," Lizzie announces with a bright grin.

Blaine laughs and runs his fingers through her dark brown curls. "That's pretty good. I'm impressed."

"Of course you are, Daddy. You're always impressed."

Kurt smiles at that. "I'm impressed, too, sweetie," he says, when Blaine holds it in front of him. "But you know that we're not going to keep my appendix right?"

Lizzie's eyes widen in shock. "Why not? Don't you need it? Where is it going to go?"

Kurt looks at Blaine who shrugs his shoulders. "I don't need it anymore now that I'm older. In fact, your daddy hasn't had his appendix since he was…"

"Nine."

"Oh, okay," Lizzie says after a while.

They chat for a bit after that, but eventually Carole scoops Lizzie up and takes her out of the room when Kurt begins to drift off to sleep. Burt follows after a quick hug with his son.

"Do you need anything, babe?" Blaine asks.

"Hmm," Kurt mumbles. "I need a steak sandwich and some macaroni and cheese and a salad and some juice…"

"You better be joking."

Kurt laughs. "I am. I just need you." He scoots over, and Blaine climbs in the bed next to him. "This shouldn't be so familiar." Kurt's voice is bittersweet and nostalgic.

"No," Blaine replies. "But I like the role reversal."

"Me too. I can get used to you waiting on me hand and foot."

Blaine scoffs. "You really think I'm going to be your servant just because you're sick."

Kurt smiles. "Absolutely."

Blaine doesn't say anything but curls in closer. "I will," he says when he thinks Kurt has probably fallen asleep.

"I know," Kurt whispers before finally drifting off.

"I'll always take care of you."

* * *

**Warnings: **Mention of kidney stones, appendectomy recovery


End file.
